Can someone love you again? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

evilmatt · 03-12-2010, 11:50 PM

Hi, my name is Evilmatt and I too am a confessed snooper.

I have another thread covering the breakdown of my first (and only other) marriage so I won't bore anyone with the details but I discovered the fledgling relationship between my wife and best friend through snooping. In hindsight I feel bad that I had to resort to such a low tactic but in all honesty I was being jerked around, deserved the truth and wouldn't have discovered it if I hadn't snooped. In some ways I was worse off for knowing the extent of how the two of them had been conspiring to be together but then again this involved my (at the time) best friend whom I had been confiding in and was being betrayed by so I think it was justified.

Your situation, while 10x worse than what I was going through, still struck home for me. Being told one thing while knowing another when it comes to the person you love is by far the worst feeling in the world. The cold stone that lives in your belly every time you think about confronting them, then tightening of your chest every time you discover some awful new truth... it was unbearable and I'm shocked I made it through sane. At the end of the day I can say with all honesty that no husband, or wife, should have to snoop on their mate. I can also say no husband, or wife, should be doing anything that would cause an otherwise unsuspecting mate to want to snoop. If you're being honest with your spouse, and you know what I mean by honest, then there can be no "misunderstandings" about that email you sent, conversation you had, etc.

Just be good to one another, everyone. If you're married and promised to be true to your spouse then c'mon, honor those vows or step up to the plate and admit you're out. Yanking someone around by the heartstrings only ruins their ability to trust, potentially for life, and turns you into something awful.

At least that's my take on it.

LAW2 · 03-15-2010, 10:38 AM

evilmatt,

I read your other post. Somewhat eerie how similiar the basics of our stituations were. I think we experienced a lot of the same feelings, surprise, hope, denial, anger, forgiveness, etc. It's not easy but I know it's for the best and like you said it prepared you for something better. It's good to know that time "can" heal all wounds if proper care is given.

Congratulations on your second marriage and your family and thanks for sharing.

03-12-2010, 11:50 PM	#41 (permalink)
evilmatt Upright Location: Suburbia	Wow, this place again. Hi, my name is Evilmatt and I too am a confessed snooper. I have another thread covering the breakdown of my first (and only other) marriage so I won't bore anyone with the details but I discovered the fledgling relationship between my wife and best friend through snooping. In hindsight I feel bad that I had to resort to such a low tactic but in all honesty I was being jerked around, deserved the truth and wouldn't have discovered it if I hadn't snooped. In some ways I was worse off for knowing the extent of how the two of them had been conspiring to be together but then again this involved my (at the time) best friend whom I had been confiding in and was being betrayed by so I think it was justified. Your situation, while 10x worse than what I was going through, still struck home for me. Being told one thing while knowing another when it comes to the person you love is by far the worst feeling in the world. The cold stone that lives in your belly every time you think about confronting them, then tightening of your chest every time you discover some awful new truth... it was unbearable and I'm shocked I made it through sane. At the end of the day I can say with all honesty that no husband, or wife, should have to snoop on their mate. I can also say no husband, or wife, should be doing anything that would cause an otherwise unsuspecting mate to want to snoop. If you're being honest with your spouse, and you know what I mean by honest, then there can be no "misunderstandings" about that email you sent, conversation you had, etc. Just be good to one another, everyone. If you're married and promised to be true to your spouse then c'mon, honor those vows or step up to the plate and admit you're out. Yanking someone around by the heartstrings only ruins their ability to trust, potentially for life, and turns you into something awful. At least that's my take on it.

03-15-2010, 10:38 AM	#42 (permalink)
LAW2 Upright Location: Florida	evilmatt, I read your other post. Somewhat eerie how similiar the basics of our stituations were. I think we experienced a lot of the same feelings, surprise, hope, denial, anger, forgiveness, etc. It's not easy but I know it's for the best and like you said it prepared you for something better. It's good to know that time "can" heal all wounds if proper care is given. Congratulations on your second marriage and your family and thanks for sharing.