Life Goals - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

abelak · 07-22-2003, 01:54 AM

Bear with me as this is my first post.

Is it just me, or does anyone find that as you get older and you either achieve (or not) your goals that you still feel unfulfilled? I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that can only be described as an itch that can't be scratched. You feel like there just has to be more to life than just this!! Maybe I’m going through a mid-life crisis…but at thirty-years old?? Does anyone else out there experience this? Maybe they can shed some light on what you do to get over this…hump?

lurkette · 07-22-2003, 06:55 AM

I had that feeling, too, as I approached 30. Basically from about 26-30. I was already married, had a house, a job that wasn't challenging but that makes a difference, enough money to do basically what I wanted. Now what?

Part of the answer for me was to learn to be content, exactly as I am. Anything else is just chasing illusions. It's a paradox, but only when I've already learned to be content can I go find something else that makes me happy. Otherwise it's just filling up a void that can't be filled.

Some things that might help you are meditating (a lot of my best realizations have come to me in stillness), volunteering, doing those silly "what color is your parachute" exercises, etc. So much of our society focuses on "do more, be more, have more" that we forget to be satisfied and grateful just to be alive and have what we have.

Maybe it's not what's missing that you need to find, but what isn't.

bigoldalphamale · 07-22-2003, 09:42 AM

^^^well said.

samcat · 07-22-2003, 10:09 AM

Well maybe you ARE unfulfilled! The advice above was pretty good. Take a hard look inside, then turn outward. Maybe maximizing shareholder value and buying a plasma TV are just not fulfilling enough for you. What can you do to make a difference in the world around you, locally or globally. Our society seems to push us into isolation - you can live a long stretch without any meaningful interaction with anyone. Someone once said that "hell is other people" but I believe the exact opposite is true. We are genetically programmed to interact and be involved with our troop, and when we get away from that all the problems start. We need to get outside ourselves, get to know people, do little acts of kindness, laugh, cry, and all the other things that make us human.

... or you could rent "Fight Club"

Cynthetiq · 07-22-2003, 10:36 AM

there will always be a bigger house, a faster car, a shinier diamond, a job that makes more money, a faster computer, flashier clothes, cooler radio, etc...with 200 channels there's still nothing on... stay on one thing long enough and you'll find something interesting happening...we're all so focused on instand gratification... somethings need to age and they get more dimension, more character....

lurkette states it very plainly... be content... enjoy what you've earned and accomplished

shecky · 07-22-2003, 02:55 PM

In the tape series "Lead the Field" Earl Nightengale defines success as "The progressive realization of a worthy goal." The working toward the goal is where the fulfillment comes from, so once you've achieved the goal, if you don't have another goal already in place to turn your efforts toward, you will feel unfulfilled and empty.

Nightengale uses the example that children are always happier in the days leading up to Christmas than they are on Christmas day after all the gifts have all been opened.

You should sit down and outline some worthy goals to focus on. You'll find that you'll get the spark back in your life.

abelak · 07-23-2003, 03:17 AM

Just wanted to say thanks for everyone's input in this matter. I think the major theme in everyone's response is to set some new goals - goals that improve self-worth rather than material wealth. Focus on being content with what you have and begin to become a richer person inside rather than outside. I'm really going to put this to practice and see what happens. Anyone recommend a good form of meditation. I would like to give that a go as well.

Thanks!

geodaro · 07-24-2003, 07:46 AM

As your tag line says - "screw it - let's go bowling". That's the best advice in the world. The only thing that makes you feel unfulfilled is YOU! Take your mind off of yourself and your goals (whether achieved or not). Life is not about achieving goals...it's about LIVING! Live for today, forget about yesterday, and at the last possible minute...plan for tomorrow! Other than that - I'll buy the beer and meet you at the alley!

hobo · 07-24-2003, 10:22 PM

My biggest goal in life is to get married, get a house, a job I like and to raise 2-3 children to adulthood and see them get married. Anything after that is a bonus. I intend to volunteer a lot during that time because it makes you feel good because you are helping out and making a difference and I'd like to have that feeling in my finals years.

abelak · 07-25-2003, 07:00 AM

Geodaro, I really can understand what you're saying about living for today. But I don't think that a person can really live just for the day. Hell, if that were the case then every woman that catches your eye or sportscar you'd like to have will land you in divorce!!

Ii think to a certain extent a person can live for today, but within limits. Also, you have to think about your kid's future as well!

almostaugust · 07-26-2003, 12:32 AM

Forks,
Yeah, i agree. Bleak but true. The problems that torment our minds and give us heartattacks and stress, are nothing in the scheme of things. I wouldnt say 'nothing matters' though. I think that getting to know yourself matters, Socratic knowledge, and i think that as humans our love and spirit can transcend alot of the mortal bullshit.

abelak · 07-27-2003, 10:38 PM

Well said Forks...well said.

hotzot · 07-30-2003, 04:49 PM

to crush my enemies! have them driven before me and hear the lamendation of my wife. "I'd wish you tell me before you bring company over!"

07-22-2003, 01:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
abelak Addict Location: Europe	Life Goals Bear with me as this is my first post. Is it just me, or does anyone find that as you get older and you either achieve (or not) your goals that you still feel unfulfilled? I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that can only be described as an itch that can't be scratched. You feel like there just has to be more to life than just this!! Maybe I’m going through a mid-life crisis…but at thirty-years old?? Does anyone else out there experience this? Maybe they can shed some light on what you do to get over this…hump? __________________ Screw it, Let's go bowling.

07-22-2003, 06:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I had that feeling, too, as I approached 30. Basically from about 26-30. I was already married, had a house, a job that wasn't challenging but that makes a difference, enough money to do basically what I wanted. Now what? Part of the answer for me was to learn to be content, exactly as I am. Anything else is just chasing illusions. It's a paradox, but only when I've already learned to be content can I go find something else that makes me happy. Otherwise it's just filling up a void that can't be filled. Some things that might help you are meditating (a lot of my best realizations have come to me in stillness), volunteering, doing those silly "what color is your parachute" exercises, etc. So much of our society focuses on "do more, be more, have more" that we forget to be satisfied and grateful just to be alive and have what we have. Maybe it's not what's missing that you need to find, but what isn't. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-22-2003, 10:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	there will always be a bigger house, a faster car, a shinier diamond, a job that makes more money, a faster computer, flashier clothes, cooler radio, etc...with 200 channels there's still nothing on... stay on one thing long enough and you'll find something interesting happening...we're all so focused on instand gratification... somethings need to age and they get more dimension, more character.... lurkette states it very plainly... be content... enjoy what you've earned and accomplished __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION! Last edited by Cynthetiq; 07-22-2003 at 10:53 AM..

07-23-2003, 03:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
abelak Addict Location: Europe	Just wanted to say thanks for everyone's input in this matter. I think the major theme in everyone's response is to set some new goals - goals that improve self-worth rather than material wealth. Focus on being content with what you have and begin to become a richer person inside rather than outside. I'm really going to put this to practice and see what happens. Anyone recommend a good form of meditation. I would like to give that a go as well. Thanks! __________________ Screw it, Let's go bowling.

07-25-2003, 07:00 AM	#10 (permalink)
abelak Addict Location: Europe	Geodaro, I really can understand what you're saying about living for today. But I don't think that a person can really live just for the day. Hell, if that were the case then every woman that catches your eye or sportscar you'd like to have will land you in divorce!! Ii think to a certain extent a person can live for today, but within limits. Also, you have to think about your kid's future as well! __________________ Screw it, Let's go bowling.

07-22-2003, 09:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
bigoldalphamale Loser	^^^well said.

07-22-2003, 10:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
samcat Upright Location: Calgary	Well maybe you ARE unfulfilled! The advice above was pretty good. Take a hard look inside, then turn outward. Maybe maximizing shareholder value and buying a plasma TV are just not fulfilling enough for you. What can you do to make a difference in the world around you, locally or globally. Our society seems to push us into isolation - you can live a long stretch without any meaningful interaction with anyone. Someone once said that "hell is other people" but I believe the exact opposite is true. We are genetically programmed to interact and be involved with our troop, and when we get away from that all the problems start. We need to get outside ourselves, get to know people, do little acts of kindness, laugh, cry, and all the other things that make us human. ... or you could rent "Fight Club"

07-22-2003, 02:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
shecky Upright	In the tape series "Lead the Field" Earl Nightengale defines success as "The progressive realization of a worthy goal." The working toward the goal is where the fulfillment comes from, so once you've achieved the goal, if you don't have another goal already in place to turn your efforts toward, you will feel unfulfilled and empty. Nightengale uses the example that children are always happier in the days leading up to Christmas than they are on Christmas day after all the gifts have all been opened. You should sit down and outline some worthy goals to focus on. You'll find that you'll get the spark back in your life.

07-24-2003, 07:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
geodaro Psycho	As your tag line says - "screw it - let's go bowling". That's the best advice in the world. The only thing that makes you feel unfulfilled is YOU! Take your mind off of yourself and your goals (whether achieved or not). Life is not about achieving goals...it's about LIVING! Live for today, forget about yesterday, and at the last possible minute...plan for tomorrow! Other than that - I'll buy the beer and meet you at the alley!

07-24-2003, 10:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	My biggest goal in life is to get married, get a house, a job I like and to raise 2-3 children to adulthood and see them get married. Anything after that is a bonus. I intend to volunteer a lot during that time because it makes you feel good because you are helping out and making a difference and I'd like to have that feeling in my finals years.

07-26-2003, 12:32 AM	#11 (permalink)
almostaugust Junkie Location: Oz	Forks, Yeah, i agree. Bleak but true. The problems that torment our minds and give us heartattacks and stress, are nothing in the scheme of things. I wouldnt say 'nothing matters' though. I think that getting to know yourself matters, Socratic knowledge, and i think that as humans our love and spirit can transcend alot of the mortal bullshit. __________________ 'And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself To hold on to these moments as they pass'

07-27-2003, 10:38 PM	#12 (permalink)
abelak Addict Location: Europe	Well said Forks...well said. __________________ Screw it, Let's go bowling.

07-30-2003, 04:49 PM	#13 (permalink)
hotzot We're having potato pancakes! Location: stalag 13	to crush my enemies! have them driven before me and hear the lamendation of my wife. "I'd wish you tell me before you bring company over!" __________________ The Bully Boys are here!