How likely is it he thought I was the one that sucked at kissing? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

chelle21689 · 05-08-2011, 09:20 AM

I've been seeing a guy for over 2 months and I was getting tired of waiting for that kiss. He's pretty shy and he stalled before dropping me off and saying good night. Obviously he wanted something so I just kissed him slowly with a peck. I pulled away and then we went in for another kiss. It was a nice moment until he opened his mouth.

He went way too fast! I was thinking "What the hell?" His kiss was a bunch of pecks of kisses with no time for tongue in between...and when we did it'd be really fast and short. Basically tongue (half a second), kiss, half a second tongue, kiss. He almost kissed me with my mouth still open too!! I tried following his way and it was so weird and he kissed way too fast.

It wasn't a disgusting kiss, just very awkward. I was embarrassed for days...and couldn't stop thinking about how bad it was and how disappointed I am. I thought he'd be more experienced.

I talked to my ex and asked him how was I honestly when we first kissed and he said I was okay when we first kissed but the more we kissed we became in synch. So I guess I don't suck possibly?

I'm just wondering...if I thought the guy sucked bad at kissing...do you think it's likely he thought I was bad too???

genuinegirly · 05-08-2011, 10:39 AM

Reminds me of a couple of different kissing experiences.

Experience 1:
I was very attracted to a guy, and he to me. We always had something to talk about. But our first kiss was hilariously bad. We looked at each other afterward, shrugged, and that was that. Our rhythms were completely off, and irreconcilable. We ended up friends for a while, but now I can't even remember his name.

Experience 2:
Another kiss - my husband. He likes gentle pecks. I'm inclined to smooth and soulful with some tongue. At first our kisses confused me, I loved his body, the way he held me, but I wasn't always interested in his kisses. Over time we found a delightful combination of our two distinct styles - pecks leading into substantial and soulful - it's heaven.

So, there you have it. Two very different responses to the same sort of a problem, one of which lead to separation, the other reconciliation. Sometimes people's kissing techniques are incompatible. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You can think he's a terrible kisser, you can even tell him so. But chances are, he just enjoys something a little different than what you've come to expect. Don't let it bother you, it's not worth this level of worry. Just figure out how you want to deal and don't look back.

dlish · 05-08-2011, 12:55 PM

the motor's going to rough idle for a little while if it hasnt been turned on in some time.

nothing happens straight away. everything needs work, and you just need to sync in with each other. you sound more disappointed that he's inexperienced than anything else

Poetry · 05-09-2011, 06:05 PM

I think as long as you don't bang teeth, everything is pretty recoverable.

And, in my experience, a number of inexperienced guys go super fast. They are trying for passion and hints of sex and are way too excited.

You might want to try my usual response when someone's playing oral Speed Racer like that: stop, pull back slowly, look up through your lashes with a smile and say something with a purr like, "Hey there, Speed Racer, slow down a little... let's enjoy this" or "whoa there, tiger, slow down. I'm not going anywhere." They sound corny, but that's on purpose, because you don't want to make him feel insulted or embarrassed about his enthusiasm. You make it a little silly, a little sexy, and it tends to smoothly transition into something a bit slower.

I can't even guess how many times I've used those lines, but I do know I've never had a bad reaction to them.

Also, I know you want him to be experienced, but if it was two months before he went for the kiss, that's a sure sign he doesn't know what he's doing. Show him what you like, take control for a bit. He'll pick it up.

---------- Post added at 07:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:03 PM ----------

Oh, yeah. And to your subject line... he didn't think you were bad at kissing. What he was thinking at the time was:

ohmygod,i'mkissingagirli'mactuallykissingagirlohmygodohmygod

And after you two were separated, it was:

ohmygod,ikissedagirliactuallykissedagirlohmygodohmygod

So don't worry about it.

chelle21689 · 05-09-2011, 07:04 PM

You really think he's inexperienced? That's an odd thing because you'd think after three relationships (longest 7 months) he'd be more experienced than me, right?

Another question to Poetry, did they get better? lol

EventHorizon · 05-09-2011, 07:15 PM

depends on the dude... but look at it as a good thing if he is really inexperienced, you can show him how to actually be a good kisser instead of letting him pick up notes from Peter North films

Poetry · 05-09-2011, 07:18 PM

From your description, it sounds like he's incredibly inexperienced.

See, he could have had three relationships, but the general rule for guys is that they date women that are younger... and that usually means more inexperienced than they are. If you don't have a natural aptitude for something, it's hard to pick it up when your partners are also unsure as to what they are doing.

It's like playing chess. You might have played three dozen games of chess every week for two years, but if you're only playing a sixth grader, you're not going to improve much.

So... if you were dating someone a bit more experienced, you have the benefit of learning from that person's experience.

I've found that once you get a guy to slow down, they do tend to get better because they actually have to think about what they're doing, actually experience kissing as an art and not just as an activity. But you have to be willing to work with them and not be disappointed because they aren't as far along as you are.

KirStang · 05-09-2011, 09:19 PM

He probably thought you were a horrible kisser. Guys think about how girls kiss all the time. He was probably leaning in with the kiss to push you away with his tongue so you would get a clue.

Seriously Chelle. Stop overthinking it.

EventHorizon · 05-09-2011, 09:39 PM

then again, some people just aren't tongue kissers and thats just how they kiss, but like i said, it puts you in a great position to teach him how to be a really good tongue kisser

chelle21689 · 05-09-2011, 11:47 PM

I don't think I'm over thinking it...it was really not a good kiss and I didn't enjoy it lol.. Might I add it did feel like he didn't know how to use his tongue...like it was all over the place...Other than that, the pressure of his lips and tongue were fine, the openness of his lips were good, and he didn't slobber....lol

So yeah just the pacing and movement of his tongue...it needs a rythym or something. Not just everywhere....we'll see. O.O

I'd like to hear other people's stories on bad kisses.

Poetry · 05-10-2011, 07:42 AM

God, I think my worst kiss was when I was 19. I had a friend who apparently decided to try his hand with me by trying to eat my head. I was standing in a doorway and suddenly I had a facehugger who felt there was no problem with going in for a first kiss while at the same time grabbing my crotch and pretending it was a stressball.

I detangled quickly and never let it happen again.

chelle21689 · 05-10-2011, 08:07 AM

Lmao, oh wow! Okay, maybe mine isn't as bad.

Anyways, I was thinking that I should talk to him and blame myself and say that I'm the one not experienced and that I would like to practice with him. Also have him show me how he likes to be kissed. That way we can work on what we both like and not have him feel like I'm insulting him. Sound like a good idea? He's a shy guy and he doesn't really take initiative which kinda bothers me because I'm used to guys making the moves. So this is new to me hehe...I have a feeling another kiss won't happen for a while because of that.

Poetry · 05-10-2011, 08:53 AM

Definitely talk to him. Don't lie and blame yourself, though... or him. Just say it felt awkward and you want to get used to kissing him and working on getting comfortable or some such thing.

genuinegirly · 05-10-2011, 09:30 AM

An excuse to "practice" kissing? You've got to be kidding me... just kiss the guy. No one needs verbal coaching on kissing. The improvement just happens as you become more comfortable with each other.

chelle21689 · 05-10-2011, 09:43 AM

Okay okay, I'll give it a second try when we kiss...but if it sucks I'll have to say something if it doesn't get better! lol

Poetry · 05-10-2011, 09:53 AM

Eh, I'm always for communication. Some things don't happen naturally, sometimes a dynamic has to be reset with a verbalized tension-breaker, and you learn and understand your partner better when you're not having to guess.

But that's just my experience. Admittedly, it's a lot of experience, but each guy and interaction is different.

chelle21689 · 05-10-2011, 10:01 AM

I agree with Poetry.

genuinegirly · 05-10-2011, 10:06 AM

I find such moments an immediate turn-off. Guess it takes all kinds.

chelle21689 · 05-10-2011, 10:08 AM

The kiss itself would be an immediate turn off anyways LOL!

Poetry · 05-11-2011, 06:08 PM

Hey Chelle, would love an update on how things went when you have one.

dlish · 05-11-2011, 08:39 PM

hey if he's lashing out with his tongue like you say he does, maybe thats a positive thing for later on when things get a little more serious

im going to assume that you got him off guard this time, and with the lack of experience he has, he just wasnt ready and then got too excited.

Poetry's right. communication is key. maybe even ask for his thoughts on your first kiss and if he's like to do it again.

chelle21689 · 05-11-2011, 10:31 PM

We got together to play a game of tennis for an hour and half today. I hate how he makes our relationship seem like a FRIENDSHIP because of his shyness. The only time he is all touchy feely is when we're watching a movie together cuddling or out at the bar. Sad to say but I like him buzzed because he is more forward and aggressive

.

He's coming over tomorrow and we're going to try to make meat loaf lol. Watch Dexter...so we'll see. I have a big feeling I'd have to be the one to initiate the kiss...AGAIN! I never make the first move so it takes up courage for me to do that and I'm hoping I'll have the chance to kiss him again because I'd really like to work on that.

I just hope that once we kiss again hopefully it's a good one and he'll stop being super shy to touch or kiss me. I'm starting to get sexually frustrated lol.

zenda · 05-14-2011, 08:56 PM

Hi Chelle

What you said about about tennis, and what Poetry said about 'Ohmygodimkissingagirlohmygodimkissingagirl', got me thinking.

I know your meatloaf evening has already happened, and I am curious to hear of the outcome. But for now, it occurs to me that the principle of playing games where both are on the same side of the net can better facilitate intimacy. Here, I am just referring to the mechanics of the process. When cooking, there are plenty of opportunities put arms around each other, or to link arms. The language then becomes a language of touch and feel which goes beyond touchy-feely, and allows building more meaningful shared rhythms. A kitchen dance-duet. Will those automatically transfer to kissing? We don't know, but kissing and movement toward intimate touching will no longer be a vertical jump.

Best wishes

MSD · 05-14-2011, 09:17 PM

You've been waiting months? Must be a special guy. Next time you're with him, wait for an opportune time (for the love of God, don't think too hard) and kiss him. Kiss him the way you want to be kissed. That's it.

chelle21689 · 05-15-2011, 11:14 PM

Yesterday night we had fun. He actually initiates goodbye kisses now but no tongue. His lips were so soft and warm that even if it were just a peck I thought about it all night, haha! What a huge difference it makes from his chapped lips I kissed before! He was much more touchier and seemed more comfortable now showing more physical affection. He moves pretty slow...which I don't understand because he is a good-looking guy and before I dated him girls talked about how cute he was.

Well, anyways...I'm leaving for a month and I definitely need to leave something for him to remember me by

My cousin and I are trying to plan him to sleep over so we can have alone time and make my love for us to finally kiss for the second time and get it right...I hope it goes well...So I'll be spendin the night at her place and invite him over.

We never get to have alone time, it sucks not having your own place.

zenda · 05-16-2011, 12:47 AM

Hi Chelle

When you wrote, "and make my love for us to finally kiss for the second time", was that intended to be 'make my move'?
If so, what a lovely typo, and I hope your evening goes very well

Best wishes

chelle21689 · 05-16-2011, 10:51 PM

Holy crap, did I just really write LOVE? LMAO!!! What the hell? I really did not mean to type that and it's wayy too soon to be thinking about love!!! Haha, I wonder what psychologists would have to say about that...

I kinda freaked myself out now that you caught that...that's funny though.

zenda · 05-17-2011, 02:25 AM

"Wayy too soon to be thinking about love!!" I hear you.

I read through your thread again, and sorted two main strands: How long it took to get to kissing in the first place; and how to improve the quality of the kiss itself.

What shines through to me from all you write here, is that you care enough about him to consult, think and plan, and you and your ex have got a continuity of caring shown by being able to discuss your shared past frankly enough that it may serve as a resource for your future with the new guy [Much respect to the both of you]. Also, that while you have been patient with the new guy's 'slowness', and he has not tried to rush you, you want to be on his mind while you are away, and maybe for him to be there when you get back.

I'll look at the strands:

Regarding how long it took in the first place: I want to say that I reckon this 'chaperoned' sleepover will be very, very special to him, as it will be to you, regardless of whether more or less than high or medium quality kissing takes place: if neither of you goes further nor less far than you would if you were not going away, I believe it is already a special enough event to signal that you intend reunion on your return!

Regarding the quality of the kiss: I reckon you need to build a bridge between his kissing and yours - if you're interested, here's one way how: While you're reviewing in detail, in your mind's body, all the kissing so far - like you did earlier in the thread - then just for a while, go ahead and 'step into his shoes', and in your mind's body 'be' the one kissing like that. Grok him - become his moves and rhythms. Then step 'back into your own body', 'be' on the recieving end, and feel what you would need to do to synchronize with that kind of kiss?
Put that aside for a moment as you go back and remember some of your very favorite kissing, your best kissing of all time, both as receiver and also as giver - in your mind's body, in his shoes/mouth and back your own shoes/mouth. Now relive those extra-special times when the 'giving' and 'recieving' blended into sharing - both 'directions' occuring simultaneously.

Now fantasise morphing - gradually shifting between these. Be thorough, for it is through these you may teach him the art of kissing conversation. Take your time, and enjoy the process as you sometimes start with his present way of kissing, sometimes your own, sometimes leading, sometimes being led. If a transition feels a bit jolty or jarring, then that's OK because you are by yourself! And you can ponder and think through what needs to happen to make it less jolty and more smooth. Sometimes stroking, for example, his cheek slowly, might give him the 'pace' you want - gentle and firm, to get through beyond whatever thoughts/feelings might be flitting through his mind. It's a non-verbal equivalent of Poetry's 'easy now, tiger', a friendly, perhaps even reassuring 'slow down' message.

Anyway, the above is a recipe: doing it comfortably can take less than a minute, unless you like to take things slowly and enjoy practicing even more. Though it is right to WAKE UP as from a reverie and put this to the back of your mind - especially when you are with him. If you drive a car, you will recall how smooth and natural driving processes used to be 'bit by bit' until integrated. Let's face it, you were pleasantly surprised by that more recent kiss, and it is very likely things may get even better without explicitly remembering all the above, though if you read through and 'walk through' a few times thinking of him, then WAKE UP, this may soon only take a split-second, and especially at those most appropriate half-seconds as they gradually lengthen until you either need to breathe, or share circular and nose-breathing until you both fall asleep on the couch, and your friend quietly turns off the DVD and puts a blanket over the two of you.

Speaking of which, is the sleepover set up yet? And how long are you going to be away? I'm still rooting for it to be everything you could wish it to be, both at the time and as you think back to it

Best wishes

chelle21689 · 05-17-2011, 10:48 PM

We've literally slept together a couple times before. Cuddling and no kissing, lol.

It's suppose to be May 27th. I'm going to be gone a month =\ But he keeps talking about our plans when I come back like sky diving, horse back riding, etc.

By the way zenda, i sent you a pm

05-08-2011, 09:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	How likely is it he thought I was the one that sucked at kissing? I've been seeing a guy for over 2 months and I was getting tired of waiting for that kiss. He's pretty shy and he stalled before dropping me off and saying good night. Obviously he wanted something so I just kissed him slowly with a peck. I pulled away and then we went in for another kiss. It was a nice moment until he opened his mouth. He went way too fast! I was thinking "What the hell?" His kiss was a bunch of pecks of kisses with no time for tongue in between...and when we did it'd be really fast and short. Basically tongue (half a second), kiss, half a second tongue, kiss. He almost kissed me with my mouth still open too!! I tried following his way and it was so weird and he kissed way too fast. It wasn't a disgusting kiss, just very awkward. I was embarrassed for days...and couldn't stop thinking about how bad it was and how disappointed I am. I thought he'd be more experienced. I talked to my ex and asked him how was I honestly when we first kissed and he said I was okay when we first kissed but the more we kissed we became in synch. So I guess I don't suck possibly? I'm just wondering...if I thought the guy sucked bad at kissing...do you think it's likely he thought I was bad too???

05-08-2011, 10:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Reminds me of a couple of different kissing experiences. Experience 1: I was very attracted to a guy, and he to me. We always had something to talk about. But our first kiss was hilariously bad. We looked at each other afterward, shrugged, and that was that. Our rhythms were completely off, and irreconcilable. We ended up friends for a while, but now I can't even remember his name. Experience 2: Another kiss - my husband. He likes gentle pecks. I'm inclined to smooth and soulful with some tongue. At first our kisses confused me, I loved his body, the way he held me, but I wasn't always interested in his kisses. Over time we found a delightful combination of our two distinct styles - pecks leading into substantial and soulful - it's heaven. So, there you have it. Two very different responses to the same sort of a problem, one of which lead to separation, the other reconciliation. Sometimes people's kissing techniques are incompatible. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You can think he's a terrible kisser, you can even tell him so. But chances are, he just enjoys something a little different than what you've come to expect. Don't let it bother you, it's not worth this level of worry. Just figure out how you want to deal and don't look back. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

05-08-2011, 12:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	the motor's going to rough idle for a little while if it hasnt been turned on in some time. nothing happens straight away. everything needs work, and you just need to sync in with each other. you sound more disappointed that he's inexperienced than anything else __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

05-09-2011, 06:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	I think as long as you don't bang teeth, everything is pretty recoverable. And, in my experience, a number of inexperienced guys go super fast. They are trying for passion and hints of sex and are way too excited. You might want to try my usual response when someone's playing oral Speed Racer like that: stop, pull back slowly, look up through your lashes with a smile and say something with a purr like, "Hey there, Speed Racer, slow down a little... let's enjoy this" or "whoa there, tiger, slow down. I'm not going anywhere." They sound corny, but that's on purpose, because you don't want to make him feel insulted or embarrassed about his enthusiasm. You make it a little silly, a little sexy, and it tends to smoothly transition into something a bit slower. I can't even guess how many times I've used those lines, but I do know I've never had a bad reaction to them. Also, I know you want him to be experienced, but if it was two months before he went for the kiss, that's a sure sign he doesn't know what he's doing. Show him what you like, take control for a bit. He'll pick it up. ---------- Post added at 07:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:03 PM ---------- Oh, yeah. And to your subject line... he didn't think you were bad at kissing. What he was thinking at the time was: ohmygod,i'mkissingagirli'mactuallykissingagirlohmygodohmygod And after you two were separated, it was: ohmygod,ikissedagirliactuallykissedagirlohmygodohmygod So don't worry about it. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-09-2011, 07:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	You really think he's inexperienced? That's an odd thing because you'd think after three relationships (longest 7 months) he'd be more experienced than me, right? Another question to Poetry, did they get better? lol Last edited by chelle21689; 05-09-2011 at 07:17 PM..

05-09-2011, 07:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	From your description, it sounds like he's incredibly inexperienced. See, he could have had three relationships, but the general rule for guys is that they date women that are younger... and that usually means more inexperienced than they are. If you don't have a natural aptitude for something, it's hard to pick it up when your partners are also unsure as to what they are doing. It's like playing chess. You might have played three dozen games of chess every week for two years, but if you're only playing a sixth grader, you're not going to improve much. So... if you were dating someone a bit more experienced, you have the benefit of learning from that person's experience. I've found that once you get a guy to slow down, they do tend to get better because they actually have to think about what they're doing, actually experience kissing as an art and not just as an activity. But you have to be willing to work with them and not be disappointed because they aren't as far along as you are. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-09-2011, 11:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	I don't think I'm over thinking it...it was really not a good kiss and I didn't enjoy it lol.. Might I add it did feel like he didn't know how to use his tongue...like it was all over the place...Other than that, the pressure of his lips and tongue were fine, the openness of his lips were good, and he didn't slobber....lol So yeah just the pacing and movement of his tongue...it needs a rythym or something. Not just everywhere....we'll see. O.O I'd like to hear other people's stories on bad kisses. Last edited by chelle21689; 05-09-2011 at 11:52 PM..

05-10-2011, 07:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	God, I think my worst kiss was when I was 19. I had a friend who apparently decided to try his hand with me by trying to eat my head. I was standing in a doorway and suddenly I had a facehugger who felt there was no problem with going in for a first kiss while at the same time grabbing my crotch and pretending it was a stressball. I detangled quickly and never let it happen again. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-10-2011, 08:07 AM	#12 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Lmao, oh wow! Okay, maybe mine isn't as bad. Anyways, I was thinking that I should talk to him and blame myself and say that I'm the one not experienced and that I would like to practice with him. Also have him show me how he likes to be kissed. That way we can work on what we both like and not have him feel like I'm insulting him. Sound like a good idea? He's a shy guy and he doesn't really take initiative which kinda bothers me because I'm used to guys making the moves. So this is new to me hehe...I have a feeling another kiss won't happen for a while because of that.

05-10-2011, 08:53 AM	#13 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	Definitely talk to him. Don't lie and blame yourself, though... or him. Just say it felt awkward and you want to get used to kissing him and working on getting comfortable or some such thing. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-10-2011, 09:30 AM	#14 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	An excuse to "practice" kissing? You've got to be kidding me... just kiss the guy. No one needs verbal coaching on kissing. The improvement just happens as you become more comfortable with each other. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

05-10-2011, 09:43 AM	#15 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Okay okay, I'll give it a second try when we kiss...but if it sucks I'll have to say something if it doesn't get better! lol

05-10-2011, 09:53 AM	#16 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	Eh, I'm always for communication. Some things don't happen naturally, sometimes a dynamic has to be reset with a verbalized tension-breaker, and you learn and understand your partner better when you're not having to guess. But that's just my experience. Admittedly, it's a lot of experience, but each guy and interaction is different. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-10-2011, 10:01 AM	#17 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	I agree with Poetry.

05-10-2011, 10:06 AM	#18 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	I find such moments an immediate turn-off. Guess it takes all kinds. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

05-10-2011, 10:08 AM	#19 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	The kiss itself would be an immediate turn off anyways LOL!

05-11-2011, 06:08 PM	#20 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	Hey Chelle, would love an update on how things went when you have one. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-11-2011, 08:39 PM	#21 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	hey if he's lashing out with his tongue like you say he does, maybe thats a positive thing for later on when things get a little more serious im going to assume that you got him off guard this time, and with the lack of experience he has, he just wasnt ready and then got too excited. Poetry's right. communication is key. maybe even ask for his thoughts on your first kiss and if he's like to do it again. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

05-11-2011, 10:31 PM	#22 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	We got together to play a game of tennis for an hour and half today. I hate how he makes our relationship seem like a FRIENDSHIP because of his shyness. The only time he is all touchy feely is when we're watching a movie together cuddling or out at the bar. Sad to say but I like him buzzed because he is more forward and aggressive . He's coming over tomorrow and we're going to try to make meat loaf lol. Watch Dexter...so we'll see. I have a big feeling I'd have to be the one to initiate the kiss...AGAIN! I never make the first move so it takes up courage for me to do that and I'm hoping I'll have the chance to kiss him again because I'd really like to work on that. I just hope that once we kiss again hopefully it's a good one and he'll stop being super shy to touch or kiss me. I'm starting to get sexually frustrated lol.

05-14-2011, 08:56 PM	#23 (permalink)
zenda Crazy Location: London, England	Hi Chelle What you said about about tennis, and what Poetry said about 'Ohmygodimkissingagirlohmygodimkissingagirl', got me thinking. I know your meatloaf evening has already happened, and I am curious to hear of the outcome. But for now, it occurs to me that the principle of playing games where both are on the same side of the net can better facilitate intimacy. Here, I am just referring to the mechanics of the process. When cooking, there are plenty of opportunities put arms around each other, or to link arms. The language then becomes a language of touch and feel which goes beyond touchy-feely, and allows building more meaningful shared rhythms. A kitchen dance-duet. Will those automatically transfer to kissing? We don't know, but kissing and movement toward intimate touching will no longer be a vertical jump. Best wishes __________________ ZENDA

05-14-2011, 09:17 PM	#24 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	You've been waiting months? Must be a special guy. Next time you're with him, wait for an opportune time (for the love of God, don't think too hard) and kiss him. Kiss him the way you want to be kissed. That's it.

05-15-2011, 11:14 PM	#25 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Yesterday night we had fun. He actually initiates goodbye kisses now but no tongue. His lips were so soft and warm that even if it were just a peck I thought about it all night, haha! What a huge difference it makes from his chapped lips I kissed before! He was much more touchier and seemed more comfortable now showing more physical affection. He moves pretty slow...which I don't understand because he is a good-looking guy and before I dated him girls talked about how cute he was. Well, anyways...I'm leaving for a month and I definitely need to leave something for him to remember me by My cousin and I are trying to plan him to sleep over so we can have alone time and make my love for us to finally kiss for the second time and get it right...I hope it goes well...So I'll be spendin the night at her place and invite him over. We never get to have alone time, it sucks not having your own place.

05-16-2011, 12:47 AM	#26 (permalink)
zenda Crazy Location: London, England	Hi Chelle When you wrote, "and make my *love* for us to finally kiss for the second time", was that intended to be 'make my move'? If so, what a lovely typo, and I hope your evening goes very well Best wishes __________________ ZENDA

05-16-2011, 10:51 PM	#27 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Holy crap, did I just really write LOVE? LMAO!!! What the hell? I really did not mean to type that and it's wayy too soon to be thinking about love!!! Haha, I wonder what psychologists would have to say about that... I kinda freaked myself out now that you caught that...that's funny though.

05-17-2011, 02:25 AM	#28 (permalink)
zenda Crazy Location: London, England	"Wayy too soon to be thinking about love!!" I hear you. I read through your thread again, and sorted two main strands: How long it took to get to kissing in the first place; and how to improve the quality of the kiss itself. What shines through to me from all you write here, is that you care enough about him to consult, think and plan, and you and your ex have got a continuity of caring shown by being able to discuss your shared past frankly enough that it may serve as a resource for your future with the new guy [Much respect to the both of you]. Also, that while you have been patient with the new guy's 'slowness', and he has not tried to rush you, you want to be on his mind while you are away, and maybe for him to be there when you get back. I'll look at the strands: Regarding how long it took in the first place: I want to say that I reckon this 'chaperoned' sleepover will be very, very special to him, as it will be to you, regardless of whether more or less than high or medium quality kissing takes place: if neither of you goes further nor less far than you would if you were not going away, I believe it is already a special enough event to signal that you intend reunion on your return! Regarding the quality of the kiss: I reckon you need to build a bridge between his kissing and yours - if you're interested, here's one way how: While you're reviewing in detail, in your mind's body, all the kissing so far - like you did earlier in the thread - then just for a while, go ahead and 'step into his shoes', and in your mind's body 'be' the one kissing like that. Grok him - become his moves and rhythms. Then step 'back into your own body', 'be' on the recieving end, and feel what you would need to do to synchronize with that kind of kiss? Put that aside for a moment as you go back and remember some of your very favorite kissing, your best kissing of all time, both as receiver and also as giver - in your mind's body, in his shoes/mouth and back your own shoes/mouth. Now relive those extra-special times when the 'giving' and 'recieving' blended into sharing - both 'directions' occuring simultaneously. Now fantasise morphing - gradually shifting between these. Be thorough, for it is through these you may teach him the art of kissing conversation. Take your time, and enjoy the process as you sometimes start with his present way of kissing, sometimes your own, sometimes leading, sometimes being led. If a transition feels a bit jolty or jarring, then that's OK because you are by yourself! And you can ponder and think through what needs to happen to make it less jolty and more smooth. Sometimes stroking, for example, his cheek slowly, might give him the 'pace' you want - gentle and firm, to get through beyond whatever thoughts/feelings might be flitting through his mind. It's a non-verbal equivalent of Poetry's 'easy now, tiger', a friendly, perhaps even reassuring 'slow down' message. Anyway, the above is a recipe: doing it comfortably can take less than a minute, unless you like to take things slowly and enjoy practicing even more. Though it is right to WAKE UP as from a reverie and put this to the back of your mind - especially when you are with him. If you drive a car, you will recall how smooth and natural driving processes used to be 'bit by bit' until integrated. Let's face it, you were pleasantly surprised by that more recent kiss, and it is very likely things may get even better without explicitly remembering all the above, though if you read through and 'walk through' a few times thinking of him, then WAKE UP, this may soon only take a split-second, and especially at those most appropriate half-seconds as they gradually lengthen until you either need to breathe, or share circular and nose-breathing until you both fall asleep on the couch, and your friend quietly turns off the DVD and puts a blanket over the two of you. Speaking of which, is the sleepover set up yet? And how long are you going to be away? I'm still rooting for it to be everything you could wish it to be, both at the time and as you think back to it Best wishes __________________ ZENDA

05-17-2011, 10:48 PM	#29 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	We've literally slept together a couple times before. Cuddling and no kissing, lol. It's suppose to be May 27th. I'm going to be gone a month =\ But he keeps talking about our plans when I come back like sky diving, horse back riding, etc. By the way zenda, i sent you a pm Last edited by chelle21689; 05-17-2011 at 10:58 PM..