it takes a village - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

neddy65 · 08-21-2003, 07:01 AM

When I was a kid I didn't dare step out of line when there were adults around because word would get back to my parents and shit would fly, or the adult would step in to put a halt to the fun i was having. I find that today adults don't give a shit what kids do as long as they, the adults, are not directly affected. I have a 14 soon to be 15 year old son and two daughters and I am trying to raise them right but I worry about my son when he is out because there doesn't seem to be any social pressure to treat others and other peoples property with respect. I trust my son, he is a good kid, but, should he step out of line I would like someone to step up and remind him that he is in fact out of line.
I'm not sure I can express this thought clearly or if I just sound like an old guy saying " in my day....". I guess I miss the days when the village did raise the children instead of leaving them to do whatever comes to mind without fear of consequense,

Minx · 08-21-2003, 09:18 AM

It's too easy nowadays for people to turn a blind eye. Most are afraid to step in as it's "not their kid so it's not their problem". I think part of the problem too is that children aren't being taught basic manners and morals anymore...or so it seems. In this day and age with both parents having to work (or in a single-parent case where it is imperative that you work) children seem to be left to their own devices and in a lot of cases the friends they have is their support system and where they learn a lot of their habits and attitudes. This, to me, is very sad. I feel very fortunate that my parents mind my boys for me while I am at work, eliminating the worry I would normally have as to what/where the eldest is after school when I'm not home.
And, as smothering as it can be at times, I would love to go back to a "village" approach where the elders are respected and all the adults have a hand in looking after the young. It provides close ties and respectful attitudes. Unfortunately living in the bigger centres and hustle and bustle of everyday life this just doesn't happen anymore.
And, you look at the society we live in now.... (for good or bad) you aren't allowed to step in to reprimand a child that is doing something wrong. Yet, there are too many parents out there that allow their children to just run free. They are too tired/stressed/uncaring to mold their kids and teach them good from bad, right from wrong, etc.
I guess all you can do is teach your children as best you can and hope they have the inner-strength to stand up for what they know is right when they are away from you.

Rodney · 08-21-2003, 12:19 PM

You try disciplining somebody else's child in public and their parents will, most of the time, run up and say "how dare you tough my little perfect numkins." The idea of the village is gone.

Nisses · 08-21-2003, 02:24 PM

No 's not. Just move to a village. Problem solved.
Honestly, I live in a village that's somewhat modern (has all the necessary things like broadband

) and yet more than close enough to still have that social pressure thing going on.
But your first argument still stands: alot of parents are becoming asshats that think their kid can't do a damn thing wrong.

Ilaek · 08-22-2003, 08:17 PM

Around here people will just wave to kids who a running from the cops (for throwing things off overpasses) and have a nice laugh about it later.

MSD · 08-22-2003, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rodney
You try disciplining somebody else's child in public and their parents will, most of the time, run up and say "how dare you tough my little perfect numkins."

Around here they sue. I'd love to slap some of the kids I see around town, and I'm only 19. I don't think I need to do it to find out what a court's decision would be about a 6'8"/290lb guy slapping a kid for misbehaving.

krispkrackalin · 08-30-2003, 11:08 PM

IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD....yep yep

K-Wise · 08-30-2003, 11:19 PM

This reminds me of just how young I really am. I admire you friend. Keep on keepin on.

Asta!!

krispkrackalin · 08-30-2003, 11:41 PM

As do I, a relative told me i look young, i was like really, then i realized damn I am, but I know what I got to do to make things a lil better, and take the effort to do so. Its all about the kids.

neddy65 · 08-31-2003, 08:25 AM

I like to think it's not about young or old but about pride and a sense of responsibility. It seems that people deface thier surroundings and then complain about how they have to live in a shithole. I just think everyone should be responsible to everyone else and we should be able to teach our kids( i mean our kids in the greater sense) respect for property and respect for the wisdom of others who may have a bit more experience.

1337haxor · 08-31-2003, 10:37 AM

I am 18 and I agree that kids these days have no manners or discipline. I have a 14 year old sister and she is very undisciplined. My dad is rarely home because of business and My mom and I watch over the household. My sister never says where shes going and is always home late. I have to call her friends or their parents to find out where they are going and stuff. She has no manners and is always yelling back at my mom. Luckily I dont have to worry about my brothers since they are anti social and stay home all the time. I wish there were adults out there that would slap these kids straight when they get out of line.

Rodney · 09-01-2003, 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by neddy65
I like to think it's not about young or old but about pride and a sense of responsibility. It seems that people deface thier surroundings and then complain about how they have to live in a shithole.

I'm in my 40s and have just gone back to university. It's a public university, but it's got prestige and a reputation, and everybody bitches about how much it costs to attend. So I get there and there's graffiti and vandalism _everywhere_; it's got the be the students, because this place is out in the country. I talked to the facilities guys about all the repairs I see them making, and they're constantly disgusted. I mean, kids do this stuff and then see no connection at all to the high cost of college?

Cynthetiq · 09-01-2003, 06:44 AM

How do you expect the adults to mentor the other's kids? It starts with the adults respecting each other first...

Jonsgirl · 09-01-2003, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ilaek
Around here people will just wave to kids who a running from the cops (for throwing things off overpasses) and have a nice laugh about it later.

Yeah, but that's just funny.

No, seriously, though. I think that a lot of this attitude stems from the whole political correctness thing. Most people won't get involved because they don't know what line they're about to cross and they're more afraid of personal consequences than they care about what happens to someone else.

sexymama · 09-02-2003, 05:53 AM

When the village starts holding kids responsible for their actions -- having them "suffer the consequences," -- then there will be change. As long as people are laughing at kid's antics, the problem will perpetuate. We don't have to "discipline" other people's children -- but we do need to be ready to say, "so and so did blah blah."

Also, if children are raised in a household in which they are held accountable, then they will be more respectful in public. If you want more information on this subject go to Loveandlogic.com -- they have wonderful audio tapes and books addressing everything there is to do with parenting -- including raising teens. Goodluck!

i8one2 · 09-02-2003, 02:25 PM

Respect is earned whether a parent or not, the same holds true with children/kids. I know a family that has three kids, no was the rebel, one became religious and the other is still in school. they all lead very very different paths, but a few things hold true. They respect there parent when they speak about them, even when disiplined, they have had to work for there property,clothing and the like, been able to make there own decisions and fall on there ass when mistakes were made and suffer the consquenses, and had an understanding of a religious upbringing but weren't forced into to it.
nothing was easy for them and as a result of this structure, they are respectful, trustworthy, very intelligent and not just book wise, and self sufficient.
I can go on, but my point is this, growth, maturity, respect and love comes first and foremost from a stable, balanced, consistant household where the parent/s do there job, which is to guide and build young minds and bodies.

jbrooks544 · 09-05-2003, 09:21 AM

I'm a parent of a couple young -uns and I say "SCREW THE VILLAGE!" That quote was Hillary Clinton talking about ancient african villages and had mostly to do with how to handle the problem of fathers in Africa who were absent b/c they were off hunting monkeys and anything that did NOT involve the kids, etc. end rant...

I say, it is enough that YOU are there and that you feel the (correct) way that you do about teaching your children personal responsibility. Give yourself some credit and your kids too. You are teaching them the righ way to be and I'm sure they are internalizing it too - give them credit where due = positive reinforcement. The most important thing my parents did - and sounds like you are doing it too - is to reward me with trust and responsibility for acting in an adult and correct manner. This helped me become mature and independant while still in High School and is largely responsible for my success today. Give them priviledges (like rides and tv) if they act like adults and withdraw the priveledges if they do not act correctly. Trust them and let them make mistakes and they will grow and make you proud. Don't underestimate your input. YOu are doing all you can and it is the right and honorable thing to do...

08-21-2003, 07:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
neddy65 Loves green eggs and ham Location: I'm just sittin' here watching the world go round and round	it takes a village When I was a kid I didn't dare step out of line when there were adults around because word would get back to my parents and shit would fly, or the adult would step in to put a halt to the fun i was having. I find that today adults don't give a shit what kids do as long as they, the adults, are not directly affected. I have a 14 soon to be 15 year old son and two daughters and I am trying to raise them right but I worry about my son when he is out because there doesn't seem to be any social pressure to treat others and other peoples property with respect. I trust my son, he is a good kid, but, should he step out of line I would like someone to step up and remind him that he is in fact out of line. I'm not sure I can express this thought clearly or if I just sound like an old guy saying " in my day....". I guess I miss the days when the village did raise the children instead of leaving them to do whatever comes to mind without fear of consequense, __________________ If you're travelling at the speed of light, and you turn the headlights on, do they do anything? My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die! Drink Dickens' Hard Cider because nothing makes a girl smile like a Hard DIckens' Cider!

08-21-2003, 09:18 AM	#2 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	It's too easy nowadays for people to turn a blind eye. Most are afraid to step in as it's "not their kid so it's not their problem". I think part of the problem too is that children aren't being taught basic manners and morals anymore...or so it seems. In this day and age with both parents having to work (or in a single-parent case where it is imperative that you work) children seem to be left to their own devices and in a lot of cases the friends they have is their support system and where they learn a lot of their habits and attitudes. This, to me, is very sad. I feel very fortunate that my parents mind my boys for me while I am at work, eliminating the worry I would normally have as to what/where the eldest is after school when I'm not home. And, as smothering as it can be at times, I would love to go back to a "village" approach where the elders are respected and all the adults have a hand in looking after the young. It provides close ties and respectful attitudes. Unfortunately living in the bigger centres and hustle and bustle of everyday life this just doesn't happen anymore. And, you look at the society we live in now.... (for good or bad) you aren't allowed to step in to reprimand a child that is doing something wrong. Yet, there are too many parents out there that allow their children to just run free. They are too tired/stressed/uncaring to mold their kids and teach them good from bad, right from wrong, etc. I guess all you can do is teach your children as best you can and hope they have the inner-strength to stand up for what they know is right when they are away from you. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

08-21-2003, 02:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	No 's not. Just move to a village. Problem solved. Honestly, I live in a village that's somewhat modern (has all the necessary things like broadband ) and yet more than close enough to still have that social pressure thing going on. But your first argument still stands: alot of parents are becoming asshats that think their kid can't do a damn thing wrong. __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.

08-30-2003, 11:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	This reminds me of just how young I really am. I admire you friend. Keep on keepin on. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

08-31-2003, 08:25 AM	#10 (permalink)
neddy65 Loves green eggs and ham Location: I'm just sittin' here watching the world go round and round	I like to think it's not about young or old but about pride and a sense of responsibility. It seems that people deface thier surroundings and then complain about how they have to live in a shithole. I just think everyone should be responsible to everyone else and we should be able to teach our kids( i mean our kids in the greater sense) respect for property and respect for the wisdom of others who may have a bit more experience. __________________ If you're travelling at the speed of light, and you turn the headlights on, do they do anything? My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die! Drink Dickens' Hard Cider because nothing makes a girl smile like a Hard DIckens' Cider!

08-21-2003, 12:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	You try disciplining somebody else's child in public and their parents will, most of the time, run up and say "how dare you tough my little perfect numkins." The idea of the village is gone.

08-22-2003, 08:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ilaek Upright	Around here people will just wave to kids who a running from the cops (for throwing things off overpasses) and have a nice laugh about it later.

08-30-2003, 11:08 PM	#7 (permalink)
krispkrackalin Upright Location: Northern California	IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD....yep yep

08-30-2003, 11:41 PM	#9 (permalink)
krispkrackalin Upright Location: Northern California	As do I, a relative told me i look young, i was like really, then i realized damn I am, but I know what I got to do to make things a lil better, and take the effort to do so. Its all about the kids.

08-31-2003, 10:37 AM	#11 (permalink)
1337haxor Insane Location: PA	I am 18 and I agree that kids these days have no manners or discipline. I have a 14 year old sister and she is very undisciplined. My dad is rarely home because of business and My mom and I watch over the household. My sister never says where shes going and is always home late. I have to call her friends or their parents to find out where they are going and stuff. She has no manners and is always yelling back at my mom. Luckily I dont have to worry about my brothers since they are anti social and stay home all the time. I wish there were adults out there that would slap these kids straight when they get out of line.

09-01-2003, 06:44 AM	#13 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	How do you expect the adults to mentor the other's kids? It starts with the adults respecting each other first... __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

09-02-2003, 05:53 AM	#15 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	When the village starts holding kids responsible for their actions -- having them "suffer the consequences," -- then there will be change. As long as people are laughing at kid's antics, the problem will perpetuate. We don't have to "discipline" other people's children -- but we do need to be ready to say, "so and so did blah blah." Also, if children are raised in a household in which they are held accountable, then they will be more respectful in public. If you want more information on this subject go to Loveandlogic.com -- they have wonderful audio tapes and books addressing everything there is to do with parenting -- including raising teens. Goodluck! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

09-02-2003, 02:25 PM	#16 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	Respect is earned whether a parent or not, the same holds true with children/kids. I know a family that has three kids, no was the rebel, one became religious and the other is still in school. they all lead very very different paths, but a few things hold true. They respect there parent when they speak about them, even when disiplined, they have had to work for there property,clothing and the like, been able to make there own decisions and fall on there ass when mistakes were made and suffer the consquenses, and had an understanding of a religious upbringing but weren't forced into to it. nothing was easy for them and as a result of this structure, they are respectful, trustworthy, very intelligent and not just book wise, and self sufficient. I can go on, but my point is this, growth, maturity, respect and love comes first and foremost from a stable, balanced, consistant household where the parent/s do there job, which is to guide and build young minds and bodies. __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

09-05-2003, 09:21 AM	#17 (permalink)
jbrooks544 Addict	I'm a parent of a couple young -uns and I say "SCREW THE VILLAGE!" That quote was Hillary Clinton talking about ancient african villages and had mostly to do with how to handle the problem of fathers in Africa who were absent b/c they were off hunting monkeys and anything that did NOT involve the kids, etc. end rant... I say, it is enough that YOU are there and that you feel the (correct) way that you do about teaching your children personal responsibility. Give yourself some credit and your kids too. You are teaching them the righ way to be and I'm sure they are internalizing it too - give them credit where due = positive reinforcement. The most important thing my parents did - and sounds like you are doing it too - is to reward me with trust and responsibility for acting in an adult and correct manner. This helped me become mature and independant while still in High School and is largely responsible for my success today. Give them priviledges (like rides and tv) if they act like adults and withdraw the priveledges if they do not act correctly. Trust them and let them make mistakes and they will grow and make you proud. Don't underestimate your input. YOu are doing all you can and it is the right and honorable thing to do...