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Old 02-13-2010, 07:38 PM   #41 (permalink)
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to this day though, i remember the faces and names of each of the bullies and for a long time afterward, i knew that should i meet them on the street i would have beaten them to within an inch of their lives. Thank god i've mellowed a bit in the last couple of years.

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Old 02-13-2010, 07:52 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I absolutely hate the touchy-feely approach as I find it usually makes the victim of the bullying out to be the bad guy. I hate to say it, but from my own personal experience, the touchy feely bullshit doesn't work and only reinforces the bully's behavior.

An example from my own life: I was bullied mercilessly in middle school. I was a bit awkward and not in the best shape, and it didn't help that I was part of a highly-gifted magnet program that encouraged dog-eat-dog behavior amongst its students. Anyway, one day I came to school to find that my friends had deserted me and that about five or six guys seemed to be at the forefront of harassing me and "putting me down with words." I tried to ignore them, but they kept coming. I tried firing back with words, but to no avail. Hell, even those who would hang out with me behind closed doors would disown me in public. So there I was friendless, depressed, and under way more academic pressure than any twelve-year-old should be under, and what did the school administrators do? Jack shit. They fed me the same lines about non-violence and walking away and ignoring it.

My response was to withdraw which only fed my depression. I contemplated suicide but realized I was too much of a pussy to go through with it which made me even more depressed. Then my depression turned to anger and anger to blinding rage. It ate away at me and I had wild fantasies of enacting the only solution left to me: murdering them. Hell, I was going to murder everyone involved. Mind you, this was in the wake of all of the school shootings by kids in my exact position. Luckily, I told someone one day about my plans and he told the administration.

So the aftermath? I got sent to counselling and therapy and have to bear the mental scars of three horrible years of middle school. What happened to my bullies? Diddly shit. They got off scott-free while I was painted as the bad guy. The school administration failed because they used the touchy-feely crap instead of taking the bullies out back and paddling them senseless. The only thing that will teach a bully is a sound ass-kicking, nothing less. Pain is the best teacher.

Fortunately, high school went a lot better. I started playing football and bulked-up to about 220 and could squat 440 pounds. Also, I was a rather popular fellow around campus with just about every clique, and those with whom I was not popular didn't dare mess with me. To this day though, I remember the faces and names of each of the bullies and for a long time afterward, I knew that should I meet them on the street I would have beaten them to within an inch of their lives. Thank God I've mellowed a bit in the last couple of years.
Hah, I know you, Anon. If you ever feel like PMing me, I've got an interesting story for you.
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:32 PM   #43 (permalink)
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When a targeted kid physically stands up to a bully, the bully learns that there are instant and tangible consequences to his actions. Every single bully I've ever met picks on smaller, weaker kids because they don't like opposition. Punch a bully in the mouth, and next time he will look for an easier target. There is always the chance that the bully might win, but it will come at a price. The nerd might lose, but he will walk away with his honor.

Physical violence is physical violence. Insurgents, just like schoolyard bullies, don’t like engage in stand up, bang-it-out fights with someone who can hand them their asses. The insurgents pick “soft” targets. They pick on girls schools and the defenseless local populace. When the American military fights against the insurgents “it’s not like all the other problems instantly go away”. So does that mean we should just pack up shop and go home?
If you fight the bully and he kicks your ass, even if you get a good hit in, he will still come back for more. He knows that he can take you, so he will. So what that you got him a couple times? He kicked the shit out of you, and now everyone knows that you will lose all the fights your in, inviting more bullying. Military fighting is completely different from the bullying I'm talking about.

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You did take the shit you were given. If you are going to take the moral high road, why don’t you just walk away? You engage in the “Thank you sir, may I have another?” game because you want to feel like you’re standing up for yourself with out actually having to do so. In choosing that course of action, you are sacrificing your honor. It’s the one thing that you own that cannot be taken from you. Honor can only given away. And you, apparently, give it away wholesale. That is my definition of a coward.

I’m curious; where do you draw the line? If someone called you a faggot and your mother a cunt in front of your family, would you agree with them?
To the people that witness me agree with the bully, they might see me as losing my honor, but to me the most effective way of dealing with it was just to "defiantly agree." I didn't feel as if my honor was being given away. I didn't care how anyone else saw it, if I felt good about standing up for myself, then I was happy. To me, I did stand up for myself. To you, it seems I may not have. In the position I was in, I thought that was the best way to go about business. There wasn't one person that constantly bullied me, it was more like isolated incedents with quite a bit of time in between.

No I would not agree with them if that happened. I'd probably get in their face about that, or possibly even hit them right there without hesitation. "Thems is fighting words."

Also, how does everyone here feel about the zero tolerance policy some schools have? In my opinion, I think it screws the victim over and promotes bullying.
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Old 02-13-2010, 10:34 PM   #44 (permalink)
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NOTE: Any kids out here that found this thread because of Google or whatever, shooting up your school isn't going to do shit (other than make you into the news of the day to distract people from what's really going on in the world). Odds are you won't get to everyone on your list and you won't be defending other kids from bullying. The real kicker is that you won't even feel that satisfaction you think you'll feel when you open fire. In other words, nothing you want it to do will happen and you'll die disappointed in yourself. It will be a complete failure and then you'll die.

If you really went to get out of your rut, you need allies... scratch that, you need objective allies, people that won't just give you blanket support but that can really give you outside insight into what you're going through. This is one reason licensed therapists exist, but if you don't have access, these people can be found elsewhere (parent, clergy, teacher, etc.). You need a social structure in place from which you can draw strength. Fortunately, even if this person or these persons aren't perfect at helping you, just being engaged will help you. On top of this, school is not the only place to make friends for kids. I made a ton of friends doing martial arts when I was a teenager. The same is true of lots of things: sports teams, music, a job, etc. If school isn't a good social outlet, nothing's stopping you from finding another one.

You're never, ever alone. There will always be folks out there who will be willing to help you. If you're ever feeling like your fuse is about to go off or you're at wit's end, PM me and I can put you in contact with someone who can help.

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Old 02-14-2010, 08:20 AM   #45 (permalink)
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NOTE: Any kids out here that found this thread because of Google or whatever, shooting up your school isn't going to do shit (other than make you into the news of the day to distract people from what's really going on in the world). Odds are you won't get to everyone on your list and you won't be defending other kids from bullying. The real kicker is that you won't even feel that satisfaction you think you'll feel when you open fire. In other words, nothing you want it to do will happen and you'll die disappointed in yourself. It will be a complete failure and then you'll die.

If you really went to get out of your rut, you need allies... scratch that, you need objective allies, people that won't just give you blanket support but that can really give you outside insight into what you're going through. This is one reason licensed therapists exist, but if you don't have access, these people can be found elsewhere (parent, clergy, teacher, etc.). You need a social structure in place from which you can draw strength. Fortunately, even if this person or these persons aren't perfect at helping you, just being engaged will help you. On top of this, school is not the only place to make friends for kids. I made a ton of friends doing martial arts when I was a teenager. The same is true of lots of things: sports teams, music, a job, etc. If school isn't a good social outlet, nothing's stopping you from finding another one.

You're never, ever alone. There will always be folks out there who will be willing to help you. If you're ever feeling like your fuse is about to go off or you're at wit's end, PM me and I can put you in contact with someone who can help.

/threadjack
Oh goodness, I wasn't advocating school shootings. No, I meant to show that I had become detached from reality -- if that's the right term -- and felt as if I had no other options left. At the time I was living in a hell inside my own head. Honestly, I'm glad that I was reached in time as I love my life now and I actually pity the kids who used to torment me. I think the real problem in these types of situations is the fact that all too often, school administrators would rather sweep it under the rug than deal with it head-on, but then again, these kids were far more intelligent than average and most came from messed-up families, so I'm not sure how much just talking to them would have helped. I still stand by my assertion that corporal punishment works here and that a good ass-kicking would have corrected them well as most of the kids were cowards.
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Old 02-14-2010, 11:56 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Oh goodness, I wasn't advocating school shootings.
Of course not. The reason I posted my "note is I realized when I was reading your post people that already have the idea of a school shooting in their head have that idea reinforced whenever they read, hear or see that someone else had the same idea. It can give a fledgeling idea legitimacy. This is an idea which cannot be legitimized.
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Old 02-14-2010, 12:41 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Will, How would you go about providing some of these resources mentioned above to stop the bullying? It seems that the bureaucracy of the school administration would get in the way of effective counselling and teaching the skill sets to the children?
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Old 02-14-2010, 01:01 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Parents are always going to be the biggest influence on younger children, so it would make sense to implement teaching the social perceptiveness by helping parents understand the above.

That said, some schools are incredibly adept at teaching things like this. Before getting her doctorate, my mother (licensed psychologist) worked for a local school district with a program called "Second Step" where a trained, licensed psychologist is hired on via grant to work with young children at a school or district to help them develop conflict resolution, impulse control, and empathy training (along with recognizing emotional states through nonverbal cues, which ties directly into the article I posted before). By my understanding, it was a massive success until they ran out of funding. Programs like this pop up all over the US. I get the feeling if they were nationalized, we'd see a massive drop off in bullying.
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Old 02-14-2010, 02:40 PM   #49 (permalink)
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I'm not sure how much just talking to them would have helped. I still stand by my assertion that corporal punishment works here and that a good ass-kicking would have corrected them well as most of the kids were cowards.
Either embarrassing them or the fear of embarrassment works too. I would bet the school could implement a policy to have the kid get dressed up in some girly clothes and read a statement in front of the class.

But, I still like the lessons from Scarface and The Sopranos as to how to deal with your enemies.
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Old 02-14-2010, 02:42 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Hah, I know you, Anon. If you ever feel like PMing me, I've got an interesting story for you.
I'm not anon but I wanna hear it. PM me please!!

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:40 PM ----------

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... But, I still like the lessons from Scarface and The Sopranos as to how to deal with your enemies.
WRONG!!

These are school kids. An ass kicking does not a mob hit make.

Oh, and I wasn't bullied. Well, I was but by the teachers. We all had less than 2 hours a week to misbehave so meh ...
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:40 AM   #51 (permalink)
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I’m curious; where do you draw the line? If someone called you a faggot and your mother a cunt in front of your family, would you agree with them?
What if I did? What the hell does is matter what a jackass like that says? If I was to take offense and throw the first punch, who would be the one in the principal's office? Yep, me. You just let em run their mouths till they are out of steam and if they throw a punch, very unlikely by the way, then start kicking ass, otherwise if they don't start swinging, much more likely, they look like the big pussies that they are. You could start running your mouth and make a physical confrontation much more likely, and you both look like giant jackasses. That, and my dad would have probably kicked my ass for falling for such a pitifully obvious ploy.

Really, someone saying mean things hurts you that much? I'm sorry, but you must be a severely tortured human being.

My philosophy has always been: "Arguing with an idiot is like wrestling with a pig. You both get muddy, and the pig likes it."

Agreeing with whatever the idiot says does two things. It shortens an otherwise tiresome argument, and it confuses the dumbass. It has always worked for me. One way or the other he shuts up, and the fight happens or it doesn't. It usually doesn't.
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:07 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Gnarly. This thread has been successful derailed by floating concepts like "honor" and "what's right" and "the law."

We live in a "pussy-ass world" with Zero Tolerance policies, therapy for kids who don't like school, and victim labeling.

As kids, if we're not made bitches by our peers, we're made bitches by the system that we've charged with protecting us.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:13 PM   #53 (permalink)
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I think I understand the philosophy of defusing the situation by playing along or agreeing with the bully...but I don't know, sometimes I think you just have to make your stand or nobody is going to respect you. Honestly I can't get down on somebody who does what they need to do to get through the day, but I would think it would just make you feel worse about yourself in the end.

Obviously everyone's experience is unique and everyone handles something like this in their own way, but I think sometimes a broken nose and few swallowed teeth is just what the situation calls for.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:58 PM   #54 (permalink)
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If I'm bullying you and you fight back we're both suspended from school and a mark is put on our school record. Just for the sake of pragmatism, it makes sense to tackle the issue of bullying from the prevention side. I'm not saying you should stand there and take the beating, I'm saying steps can be taken before the first punch to prevent the whole situation.
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Old 02-15-2010, 03:24 PM   #55 (permalink)
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If I'm bullying you and you fight back we're both suspended from school and a mark is put on our school record. Just for the sake of pragmatism, it makes sense to tackle the issue of bullying from the prevention side. I'm not saying you should stand there and take the beating, I'm saying steps can be taken before the first punch to prevent the whole situation.
Oh absolutely, I'm thinking more along the line of chronic bullying. One of those scenario where the same kid has been picked on for ages and nobody seems to be doing anything about it. Defusing the one off situation by just walking away from it would be better in most cases.

On the other hand, there is something to be said about being assertive. If people see you as weak and unwilling to defend yourself the bullying itself may escalate because they see you as an easy target. Perhaps a kid standing up for himself the very first time (and taking an unfair punishment in the process) might save himself years of bullying. I guess the way you handle it really it depends in the situation at hand and the dynamics involved more then anything else.
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Old 02-16-2010, 11:01 AM   #56 (permalink)
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How to Stop a Bully Cold Damn Near Every Time | eHow.com

Then go join a MMA gym, come to think of it, I got the advice to agree with bullies from a MA teacher. He was a pretty cool dude. Wish I could have afforded his classes.
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Old 02-16-2010, 11:47 AM   #57 (permalink)
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When I was a kid I used biting wit and never backed down. Luckily I could bluff my way out of anything and never once got into a fight. The closest I came was two separate times, but the same thing happened, some punk tried to bully me, I verbally castrated them, they punched me in the face and I just smiled and verbally abused them some more (while moving forward). They never messed with me again. It was like middle school, so one punch didn't even draw blood, so no harm done.

Then in high school when fights got a lot more dangerous and I had to deal with gangs I got into martial arts and learned the "calm deadly stare" which hasn't failed me yet. I was even attacked once, I just stood there, easily blocked every blow effortlessly, was fucking ninja ;P

Not to paint a picture that it was all peaches and cream. I was still really afraid many times through high school that more than one person would seriously jump me. Once I got into martial arts I knew I could take two, maybe 3 if they were dumb, but not an entire group, especially if they pulled a weapon (there were race-gang fights going on.) One of my friends got badly beaten once by one of these gangs, totally at random. So I was bullied, just not directly, if that makes sense.

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Old 02-16-2010, 01:22 PM   #58 (permalink)
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maybe i'm older than most folks here then, because my highschool didn't have a zero tolerance policy. I also grew up in a really small podunk town of 3,000. I was bullied by alot of kids because of my height. After my freshman year of just dealing with it, the sophomore year got harder.....and a bit more physical. Taunting and name calling escalated to bumping, pushing, and alot of chest thumping antagonizing trying to provoke the first punch so the fist fight could occur. Well one day it did, and I guess that the jocks got a bit more than they were ready for. I wasn't some kick ass martial artist who ended up beating the basketball team, hell, I didn't even beat the guy that was starting it. But by throwing all caution to the wind and not caring that there were 2 teachers already in the gym, I let loose on him. It was enough to gain a bit of respect, in at least enough to stop the bullying. We didn't become best buds or anything, but I never had to deal with their bullying anymore. I learned then, that you stand up for yourself, no matter what and to hell with fighting fair. Most bullies only understand two things....fear and power.
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Old 02-17-2010, 04:21 PM   #59 (permalink)
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My family nicknamed me bone-rack as a kid so to say I was bullied would be an under statement!

I also went to 3 different public schools and 4 high schools because my mom kept buying new houses before she realized the issue was not the house but the husband and divorced my step father.

Each year meant new bullies being the new skinny kid. In grade nine I transferred to a hilly billy school out in the sticks when my mom went through a farm house crazy. It was scary. But I owe a lot to that hilly billy school. First day of classes in grade nine a kid behind me started flicking my ear and talking trash to me. He was way bigger than me, asking me questions, teasing me and generally being a bully.

I lost it and told him to stop, he said that he would kick my ass after school and everyone in class was cheering and carrying on. Realizing that no teachers would be around after school I decided I might as well fight then and just slugged him in the face. After wrestling and more punches we ended up in the principals office and friends for life!

I did learn a valuable lesson that day that helped with my next 3 high schools. If I stood up to the bully they usually stopped. All talk and no action, but just in case either learn to punch, take a punch or run like hell, all three preferably!

Too this day I realize that most people are more bark than bite, but I'd never fight anyone now unless I was attacked. I am too pretty for prison. Plus words hurt more than a fist can any day.

Now don't most schools have very strict rules for this stuff? I see the commercials on tv all the time. Here is a local one I see all the time.

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Old 02-19-2010, 04:27 PM   #60 (permalink)
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I wouldnt say I was ever bullied seriously really.

I did get called names sometimes, over my weight, and I reacted at times by laughing it off or just agreeing with whatever insult got thrown my way, and at time with violence or by gettin g upset.

I do remember at age 10 the head mistress of my school called me a "fat slob" in front of the whole school and I got teased quite a bit over it and used to get upset and hit people who called me it until I figured out he best way to stop it was just to shrug and smile and agree I was fat... but I wouldnt call it bullying. One time a group of kids started dancing round me in a circle chanting "fattie, fat slob" and I lost it and threw one of them into a wall and he had to go to hospital.... so that kid might now as a grown up look back and think of me as a bully, I dont know.

When I got to High School I remember on my second day (age 11) a 16 year old tried to take money off me and I hit him but he obviously overpowered me and wound up tying me by my necktie to a fence and hitting me, but he also never tried to take money off me again. I did grass him up and he got in trouble and I also called him a cunt to his face and told him he wouldnt have fuck all off me and he never picked on me again.

By age 14/15 I was 13 stone and I guess people didnt start on me because I was big.

_

Anyway, I guess the best way to deal with bullies is stand up to them. I know its easier said then done though.
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