Thraeryn

I recently heard that my parents are extremely disappointed in me and wonder what they did wrong when they raised me. (Not surprising, as I left my wife and ran off with the woman she'd been so scared of my talking to online. Heh.)

Question is, would that bother anyone else? It really upsets me. My parents have been especially good to me, and I'm worried that they're not going to want to know me any more. I know that's probably silly, but right now, it doesn't feel that way.

Rodney

What we need to talk about here is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt comes from inside; it's remorse for something you did. You don't have that. Shame comes from outside; it comes from the contempt and shock of those around you, in response to something you did.

Because you think a lot of your parents, their low opinion on what you did shames you. It's very natural to feel shame when somebody you care about condemns something you've done. Shame is a social control; and like many good controls, it's supposed to hurt.

So yeah, I think it's natural to feel that way. What a mature guy might do now is go talk things out with the parents and maybe do some self-examination. That may be you, or it may not be. Whatever. It's your move; and remember, not moving is a move.

Cynthetiq

I do not do something because my parents want me to.
I do not do something because my parents suggest it.
I do not do something to win the approval of my parents.

I do something because I want to.
I do something because I feel its the right thing for me to do.
I do something because the only person that I am trying to please is me.

There was a time in my life I was a mama's boy. I even got an ID bracelet with it engraved on it. My parents gave me a foundation to make decisions and the freedom to make them.

While they may not like what I do or the choices I make. I cannot let myself be distracted by their approval or disapproval.

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lurkette

Even if your parents are disappointed in you, they will always love you, in whatever way they can. There are always selfish parents who are disappointed because they think you reflect on them in some way; but mostly it's been my experience that parents only want what's best for their children. They want them to be happy.

Do things for yourself, not for them.

That said, if their disappointment bothers you perhaps it's because they're touching on something that bothers you as well? I know when my mother used to bother me most it was because she was articulating things I had thought myself, but had rationalized away or ignored. That's not to say that she was always right, but just that she was saying things that I had already thought (questioning my decision to get married at a young age, questioning my career choices, etc.) - it was just that I was already sensitive about those topics and had some doubts or regrets myself, but to hear them coming from her they were harder to ignore.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France