Lubeboy

I was bored recently and decided to see how my old ex-gfs from years were doing. Maybe it's just me but none of them have gone onto anything worthwhile. Most of them are with deadbeat loser BFs/Husbands. They haven't haven't done much since. They all had a lot of potential too. Is this usually the case for a lot of people? I don't want to sound like I'm better than them, but maybe breaking up with them was a good thing.

robot_parade

Maybe breaking up with you crushed their spirits? Just a thought.

Cynthetiq

I dunno, maybe they are looking at you thinking the exact same thing.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Xerxys

^^ I thought the exact same thing.

Except anyone looking at me will ALWAYS think "Damn, he's going places." Now to project my awesomeness outwards.

Daniel_

Clearly you ruined them for other men.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Strange Famous

Probably because when youre with someone you have an inflated view ofall their qualities and ignore most their faults. Then when youre not together you see them as they are. Thats always happened for me anyway, and probably for people who have been with me too.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Manic_Skafe

A limited perspective begets a limited perception.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

little_tippler

umm I don't know about all my exes but a couple do seem to have gone on to relationships that appear to be the opposite of all the things they would use to nag me about not being. I don't know if it's my limited perception but I do feel that many men say they want certain things but then end up not having the balls to actually pursue them. I find it mildly amusing.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Lubeboy

Interesting. I guess my perception is limited. Funny seeing once goal oriented people lose their way. Is that what's called settling?

highthief

If they had stayed with you would they have "settled"? Or would this have fulfilled their "goals"?

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Si vis pacem parabellum.

CinnamonGirl

There are three men in my life that I would count as really, really meaning something to me.


One is happily married, and seems to be doing everything he wants to be doing. I think that's awesome, and I wish him all the best.

One seems to be struggling... I feel a little bad about it, because I loved him at one point... but I know he brings on some of the trouble himself.

The last one...well... if he does well, fine. I don't wish him harm, but at the same time, I really don't give a shit what he's doing with his life.



From the other end, though... maybe they're glad they aren't with me anymore. I haven't done anything spectacular with my life... maybe they're thinking, "wow, glad I didn't end up with her!" *shrug* It all works out in the end, I guess.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Psycho Dad

You were bored enough that you looked into the present day lives of your old girlfriends so that you could judge how well they were going and you determined they aren't doing anything worthwhile?

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

Lubeboy

I would have been supportive and help motivate them to achieve their goals. I don't like dating women who aren't driven or have any goals in life besides getting married and having babies.

You never had a reminiscing moment before? Like what are they doing now?

Bear Cub

They all realized that life without Bear Cub has no meaning. I'm surprised there haven't been any suicides yet.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Psycho Dad

None that I recall that were efforts to make myself feel smug. And that is the tone that I think some (myself included) got from your OP.

I have one old girlfriend that I've sen about town once or thrice and felt that I've been more fortunate than she has. However it would be foolish to try to assume that her life would have been better had she still been with me.

__________________
Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

allaboutmusic

I'd hope that most of the girls I've dated have gone on to lead fulfilling, happy lives completely independent of how we dated or ended our dating. Those that I'm still in contact with seem to be doing well, in fact many are married very happily which I think is awesome.

ratbastid

I have an ex (My single most brutal break-up, actually. I was deeply uncool with this girl. I've cleaned that up with her since then.) who passed the Foreign Service Exam with flying colors but didn't get accepted because of a borderline asthma diagnosis that she didn't even know about. She ended up working as a White House intern in the Clinton administration. YES, she knew Monica, YES she knew what was going on between them, and YES, she knew about it before Bill's re-election campaign started.

Strange Famous

of my serious exes (who I am sill in touch with) - by which I mean people I actually was with rather than people I went on a date with once

1 is a primary school teacher, married (to a kid I went to school with)
1 is a admin officer in a housing association, single but has a kid from a prior relationship
1 is a solicitor, is unmarried but has a long term boyfriend
1 works for a recruitment firm, is single - has been trying to supplement her income by buying properties the last few years, currently owns 3 places, 1 of which she lives in
1 is a mature student at a local university, has a boyfriend, two kids from a prior relationship
1 works in a bar, single, no kids

my current girlfriend has no kids and isnt married (obv) and is just about to start a new job as an account manager.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

highthief

Then obviously you would not have helped them achieve their "goals" nor would you have been supportive presuming their goals were to have children and get married.

Having said that, I think it's already been stated that you are presuming a lot. Maybe their goals were to have a family. Nothing wrong with that, the majority of women in the world share that goal on one level or another.

Having said that, for all you know, they're writing novels in their spare time, studying, planning a business, a move abroad, earning black belts in Tae Kwon Do, etc. Their lives aren't over because they got married and had a kid or two. Some people don't find "success" in the manner you seem to be describing until later in life.

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Si vis pacem parabellum.

Lubeboy

Wow that's real male chauvinist old thinking of you

So you're saying most women just want to get married and have kids? They can't chase their dreams until after they do so? Right... You're presuming a lot as well. My exes don't have kids (thankfully). They're working dead-end jobs supplying money for their druggie loser boyfriends and their own addictions. I doubt they have time to write novels, travel abroad, or earn black belts in tae kwon do.

highthief

If the majority of women did not want to have kids, the world population would be dropping like a stone.

As I stated, the majority of women want this "on one level or another". It may or may not be their ultimate or only goal but it is quite obviously a goal shared by a few billion women worldwide. Please tell me it's not become so PC that one cannot state such a blindlingly obvious fact without getting grief for it.

Wonderful women who have married and had kids: my mother, presumably your mother, my wife, my ex-wife, my mother-in-law, my favourite aunt, both my grandmothers, a fair number of friends, etc.

Some of them had or have careers (like Mrs. Highthief 2.0), some are stay at home Moms (Mrs. Highthief 1.0), some have adopted lives in between. Whatever any of them choose, I try not to belittle their choices. I suppose it is your right to do so to your exes, but you know, if you do it in a public fashion, expect to find a few people who think it is your behaviour which is questionable as opposed to theirs.

Tirrah!

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Si vis pacem parabellum.

Cynthetiq

I don't think that it's chauvanistic. I know many women who went to college thinking they wanted to be doing great, worldly, lofty, goals, only to realize when they got married, they'd rather stay home and raise a family.

but, back to your OP, what are you doing that makes you so much "better" than them? Raise that first million? Cure cancer?

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

stevie667

my last ex seems to be doing ok for herself from what i can gather, still waiting to see her name come up in movie credits, though i imagine it won't be too long. If i can win the VC between now and then i can really rub it in at a premiere.

As for her current man, i really hope he has a strong enough personality to manage the whole bunch of crazy she is. It's like selling a house, you put years of work to fix the place up and make it relativly normal from the heap it was before, sell up and someone comes and enjoys the benefits. All you can do is wonder when they will come accropa on the faulty wiring you never got around to changing.

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SSJTWIZTA

its because you've broken and shattered all of their dreams, ambition, and hopes.


...now go feel like shit. you terrible, terrible person.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Lubeboy

I don't think we have to worry about the world population dropping, it's already overpopulated as it is. Men have created this idea that women are meant to stay at home and raise families and a lot of women give into it. It's holding women back from their potentials and what they really want to do. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

They may be wonderful women for raising their families, but I'm sure if you asked them if they could have opportunity to chase their passions but can't due to "duties", 100% would say they would do it. You're ignoring the fact that my exes are dating loser druggies. You really think they'll get far being with them eventually starting a family? Doubtful.

I'm having fun, doing what I want to do, bettering myself, chasing my dreams. I'm not settling because society says I should. Women shouldn't have to either.

Plan9

Lubeboy, you totally sound like you're masturbating the old ego in this thread. I get where you're going, though. You break up and they "go to shit."

...

Hell, you don't have to be in a relationship to go through life without doing anything worthwhile. The most cost effective existence is the solo never-the-leave-apartment one! Sweatpants, Playstation, and Top Ramen - GO! No need to worry about personal hygiene products, condoms, or superfluous expenses like gym memberships, clothing with buttons, or gas money to get to The Scene.

'Sides, people are what they are based on what they do, not who they're with at the time. Or that's how its supposed to work.

Using another person to define yourself is stupid. Reminds me of that "Irreplaceable" song. We're all disposable soul mates. I should totally start a thread about this, acutally... make for some interesting discussion about how special we all are in our relationships.

Mediocrity: Hell, I look at my exwife. One of my buddies down south saw her recently... turns out she's married again (that was quick), pregnant (oops!) and looks like a George Romero monster (brains!). I'm so glad I took that trash to the curb before I ended up with a trainwreck in bed next to me.

...

My question: You can get a feel for how ambitious someone is in life while being with them. Why would you settle for someone who's okay with sweatpants and antidepressants? You wanna grab life by the balls and atom smash your way around? You do it for yourself, not for anybody else.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

vanblah

I could say the exact opposite about most of my ex-girlfriends. They all seem to be successful in life and relationships as far as I know. You have to think about what qualities in a partner they are attracted to. What, in you, did they find attractive? Why did the relationships fail? Was it because you weren't what they wanted (and vice versa?).

Possibly the reason they broke up with you (or you with them) is that they are attracted to deadbeat losers (ie. guys they could fix maybe? or guys that they could use as an excuse for their own behavior?) ...

Crack

This one is totally me isn't it?

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Halx

I wish all my exes success. As long as I'm more successful.

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[Don't Feed The Animals]

Giant Hamburger

All of my exes are flash frozen and stored deep in an abandoned missile silo
so that I can harvest their organs in times of need/boredom.

Plan9

You mean meatloaf.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Giant Hamburger

My ex-meatloaves go to their next station in life through my alimentary canal.
For all I know they could be with deadbeat loser BFs/Husbands.

UnclearContent

One works for the fire department as an arson investigator.

Another one is an undergraduate student going for criminal justice.

One recently graduated with a degree in psychology and is marrying a boy who just got his masters in engineering.

Two are biology graduate students, one of which may go to medical school.

My girlfriend is an undergraduate fulfilling pre-requisites for pharmacy school.

I like-a de smart'uns.

genuinegirly

I don't make it a point to keep tabs on the exes. I'd rather not know how happy they are without me.

I like that one - good competitive spirit about it. You'd better get moving or some of them might just pass you up.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

CinnamonGirl

uhhhh...no.


Reminds me of that Josie song-- "I wish you well...I wish you love...I wish myself all of the above."

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Crack

Well, since I am not happily (or unhappily) married, I guess that makes me the hopeless buffoon who is the romantic equivalent of Mr Bean and a drunken laser printer.

Unless I didn't make your list at all!?!

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Plan9

Huh? There has to be a story that goes with this gem.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

cyklone

I've re-met some of my exes and thought the same, but I also realise that I have an interest in seeing them in that way and that as I no longer have any ideas about how their priorities have evolved, I can hardly make any reasonable judgement. For example, if they were a slim ambitious chick when I left them and they are now a dumpy housewife with two kids who can say they are better or worse?

Giant Hamburger

All my .exes go on the C drive.
I keep my log and database files on a separate disk.

Plan9

Aaah, dreams and memories.

copy con Remember.bat
c:
cd\exes\goodtimes
copy *.* d:\reams
copy *.* m:\emories
cd..
cd..
alt-F6

...

"I can't remember to forget you."

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."