romanticqueen

Is it normal for a doctor to be asking all those following personal questions:
What is your ethnicity?
Where is your husband from?
How many children to you have?
How many siblings? and their sexes?
How old are your parents?
Who is living with you?
Why did you separate from child's father?

How can you stop this? Should I change doctors? It's been so hard to find a doctor accepting my form of insurance.

Plus, can a doctor prevent you from getting a referral? I've needed a referral to a specialist and the doc refused to give me one, stating I should taking the meds they prescribed, even though i told the doc I am against using meds on my skin due to its sensitivity.
What should I do?
I'm so pissed off.

Jetée

Please don't say that this 'Doc' you speak of is a psychologist, and you are just referring to a "neighborhood, family doctor".

If it's the latter, then, yes, some of those questions do seem intruding, but perhaps serves for the greater purpose of getting an idea of who you are, what your habits are, and where your history has led you to now, in terms of physical, as well as mental, health.

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Charlatan

Most of these questions are perfectly fine for a doctor to ask. The only two that are bit odd: Why did you separate from child's father? Where is your husband from?

The rest all have to do with your genetic predispositions and current physical and environmental situation. It could also be argued that the two odder questions could have relevance as well, depending on what the issue is that the doctor is trying to diagnose.

The question I have is, why so concerned with your privacy? It's your doctor. He or she needs information to determine how to help you. The more, the better.

That said, you are free to get yourself another doctor anytime you want. You are also free to say, I don't want to answer that question.

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Hektore

Seems reasonable to me, are you children (if you have any) also seeing this doctor?

Yes, a doctor can refuse to give you a referral. This does not mean you cannot go see another doctor anyhow (although some specialists won't see a new patient without a referral), it just means your insurance may not pay for it.

Did you bother to ask your doctor why s/he was asking those questions?

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romanticqueen

Thank you all for your replies.
This doctor is actually a primary care doctor, not a psychologist...though his questions do seem odd for me.
As for me concerned for my privacy, I do not feel comfortable asking about me and my whole entire family's ethinicity, even my parent's ethnic background. Many people don't like to bring race up, expecially when you're concerned they might treat you based on their prejudice against a certain race, which sadly, still happens. What's the doctor's concen anyway, if my children are my husband's or not, or if my husband is from a certain ethnic background or not. That's simply prying.

Yes, specialists don't see patients without referrals, so it means I'd have to change doctors.
That's odd, doctors can actually refuse to give referrals! What guarantees the next doctor I find, if I change doctors, won't do the same. I'll be searching forever for a doctor if they all turn out this way...
I personally know my skin better that the doc and I know it is not normal and I really need to see a dermatologist, yet the doctor refused to give me a referral and is pressuring me to use his prescription, which I already know from experience, will only make matters worse for my already inflamed skin.

No, out of politeness, I did not want to sound rude and ask why he's asking all those questions especialyl he didn't even let me say anything other than answer.

Charlatan

There are a number of conditions that are prevalent to different ethnicities.

For example:

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Cynthetiq

You could easily take his prescription and never fill it. Go back and see him again, after 2 days and tell him that the prescription is not working and that you want to see a dermatologist.

As far as the questions, it's standard to get as much and to give as much information as possible. Most doctors only get to see a patient for about 15 minutes and the talking is not all 15 minutes. There are many things that are predispositions that Charlataan posted. Some things are hereditary and it's important to know these things before it's too late.

What ultimately is more comfortable is one that you feel comfortable with and that when prompted or asked questions you don't feel so defensive. This is why I tend to have female doctors as I'm more comfortable with them than with male doctors.

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Punk.of.Ages

Haven't you ever seen House? There's like ten episodes where somebody dies because they didn't answer those questions honestly...

Seriously, though, those are pretty standard questions. It's not a matter of racism or prying, it's a matter of finding out about your medical history so that the doctor can help you better.

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Zeraph

What they said.

Also think of referrals as someone recommending you for a job. Your doctor will look foolish professionally if he refers a patient that didn't need to see the specialist in question.

genuinegirly

I can relate to your concerns.

I'm always thrown off when I visit a new doctor and I have to answer a trillion seemingly pointless questions.

But something you should keep in mind that your doctor is morally, ethically, and legally required to keep any information you share with him/her entirely private. If you do not feel comfortable with a question, take a moment and let them know that you're uncomfortable. Kindly ask why they feel the information is important. They're usually ready with an answer, and most doctors that I've met seem happy to explain their reasoning.

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Daniel_

A number of illnesses are ethnically linked - for example sickle cell anaemia - and so the ethnicity of you and the father(s) of your children is significant. A number of illnesses have a strong geographic link - like HIV - and so the geographic origins of you and anyone you've had sex with or lived with is significant.

If your husband and you split because he was an IV drug user or having sex with men at bars that would change the illnesses you need testing for.

When you talk to the doctor it's best to start from the premise that (s)she knows what to ask, and if you don't get why, ask them!

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Hektore

For future reference, you are absolutely entitled to ask a doctor to explain everything he is doing. It isn't rude, it's the only way you can be truly informed about your own health care. It may annoy the doctor some, but if he refuses to explain then he is just being an asshole. At that point, you should go find yourself a new doctor.


As for you knowing more about your skin than the doctor...you probably don't, unless you have a medical degree you failed to inform us of. If you've had a bad reaction to the medication he's trying to put you on that should be noted somewhere in your medical history, point it out to him. Don't just tell him he's wrong because that will get you absolutely nowhere.

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lurkette

At least in North Carolina, there's been a campaign to treat domestic abuse as a public health issue, so doctors routinely ask about relationships - how are things at home, do you feel safe, etc. That might explain some of the probing about your husband. As others have said, everything else seems medically relevant if he's trying to get at possible family history.

And have you tried the medication? Even just try it on a small bit of skin to see if there's a reaction. If there is, you can legitimately say it hasn't worked and you either need a different medication or a referral to a specialist.

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snowy

Yeah, all of those questions sound like a normal part of building a health history.

If you have insurance that requires you to get a referral from your primary care physician, then yes, he certainly can refuse to refer you, especially if he thinks his course of action is an acceptable one. Given that he has the M.D. and you don't, I'd probably go with what he says.

I'd also suggest that you improve your health literacy so that the next time you go to the doctor, you feel more comfortable having a conversation about your needs as a patient. When you go in informed about your general health, and know the terms a doctor is using, a doctor will notice.

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MSD

If you've told the doctor about your sensitivity and he still tells you that you should try a certain medicine, chances are it's not going to affect you. Have you tried it? Have you researched its effects on individuals with certain skin sensitivities?

Gina_

I see nothing wrong with those questions for the reasons that have been mentioned. Your husband's origins and why you separated from him may have some bearing on your health. Certainly, your own ethnicity could as well. There genetic predispositions to diseases.

For instance, Debbie Wasserman Schultz is of Ashkenazi Jewish heritage and chose to radically deal with her breast cancer based on the potential risks she faced.

As to the denial of a referral, in this day of increased health care costs, doctors have protocols in referring specialists. Such was the case with my children until the doctor found a pattern of illness that justified more specialized care. I had no problem with it as the next step was surgery. They have to attempt to treat you before just passing you along. Specialists are expensive.

romanticqueen

Thank you all for the wonderful support and tremendous help! I'm very grateful.

Yes, I did speak to the doctor about my concern about taking antibiotics on my skin. He said "Well, then I can't help you. " He just didn't care and I had other health concerns which he even refused to hear about! I want a diagnosis on my skin condition because I researched it and do not know which kind it is exactly, because there are so many different names of skin conditions that look closely alike. I also wanted to see if I'm eating something that might be the reason for this skin reaction or something i'm doing that might be the cause. But no, he just ignored my concerns.

Also, come on..is it really necessary to know, for example, if my parents are from "Kenya" or "Nigeria"? Come on. They're both from the same ethnic classification. This is only an example. Why can't African be sufficent for an answer when asked where I'm from?

I actually do my research about my health conditions before seing a doctor because, sadly, some do not really help as I can see from this one. I actually asked him if it could be this or that condition, or that I'm concerned that I might be lacking a certain vitamin, but was mainly ignored. When asked, what kind of tests do I need, he just scribbled on the lab form and did not tell me what he is searching for or what tests I will be taking.

I hope this clarifies any questions you had.

Hektore

This could be putting your doctor off, depending on how you word it. Doctors, as a rule, do not appreciate you second guessing them because of something you read on the internet. They went to school a long time to learn the differences between those conditions that you yourself said you couldn't differentiate.

It's possible that he actually can't help you until you take the antibiotics. Your reaction to them could net the necessary information to discern your condition. A dermatologist could end up telling you exactly the same thing.

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MSD

At this point I think it may be time to switch doctors. If you have insurance, you can ask them to help you locate a new primary care physician and explain your concerns.

Idyllic

A good doctor puts nothing off, a good doctor listens to a patient about their body and try’s to either explain to a patient or help a patient understand the biomechanics’ of an issue, by not doing so the doctors themselves can create a worsening issue be it anxiety related or physiological. A good doctor understands that somebody who comes in to an office and says something is wrong, typically means, something is wrong, be it mental, physical or environmental.

A good doctor wants to help the patient to feel better, if this doctor doesn’t realize the additional issues he is causing you, ask him for a referral to see a therapist who can then validate your mental capacity at which point you can return to him with a mental check up which will help him see that this issue you are experiencing is more that “in you head” as it seems he may be leaning towards.

Doctors don’t know everything, especially about YOUR body specifically, and sometimes they just don’t want to listen to somebody who challenges their general understanding, in their minds it’s a simple skin ailment, until you have proven otherwise by exhausting all options. Be kindly adamant, keep a journal and do all the things you know they will ask, change this, and try that. In the end though, if you walk into that office with an “I will not do what you want me to do” attitude, but “I still want a referral to a specialist,” there is nothing more they can do for you because you really haven’t proven you need one. I know that sounds confusing, but insurance will balk at him and a specialist will be p.o.’d if a simply skin issue shows up that could have been taken care of at the pcm’s office (I’m not implying anything about your skin here, just making a statement).

Unless you’ve broken something, are bleeding or are clinically obvious, a lot of the time a diagnosis can be more of a process of what it is NOT as opposed to what it is, be patient, unless you think this condition can or will kill you (at which point, e.r. but be ready to pay the highly emotionally painful, overreacted, hypochondriac payment for not being “real” sick). Calm educated questions and acknowledging a doctors efforts work best.

As far as questions go, if you want a doctor to listen to you, answer their questions as honestly as possible, if you wonder why they are asking you a particular question, ask them. It could be simple, maybe there is a higher relation to a certain form of poison found in water in certain districts or soil samples, you don’t know unless YOU ask, if he is impatient, maybe he/she is having a busy day, you need to be patient too. If you feel this doctor is doing you a disservice, carefully inform how his seemingly brushing you off is making you feel, voice how HE seems is making you feel, but let him know that you value his opinion and that you are just frustrated with the situation, not with him (a doctors ego can be a fragile thing).

Know that if you refuse to take a specific medication for any reason other then an allergy to it, you are saying to him “you are wrong” and not even trying to let him help you (in his mind). Ask yourself, do you really know this medication will not work, if you wish to push that button, “I know more than you about a medicine I’ve never taken before”, and this is your pulpit, you better go get you own degree, because most doctors just don’t roll that way.

You know, there is so much to say about continuity of care, but that has to start somewhere, find a doctor you trust to start a long term relationship with and build trust in each other together. But don’t ever be afraid to stand up for yourself and walk out if you feel truly uncomfortable, they are not gods’ even if they act like ones on T.V. or in the office right their in front of you.

One more thing, next time you go, bring your SO, or an advocate, even if they sit quietly, which they typically should, just having someone in the room that can support YOU may help you and let the doctor know that you are not “alone” so he has to be prepared to answer to both of you for his curt disposition, not to mention, it is always nice to know somebody’s got your back and agree with you, Yea, that doctor really is acting like a jerk.

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Lasereth

Hell it sounds to me like he's just being a good doctor (an interested doctor).

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Jinn

I'm having a hard time believing that romanticqueen is actually being the curious but polite patient she's describing here. I don't know what it is, but it sounds like she was being a know-it-all and telling her Doctor what he or she should be doing. Probably just me.

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romanticqueen

Thank you so much, Idyllic! Very wonderfully said. I'm very grateful for your time and thorough answer. You really put my mind at ease and put what I'm feeling into paper. I actually cried after leaving the office and do not want to ever go back again. He won't listen to my concerns, so how can he just give me medicine even though I told him I'm allergic to most antibiotics and I just got the prescription and it has ingredients that may be fatal (wth??)I already voiced my concen over taking medicine and antibiotics because from all my previous experiences, I always get side effects that turn into a new illness I'd have to cure.
The problem with changing doctors is that some insurances don't have many doctors to choose from that accept you as a newp atient or that have late office hours for working people, especially when you're on a low income insurance program.

I guess I'll need to continue searching for a doctor who'd accept my insurance

---------- Post added at 12:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:05 PM ----------

I was just replying about someone asking me if I did my research, and I've stated that I did do my research when gonig to the doctor to try to understand my illness and it's a good thing I did because he would'nt even listen to me anyway.
As a matter of fact, I was very polite that I even did not say anything when he started acting rude and telling me I HAVE to take the medicine and won't listen to my reason of being afraid to take the antibiotic. If I was rude, he owuldn't be acting that way with me or daring to ask all tohse qusetions about why I'm not living with my husband and how old my siblings are and their sexes.
Sorry you feel that way, Jinn.

---------- Post added at 12:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:12 PM ----------

Yes, I can , but it's hard finding one that accepts my insurance and accepts hours that are later than 4 pm.

Leto

I'm with the prevailing opinion on the nature of the questions, except perhaps the nature of your separation from your husband. As stated previously there are many ethnic or racially trended diseases and the more information that your doctor has, the better. He is, after all, your doctor.

But I have heard that some doctors are complaining about the recent spate of self diagnosis, which they refer to as Google-itis. To the point where they install computers in their offices and ask the patient where on the Web they got their information about their apparant illness.

This may be the reason why he is hesitant about referrals. While there most likely is a cost (hidden in the insurance) the primary motivation must be around that he needs to build a competent medical profile for you before hastening to a referral.

That being said, don't be a pushover: ask questions. Expect intelligent answers and remember your doctor is servicing you, and is retained by you. Not the other way around.

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Hektore

...and how exactly do you know that you're allergic to "most" antibiotics? How many times and types of antibiotics have you been on to be able to make that assessment?

You will also be hard pressed to find any prescription medication that does not include death as a possible side-effect.


Refusing to take any medications your doctor prescribed under some pre-conceived notion that all medications are bad for your particular skin and then demanding to see a specialist is not being polite. It's exactly the same as telling the doctor that he's wrong and you know more than he does about your condition. Can't imagine why he would refuse to give you a referral after that...

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Idyllic

romanticqueen, I am allergic to cephalexin, clindamycin, gentamicin and some of the other derivatives within that family, however, their are many others close to this family but slightly different that I can take. It is really important that you try what he has offered you as you may be surprised how much an antibiotic can help you especially if this is a bacterial skin infection, you may want to seriously reconsider trying it (try it cautiously, take your first one early in the morning when you know people will be around and tell somebody you are taking it, if you notice any side effects ,write them down, if your breathing is affected, go to the e.r. immediately, itching and hives usually are the worse and go away pretty quick when you don't take anymore.

Also, it is VERY, VERY important with people like us who have allergies to antibiotics that you do find an antibiotic that you body can tolerate NOW before you SERIOUSLY NEED one for something else that may be life threatening, you need to know what antibiotic you can handle..... this is very very important

If this is not a bacteria attacking you , then it shouldn't change the problem and he can proceed from there. Watch for side effects, most are not life threatening in the real first line of base proscribed antibiotics, with most allergic reaction localized to skin itching, etc, but at least then you can mark this med off and try something else, again, as my doctor told me today, sometimes a diagnoses comes more from what they can't diagnose as to what they can.

Good luck, and don't give up, all you have is time, but the longer you wait to start trying to narrow down a diagnoses, the longer you wait to start marking off what it isn't, the further away from a specialist you become. I will be thinking of you and sending you best wishes, your not alone.

---------- Post added at 09:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:49 PM ----------

p.s. we have been conditioned by the media in the recent years to not take antibiotics (the whole, antibiotics make it easier for germs to mutate and become stronger issue), however, the reality is, that mutations lean more towards virus' than bacteria's and most skin ailments that don't put you immediately in to a hospital are bacterial and antibiotics still seem to work very efficiently in killing them.

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ring

I thought the medication she was prescribed was a topical antibiotic.
Am I missing something?

Idyllic

No, I believe your right, but some antibiotics like clindamycin comes in both topical and oral forms, as do many different antibiotics. You may rub it on the outside, but your still absorbing it through the skin, regardless of its delivery, I am allergic to it and it causes some pretty severe reactions in me.

True though, ring, a topical is much less likely to cause full system issues, however, they do occur. I still think she should at least try it, again insuring she does it initially, earlier in the day and lets somebody know first, just as a precaution. Not to mention, it may help to alleviate some of her fears of an allergic reaction being beyond the typical hives and such if she informs somebody of it's usage.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

romanticqueen

Yes, it's a topical antibiotic and it has some serious side effects.

---------- Post added at 09:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:35 PM ----------

Aww, thanks, Idyllic. You rock! Best wishes to you too

Yeah, I've had hives before from antibiotics. The problem is that the skin problems I'm experiencing are also on my face and that's a pretty visible area that I would not like a reaction to occur in, especially since I've been there many times, and it really makes you miserable and the swelling lasts long even after the allergic reaction. I've recently had a very severe reaction that made me itch for 2 weeks straight, bloody itchy burning skin. I took antihistamines and still the itching and redness wasn't getting any better.

I'm so upset that when I first complained about the skin problem, the doctor told me that I should wash my face with soap and water, even though I told him I have dry skin! That's not professional advice.

---------- Post added at 09:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:45 PM ----------

Thanks, Leto. Yes, I did ask questions, but he didn't bother to even answer or explain to me anything or what the reasons may be for my ailments and skin problems. He only kept on prescribing medicine in which most wasn't even covered by the insurance.

Ayashe

There is a big move today towards eliminating health care disparities. If you were to do some research you would find that there are a number of issues related to ethnicity that need to be resolved in some manner. Such as Asians and esophageal cancers, Africans and colon cancer, death rates of newborns and Native Americans, Syphilis rates and homosexuals. Now, in this new age of electronic medical records we can plug in a patient's ethnicity and we are alerted to preventative screenings that are a bit more specific to that patient's needs. We can be a lot more successful at treating conditions at the earlier stages than waiting until symptoms occur. This leads to happier and healthier patients and a much more efficient manner of spending our healthcare dollars. There is no agenda here other than taking better care of patients. Would you not be pissed at yourself knowing that failing to answer a question may have been what prevented you from getting the screening procedure 5 years earlier than the general population and saving your life?

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Amaras

My daughter is the result of me, white guy, plus her, black woman. My
daughter has skin like mine, pale, and blue-green eyes.
She also exhibits sickle cell anemia traits which can be directly attributable
to her Mother (she has it).
There's no doubt gene pools (ethnicity) have certain predilictions. You
describe your problem as skin related. There are way less studies of non
white skin problems, so giving up all your info is highly suggested.

By the by, this Doc sounds like a jerk.

Where I live in Canada, it's estimated to take 2 years to find a family
(i.e. primary care giver) doctor. I got lucky and found one through a
friend. I don't particularly like him, but I'm staying with him anyway.
Now I have to be VERY proactive in my approach. I write questions
beforehand, do research, and visualize how I want the exam to go.

Just my view on it.

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genuinegirly

Just a thought - I have dry skin. It doesn't stop me from occasionally washing my face with soap and water. I just moisturize the heck out of it afterward with dense creams.

It would be very frustrating to have a doctor that is as frustrating as you describe.

It would be infuriating to be the doctor who has a patient that takes issue with every tidbit of advice offered.

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Jeon

Gotta add my two cents... From what I am reading here, you really do need to find yourself a new doctor, he may be right in you needing to use the medications he is prescribing to you. He may even be right about who knows what, but where I'm from half of the doctors job is to keep YOU the patient informed on what is going on with your body. He is responsible for alleviating your fears and concerns about medications, tests, questions, whatever. I myself suffer from many and varied conditions, and it has taken me a long time and a long list of doctors to finally find one that could at least talk to me, about everything, rather than just assuming this or that diagnosis. I've had doctors tell me I had things wrong with me that I KNOW were not wrong with me, just to get me out of the office and get the next patient in. These are not good doctors. I understand it may be difficult with your insurance and work schedule to find a good doctor, but I must urge you to keep looking. The stress of the wrong doctor is worse for you than the stress of trying to find the right one. Best of luck to you, hope everything works out for the best.


PS, I do agree with the whole try a little bit of the medication in the morning, on a patch of skin to make sure you dont get severe reactions... you can always put it somewhere that is hidden by clothes. If you are going to react to it, it doesnt matter where you have put it, you WILL react to it. and at least then you dont have to worry about the reaction being on your face or an embarassing body placement.