Lonely old man needs help.....
 

I'm 74 years old and have a daughter who is 28 years old and lives with me.. We have no friends or relatives... She has Panic Disorder and PTSD which makes her unable to leave the house... I can't leave the house either because she will go into a Panic attack if she is left alone... It has been over 8 years now that either one of us can get out of the house.. Once a week we have a Home Care service that comes and does our grocery shopping for us..

She stays upstairs most of the time listening to music , or on her computor.. She has never had the opportunity to make any friends, or to work at a job.. She is very intelligent and does a lot of research on her computor ..

I was a over-the-road truck driver and gone during the week and only home on the week-ends, therefore, I never had any friends around here..(We live in Rockford, Illinois).. I did this for 28 years.. My wife passed-away in Oct. 2001 and that left just the two of us..

I am so sad, and heart-broken knowing that at my age there isn't much time left for me here, and when I go she will be left alone and with no means of support, or any friends , or relatives to turn to for help.. All we have to live on is my monthly SS check, so she won't even have that.

The neighborhood where we live use to be nice and quiet, but in the past few years we have had a big influx of Chicago people moving to Rockford and the neighborhood has gone downhill fast.. Cars driving past at all hours of the day, or night, with their bass-units blaring so loud that it shakes the windows in the house.. This causes her to go into a Panic attack and she doesn't know when it is safe for her to sleep.. She tries to sleep at night and that doesn't work, she tries to sleep during the day and that doesn't work.. The people that are causing this either are not aware of how much damage they are causing to someone, or they just don't care

On top of that we have the 4th of July coming up with the firecrackrs going off.. My God, that really hits her hard.. I don't know what I am going to do.. I am constantly on the phone with the police trying to protect her.. She wants to move somewhere that is peaceful and quiet, but we can't because we just don't have the money.. I keep a broken-heart all the time seeing her suffer like this.. Oh I wish we could get away.... Thanks, Bill.

Do you own your home and is it possible to sell it if so? This probably isnt much help but its all that I could think of on short notice.

I dont know if anyplace is going to be totally quiet and peaceful all the time. I live in a semi-rural area on 3 1/2 acres and I still hear thumping bass coming from cars, on occasional loud truck, or a chopper or plane flies over.

Perhaps a better approach would be to try and gradually socialize your daughter until she's able to tolerate the harshness of the modern world. Just thinkin out loud.

I'm blaming this all on The_Jazz, cause I hear he's big with the thumping music in his Pinto. Those damn Chicago people!

Your daughter needs to get professional medical help for her anxiety disorder. I know money is tight, but there might be some sort of community medicine program in your area that could help. Would she be able/willing to talk to a counselor on the phone? Is she on any meds now for managing her panic attacks?

Best advice for her is to have a cognitive behavioral therapist come to the house and work with her. Slowly and over time the therapist will make her confront her triggers that cause the anxiety and teach her skills to overcome them. It's a long process but it does work. I don't know whether health insurance covers this particular treatment, so you might want to check and see if it does before calling a therapist.

I meant to post these links before, the first has several options for help in choosing a therapist.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Symptoms, Treatment, and Self-Help

Anxiety Disorders Treatment Center of Chapel Hill and Durham

Yes, to me this sounds like a severe/acute panic/anxiety disorder. Sometimes things can get so bad that the only course of action is some kind of medical intervention.

Above two courses have been mentioned: 1) medication and 2) cognitive behavioural therapy. Sometimes, if it is a severe enough case, a combination of the two are employed.

It might be expensive, but I don't see any alternatives to the severity of the situation.

Therapy doesn't help unless you're rich, and since you aren't...Lots of drugs, headphones, and sound proofing. Look up ways on the internet on how to sound proof things for cheap (acoustic tiling, egg cartons, suspended ceiling, etc.)

Even if you don't have much money you can get a script fairly easily. Most likely only 1 visit with a cheap doc for 45-75$. She needs valium (lorazapam, diazapam...) The scripts will only run you 10-30$ a month at a decent pharmacy (i.e. not walgreens). If you have insurance it will be even cheaper.

Since she can't leave the house, I'd also imagine that a doc would write the script for you. Or just lie and say you have the problem.

As what to do when you have to leave to get the scripts. Get her some over the counter (have your home care service guy bring it) sleeping medicine. After sound proofing wait till she falls asleep, then go out.

Assuming she isn't already on valium, it will help a ton.

Oh well, I guess the replies just didnt come in fast enough for redcloud, I did try to get the ball rollin and I suppose that counts for something. Just not very much. :hmm:

Drive-by posters, Dave. Sometimes, they drive us all nuts.

Good luck, Redcloud.

Well, you could always take the most drastic approach by grabbing her by the arm and dragging her outside, but that might give her a heart attack or cause her to pass out and increase the panic attacks.

An alternative approach is gradually lead her to the door and have her stand in front of the door for several seconds/minutes, then the next round have the door open with her in front of said door for several seconds and then eventually be outside of the house until she is comfortable being outside.

Another approach is to use meditation and other relaxation techniques for her to use when she is aware of a panic attack.

Sounds agoraphobic to me. If so medication will be needed as will counseling, rational emotive therapy may be more helpful then standard cognitive behavioral treatments.

Hoping for the best for you Redcloud, come back and see us if you can.

Thanks for all your kind comments.. The only thing that will help my daughter is for us to have a place that is peacful and quiet.. This isn't possible.. I have tried some of the suggestions here and it doesn't work.. It is heartbreaking to see her cry, wanting to be able to do things and she can't.. Again, thanks for your interest... Bill

You might want to look at some books at Amazon for tips. I can post some later tonight.

Then it is imagining the situations and staying relaxed and knowing nothing will happen.

Then it goes into experiencing things that cause problems and knowing nothing has happened in the past, and is very unlikely to happen in the future.

Redcloud, you're in denial.

To get anywhere with your daughter's condition, you need to accept that this living situation is not normal, is not comfortable, is simply not acceptable for you or her. Are you really living, or are you just subsisting? Until you decide that your situation is 'rock bottom,' that this isn't the way that people should live, no solution you attempt will work. I'm also partially basing this on your other web presences and the unheeded advice there, in the last month or two...

http://www.thoughts.com/forums/showthread.php?p=671598
http://www.worthychristianforums.com...&mode=threaded
http://www.truechristianforum.com/ar....php/t-69.html
http://webcache.googleusercontent.co...&ct=clnk&gl=us
http://www.gracecentered.com/christi...602/?topicseen
http://www.christianforums.com/t7450247/

Yea, well you really nailed this guy, God forbid someone post on multiple forums looking for help.

Rules for posting on multiple forums.

1. Never use the same screen name on multiple forums, a google search might bust you.

2. Never use the same posting style on multiple forums, learn to change the way you post.

3. Never expect sympathy from people you dont know, TFP is basically a hedonistic site.

End Lesson

Or, you know, actually take the advice that's been given, both here and elsewhere.

Personally, I'm more inclined to give advice that might actually help people. And if it's not going to help (because someone's too stuborn, stupid or just old-fashioned trolling), then I'd rather not waste my time. I think that we're quite sympathetic, but there are things that are just beyond our ability to help. Like, you know, when something requires an on-the-ground social worker.

redcloud - try searching here:

http://www.lifescapeservices.org/
http://www.ci.rockford.il.us/socialServices/index.cfm
http://www.rockforddiocese.org/officeinfo.php?page=7

All of these places are local and capable of providing a lot more help than us.

And Dave, if you don't like us, the door's over there. I really don't like people calling us names, especially ones that are as insulting as they are inaccurate.

I know you put a little caveat in there but for any future people who might read this thread and consider that, um don't ever do that. It will make it worse.

So what if it's true?

I think you misunderstood my intent which was to state some simple facts. Isnt TFP basically a hedonistic site? Its not necessarily a bad thing, just not the best place to come looking for sympathy, especially after you've already hit those other sites mentioned.

I also didnt really think it was productive to mention those other sites in the first place. Maybe redcloud is in denial, couldnt really say because I havent spoken to him directly or seen him in the real world and its at least difficult if not impossible to psychoanalyze someone over the internet.

Later

Let me be the first to say psychotherapy is not the answer.
In my experience I've found that many people with various disorders really only need love, a friend to care about them.
I've seen children with ADHD, PTSD, even schizophrenia, taking 5 different mind altering drugs a day without any progress toward health, suddenly give up the medication and lead normal lives as soon as they found somebody to care about them and love them.

Not a fake "care" provider, or somebody paid to act like they care about you, but a person who actually has feelings for other people.

I'll be her friend online. I'm friends with lots of people just like her. I will help her if I can. That's what I do!

I wish I could help
 

but I don't have any answer other than the broad statement that you need to exhaust all free services in your area with help for you and your daughter. If you can get a local TV station or newspaper interested in your plight, they might just drum up some solutions. It's worth a try. I wish you luck.