Cimarron29414

Anyone else picturing Ed Helms' girlfriend from The Hangover?

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Plan9

Good.

Oh, so justifying his complacency is somehow positive? I'm not about to let that slide.

I'd do her. I'd do her sloppy. Just like that bartender.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Hektore

I had almost this same thought about Mr. "People Pleaser." But I was thinking more about this: No More Mr. Nice Guy: Interview with Dr. Robert Glover | The Art of Manliness

If she's making you unhappy, figure out what she needs to be able to do to make you happy and tell her to do that instead or just leave her.

Also, forget about the expense incurred as a part of your relationship that you claim she owes you. Unless you've got a signed loan agreement you can forget about ever seeing it again.

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

Walt

Way to be a dick. To preempt any further stealing of my thunder, I am throwing up completely unrelated, yet totally more awesome pics.

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Calmer than you are...

Pearl Trade

Not to advance this thread further off course than what it already is (this guy is obviously not gonna take the advice), but to go along with Plan 9's cartoon: I say give this girl a cunt punt! I've never seen the "cunt" bomb dropped on this board...there's probably a reason for that.

Steps to Success
1. gather appropriate testicles/motivation
2. tell girlfriend that she will never improve and things will never get better
3. leave girlfriend
4. get some good tang
5. rinse, repeat, reap rewards

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Our revenge will be the laughter of our children.
Give me convenience or give me death!

KirStang

The cure for all broken hearts.

Tully Mars

Per the Op-

So could we please knock off the "kick her in the taco" type comments?

And yes, next time I'll be making a more official yellow "mod" comment.

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Plan9

Hey, it's not my fault you're behind the psychic funny picture curve.

...

No! Not the C word. Don't do it. It's incredibly coarse and inappropriate. That and it gets people in trouble.

...

Sorry, boss.

World's King didn't reply in a timely fashion and we had to take matters into our own hands.

And I don't see it as bashing women, just one woman in particular. I mean, we love women.

It even says it's good for breakfast. And right after that morning shower? I concur wholemouthedly.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Strange Famous

If being with someone makes you unhappy you probably have to question what the relationship is for.

I dont think its necessarily a male/female thing - sometimes two people just cant "get along"... and unfortunately if it comes to it some people just arent very nice.

We only have your side, but from what youve said none of the things to me would be enough on their own to say "forget it", but if it had been like that for months and youre always feeling fed up and always feeling like your treading on egg shells to avoid an argument or bad feelings - I'd just walk away.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Xerxys

OMG!! OMG!! ... I know it's only because a woman is involved here but still ... strange choosing to not confront someone over anything? O-M-F-G!!

Strange Famous

well, the problem here seems to be that the guy wants a confrontation of sorts - or at least to talk through why he is unhappy with the relationship, and that the girl just doesnt want to talk about it. I just think sometimes people are different and not compatible. Neither view of necessarily invalid - but if one person always wants to talk through and rationalise things and the other just doesnt want to - they are always going to wind each other up. She thinks he is always picking at things, he thinks she is passive aggressive and it makes them both unhappy.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Pearl Trade

Strange knows his stuff

I'm waiting for an update from the OP. I'd like to know what he did, if anything. I'm thinking he did nothing and will stay with this girl, doomed for eternity.

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Our revenge will be the laughter of our children.
Give me convenience or give me death!

MSD

Toaster126

Leave before you fuck yourself up too much for the next one.

Seriously.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Lasereth

He's right. Get out now. And don't just seriously contemplate it like you've been doing -- go to her, calmly tell her you're leaving, and end the relationship. You're not married. A GF breakup is EZ mode. Just do it and be born again.

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Iliftrocks

Bipolar huh? Sign me up for that... Get out and get some help dude. She's playing you like a cheap dime store flute.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

MrFriendly

As I only see a limited context of your relationship troubles, I can only make limited comments with what you've presented.

I don't think your biggest problem is your relationship or the way your girlfriend is treating you, I think your biggest problem is you.

You are entirely responsible for your own happiness man, and I can see that you are not happy, and I have a feeling that you don't feel worthy of your own happiness. You need to work on that, you need to realise you're every bit as worthy of happiness and love as you believe she is. Your struggle comes from within, not from her or the outside, but within, and the resolution to this conflict must also come from within. It's a long journey, but it's worth it, because you're worth it, but only you can walk this path.

Like Plan9 said, we can give you all the advice in the world, at the end of the day it isn't going to mean shit unless you act on it. This why my only message to you is that YOU are entirely responsible for YOUR own happiness. NO ONE else is.

All the best in life and love mate.

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You are not a slave

MSD

That's what an abusive relationship does to you. It wears you down to the point that you don't feel like you deserve any better and blinds you to just how bad you have it.

ring

Substitute the 'her' in this graph for 'him' & it's the same scenario



I'm breaking the rule set by the OP, because I believe it's important to acknowledge
that abuse in varying forms happens to both men & women, alike.

The Cycle of Abuse:

"It terrorizes, controls and breaks you...

The goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse.

The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to "How did this happen to me?" For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct.

You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked.

Nothing has worked because your partner doesn't want to stop controlling you
and abuse is her method of doing it.

Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your once healthy ego and sense of pride begin to slip away and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.

The combination of abuse and your failed efforts to stop it: erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession" or "provider."

You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love her enough to make her stop abusing you. Only she can change herself or make the decision to stop being abusive.

The Cycle of Abuse keeps you fearful and off balance both emotionally and psychologically. Look at the diagram of the cycle shown below... you will most certainly recognize this vicious and devastating wheel spinning within your abusive relationship.

Understand how this cycle efficiently and completely destroys you

The saddest thing of all: This insidious, repetitious wheel will break you so smoothly, there's an excellent chance you won't realize you've lost yourself. For some people it may take years... but it will break you.

Each time you take a spin on the Cycle of Abuse you lose a little piece of yourself. You never quite make it back up to your top again. Oh I know, you may think and believe you have... but you haven't. Every cycle of abuse takes you lower and lower and lower until one day, there is nothing left of you. You just don't recover. Look closely at yourself and your life... feel your feelings... listen to your own heart... reach into your spirit.

I now ask you...

Are you really the same person you were before you began riding The Cycle of Abuse?

The heavy weight of abuse crushes you a little bit more each time you travel around the cycle. Down, down, down you go... until you are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually annihilated."

Slims

It's been ten days.....


Have you followed the advice you both sought out and received in abundance on this forum or have you simply swallowed your self esteem and done what is easiest: Nothing at all?

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

Plan9

I've that Nazareth song on cassette...

OP: If you're having trouble getting started on hitting the silk, you can always PM me and request a pep talk.

Trust me, bro... I know a thing or two about packing everything I own into trash bags at midnight and rollin' the fuck out.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Esco

I've been following this but felt basically everything that could be covered has been. I'm also wondering this.

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The user formerly known as BlingBling

EventHorizon

that's a pretty simple way of getting rid of someone you've dated for 4 years isnt it? a little too simple. i mean, after that much time what's the difference between Stockholm Syndrome and love? for that matter, who really cares?

if you're so unhappy you need to break up, do it. if not, dont. asking people for advice on a forum is kind of a bad idea since the final decision is ultimately up to you

---------- Post added at 06:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:29 PM ----------

you sir, know a practical skill

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Does Marcellus Wallace have the appearance of a female canine? Then for what reason did you attempt to copulate with him as if he were a female canine?

Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckguy Pretty simple really, do your own thing as long as it does not fuck with anyone's enjoyment of life.

MrFriendly

Not really, 9/10 times people are asking questions the already know the answer too. It's about being affirmed I guess.

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You are not a slave

Cavi Mike

When someone calls me untrustworthy. I do take great offense when people talk to me like I'm ignorant or plain stupid but nothing gets to me like being perceived as shady. It is the one and only thing that can actually make it hard for me to get to sleep.

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pearls ain't free

The_Jazz

Then asking for any advice at all EVER is a bad idea.
Because, you know, the final decision is up to you.

Good luck on figuring out how to fly that jet/operate that heavy machinery/do anything at all in any sort of career/make any money doing anything other than donating blood.

Seriously, that's just assinine. There are people here with experience in things that might be similar. Just because you don't, don't make the rest of us look like we don't know what we're talking about.

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

EventHorizon

hey lets get mad over something that someone said over a telephone line... wait... we're all adults.

im saying that he'd be putting faith in advice from people he has no reason to trust Mr. Jazz. i wouldn't want to learn how to fly a plane or operate heavy machinery from anyone on TFP either. lets just dial it back a smidge shall we?

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Does Marcellus Wallace have the appearance of a female canine? Then for what reason did you attempt to copulate with him as if he were a female canine?

Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckguy Pretty simple really, do your own thing as long as it does not fuck with anyone's enjoyment of life.

The_Jazz

Hey, you're the one that said my advice was worthless. And that everyone else here trying to help is wasting their time. And you're also the one now accusing me of being a liar. And everyone else here.

So why don't you pause, think about why you're being a douche and add something that might be helpful rather than trying to call the rest of us out.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

EventHorizon

i'm saying Anon should make up his own mind and take the advice of a bunch of people he has probably never met and barely knows with a grain of salt. if you misinterpreted and it offended you, do whatever makes you feel better.

stop getting your panties in a twist dude, seriously, its a forum, which is why neither you nor Anon should take this stuff too seriously.

EDIT: i called OP Cimmaron instead of Anon, sorry for confusion

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Does Marcellus Wallace have the appearance of a female canine? Then for what reason did you attempt to copulate with him as if he were a female canine?

Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckguy Pretty simple really, do your own thing as long as it does not fuck with anyone's enjoyment of life.

Anonymous Member

UPDATE:

It's been 6 months, almost to the day, since that response.

I know this is rare, particularly with 'Anonymous Member' posts, but this is the OP; I reckon based on my rather scathing original post that my actions could be perceived as spineless, but I stuck it out and our relationship has rather dramatically improved.

I think I may have been just taking the 'abuse' I described too seriously, and perhaps myself too seriously as well. Nowadays, if she gives me shit, I try to assume it's just a joke unless I have a reason to believe its not. I think what I thought was rude she thought was just joking and what I saw as her pushing me around was her just trying to get things done. I know, I know.. battered wife syndrome, only it's really not. I'm fundamentally happier, as is she, now that we're free to call each other out on the frustrated bullshit.

Still haven't had sex, but that's really not terribly important for me at the moment, either.

biznatch

Do you masturbate at all? How is sex not important to you? I had a relationship like that and used to use those types of sentences:
"She's just sensitive, she's not being a bitch"
"I don't need sex, I'm not some macho dude with sex on his mind all the time"

The day I got out, I felt free. Not an ounce of regret since. It took time and determination to set up an exit plan and stick to it, it was probably one of the hardest things in my life, but also one of the best.

I know I'm new to this thread, and I should be congratulating you for having a better relationship, but it doesn't seem right to me.

Good luck in any case

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Check it out: The Open Source/Freeware/Gratis Software Thread

Martian

Hey, I know someone who has something relevant to say!

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Plan9

Anon, PM me your address. I'm sending you one of my old fuckbuddies. She's good. And you clearly need blowjob intervention. You're totally delirious.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

jewels

Wait. So you THINK she's joking when she treats you abusively, and when she pushes you around she's JUST trying to get things done? And no sex in, what, a year?

You must be so happy now. Sigh.

Seriously, what is it that keeps you in this relationship?
Do you have any close friends that know what's been going on? If not, I think it's time to trust a local friend and, hopefully, he or she can help you find your way out.

I think I was a man in a previous life.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Cimarron29414

First I thought I would shock you with some rough talk.

Then I thought I would cajole you with encouragement.

Then I read my previous post and realized I already called it: You don't have any intention of leaving this relationship and will continue to justify the abuse any way you can.

It's your grave. You dug it. Find a blanket and get comfortable. No sympathy here.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Baraka_Guru

Have you considered that you may have a severely compromised or lost sense of self?

It's difficult to look after yourself in that state, especially when the abuse is still ongoing. This is because you are likely filling the void with delusion.

Get out. Now.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

MeltedMetalGlob

Sounds more like denial, actually.

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How's your mom, Ed?

Strange Famous

Is it really possible to make that judgment based on a version of events from one side of the argument from someone who, with respect, was probably in a bad mood with his girlfriend when he wrote it?

1 year with no sex sounds like a long time to me also, but we dont know the context of that situation.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Baraka_Guru

Yes. Assuming he's not lying about his perspective.

Regardless of the context, if he wants sex but hasn't had it in a year, there's a serious problem with the relationship. It might be her, it might be him, it just might be the relationship.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Zeraph

I draw the line at no sex or me being a worse version of myself when I'm around her.