So my neighbor is crazy
 

Not like "oh she's so crazy" but like, probably belongs in a rubber room.

I don't really know how or even IF I should deal with this.

Basically I moved in to this place in September, and less than a few days in, I noticed my upstairs neighbor was quite heavy footed until all hours of the morning like 2am and so on. 3 weeks or so later I finally snapped, she sounded like she was ripping her door off her hinges and jumping up and down on it on some kitchen tile with bowling balls attached to her feet. (I wasn't that far from wrong)

A little about me, I'm 6'6" and work a lot with music as a hobby, had lots of severe ear infections growing up, etc.. all in all I've lost about 30% of my hearing at most frequencies above the midranges.

I go up and knock on her door and I'm quite nice and just tell her "hi, I'm your new neighbor, how are you?" and she just has this distant look like she's wasted, she smells of alcohol.

She seems stumped so I just continue "I just wanted to run up here really quick and let you know that I'm trying to sleep and whatever is going on up here is really loud downstairs for some reason, could you wait until morning to continue?"

At this point in an effort to keep my story short I'm just gonna highlight what happened next, basically she kept pulling 180's in her demeanor, between hitting on me and inviting me in, to threatening to drag me out of my apartment and beat me to death with my own arms if I even so much as whispered any of this towards the management. I laughed and she went in to a fit saying it wasn't funny to her, and here I have this 5'5" ish girl threatening a 6'6" dude in a cartoonish manner.

a week later, she came by, rather sober, apologized, and didn't seem quite as demented, but still had a faint smell about her. I said, "no harm done, have a good night" and closed the door.

another 2 weeks go by, I get back from playing a public electronic show/BBQ in the park, and my friend "M" heads back over to "P"'s house which is just down the road from my place.

it's about 8pm at this point, I just got in and sat down on the computer when she knocks on my door, I open the door and she's standing there with her arms crossed and her head down like she's pouting or something, she looks kind of like good ol Alyson Hannigan http://www.drfunkenberry.com/wp-cont.../03/alyson.jpg

She basically just says she'd like to hang out because she's bored and lonely upstairs. I tell her I have some stuff to catch up on (emails/facebook, whatever) and if she could come back in 20 minutes or so, I'd be up for something.

She says ok, I immediately text my friends and tell them that they need to come over for backup, because I'm convinced she's still got a screw loose.

She comes down, now in a completely different outfit, slightly more casual, just a zip up top and matching sweats, basically the kind of stuff an ex of mine would wear if she wanted to be able to get out of her clothes easily, but I made no assumptions as to her intentions for changing.

She came in, sat on the couch, I asked her a few questions, where she's from, how long she's been here etc.. no job, no car, not sure what her deal is... the general stuff. Got around to "what we do for fun" and hers was pretty much "drinking" but then she appended that to "I don't have any friends out here, it's so lonely" and I just felt bad. I said something like "I drink, I just don't do it alone, seems pointless"

anyways she basically let on that she wanted a drink, right now.
Wanted to go down to the store and pick up some beer or something but since she didn't have a car, wanted me to take her.

I told her my friends were going to be over soon and I didn't want to be out if they came to the door, but she was insistent. I call my friend up and they went out for food 1st so they were going to be another 15-20 anyway apparently so, boo. Calvary was late.

Take her down there and she reveals that she doesn't have any money, but she'd pay me back. I've got a whole freezer full of hard alcohol left over from a housewarming I had when I 1st moved in that I had no interest in drinking on my own so instead of buying her beer I just told her I'd grab some mixers since my friends were coming over anyway. She then acted like I had been holding out on her by not telling her I had that stuff in my freezer.

*shrug*

Anyway, we get back to my place and she asks if it's ok to make a drink and I tell her to go for it. She makes herself ONE... ONE drink.


This is important.

My friends come over and they have food for us all so we pile in to the living room with some arby's, i pop on "get him to the greek" and we start in on the food and drink.

30 minutes later she's just ragging on how bad she hates Jonah Hill, how he's so ugly and fat and weird looking and can't even look at my tv. Does this every 30-60 seconds, with the exaggerated "i need to be the center of attention" level of movement and volume.

"I didn't come here to look at ugly fatties I came here to look at hot guys like you" raised a few eyebrows. After about 10 minutes of this I was like "ok well obviously you can't handle this movie so we'll try something else.

I toss in "Rock n rolla" which I haven't seen yet (still haven't, as you can imagine what happens next)

5 minutes go by and she's already at it again, she's only half way thru the drink by this point. She's just commenting on how everyone in the movie is a giant asshole, or gay.

by the time she finishes her drink, she's standing up in a stance that looks like she's about to start swinging at the guys on the tv, and I pause it and she snaps out of it and I'm like "um... can you sit down? you're in the way, geez"

"oh I'm sorry I'm just a dork, i've been lonely and I don't know how to act around people anymore" while she sits next to me and starts leaning on me like she wants to cuddle or something...


unpause the movie and 20 seconds later she leaps up from the couch and starts screaming at the tv, calling the characters "f*ggots" "n*ggers" and other expletives I don't feel like going over. Me and my friends are just looking at each other like "this is the most terrifying failure of humanity we've ever witnessed 1st hand"
Well, they excuse themselves claiming to be tired by 9:30 or so and leave me alone to deal with this.

I'm kinda curious what her deal was, but knew she had to get out.

Well she's swinging punches in the air towards the tv and I'm just nervous about her damaging it since she couldn't even afford to buy her own drinks.

I just turn the tv off entirely and tell her she needs to calm down.

but she winds up swinging a bit wide and hitting me in the face *I was still sitting down*

I get up at this point and just tell her "you need to go home now, we're done here"

She gave me a look like I just kicked her puppy or something.

She sits down and started apologizing, then easing her way back in to casual conversation, I just stood there and stared her down. Then she was like "you really want me to go now huh?"

"I think it would be for the best at this point"

She gets up and is like "ok well I'm going to steal something from you"

"I don't think so."

she goes over and grabs a bottle of whiskey, I take it from her and she goes back and grabs a bottle of vodka instead, it was half empty and cheap and I just wanted her the fuck out so...

I was like "ok fine, go on"

I put the bottle back and she acts like she can't walk on her own all of a sudden, leaning on me & whatnot.

again, one drink.

she randomly blurts out "I'm still a virgin"

*sigh* "ok"

"It's not fair"

"what?"

"You're so fucking hot, I want to fuck you"

"You..wow, I haven't heard that one, um.. strange huh?"

"what the fuck, I tell you I want to fuck you and you just think it's strange?"

"well you're the only person to approach me like that, what do you think?"

"wait, you're a virgin too!!!"

"no, not at all, um, oh hey I found your shoes"

I take them outside with me and she follows.

starts fumbling with her keys, drops them down 3 flights of stairs.

"can I sleep on your couch?"

"you live upstairs....."

"oh yeah, I do huh?"

*rolleyes*

I tell her to stay put on the stairs, run down and grab the keys, come up, unlock her door, she goes in and tells me to come in. I reaaaaallly don't want to but I'm kinda curious why she is the way she is.

there are pictures of her and a young child in frames, a couple of times thruout the place, a huge collection of beanie babies, and her bathroom door is completely torn off it's hinges. The place is looks like it's been destroyed mostly. She has cable tv as well. I couldn't figure out how she was paying rent/utils/cable without having a job/car but I imagine she's got some money for being crazy lol.

anyways she tells me I can sit on her couch, which is more like a loveseat, I'm really quite ready to bolt.
she puts the vodka away, comes over and lays down on the loveseat and uses my lap as a pillow. The tv is on some music station, the kind with no videos so I'm just trying really hard to come up with a reason to get out of this situation I've let myself get in to. She starts making ducklips at me like she wants me to make out with her and I'm not havin it. Fuck.

"who's the kid?"

she just sighs and goes "im a virgin" again.

"cool, how'd that happen" *seriously did I just say that?*

"I am in love with this guy (she said his name but I don't remember) but he doesn't feel the same way."

"oh, what happened to the bathroom?"

"I was mad, I have to buy a new door"

"If you weren't such a noisy bitch, you wouldn't have that problem"


she starts reaching up to touch my face, I thought. Turns out she's trying to stick her hands in my mouth, a little strange. I'm ready to go now.

"well I gotta get to bed, busy day tomorrow"

"ok can you turn out the lights for me?"

"um.. ok."

I turn out the lights, tell her to have a good sleep, go home

30 minutes later she's stomping around again.


*sigh*

Whoa .. thank goodness you didn't hit that. The next morning you'd have found your balls super glued to your thighs as some form of ritual of "ownership".

didnt Rose do that to Charlie on Two and a Half Men? LOL

definetely a drinking problem there and lots of strange behaviors. It reads like a good short story. We should write new chapters for it...lol...

Okay, TFP Washington is on my next trip.

I want to party with you. And her.

Man, Shauk. That could be some serious shit right there, although hilarious right now. I would really talk to the landlord if I were you-not to rat on her, but just to find out whether they know anything about that particular nutcase.

Good luck, one way or the other, eh?

I think you should shoot her with a dart gun, bro.

http://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/news-quiz-ferrell.jpg

Schizophrenic with multiple personalities; it's a lot more common than people think. I dated a girl who was exactly like this. Turns out, ironically, I was in love with one of her alternate egos. She had me arrested after she beat me up when I kicked her out of my house. Stay away.

I can tell you the easiest way to get rid of her....tell her you want to take her to AA meetings. Drop off AA flyers. Tell her you realize she has a drinking problem and you're willing to take her to an INPT treatment facility....

she will either get sober and no longer be a nut case

or she will steer as far away from you as possible

either way you win...

and there is a chance she might win too...

Yeah all I know is she wants in my pants and, yes, while she's pretty hot, she scares the shit out of me. Like there is no rhyme or reason to her actions or words, I did ask the property management if they had any issues with her or knew of anything I should know about regarding any of my neighbors. They had no idea but told me that if there was ever an issue that I should come talk to them.

Somehow I don't think "my neighbor, during one of her crazy fits, told me she wants to fuck me silly, then tried to crawl inside of me through my mouth, coffee?" will result in anything productive. I don't mind living next to her, would just like her to turn the crazy down, or, off, if possible.

most my friends just laugh it up and tell me "oh crazies are awesome in the sack" (as if I wouldn't know) so they're pretty useless for advice, they just keep harping on the fact that I won't sleep with her x.x

Turns out your friends don't have to worry about their own kitchen tools being thrust into their throat.

She might be good in bed for the five minutes of coherence she has a day, but I wouldn't chance it.

was it you talking about fatal attraction a few posts ago 9er?

thats weird shit shauk, but i think it'd be a great laugh if i was your friend.

ill let you in on your future...

1) you're going to bang this little number
2) you're going to regret it
3) she's going to stalk you until you move out
4) she's going to stalk you when you move out
5) you will meet her at AA in a years time

good luck. dont say i didnt warn you.

Don't stick it in the crazy.

Sounds like she needs professional help. You need to keep boundaries and not put up with her shit. And stay safe. It sounds to me like she could go with anything from physically attacking you to falsely accusing you of assault or rape if you piss her off. Sounds like a very dangerous situation to me.

All I can say is "cool story bro" ha ha ha ha ha

She sounds bat shit crazy to me.

Personally I don't buy the virgin thing. I've known a few girls as crazy as she sounds, for the most part I'm pretty sure even if you doublebagged it and wore a drysuit it would STILL turn green and fall off shortly after.

I would pack and fucking move. To another state. Don't get involved with her at any level. No good can come of it.

she's gonna boil your bunny!

Yep, and I'd no longer provide her any alcohol. She can't handle it. She might be on meds (she certainly should be) and drinking is the worst thing for her. She ripped a door off, the next thing could be one of your appendages. If you know what I mean. :eek:

man... but you can have crazy sex. you know... not crazy sex but CRAZY sex. Some say it's the best!

really stay away from her.

My ex-wife lives upstairs from you? Small world, huh? (Come on, somebody had to say it)

Seriously, limit your contact with her now. I can not think of one good thing that could come of this.

I swear, you have a knack for meeting the most insane women on the planet.

Not that I have anything against them....ahem...but I would imagine you could easily acquire some JW pamphlets. A quick trip upstairs to discuss your new faith and invite her to your new church should do the trick.

Someone's been paying attention.

:)

haha

but yeah I have been low profile for over 2 weeks now, haven't seen her. Staying busy and not home helps, the only time I make it obvious that I'm here is when I have company. At least that way if she tries to invite herself I can just be like "oh sorry I haven't seen my friends in a long time, I need to give them my one on one time."

That's pretty incredible, and while I first almost skipped your OP because of its wall-of-text nature the Allison Hannigan picture drew me back in, and I read it in its entirety. Excellent narrative, I almost felt like I was there and dealing with the total awkwardness of it.

I'm willing to extend a really long rope to people who are really nerdy or shy, or even just socially obnoxious because the only thing they've ever done is be boisterous and never noticed people thought they were obnoxious. I'm even willing to extend more tolerance for a person like the above who was attracted to someone and so doubly nervous about themselves.

That said, there's a few things (like ripping the door off the hinges) that cross the line and make me really wonder. I've met two girls like this, and it really threw me because I've never met a woman who was so forward and assertive about wanting to have sex, and I knew something must be wrong with them to act that way. I don't know how you gauge your own attractiveness, but it's certainly a warning sign for me. The kind who'd be attracted to me are the quiet type, for sure.

The one I was able to defer ultimately only by having backup. The one time they went to go get some food and left us two alone, she was literally straddling me holding me down by my forehead dry humping me. It was scary, especially because she wasn't particularly attractive. The second was more crazy, and alternated between weeping uncontrollably about a controlling father and how she cut herself to jumping on me so hard that it knocked me backwards, biting my lip so hard kissing me that she actually bit all the way through (not pleasant). I was lucky enough that they both moved away about a year after meeting, but I'd definitely advise caution.

Never skip my wall of texts, never. I am a gifted thread weaver!

But yeah, I hear you, I seem to be attractive enough that girls tend to come to me, it makes it a little easier in sorting out who's actually interested or not. I usually go for girls "out of my league" on purpose, just because it only takes one. Maybe I like the challenge too.

As far as this one. Not only is there no challenge, there is a lot of danger and instability apparent. She might feel safe around me, but I certainly am on edge if she's around. Obviously not a good thing.

Yeah, I figured I'd give mine a break. But I'm on it next time.

Dlish, you forgot the part where she tells him that she's pregnant with his child, probably the morning after.

Do you know ANY normal girls?

I laughed my ass off when I read the part about her dropping her keys down 3 flights of stairs. But manipulative and creative as well as crazy, not a good combination. The movie "Single White Female" came to mind. Try Googling her name and see what you come up with.

Shauk, I want to go speed dating with you. Have you ever gone speeding dating before? If you flow with it, it's a total laugh riot.

We'll get dressed up, have a few drinks, and go to one of those ULTRA DATE hotel conventions like in the 40 Year Old Virgin.

"Name's Gina. Just got out of prison, trying to ease my way back into hetero."

Er, well, yeah I do "know" a few normal girls :p

and never been speed dating, I'm pretty horrible with dates in general.

I accept your challenge. Procure a necktie and shoes that don't feature Velcro closure and let's do this thing. I'll get the Jack Daniels, you get the Mentos.

I just pictured Barney Stinson saying that.

I laughed. Wingman what?

I have no idea what you're referring to but I'm serious about the speed dating thing. It's like the most fun you can have without zombies.

If I show in the Northwest to abduct Snowy to add her as part of my harem and punch ChrisJericho in the face, we gotta do that.

sorry.

the only person with enough credentials for a harem here is me.

you might have a beard going n, but it aint cuttin' it right now

You're hilarious, Dlish. I want to party with you. If I'm in the area, I'll get you a chocolate milk when I order my beer.

I can't see YouTube. My Internet is kitten-powered and comes out of a Lite Brite duct taped to the wall.

Brunette: Can someone please explain to me why the little girl act works on men?

Barney: You want the long version or the short version?

Redhead: SHORT version--

Barney: Short version - who's your daddy?

Redhead: [audible groans] - you know, when you think about that, that phrase is really creepy..

Token fat guy: No it's not, it's fun. here.. watch this. Hey Lilly - [grinning] who's your daddy?

Brunette: OK, let me get this straight.. so Anna, in this scenairio, because you made such sweet love to Lilly, she is now your daughter?

Token fat guy: No she is not my daughter, I'm just .. her daddy.

Token 'ethnic' guy: Wow, that is disgusting. [laughter]

Brunette: Exactly - and it's not like the opposite would work. There's no way a guy could go around picking up a girl talking like a little boy

Barney: Challenge accepted! *trumpets sound* [Standing, as if to run off] I, Barney Stinson, will pick up a girl while talking like a little boy!

.. put those transcription skills to good use..

+1
A good logical but also compassionate answer. I'd hate to be in Shauk's shoes, but I'd hate even worse to be in the girl's position.:sad: She desperately needs help. People scoff at AA, but I've seen it (and Al-Anon) help time and time again.

Lindy

He's not "ethnic" by any means lol.
Josh Radnor - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Ohiooooo

fix'd

So yeah I get home from work today (approx 11:15 pm) and she's wandering around my level wearing this black & white checkered dress & heels and a white scarf. Just looking like "fuck I'm hot" and it's just really weird that she happens to be on my floor because the entries are all outside,so it's just a concrete walkway with stairways on both ends, 4 doors per floor. Not only is she on the wrong end from her apt, but the wrong floor.

I had no expectation that she'd be there because her lights were off, I get to my level and I'm like *damnit, she saw me, I can't bolt now*

I play it cool and she's just like

"you're looking hot tonight dude, you just get back from a date?"

"nope, work, just getting home for the night, call centers are lame"

"cool"

"not really" *smirk*

"oh I'm waiting on a taxi"

"Where ya headin?"

"7-11, gonna get some alcohol"

(it's walking distance, but then again she's skirted up and in heels)

"oh, huh, that's not too far, coming back here?"


"Yeah! Should we hang out? do you want to?"


*panic* "Uuuuh well.. I shouldn't, I've got work in the morning but I might be free sometime this weekend, I'm not sure though"

"Oh ok"

"alright well I'll see you around I'm sure"

I head inside and decide to see if her story checks out and sure enough a cab pulls up, but the entire time she's waiting she's sitting on the hood of my car out in the parking lot.

Chick's got it bad for me I swear lol.

Did she leave an apple-shaped ass print on the hood? Oh, I love it when they do that.

...

Dude, you might want to borrow a gun from Jinn (just make sure you buy the rounds) and invest in a few new deadbolts. Layers of defense.

And get a decent picture, for Chrissakes. This girl sounds like a real treat. Everybody likes to have their picture taken, even if they have the crazy.

Plus, when you go missing, I can show the cops said picture so they know who to sweat to find the storm drain that conceals your Wookie-sized body.

Shauk,

so how many days do we wait before we let the cops know that you're missing?