I dunno what to do (as usual) - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ametc · 04-09-2009, 05:08 AM

I have so many things happening around me right now. Let's get to those first:

1. My boyfriend is going to move to Yuma at the end of next month. He was cheated on before by someone he had a long distance relationship with and so he doesn't want to stay with me if I'm not going to move with him.
2. I'm jobless and BROKE. I'm mooching off my family.
3. I need to go back to school and train in a pharmacy tech or registered nursing program.

4. and...... I had en emotional breakdown the other day and cut my wrist open pretty badly. Lost a lot of blood blahblah and I swear I'm not going to kill myself but my parents, my therapist, and my psychiatrist all want me to go to a mental health facility again.

I feel like this is becoming a regular thing. I have an emotional breakdown and I go to Aurora and feel refreshed and feel better for a few months.. then I break down again and the cycle begins all over again.

I'm almost 20.. and I'm starting to think I can't handle adult life. Like I'm a fucking spoiled ass stupid loser who can't handle dealing with everyday stress and responsibilities. I can.. but to some point.

This is why I got fired from my previous job. I broke down and cussed out my boss.

At the worst time, too. -_-

Anyways.. I want to move with my boyfriend but I'm broke and my car isn't mine. It's under my parents' names. They won't let me take it to Yuma.

My boyfriend says his family would take me in... but.. he hasn't even asked them.

I take psych meds and my insurance is dependent upon my parents. If I move, my insurance will be cut off and where will I get my meds?

If I go to a health facility.. I'll have less time with my boyfriend if I can't move with him.

I'm afraid to even try to get a job anymore. Everybody has turned me down.. and what if I do get a job? Would I even be able to handle it?

I don't know what to do. Help!

braisler · 04-09-2009, 05:15 AM

It sounds to me like you need some time without your boyfriend in your life. Some time to just be by yourself and get to know who you are. If you guys are meant to be together, then 6 months or so shouldn't destroy the relationship. If it does, then it wasn't meant to be. Use that time to learn to cope better with being an adult.

If you move to Yuma with him, then you are extremely likely to become fully dependent on him. Not a good thing if things don't work out in your relationship.

All the best of luck to you!

genuinegirly · 04-09-2009, 06:04 AM

School is a full-time endeavor all to itself. Don't work while you're going to school. It's too much stress for someone who is perfectly mentally stable. It's going to be overwhelming and unhealthy for you. If you go to a good school with an intensive full-time nursing program, you're going to be happy that you don't have a job.

Plan to go to school full-time. Find a program. Register. Apply for financial aid. Plan to start this program this Fall. Between now and Fall, get yourself into a regular schedule. Wake up at a certain time every morning. Make yourself a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Do your own laundry. Ask your parents to help you develop the domestic skills you will need to live on your own. Keep yourself busy with hobbies or volunteering all day - things that you find rewarding. Learn how to say "no" to time commitments. Regularly meet with your physicians and make sure that your medications are interacting with your body the way they should.

Your boyfriend has trust issues, which he needs to sort out.
Have you shared with him the excellent reasons you have shared with us - of why you should not go with him?

Does he know that you're on medications?
Does he know the cost of a monthly dose of these medications without health insurance?
Does he know how much it costs for you to visit a physician and psychiatrist?
Does he know how difficult it is to find a psychiatrist that you trust?
Do yourself a favor and make out a spreadsheet of your monthly medical expenses. Calculate what it would be without medical insurance.
It should be a wake-up call to yourself and your boyfriend.

It's OK to be dependent upon your parents at age 20. Especially when you're going to school. It's healthy to be dependent upon your parents when you're dealing with the mental issues that you're facing right now. It would be unhealthy to be dependent upon a boyfriend in this case.

If you have discussed all of this stuff with you boyfriend in detail, and he still wants you to come with him:
He is either a selfish jerk or an imbicile. You can do better.

dlish · 04-09-2009, 12:49 PM

all hail GG.

cant add more than that really.

ametc · 04-09-2009, 10:28 PM

I liked all your advices but I used ggirl's and it actually worked really well (well.. the part I could do right now). Thx to you all expecially ggirl!!

genuinegirly · 04-10-2009, 02:00 AM

Great! I'm glad that you have started to work things out.
Out of curiosity, what about my advice helped?
Was it the spreadsheet idea?
Or did just talking about your basic medical needs do the trick?
I hope that you're able to register for a great school program!

robot_parade · 04-10-2009, 05:14 PM

To put my spin on what GG said, you need to be your own person first, then part of a couple, otherwise, you are a dependent, not a partner.

ametc · 04-10-2009, 08:40 PM

Well, gg, I like how you put it bluntly, but not in a rude way. You told me how it should be and why. And even if I might have disagreed with you (I didn't).. that's pretty much how I like any advice to be.

I guess, too, it was how you organized everything.

Also.. I agree with that, robot parade.

genuinegirly · 04-11-2009, 05:42 AM

Glad to hear you like the bluntness.
A good friend helped me to develop that mentality - Good luck with your endeavors!

04-09-2009, 05:08 AM	#1 (permalink)
ametc Psycho	I dunno what to do (as usual) I have so many things happening around me right now. Let's get to those first: 1. My boyfriend is going to move to Yuma at the end of next month. He was cheated on before by someone he had a long distance relationship with and so he doesn't want to stay with me if I'm not going to move with him. 2. I'm jobless and BROKE. I'm mooching off my family. 3. I need to go back to school and train in a pharmacy tech or registered nursing program. 4. and...... I had en emotional breakdown the other day and cut my wrist open pretty badly. Lost a lot of blood blahblah and I swear I'm not going to kill myself but my parents, my therapist, and my psychiatrist all want me to go to a mental health facility again. I feel like this is becoming a regular thing. I have an emotional breakdown and I go to Aurora and feel refreshed and feel better for a few months.. then I break down again and the cycle begins all over again. I'm almost 20.. and I'm starting to think I can't handle adult life. Like I'm a fucking spoiled ass stupid loser who can't handle dealing with everyday stress and responsibilities. I can.. but to some point. This is why I got fired from my previous job. I broke down and cussed out my boss. At the worst time, too. -_- Anyways.. I want to move with my boyfriend but I'm broke and my car isn't mine. It's under my parents' names. They won't let me take it to Yuma. My boyfriend says his family would take me in... but.. he hasn't even asked them. I take psych meds and my insurance is dependent upon my parents. If I move, my insurance will be cut off and where will I get my meds? If I go to a health facility.. I'll have less time with my boyfriend if I can't move with him. I'm afraid to even try to get a job anymore. Everybody has turned me down.. and what if I do get a job? Would I even be able to handle it? I don't know what to do. Help!

04-09-2009, 06:04 AM	#3 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	School is a full-time endeavor all to itself. Don't work while you're going to school. It's too much stress for someone who is perfectly mentally stable. It's going to be overwhelming and unhealthy for you. If you go to a good school with an intensive full-time nursing program, you're going to be happy that you don't have a job. Plan to go to school full-time. Find a program. Register. Apply for financial aid. Plan to start this program this Fall. Between now and Fall, get yourself into a regular schedule. Wake up at a certain time every morning. Make yourself a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Do your own laundry. Ask your parents to help you develop the domestic skills you will need to live on your own. Keep yourself busy with hobbies or volunteering all day - things that you find rewarding. Learn how to say "no" to time commitments. Regularly meet with your physicians and make sure that your medications are interacting with your body the way they should. Your boyfriend has trust issues, which he needs to sort out. Have you shared with him the excellent reasons you have shared with us - of why you should not go with him? Does he know that you're on medications? Does he know the cost of a monthly dose of these medications without health insurance? Does he know how much it costs for you to visit a physician and psychiatrist? Does he know how difficult it is to find a psychiatrist that you trust? Do yourself a favor and make out a spreadsheet of your monthly medical expenses. Calculate what it would be without medical insurance. It should be a wake-up call to yourself and your boyfriend. It's OK to be dependent upon your parents at age 20. Especially when you're going to school. It's healthy to be dependent upon your parents when you're dealing with the mental issues that you're facing right now. It would be unhealthy to be dependent upon a boyfriend in this case. If you have discussed all of this stuff with you boyfriend in detail, and he still wants you to come with him: He is either a selfish jerk or an imbicile. You can do better. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

04-09-2009, 12:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	all hail GG. cant add more than that really. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

04-10-2009, 02:00 AM	#6 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Great! I'm glad that you have started to work things out. Out of curiosity, what about my advice helped? Was it the spreadsheet idea? Or did just talking about your basic medical needs do the trick? I hope that you're able to register for a great school program! __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

04-11-2009, 05:42 AM	#9 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Glad to hear you like the bluntness. A good friend helped me to develop that mentality - Good luck with your endeavors! __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

04-09-2009, 05:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
braisler Addict Location: Midway, KY	It sounds to me like you need some time without your boyfriend in your life. Some time to just be by yourself and get to know who you are. If you guys are meant to be together, then 6 months or so shouldn't destroy the relationship. If it does, then it wasn't meant to be. Use that time to learn to cope better with being an adult. If you move to Yuma with him, then you are extremely likely to become fully dependent on him. Not a good thing if things don't work out in your relationship. All the best of luck to you!

04-09-2009, 10:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
ametc Psycho	I liked all your advices but I used ggirl's and it actually worked really well (well.. the part I could do right now). Thx to you all expecially ggirl!!

04-10-2009, 05:14 PM	#7 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	To put my spin on what GG said, you need to be your own person first, then part of a couple, otherwise, you are a dependent, not a partner.

04-10-2009, 08:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
ametc Psycho	Well, gg, I like how you put it bluntly, but not in a rude way. You told me how it should be and why. And even if I might have disagreed with you (I didn't).. that's pretty much how I like any advice to be. I guess, too, it was how you organized everything. Also.. I agree with that, robot parade.