Eddie38

Sounds like the title to a country song, but it's my life. Fiance just up and left me, I'm a contractor that hasn't had work in months, money is gone, and my truck just threw a rod. Yeah, this is me at 38 years old.

Have you ever heard of such a pitiful man?

Cimarron29414

Yes, I have. Is that the question? Count your blessings, they do exist.

I hope you find employment soon.

Cheers.

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Xazy

As a religeous person I thank G-d every morning in my prayers for being able to wake, being able to use the restroom for every little thing in the prayers I thank. There are people who can not do those things. Work is hard, life is hard sometimes you just have to live and learn and carry on, and count every blessing all the things you do have.

G-d willing things will lift up soon and you will be working and have a new love and things won't look so bleak.

Memnoch

You've got an internet connection and the ability to read and write. You are better off than most people in this world, man. It's hard to see now, but it's true.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Eddie38

When it rains it pours, I guess.

dlish

you make your own luck. if you've got nothing to lose, go out and try something different in the way that you find work.

i think you've over blown your situation. you do have a job and you do have a car. so that leaves you with no money and no woman. screw having a woman right now and concentrate on yourself first. the rest should fall into place

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Manic_Skafe

Those last few posts make me wonder how many of you have ever been laid off without a nest egg and a clue as to what the fuck you're going to do. The bills keep coming in, you need to put food in your stomach (and by food I mean something other than ramen noodles) and "G-d" forbid you ever get sick - optimism and prayers would hardly be useful then.

Eddie, this economy blows and lots of people are in exactly the same position as you. I was there until a few weeks ago when a lead from a friend turned into a well paying gig after much of my freelance work dried up. Falling on tough times doesn't make you pitiful, it's whether or not you decide to push past them that determines that. Here's a few things I tried and some common sense gathered from friends and the internet:

Do your best to keep your wits about you while applying for any and all available jobs. Shake the trees for any leads and recommendations - let every single person with whom you've ever shared a word know that you're in need of work. Leave off degrees and any other qualifications that may stand in the way of you getting even the most menial of work. If you're applying without a cover letter then you might as well not apply at all, especially online. File an application for unemployment benefits and every other form of government aid and leave a resume with every temp agency you can find. Never pass up an opportunity to network and with so many unemployed there's a lot of resources and groups of others that are also looking for work, link up with them to share leads and ideas and encouragement.

I'm sure that if you're willing to tell us what state you're in then plenty of others will pipe in with more specific advice. Best of luck to you, man.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

dlish

i was there a few years ago. i was literally down to my last dollar.. a few times.

i lived day to day, and some days i had no idea how i was going to buy food or even put a few dollars of petrol in my car so i can go to work to make money. the worst of it was when i had no food in the house, no money in the account and no petrol in the car. I had 2 dollars (about 1.80 USD) in my pocket with payday another month away and i had to walk down to the shops to buy a tub of yoghurt and bread to eat, which was the cheapest thing in the shop. my mother cried when she found out.

those were tough, miserable times, but i learnt a lot from those days and it only made me stronger.

What i did to get out of the rut was network around with as many people as possible and finally i was offered a role overseas which led me to where i am now.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Eddie38

Normally I would be full steam ahead looking for work and trying to pick myself up and keep moving ahead. But the fact that my fiance left has really taken all the wind out of my sails. My motivation seems to be completely depleted. I'm lonely and her absence more or less dominates the landscape of my life right now. Trudging...slowly.

Baraka_Guru

Focus on getting lots of exercise, and try to eat right and get enough sleep. It might be tempting to "let these things go." But someone in your situation will greatly benefit from keeping these things in balance.

Get rigorous exercise 3/week for 30 minutes, be sure to get all your nutrients (even if you need a multivitamin), and sleep at least 6.5 or 7 hours each night, if not more.

You're going through a ton of stress right now, and the above things will help "put the wind back in your sails."

Easier said than done, I know, but anyone who does these things will tell you: it works. I've been in a similar position as yours. If it were to happen to me again, I'd follow my own current advice.

This is only one piece of the puzzle. The mental, occupational, financial, and relationship items are something you'll have to figure out.

Consider my advice as a cornerstone to enabling you to do these things.

Take care of yourself, and the other stuff will be that much easier.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

lurkette

I'm really sorry - it totally sucks. My mom was in a similar position at the age of fifty-something, and it was really stressful. Things all worked out well in the end, but it's hard not to take it personally.

Stay busy, volunteer, educate yourself about things you've always wanted to know, and look at creative ways to make do.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Willravel

Do you have any idea how lucky you are? You have a million directions that you could choose to explore, all you need is to muster your will, put your shoes on and head out. I know people like to bellyache about the economy or whatever, but honestly we live in a pretty damned remarkable world that has so many options for how a person might spend his or her life.

Take a deep breath and jump.

Eddie38

Thanks everyone. I know I don't have it that bad, but everything seems worse when you have a broken heart. Everything seems so much more bleak when you find yourself suddenly alone. My moms sent me this -youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA

Memnoch

I've been unemployed for over a year and went through June and July without UI benefits because of the dickering in the Senate. Know how I got through it without killing myself? By constantly reminding myself that I have an internet connection and the ability to read and write, and that that makes me better off than most people in this world.

Eddie38 - I feel you, man, I really do. My girlfriend of almost two years and I broke up recently, and there are days when the act of getting out of bed is so anxiety-inducing that it causes me physical pain. It sucks, man. But like you said - you just have to keep trudging along, even if it's slowly. You'll get where you're going eventually, and it'll be worth the trip.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Eddie38

Still broke, ex hasn't attempted contact in two months, haven't found a job yet, borrowed a car to drive from friends.

I've been selling off my belonging and have overdrawn my bank account just to get by.

Anybody have any insight into when things might start to turn around?

genuinegirly

Ok. Here's the thing. The economy isn't turning around. The woman isn't coming back. Don't expect any external factors to change anytime soon.

With that in mind, start moving.
Don't allow yourself to be paralyzed in frustration or fear of the future.
You have options. You just don't know about them yet. Find them.
Without the additional responsibility or financial obligation of a fiance, you're free to do whatever you need to do.

Feel free to explore options you never, ever considered...

Can you possibly scrounge up the nerve to do odd jobs for friends in exchange for food? Do it.
Think it will help to sell your home and move into a camper shell on your broken-down truck, parked at a friends' place? Do it.
Want to join a church and offer work in exchange for their charity? Do it.
Want to donate your skills and time to Habitat for Humanity? Do it.
What about joining a commune? Do it.
Do you have the guts to be Amish? Do it.
Why not try to learn all the edible plants in your vicinity and live off those for a while?
Want to join a crowd of camping hippie-like homeless? Do it.

There are ways to live without money while being happy. The main thing is getting out of your comfort zone and trying your hardest to make things work, while keeping a positive attitude.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

ring

This is what I'm hearing the loudest.

Yep, loud & clear.
I asked about your dog because I found my dog to be ...an important companion while healing a broken heart.
Dogs listen and lick the teardrops away.

They may just like the salt, but it's good, stay-in-the-moment-attention.

Feel what you need to. I've been told that: "That at any given moment, we are doing the best that we can."

Eddie38

I'm not going to change my life, I'm going to stick with what I'm doing and I like who I am as a person. I just need some things to tip in my direction. I need my ex to come back, I need to start getting work and I need to stop getting shit on by life.

Baraka_Guru

I've been following this quietly for a while now. I sympathize for you in your situation, but you've received a lot of good advice.

This last post of yours really stuck out, especially after all that you've read.

Let me be clear: hope is not a strategy.

Do you want to know one possible factor as to why you've found yourself where you are now? This idea that it's okay to just wait for "some things to tip in your direction."

Let me reiterate: hope is not a strategy.

If you want things to happen, you have to make them happen. You need to set measurable goals and you need to start working towards them---today---now.

You say you want to stick to what you're doing. Let me ask you: How is that working out for you?

You don't need to change who you are as a person, but it sounds like you need to change how you approach life. Do you let things happen to you, or do you make things happen?

Take responsibility.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

genuinegirly

Look, you're really not getting it...

I'll say it again:

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

World's King

Turn to crack and hookers.


It's the only way out...

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Xerxys

I'm not laughing with you Eddie, I'm laughing at you.

Eddie38

I don't know. Everyone is saying "do something", "make it happen". Make what happen? Do what? I mean, sorry but I'm not just going to go bag groceries or change careers. I am what I am. When my heart leads me towards something, I go for it. I don't just thrust myself out into the world and seize the first opportunity that throws itself at me.

I just believe we all go through rough patches. And I'm in one, a particularly difficult one, that's lasting quite some time. And really, to those who tell me my ex isn't coming back, well, there's really no way for you to know that so I'm not sure where you're getting your information.

But I don't want to sound ungrateful. I do really appreciate all the advice thrown my way. But I just can't relate to the whole "get out there and make it happen" approach. I need more specific direction, personal direction that relates specifically to me as an individual. So I just have to listen to my heart.

I've been able to sell enough of my belonging to get by for another month, so I'm gonna see what happens. Right now, I'm not being led anywhere, so I'm going to just wait. I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting. Besides, I'm terribly heartbroken and lonely right now and just don't feel too functional. Thanks everyone.

genuinegirly

Eddie, in your personal reflection do yourself a favor and ask yourself if you really want a woman who will walk away when you need her the most.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Baraka_Guru

If things aren't working out well for you, then change what you're doing. If you're going to wait until "something" happens, nothing might happen. You have to take responsibility. Take on the mindset that you are responsible for what happens to you from now on. You can't expect things to get better on their own. You know why? You are the only person who cares.

You might not know what "make it happen" means right now, but that's what you have to do.

Be specific:

• Ask yourself what you exactly want.
• Figure out what it will take to get it.
• Resolve to pay the price for it.
• Take the first step towards it today.

If you don't do these basic things, you are putting your life at the mercy of others. And remember what I said above: you are the only person who cares about what happens to you. This means you should be the number one force behind what happens in your life. Listening to your heart is one thing, but you have to actually do something. Listening to yourself doesn't get you anywhere, action does.

Figure it out or others will figure it out for you.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Martian

If you're the sort of person who just sits around and passively waits to be led to good fortune than you have nobody to blame but yourself for your crappy circumstances. I got 5 to 1 says the fiancee left because she was tired of babysitting your pathetic ass.

I was going to type out a big long reply here, but honestly I don't think it's worth me taking the time because I don't think you're going to pay attention to it at all. So sure, sit around, listen to your heart, and do nothing. Let me know how that works out for you. I'll be sure to toss a quarter in your coffee cup when I pass you on the street.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Eddie38

See, Baraka? Someone else cares.

genuinegirly

I think you're confusing a few things here, Eddie.


You speak of not wanting to change yourself, something that no one here has recommended.

It makes me wonder how you define yourself.
Are you defined by your integrity?
... personality?
... family?
... job?

No one has stated that they dislike you. Your perspective on the situation, perhaps, but that is different. They have simply offered well-meaning advice.

Your resistance to altering your behavior to adjust for the current market is one of the many reasons you're likely out of work. Sure, blame the economy. But what's stopping you from branching off on your own - rather than waiting for assignments?

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Cynthetiq

If you had someone that relied on you to provide a roof and food you'd not be talking about following your heart. You'd be out there doing whatever you can to ensure that person whas getting those things. Here's a heads up; you are that person.

But if it is all about following your heart and not putting in any sweat equity maybe you should read The Secret since it seems like it is targeted at types like you.

Good luck.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Xerxys

Listen to this song.


Go start bagging groceries. Start saving. You will die a very poor desolate mean old man if you don't remedy your situation. Your heart is not a thinking mechanism. You are wasting your life away. Stop watching romantic comedy movies. Those are fiction played out by very talented RICH actors.

Eddie38

But, as it stands, I have no one that relies upon me for housing or food, except my dog. And in that regard I count myself fortunate. Although, I will say, my motivation to get out and look for work and acquire worldly goods has become diminished since my fiance left me. She provided me with much of my motivation, she was worth working for, she was worth getting up in the morning and doing whatever I needed to make happy. But she's gone.

Xeryxs, while I can appreciate your no-holds-barred method of dispensing advice, I can assure you that I won't die a desolate man. Poor maybe, but certainly not desolate. There are too many people in my life who love me to ever be desolate. But maybe for you, being materially wealthy is the opposite of being desolate, in which case we just have a differing view on what true success is.

ring

What kind of dog do you have?
What's his name?

Eddie38

He's a collie, named marshall. Why?

I hope my ex is in pain, because I am and she deserves to be too. She really does.

---------- Post added at 05:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:55 PM ----------

Xeryxs, that Cee lo song is farking awesome. Sh!t was just what I needed. cheers

noodle

If you're not worth getting up in the morning and doing whatever you need to make yourself happy, then I'm sorry, luv... You're shit out of luck.
When you decide that you ARE worth it, get off your ass.

I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for those who sit back and wait for life to happen to them rather than participating in it. You're allowed to be sad and mourn, but at some point, you become responsible for yourself and your own happiness. There are a lot of smart people around here, many who have picked themselves up from the absolute bottom and moved forward in their lives. Ignore them if you like. Keep sitting there and something's going to run you over at some point.
Good luck.

__________________

Xerxys

Yeah, I'm just trying to get you in a good mood.

You do not want to be dependent on any one human being besides yourself man. This slump of yours WON'T end if you wait for it to. Well, maybe it might, but that will most certainly prolong the pain and you will come out the worse for it. In order to salvage what little esteem you may still possess is by becoming attractive to yourself.

How do you do this you ask? (I think this is the question you are very much stuck underneath) You get aup and do whatever. Anything besides what it is you are doing right now. Bag groceries and go to bed still dreaming about the phrase "Welcome to McDonalds what can I get you today?".

About your ex, dude, if she can do this to you now think about what she can do a second time. You do NOT want her back, I know you think you do, but you don't. I PROMISE you. Grieve and move on.

If I typed all that to indulge a troll I will be fucken' pissed.

Eddie38

Haha.

Man, I think people forget how it hard it is to function with a broken heart, like, a badly broken one. Only time can heal the pain. So yes, in one regard, I am waiting...I'm waiting to get better. You don't tell a runner to get in a race with a broken leg. So I think I just need some time to heal and then I'll jump back into the game. Until then, I'm sort of just, I dunno, wallowing I guess.

Martian

Right. Because nobody here has ever had their heart broken. You're totally unique on that one.

I just don't care, at the end of it all. Sure it sucks and it hurts and you don't know how you're going to fill that hole and you don't think you'll ever be complete without her and sometimes you sit and contemplate spending the rest of your life alone because god knows you can't imagine ever wanting to spend it with anyone but her and the thought seems like too much to bear and you just don't know how you're going to do it. I mean, not like I know what that feels like, clearly you're the only one who's ever been there.

Sooner or later you just have to pick yourself up and move on. You had a shitty thing happen to you and that sucks for you, but as long as you continue to let it (and her) control your life I'm going to have a hard time feeling anything akin to sympathy.

It's your call. But if you can't even be bothered to try to help yourself, what's my motivation?

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Plan9

Exactly. My exwife almost snapped my dick around Halloween 2005. "Ride'em, cowgirl! OW."

...

I'm glad TFP was gentler when I first showed up in June 2007 with the same emo story.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Eddie38

Oh, sorry, I must have missed the part where I said I was the only one who had experienced a broken heart. Maybe you can point that out to me before you go on another one of your lame, self-serving rants.

Martian

You can get mad at me if it helps you. Clearly you're not interested in any advice, and I'm not interested in taking part in the little pity party you seem so intent on having for yourself, so I guess we're at something of an impasse.

If it was unclear, the part you didn't quote was the important bit.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame