Grey2000

So I've been going out for 3 months now with a girl who's beautiful, fun and intelligent. Yesterday she told me she wanted to 'take things slowly' - every time this has happened in the past its been not long after that a breakup has happened.

I'm thinking that perhaps this is on the cards again, and she's just finding a polite way to create the breathing room to end things.

I'm interested in what the ladies have to say - has 'taking it slowly' ever resulted in a good relationship, or is it just girl-code, one of the many things us dumbass guys don't really pick up on.

I'm not looking for an opinion on what it might mean in my particular case -for that you'd have to know too many intricacies of the relationship dynamic. Just interested in your experiences - guys too.

wooÐs

I've used that line as a prequel to lose a dude. But after my most recent relationship, I plan to use it, and actually mean it, the next time I meet someone. That's about all I can say.

World's King

I don't know. I'm not the type of guy to take things slow or be around people that do.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

CinnamonGirl

When I say I want to take things slowly, it means exactly that. If you want to get into subtext, I guess it means I want the benefits of a boyfriend (kissing, sex, someone to hang out with), without the official "I'm in a relationship," heavy-duty emotional stuff.

I don't think I've had that discussion three months in, though. hmmmm.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Plan9

"Let's take it slow." "Let's be friends first." Blah blah blah. Headgames'd! They're cookie cutter cushy verbal shortcuts to an escape.

Yeah, girls usually say that when they don't want to rush into sex. This is completely fine as long as they're up front about the relationship progressing to that point in the specified future instead of just using the cliche phrase to signal that you're not getting into her panties at any time period.

If you have any questions about cliche phrases and need clarification, request it. Call 'em out on their bullshit. You can't use a canned phrase and expect it to settle anything. Frankly, I'd feel like a total sellout if I was a girl and said that to a guy. That's just so lame. I would be ashamed of myself.

...

FWIW... I've never actually been with a girl that wanted to take it slow. I wouldn't know what it's like to see someone for a week without ending up with her diagonal on my didjeridoo. I've just heard stories from my friends... and the utterance of the phrase was indeed the kiss of death.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shauk

3 months + lets take it slowly = you're already dating a snail, jesus. I don't know if it's just my luck but seems like most girls I wind up with are trying to handcuff me to their beds in 3 dates or less.

Willravel

"Taking things slowly" for me means "I took my test and got my results back but you haven't and we're not having sex until you do."

Point being, it could have a lot of meanings and the best thing to do is to, respectfully, ask for clarification.

Plan9

I get the feeling that the "Test Talk" comes up within 3 or so "dates" for most people, or at least after the second major make out session when snagglepaws are rubbing crotches. Granted, I'm probably wrong, given the "surprise" pregnancy and the fact that people like shows like Maury.

Well-well, I know who I can expect to post a "bitch stole my kidney!" thread later.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

If she asks you to take things slowly, and you don't, then a breakup will likely ensue.

The emotions behind a relationship can be overwhelming. Especially for women. When you're asked to slow down, it's a great idea to focus on getting to know each other better - plan dates that are fun and engaging, that allow you to explore your interests in a public venue. Visiting museums, shopping, going to see an opera or a play, outdoor activities like hiking, kyaking or skiiing... There are plenty of ways to get to know a person, to test the ground and see if you're truly compatable without spending time in the bedroom.

A phrase that usually signals the end of a relationship? "I need space."

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Shauk

yeah I'm totally implementing a "I don't date girls with beds" rule.

Plan9

Perhaps this is another case of "I gave it some time and I've realized that I'm just not that into you." It happens. Sometimes it goes on for years.

... or handcuffs.

And how is that any different? It's all the same canned Spam, ma'am. It's a verbal symbol of discontent and a hidden agenda.

Tiresome are the ways that people "ease" into a breakup. The logic that you can let someone down easy with fluff is a real crock.

You wanna ditch me? Tell me you're thinking about it, enumerate the reasons, and make sure you have an itemized list of our collective stuff.

...

I concur with the rest of your statement wholeheartedly. Meeting at a bar and trading body fluids is not a way to start a relationship.

Couples that don't share hobbies, interests, or have a compatible out-'n-about personality are doomed in the long run.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

Three solid dates is about right for the non-Maury folk in my experience, yeah. I can't speak for the ladies that have Crungle fever, though. Or, um, alien zombified? I need to work on Plan 9 references, so I'll get back to you.