What the hell is wrong with me? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

donmaytee · 10-25-2009, 04:17 PM

Ok, i can't believe i'm saying this, my girlfriend is 17, i am 18, she is 24 weeks pregnant (Unplanned) but both happy, parents supporting, im working full time, i love her to bits, and she and this child means the world to me, i never want to loose her, would never cheat on her, never have, i've never kissed a girl ever,

Now before i say anything, during this pregnancy we arn't sexually active, it's very tough but i respect her wishes, also, please don't just have a go at me for getting her pregnant rah rah rah, because i get that in my day to day life...

Ok, to the point.. Like i said i would never cheat, EVER. But recently i find myself, discussing by text having sex with other people, talking about having sex with them etc, sometimes getting to the point where im saying hahaha, shall i come round?

BUT seriously, i never would go round, i don't even want sex with the people i talk to with this stuff, I just want my girlfriend forever full stop, but why am i doing this? Its so stupid, im so upset i've started doing it because i know my girlfriend would be heart broken

But like i said, id never follow up what we talk about, it's just a sort of joke to me, a laugh.. Is there something wrong with me? I want to tell her, but i feel it would break her heart. Maybe i should just never do it again, and never tell her? Or tell her when shes not pregnant??

I don't ever want to loose her, what am i doing..

LoganSnake · 10-25-2009, 04:24 PM

The short reply is that you're human. You will never stop entertaining the idea of having sex with other women. It's normal. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's one thing to fantasize and joke about it and it's another to act on it. Going by what you're saying, you're not going for it, so relax. Congrats on the baby.

donmaytee · 10-25-2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake

The short reply is that you're human. You will never stop entertaining the idea of having sex with other women. It's normal. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's one thing to fantasize and joke about it and it's another to act on it. Going by what you're saying, you're not going for it, so relax. Congrats on the baby.

My heart sank clicking on that, thinking somebody is gunna tell me how sick i am,
:O

But thank you so much, a complete breath of fresh air, i would NEVER act on it, she's my world man, soppy i know, but you know,

Thanks for the post, and thanks on the congrats

Ayashe · 10-25-2009, 04:39 PM

I will say that what you are experiencing is normal but your girl may feel hurt and may consider this cheating. This is something you will need to consider strongly. Perhaps instead of dealing with texting you should consider just looking at porn. It is less personal and she will likely feel much less offended and hurt by this.

Another thing I want you to consider is discussing sex with her. I teach obstetric education where I work and unless the physician specifically states no intercourse it is generally very much recommended to continue having sex throughout pregnancy. It not only can help make delivery easier but promotes the loving bond between parents which can be shaken up by the addition of the new child. If she is adamantly opposed to sex consider discussing non-penetrative alternatives.

donmaytee · 10-25-2009, 04:43 PM

Thank you, i'l stop the texting simple as that, and i've tryed talking about the alternatives, but she just finds it all too tiring,
On the subject though, should i tell her? Or should i just keep it quiet, and accept to myself i have done wrong,

Ayashe · 10-25-2009, 04:51 PM

Don't tell her. It will serve no good but to breed distrust in your relationship. Stop what you are doing now and walk away. Let her know though that you have been feeling some needs and want to share those with her and that you want to please her too.

donmaytee · 10-25-2009, 04:53 PM

Thank you so much

Means a lot to me.

cdwonderful · 10-25-2009, 05:15 PM

dude, you are 18. if you werent entertaining such thoughts you would be in trouble. but do not, repeat do not tell her, do not let her find out or even suspect. Make it your dark little secret, love her to death and be a good father. Have a good life, kiddo.

Manic_Skafe · 10-25-2009, 05:33 PM

What's the point of your relationship? Surely having a kid establishes that you'll be a part of each others lives for a long time to come but I suggest you put some thought toward whether or not you're really interested in a traditional long term sexually exclusive relationship.

I couldn't hack it and such expectations from one of my partners is a total deal breaker.

You're 18 and so no reasonable person would expect you to know what you want but I think you should be very careful before taking things any further and making them that much more complex.

GreyWolf · 10-25-2009, 06:48 PM

There is nothing wrong with you. What you are doing falls loosely into fantasy. Fantasies are free, and hurt no one, unless acted on. If, on the other hand, this becomes a full time obsession, to the exclusion of her, then you have a problem. I wouldn't tell her at this point.

The other thing, as noted here, is that you and she are VERY young. While I wish you all the best, and commend your intention to stay with your girlfriend and support her and your child and make a family life together, you face a very hard, tough road. It can be done, but it will take a lot of hard work, and a LOT of communication (which can be the hardest thing to do). Talk to her, tell her of your frustrations sexually certainly, but I really don't think any good is likely to come of telling her about your sex chats. Just make sure you keep talking.

BogeyDope · 10-25-2009, 10:05 PM

Nothing wrong with you, human nature.

Don't tell her. In fact, delete this post. Next time, make it anonymous.

As long as you don't do anything to affect your relationship [I assume she isn't into the idea of you doing this/having sex with others], it's all good.

Just my .02

---------- Post added at 11:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:04 PM ----------

Oh, and congrats. Any plans for the baby's name?

Willravel · 10-25-2009, 10:22 PM

She doesn't want to have sex? How about oral?

lulu_mq · 10-25-2009, 11:50 PM

first off, i agree with everyone's advice in here. You are young its hard to keep the different kind of emotions your having at bay. you arent sick, and there is nothing wrong with you. shit, im sure a few of us have done something along these lines before. the best thing that you can do is find a different approach to excitment, as in porn. maybe try to get your girlfriend involved

makes for a sexy and sometimes funny experience! enjoy being a father and enjoy life! *hugs*

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 12:59 AM

Thankyou for your comments everybody

I know it is going to be hard, of course we know that, but with both our families supporting us, we are going to make it every step of the way (Obviously it may get hard, it may not be a fairytale time) But trust me on this, the pregnancy in itself is hard enough.. !

However i know it is only an opinion, and i did ask for advise but i can't quite understand the common sense in Manic_Skafe's post

"What's the point of your relationship? Surely having a kid establishes that you'll be a part of each others lives for a long time to come but I suggest you put some thought toward whether or not you're really interested in a traditional long term sexually exclusive relationship.

I couldn't hack it and such expectations from one of my partners is a total deal breaker.

You're 18 and so no reasonable person would expect you to know what you want but I think you should be very careful before taking things any further and making them that much more complex."

I haven't anywhere said i don't want this child, and i don't want to be with the mother for the rest of my life, the 2 people i have text, on not quite so common occurrence, i don't really see in that way what so ever, to me, it's just like texting a person on a porn line, just for a quick laugh, (Haven't ever done this) id trust myself in a room with these 2 people even if i was drunk for that matter.

It's not a fantasy however, because if we were sexually active, i probably wouldn't be talking to these people anymore,

But on your post, id understand that if i had turned around and said, i don't want to be with her anyway. I want to be having sex with other people, because i DON'T.
I feel if i told her, i'd be upsetting her for no reason what so ever, because the text means nothing,

So i should maybe take everybodies advise, not tell her, and never fucking do it again, what's the point, to end up worrying again?

I wan't to keep my girlfriend thanks!

Love you all

x

---------- Post added at 12:59 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:55 AM ----------

Ahhh and babies name, that's a toughy :P We're quite undesisive, but we are thinking about it.. I think we both like Lily-Anne for a girl, Aiden for a boy, but i don't think Aiden is happening, because obviously mummy is most important and i think she is going off the name :P But i shall defo let you all know,

I can't wait

Manic_Skafe · 10-26-2009, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donmaytee

However i know it is only an opinion, and i did ask for advise but i can't quite understand the common sense in Manic_Skafe's post

I haven't anywhere said i don't want this child, and i don't want to be with the mother for the rest of my life, the 2 people i have text, on not quite so common occurrence, i don't really see in that way what so ever, to me, it's just like texting a person on a porn line, just for a quick laugh, (Haven't ever done this) id trust myself in a room with these 2 people even if i was drunk for that matter.

It's not a fantasy however, because if we were sexually active, i probably wouldn't be talking to these people anymore,

But on your post, id understand that if i had turned around and said, i don't want to be with her anyway. I want to be having sex with other people, because i DON'T.

I don't think my post had anything to do with common sense but I know for certain that I didn't write anything about you wanting out of your current relationship. My point is that what you're doing clearly violates the terms of your relationship and considering your age, you'd be wise to look before you leap.

I'm sure that your love for the mother and desire for the child are very real but that doesn't negate the fact that, whether for a laugh or not, some of your actions don't coincide with your desires.

I agree with everyone that there's no point in telling her about this and what you feel is totally natural but you probably already knew all that before creating this thread. This problem is an easy enough fix - failing to look at the root causes it what can easily land you here again.

Considering your age, the texts you've sent and the uncomfortable position you've been put in by her decision to stop the sex entirely, I suggest you be careful.

That's all. For whatever it's worth.

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 02:02 AM

So what your saying at the end is, at the end of the day, your 18, your in a relationship, havent had sex in about 7 months, so just be careful, because you (I) dont wanna fuck up?

Poppinjay · 10-26-2009, 11:15 AM

Name the baby Poppinjay.

The_Jazz · 10-26-2009, 11:36 AM

First, you're obviously a young, healthy heterosexual man. You're biologically geared to want to fuck everything in sight. That's just sort of the way it is right now for you. I'm roughly twice your age, and I still have spurts of that here and there (no pun intended). You are going to spend the rest of your life looking at girls, sometimes when that's ok and sometimes when it's not. There aren't many guys here that can honestly say that they don't look and think about the possibilities.

Now, you realize you're making a mistake about the texting. That's also obvious. There's really only one way to fix that problem, and that's to stop doing it. "Harmless flirting" means so many different things that you WILL eventually end up on the wrong side of the definition, so I recommend, along with everyone else here, keeping all your relationships with other women unreproachably platonic. The rule of thumb is to interact with them only while your girlfriend/SO is there, or, if she has to be absent, only say or do things that you would while she were in the room.

My last piece of advice is a bit different than other folks. One of the things that I've learned is that there are "good" lies and "bad" lies. Good ones are ones that would hurt her if she found out but have no bearing on your relationship, such as getting drunk and going to a strip club. In my mind, this qualifies as a good lie to tell, should it come up. Now, a bad lie is going to be more along the lines of getting drunk, going to a strip club and have your cock make an appearance anywhere save to take a leak.

Oh yeah:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppinjay

Name the baby Poppinjay.

Only if you want the kids to get beat up a lot.

Plan9 · 10-26-2009, 12:00 PM

So much for Casey v. Planned Parenthood.

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

First, you're obviously a young, healthy heterosexual man. You're biologically geared to want to fuck everything in sight. That's just sort of the way it is right now for you. I'm roughly twice your age, and I still have spurts of that here and there (no pun intended). You are going to spend the rest of your life looking at girls, sometimes when that's ok and sometimes when it's not. There aren't many guys here that can honestly say that they don't look and think about the possibilities.

Now, you realize you're making a mistake about the texting. That's also obvious. There's really only one way to fix that problem, and that's to stop doing it. "Harmless flirting" means so many different things that you WILL eventually end up on the wrong side of the definition, so I recommend, along with everyone else here, keeping all your relationships with other women unreproachably platonic. The rule of thumb is to interact with them only while your girlfriend/SO is there, or, if she has to be absent, only say or do things that you would while she were in the room.

My last piece of advice is a bit different than other folks. One of the things that I've learned is that there are "good" lies and "bad" lies. Good ones are ones that would hurt her if she found out but have no bearing on your relationship, such as getting drunk and going to a strip club. In my mind, this qualifies as a good lie to tell, should it come up. Now, a bad lie is going to be more along the lines of getting drunk, going to a strip club and have your cock make an appearance anywhere save to take a leak.

Oh yeah:

Only if you want the kids to get beat up a lot.

Thank you so much mate, i respect that post a lot. Just slightly confused on the good and bad lies, you class this as a good lie, are you saying i should not tell her if it came up? or i should xx

---------- Post added at 04:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:35 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

So much for Casey v. Planned Parenthood.

First it's planned parenthood vs casey,
And i really don't understand the relevance to this law and my post?!

The_Jazz · 10-26-2009, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donmaytee

Thank you so much mate, i respect that post a lot. Just slightly confused on the good and bad lies, you class this as a good lie, are you saying i should not tell her if it came up? or i should xx

I am not qualified to answer that question. I've given you the terms that I work with. If you think this falls under "needlessly upsetting her", then you have your answer. If you think it's more serious, then that's something different.

Do with it what you will.

Plan9 · 10-26-2009, 04:44 PM

Jazz,

Hey, thanks just spilling the beans on male operational secrets for desperate yuppie heterosexual relationships, bro.

Now that they know that there ARE lies involved, we're basically like an encircled General Custer: totally fucked.

Aholeface. What am I gonna do when she asks me if those jeans make her look fat? You just nixed my escape hatch.

...

Quote:

Originally Posted by donmaytee

First it's planned parenthood vs casey,
And i really don't understand the relevance to this law and my post?!

You'd get it backwards too if you were this drunk. But good save, bro.

And, yeah, throwing away your life for a kid at 18 is a sad fate for any man.

Either way, you're like the rest of us suckas: punching the clown for many moons.

You, more so than most, now that you've got the family unit albatross to bear.

...

My zen karate cop mentor once told me that the correct response to your wife elbowing your ribs when you check out another woman's ass in public is:

"Honey, I'm married... not dead. I'm going to look."

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

I am not qualified to answer that question. I've given you the terms that I work with. If you think this falls under "needlessly upsetting her", then you have your answer. If you think it's more serious, then that's something different.

Do with it what you will.

I just mean i don't understand, do you mean you personaly think i should tell her? Or i shouldn't?

---------- Post added at 04:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:45 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

Hey, thanks just spilling the beans on male operational secrets for desperate yuppie heterosexual relationships, Jazz.

Now that they know that there ARE lies involved, we're basically like an encircled General Custer: totally fucked.

Aholeface.

...

You'd get it backwards too if you were this drunk. But good save, bro.

But, yeah, throwing away your life for a kid at 18 is a sad fate for any man.

Either way, you're like the rest of us suckas: punching the clown for many moons.

Remember a pint of water before you sleep

The_Jazz · 10-26-2009, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

Hey, thanks just spilling the beans on male operational secrets for desperate yuppie heterosexual relationships, Jazz.

Now that they know that there ARE lies involved, we're basically like an encircled General Custer: totally fucked.

Aholeface.

There you go acting like you'll ever qualify for yuppie-hood, Plan9. These are tips for those working under a set of rules that differs from [grunt] [scratch smooth spot] Hey baby! [burp] Hey baby! [scratch smooth spot] Git me a anutter beer, willya! [smooth spot is itchy] [pick toes] Thanks, sweetcheeks! [administer smack on ass] [burp]

Tactically, I like to think of this as more of a Kutuzov strategy.

donmaytee, who the hell cares what I think. As Plan9 pointed out, I'm just some asshole on the internet. Who am I to tell you how to run your life? I don't know her, I BARELY know you, so I'm not qualified to make this judgement. You decide how big or not big this is. I never had to face the challenges that lay ahead of you, so I have no earthly idea what I'd do.

Except mock Plan9. That I would definitely do.

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

There you go acting like you'll ever qualify for yuppie-hood, Plan9. These are tips for those working under a set of rules that differs from [grunt] [scratch smooth spot] Hey baby! [burp] Hey baby! [scratch smooth spot] Git me a anutter beer, willya! [smooth spot is itchy] [pick toes] Thanks, sweetcheeks! [administer smack on ass] [burp]

donmaytee, who the hell cares what I think. As Plan9 pointed out, I'm just some asshole on the internet. Who am I to tell you how to run your life? I don't know her, I BARELY know you, so I'm not qualified to make this judgement. You decide how big or not big this is. I never had to face the challenges that lay ahead of you, so I have no earthly idea what I'd do.

Except mock Plan9. That I would definitely do.

I like you.. And your giving me advise, good advise.

The way i look at it, none of the texts meant nothing to be, but i am normaly honest about everything. If it comes up, i will tell her. But untill then, it meant nothing to me, it would get blown out of proportion, (even though i know i did do wrong) so it should be left quiet, she doesn't need to not trust me, if that makes sense?

---------- Post added at 04:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:56 PM ----------

And btw, the mocking's good

Plan9 · 10-26-2009, 04:56 PM

Stop quoting me before I edit my post 181 times. I get so confused.

Hey, Jazz... should I link lame ass "Mekanik" to this thread? I'm tempted.

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

Stop quoting me before I edit my post 181 times. I get so confused.

Hey, Jazz... should I link lame ass "Mekanik" to this thread? I'm tempted.

No offense mate, but i'm here for some advise, you don't seem to be contributing very well? Can't you take your can of fosters elsewhere?

Plan9 · 10-26-2009, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donmaytee

No offense mate, but i'm here for some advise, you don't seem to be contributing very well? Can't you take your can of fosters elsewhere?

I can't think of a rational human being that would choose to drink that particular beverage. Fosters is totally some right-nasty skunk beer.

...

I apologize for not being helpful but I believe your query was answered above, chief. You want my advice? Here's my advice:

The Obvious Rah-Rah-Rah:

You're 18. You haven't done anything with your life yet and you're already setting up one of those fragile Instant Family Kits (Just Add Unplanned Pregnancy!) I don't know what your job is, what your level of education is, your savings, your living situation, etc... but I do know your life just got a whole lot worse. A kid is gonna make it hard for you to pursue higher education (cost, time), make it hard for you to do things like get sauced at frat parties, go on nice vacations, buy a whimsical sports car, and all the other things that most of the 18-22 demographic engage in on a regular basis. You just hit the Fast Forward button on your life in a way that most people avoid like the plague for good reason. You just lost your youth, buddy.

Now:

You've decided to stay with this girl and this baby. That's commendable if not a little painfully myopic. Anyway, that basically means that unless your partner decides that you can go diddly-bop other ladies through an expressed verbal agreement where the explicit details are worked out far in advance, you're stuck with her until the (bitter side) inevitable divorce and child support or (happy side) retirement in Key West at 65.

You're 18 and wondering why you wanna do a horizontal dickplant on every decent looking lady? Well, it's probably the zillion CCs of "oh-yeah-gimmie-moar!" sex'm'n'now'm hormones in your young body. Hell, I'm as dumb as a sack of doorknobs and even I've got that fact down pat.

Newsflash: You're a friggin' teenager. You wanna fuck everything with a pulse. And I can't believe I just said that. Wait... is that a sign I'm getting old?

If you feel like your current activity is cheating or that you wouldn't be comfortable with your partner doing a similar activity, maybe you should stop the sex texting. The interactive fantasy might get you off, but if it involves someone in real life, it's bad juju. It creates little abscesses in your soul. I should know... I just got out of a relationship where my partner was doing that to me and, boy, I could see the abscesses from across the galaxy.

If I was you... I'd stop doing what I was doing and go back to Literotica.com or SuicideGirls.com or wherever you like to whack it and keep the fantasy in the fantasy world. That'll help keep your dick in your pants and your Reality Mind focused on that one special lady in your life: the mother of your kid.

donmaytee · 10-26-2009, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

I can't think of a rational human being that would choose to drink that particular beverage. Fosters is totally some right-nasty skunk beer.

...

You want advice? Here's my advice:

You're 18. You haven't done anything with your life yet and you're settling into one of those Instant Family Kits (Just Add Unplanned Pregnancy!) I don't know what your job is, what your level of education is, your savings, your living situation, etc... but I do know your life just got a whole lot worse.

You've decided to stay with this girl and this baby. That's commendable if not a little painfully myopic. Anyway, that basically means that unless your partner decides that you can go diddly-bop other ladies through an expressed verbal agreement where the explicit details are worked out far in advance, you're stuck with her until the (bitter side) inevitable divorce and child support or (happy side) retirement in Key West.

You're 18 and wondering why you wanna do a horizontal dickplant on every decent looking lady? Well, it's probably the zillion CCs of "oh-yeah-gimmie-moar!" sex'm hormones in your young body. I'm not a genius and I've got that fact down pat.

Newsflash: You're a teenager. You wanna fuck everything with a pulse. And I can't believe I just said that.

If you feel like your current activity is cheating or that you wouldn't be comfortable with your partner doing a similar activity, maybe you should stop the sex texting. The interactive fantasy might get you off, but if it involves someone in real life, it's bad juju.

If I was you... I'd stop doing what I was doing and go back to Literotica.com or SuicideGirls.com or wherever you like to whack it and keep the fantasy in the fantasy world.

Fair post, all except one important thing... It's not a fantasy.

Ayashe · 10-26-2009, 05:21 PM

I want to put this out here for you donmaytee, I have been somewhat in your position. (Too long to get into any serious detail)

There were a few of critical differences however.

1) His text conversations with the other person actually were deeper than just some random 900-number type deal
2) He truly had no desire to let her go
3) The female my ex became involved with was totally psycho

Regardless of the situation I can still come out of it and say that were I in your shoes I would not disclose this. I can tell you that I felt irreparably hurt and it ruined the relationship. You have stated this was essentially meaningless conversation which changes this completely. You know that it would hurt her. If you tell her, I can be nearly certain that she will never have the same level of trust as she had before. If you felt these text-sessions were something you couldn't afford in your life to end my response would be to tell her and expect an end to your relationship. With all of this taken into account I had some difficulty with admitting that ending and not disclosing the situation was the best choice. Weighing in how I felt when this happened to me, I honestly do feel it is the best option. You of course have to make the decision that feels best for you.

Plan9 · 10-26-2009, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donmaytee

Fair post, all except one important thing... It's not a fantasy.

Pretty sure unless Tab A is in Slot B, it's fantasy. Sex texting = not fantasy? Care to explain? Use small words. I'm slow here.

My definition of fantasy here is any kind of self-gratification where I touch my smoothspot looking at visual medium erotic materials.

It's total fantasy because I'm not actually touching the X I'm looking at, I don't know the X I'm looking at, etc.

hawker rider · 10-27-2009, 07:12 AM

So I'll be the devils advocate in here.

You're 18 years old, have a steady girlfriend that you decided to spend the rest of your life with, and you have to resort to sexual texting ALREADY?

You have the real thing at home, something is missing in this relationship and you know it, and in my opinion, you need to do something about it. Fix the problem at the core and find out why she is shutting you off from the bedroom dance.

If it's already texting now...18 and engaged, it will end up in more and you'll end up being another statistic on the divorce train.

Lasereth · 10-27-2009, 07:37 AM

Why aren't you having sex with your GF?

ASU2003 · 10-27-2009, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lasereth

Why aren't you having sex with your GF?

Are there any romantic gestures from her? Cuddling? Showering together? Oral? Masturbation? Morning sex if she is too tired at night?

Is she worried about her body image or that you wouldn't like her now? Does she have too much work to do and is too busy? Is she too worried about the future (and blaming you is an easy answer)?

What else is going on?

Plan9 · 10-27-2009, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hawker rider

another statistic on the divorce train.

All aboard, y'all.

donmaytee · 10-28-2009, 01:19 AM

Ok, i see a lot of you haven't had a pregnant girlfriend/wife..

It goes one way, there libido either increases and they get crazy for more sex.. (Unfortunately my girlfriend hasn't done this)

Or they go completely opposite, find sex too tiring/masturbation, and it's not uncommon, for girls that are pregnant to go off sex/masturbation completely as a lot of them have the problem of there body feeling horny at all,

So there is no problem there, obviously when the child is born. We wont be having sex that much, but once a month doesn't bother me, i just have stages when it does get to me and i don't want to take it out on her,

---------- Post added at 01:19 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:16 AM ----------

Put it this way, she is on a young mum's course, where everybody there is pregnant and under 19, there is about 20 of them i think, and only one of them are still having sex. And that's once a month, because the boy has told her she has to have sex with him once a month, that's the deal....

There is no problem, it's not about the way she look's... We still talk about sex when the baby's born.. Won't go in to details, but there's no problem!

PonyPotato · 10-28-2009, 04:58 AM

So, tell me why you aren't "sexting" your girlfriend instead of these other girls?

You never know, it might spark some interest. Even if it's just talking about sex-after-baby, it's worth it just to try.

And yes, stop the sexting other people thing.

donmaytee · 10-28-2009, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PonyPotato

So, tell me why you aren't "sexting" your girlfriend instead of these other girls?

You never know, it might spark some interest. Even if it's just talking about sex-after-baby, it's worth it just to try.

And yes, stop the sexting other people thing.

Stopped it all

And yep, good idea i'll give it a go!!! Cheers mate,

Even deleted there numbers tbh!

Plan9 · 10-28-2009, 06:22 AM

Gnarly. Did it really solve anything or will you be back at it tomorrow?

You can treat the symptoms all you want while you ignore the disease.

I'm a subject matter expert regarding that personal life circle-jerk.

Plan9 · 10-28-2009, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donmaytee

Your a pessimistic twat.

Maybe, but it's irrelevant to this thread. I was attempting to relay additional insights.

My hope is that you addressed your needs instead of the symptoms of you sex texting.

I get the feeling they were taken far too personally to be of use. Oh well. Good luck.

10-25-2009, 04:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	What the hell is wrong with me? Ok, i can't believe i'm saying this, my girlfriend is 17, i am 18, she is 24 weeks pregnant (Unplanned) but both happy, parents supporting, im working full time, i love her to bits, and she and this child means the world to me, i never want to loose her, would never cheat on her, never have, i've never kissed a girl ever, Now before i say anything, during this pregnancy we arn't sexually active, it's very tough but i respect her wishes, also, please don't just have a go at me for getting her pregnant rah rah rah, because i get that in my day to day life... Ok, to the point.. Like i said i would never cheat, EVER. But recently i find myself, discussing by text having sex with other people, talking about having sex with them etc, sometimes getting to the point where im saying hahaha, shall i come round? BUT seriously, i never would go round, i don't even want sex with the people i talk to with this stuff, I just want my girlfriend forever full stop, but why am i doing this? Its so stupid, im so upset i've started doing it because i know my girlfriend would be heart broken But like i said, id never follow up what we talk about, it's just a sort of joke to me, a laugh.. Is there something wrong with me? I want to tell her, but i feel it would break her heart. Maybe i should just never do it again, and never tell her? Or tell her when shes not pregnant?? I don't ever want to loose her, what am i doing..

10-25-2009, 04:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
LoganSnake We work alone Location: Cake Town	The short reply is that you're human. You will never stop entertaining the idea of having sex with other women. It's normal. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's one thing to fantasize and joke about it and it's another to act on it. Going by what you're saying, you're not going for it, so relax. Congrats on the baby. __________________ Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

10-25-2009, 04:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ayashe Psycho	I will say that what you are experiencing is normal but your girl may feel hurt and may consider this cheating. This is something you will need to consider strongly. Perhaps instead of dealing with texting you should consider just looking at porn. It is less personal and she will likely feel much less offended and hurt by this. Another thing I want you to consider is discussing sex with her. I teach obstetric education where I work and unless the physician specifically states no intercourse it is generally very much recommended to continue having sex throughout pregnancy. It not only can help make delivery easier but promotes the loving bond between parents which can be shaken up by the addition of the new child. If she is adamantly opposed to sex consider discussing non-penetrative alternatives. __________________ I am only a little spoon in a huge world of soup.

10-25-2009, 04:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	Thank you, i'l stop the texting simple as that, and i've tryed talking about the alternatives, but she just finds it all too tiring, On the subject though, should i tell her? Or should i just keep it quiet, and accept to myself i have done wrong, Last edited by donmaytee; 10-25-2009 at 04:50 PM..

10-25-2009, 04:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
Ayashe Psycho	Don't tell her. It will serve no good but to breed distrust in your relationship. Stop what you are doing now and walk away. Let her know though that you have been feeling some needs and want to share those with her and that you want to please her too. __________________ I am only a little spoon in a huge world of soup.

10-25-2009, 04:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	Thank you so much Means a lot to me. __________________ 'Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.' - Groucho Marx

10-25-2009, 05:15 PM	#8 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	dude, you are 18. if you werent entertaining such thoughts you would be in trouble. but do not, repeat do not tell her, do not let her find out or even suspect. Make it your dark little secret, love her to death and be a good father. Have a good life, kiddo. __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....

10-25-2009, 05:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	What's the point of your relationship? Surely having a kid establishes that you'll be a part of each others lives for a long time to come but I suggest you put some thought toward whether or not you're really interested in a traditional long term sexually exclusive relationship. I couldn't hack it and such expectations from one of my partners is a total deal breaker. You're 18 and so no reasonable person would expect you to know what you want but I think you should be very careful before taking things any further and making them that much more complex. __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

10-25-2009, 06:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
GreyWolf Sober Location: Eastern Canada	There is nothing wrong with you. What you are doing falls loosely into fantasy. Fantasies are free, and hurt no one, unless acted on. If, on the other hand, this becomes a full time obsession, to the exclusion of her, then you have a problem. I wouldn't tell her at this point. The other thing, as noted here, is that you and she are VERY young. While I wish you all the best, and commend your intention to stay with your girlfriend and support her and your child and make a family life together, you face a very hard, tough road. It can be done, but it will take a lot of hard work, and a LOT of communication (which can be the hardest thing to do). Talk to her, tell her of your frustrations sexually certainly, but I really don't think any good is likely to come of telling her about your sex chats. Just make sure you keep talking. __________________ *The secret to great marksmanship is deciding what the target was AFTER you've shot.*

10-25-2009, 10:05 PM	#11 (permalink)
BogeyDope Crazy	Nothing wrong with you, human nature. Don't tell her. In fact, delete this post. Next time, make it anonymous. As long as you don't do anything to affect your relationship [I assume she isn't into the idea of you doing this/having sex with others], it's all good. Just my .02 ---------- Post added at 11:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:04 PM ---------- Oh, and congrats. Any plans for the baby's name? __________________ Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.

10-25-2009, 10:22 PM	#12 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	She doesn't want to have sex? How about oral?

10-25-2009, 11:50 PM	#13 (permalink)
lulu_mq Tilted Location: spokane WA	first off, i agree with everyone's advice in here. You are young its hard to keep the different kind of emotions your having at bay. you arent sick, and there is nothing wrong with you. shit, im sure a few of us have done something along these lines before. the best thing that you can do is find a different approach to excitment, as in porn. maybe try to get your girlfriend involved makes for a sexy and sometimes funny experience! enjoy being a father and enjoy life! hugs __________________ What kind of bee's make milk?! ..............BOOBEES!!! Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away. -- Elbert Hubbard

10-26-2009, 12:59 AM	#14 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	Thankyou for your comments everybody I know it is going to be hard, of course we know that, but with both our families supporting us, we are going to make it every step of the way (Obviously it may get hard, it may not be a fairytale time) But trust me on this, the pregnancy in itself is hard enough.. ! However i know it is only an opinion, and i did ask for advise but i can't quite understand the common sense in Manic_Skafe's post "What's the point of your relationship? Surely having a kid establishes that you'll be a part of each others lives for a long time to come but I suggest you put some thought toward whether or not you're really interested in a traditional long term sexually exclusive relationship. I couldn't hack it and such expectations from one of my partners is a total deal breaker. You're 18 and so no reasonable person would expect you to know what you want but I think you should be very careful before taking things any further and making them that much more complex." I haven't anywhere said i don't want this child, and i don't want to be with the mother for the rest of my life, the 2 people i have text, on not quite so common occurrence, i don't really see in that way what so ever, to me, it's just like texting a person on a porn line, just for a quick laugh, (Haven't ever done this) id trust myself in a room with these 2 people even if i was drunk for that matter. It's not a fantasy however, because if we were sexually active, i probably wouldn't be talking to these people anymore, But on your post, id understand that if i had turned around and said, i don't want to be with her anyway. I want to be having sex with other people, because i DON'T. I feel if i told her, i'd be upsetting her for no reason what so ever, because the text means nothing, So i should maybe take everybodies advise, not tell her, and never fucking do it again, what's the point, to end up worrying again? I wan't to keep my girlfriend thanks! Love you all x ---------- Post added at 12:59 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:55 AM ---------- Ahhh and babies name, that's a toughy :P We're quite undesisive, but we are thinking about it.. I think we both like Lily-Anne for a girl, Aiden for a boy, but i don't think Aiden is happening, because obviously mummy is most important and i think she is going off the name :P But i shall defo let you all know, I can't wait __________________ 'Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.' - Groucho Marx

10-26-2009, 02:02 AM	#16 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	So what your saying at the end is, at the end of the day, your 18, your in a relationship, havent had sex in about 7 months, so just be careful, because you (I) dont wanna fuck up? __________________ 'Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.' - Groucho Marx

10-26-2009, 11:15 AM	#17 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	Name the baby Poppinjay. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

10-26-2009, 12:00 PM	#19 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	So much for Casey v. Planned Parenthood. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-26-2009, 04:56 PM	#26 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Stop quoting me before I edit my post 181 times. I get so confused. Hey, Jazz... should I link lame ass "Mekanik" to this thread? I'm tempted. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 10-26-2009 at 05:02 PM..

10-26-2009, 05:21 PM	#30 (permalink)
Ayashe Psycho	I want to put this out here for you donmaytee, I have been somewhat in your position. (Too long to get into any serious detail) There were a few of critical differences however. 1) His text conversations with the other person actually were deeper than just some random 900-number type deal 2) He truly had no desire to let her go 3) The female my ex became involved with was totally psycho Regardless of the situation I can still come out of it and say that were I in your shoes I would not disclose this. I can tell you that I felt irreparably hurt and it ruined the relationship. You have stated this was essentially meaningless conversation which changes this completely. You know that it would hurt her. If you tell her, I can be nearly certain that she will never have the same level of trust as she had before. If you felt these text-sessions were something you couldn't afford in your life to end my response would be to tell her and expect an end to your relationship. With all of this taken into account I had some difficulty with admitting that ending and not disclosing the situation was the best choice. Weighing in how I felt when this happened to me, I honestly do feel it is the best option. You of course have to make the decision that feels best for you. __________________ I am only a little spoon in a huge world of soup.

10-27-2009, 07:12 AM	#32 (permalink)
hawker rider Upright Location: Florida and all over the world	So I'll be the devils advocate in here. You're 18 years old, have a steady girlfriend that you decided to spend the rest of your life with, and you have to resort to sexual texting ALREADY? You have the real thing at home, something is missing in this relationship and you know it, and in my opinion, you need to do something about it. Fix the problem at the core and find out why she is shutting you off from the bedroom dance. If it's already texting now...18 and engaged, it will end up in more and you'll end up being another statistic on the divorce train.

10-27-2009, 07:37 AM	#33 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	Why aren't you having sex with your GF? __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

10-28-2009, 01:19 AM	#36 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	Ok, i see a lot of you haven't had a pregnant girlfriend/wife.. It goes one way, there libido either increases and they get crazy for more sex.. (Unfortunately my girlfriend hasn't done this) Or they go completely opposite, find sex too tiring/masturbation, and it's not uncommon, for girls that are pregnant to go off sex/masturbation completely as a lot of them have the problem of there body feeling horny at all, So there is no problem there, obviously when the child is born. We wont be having sex that much, but once a month doesn't bother me, i just have stages when it does get to me and i don't want to take it out on her, ---------- Post added at 01:19 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:16 AM ---------- Put it this way, she is on a young mum's course, where everybody there is pregnant and under 19, there is about 20 of them i think, and only one of them are still having sex. And that's once a month, because the boy has told her she has to have sex with him once a month, that's the deal.... There is no problem, it's not about the way she look's... We still talk about sex when the baby's born.. Won't go in to details, but there's no problem! __________________ 'Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.' - Groucho Marx

10-28-2009, 04:58 AM	#37 (permalink)
PonyPotato Soaring Location: Ohio!	So, tell me why you aren't "sexting" your girlfriend instead of these other girls? You never know, it might spark some interest. Even if it's just talking about sex-after-baby, it's worth it just to try. And yes, stop the sexting other people thing. __________________ "Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark." — Henri-Frédéric Amiel

10-28-2009, 06:22 AM	#39 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Gnarly. Did it really solve anything or will you be back at it tomorrow? You can treat the symptoms all you want while you ignore the disease. I'm a subject matter expert regarding that personal life circle-jerk. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 10-28-2009 at 06:30 AM..