Taking the Next Step: Friends to More-Than-Friends - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

SabrinaFair · 03-30-2009, 04:13 PM

Hello, loves-
So, I've had a slight crush on someone I'm friends with for a while now. He's a very sweet guy, and I find him to be very cute. We get along very well, make each other laugh, and have a lot in common. I sort of lost romantic interest in him a while back because he was on-again-off-again with another woman...it seemed best to move on rather than get myself involved in drama. According to my sources (AKA, our mutual friend Carrie, who is my mole in these situations), the off-again-on-again is off to stay. As many of you know, I am recently single myself. Now, I know, it's bad form to jump from relationship to relationship. And I'm not suggesting I immediately ask him to have lots of sex and babies. But I have asked him out for this weekend.

I asked him to accompany me to my law school's annual Barrister's Ball--I need a date, and he was the first person to come to mind. So I bit the bullet and asked. He's checking on his work schedule and getting back to me.

But anyways, it's been a long time since I've made the move from friends to more-than-friends. It's created some awkward situations in my life, and the lives of my friends, when the relationship ends and the lines are drawn. So I pose the question(s) to y'all--

Are you in a relationship that started as friends?
Have you been in a relationship that started as friends? How did it end?
Any other advice?

One thing I should add--this particular fellow and I will be in each others lives for a looooong time. We're both involved in several of the same organizations, and are active in local/state politics.

Thanks in advance for your responses!

Love,
Sabrina

Psycho Dad · 03-30-2009, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SabrinaFair

One thing I should add--this particular fellow and I will be in each others lives for a looooong time. We're both involved in several of the same organizations, and are active in local/state politics.

Then don't let him take pictures or video.

Seriously, if you go to the ball together and have a good time, great. Don't obsess to the point that you can't be natural.

braisler · 03-30-2009, 04:52 PM

My wife and I were friends first. Kind of had to be in our situation as we lived on opposite coasts when we 'met' and started talking to each other.

I think that starting a relationship out of a friendship first is a wonderful way to bring things to the next level. As you stated, you already enjoy his company, laugh together, etc. Of course there are risks to dating someone who you are going to know for a long time regardless of how things work out.

My 2 cents would to be up front with him. Tell him, not necessarily on the first date, how you are feeling. That you like him as maybe more than a friend, but aren't sure how things would work out between you if you were together and then separated romantically. Odds are that he has some feelings beyond friendship for you as well. If not, at least you'll know.

Have fun with it. And, no, I didn't know that you were recently single. I guess I should check your blog more often.

SabrinaFair · 03-30-2009, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psycho Dad

Seriously, if you go to the ball together and have a good time, great. Don't obsess to the point that you can't be natural.

Of course not. That's not my style. I just wanted to know what people thought about the concept at large, not necessarily my particular situation....it was just, as they say in the TV movies, "inspired by actual events"

Psycho Dad · 03-30-2009, 05:24 PM

As far as the concept, I've been married so long I wouldn't know the first thing about getting into a new relationship. But knowing each other well already would have to be somewhat of a plus.

Punk.of.Ages · 03-30-2009, 06:12 PM

Every relationship I've been in with a friend ruined the friendship in the end...

I don't date friends unless I can afford to lose that friendship.

03-30-2009, 04:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	Taking the Next Step: Friends to More-Than-Friends Hello, loves- So, I've had a slight crush on someone I'm friends with for a while now. He's a very sweet guy, and I find him to be very cute. We get along very well, make each other laugh, and have a lot in common. I sort of lost romantic interest in him a while back because he was on-again-off-again with another woman...it seemed best to move on rather than get myself involved in drama. According to my sources (AKA, our mutual friend Carrie, who is my mole in these situations), the off-again-on-again is off to stay. As many of you know, I am recently single myself. Now, I know, it's bad form to jump from relationship to relationship. And I'm not suggesting I immediately ask him to have lots of sex and babies. But I have asked him out for this weekend. I asked him to accompany me to my law school's annual Barrister's Ball--I need a date, and he was the first person to come to mind. So I bit the bullet and asked. He's checking on his work schedule and getting back to me. But anyways, it's been a long time since I've made the move from friends to more-than-friends. It's created some awkward situations in my life, and the lives of my friends, when the relationship ends and the lines are drawn. So I pose the question(s) to y'all-- Are you in a relationship that started as friends? Have you been in a relationship that started as friends? How did it end? Any other advice? One thing I should add--this particular fellow and I will be in each others lives for a looooong time. We're both involved in several of the same organizations, and are active in local/state politics. Thanks in advance for your responses! Love, Sabrina __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

03-30-2009, 05:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
Psycho Dad Mulletproof Location: Some nucking fut house.	As far as the concept, I've been married so long I wouldn't know the first thing about getting into a new relationship. But knowing each other well already would have to be somewhat of a plus. __________________ Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

03-30-2009, 06:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
Punk.of.Ages Forming Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.	Every relationship I've been in with a friend ruined the friendship in the end... I don't date friends unless I can afford to lose that friendship. __________________ "The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

03-30-2009, 04:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
braisler Addict Location: Midway, KY	My wife and I were friends first. Kind of had to be in our situation as we lived on opposite coasts when we 'met' and started talking to each other. I think that starting a relationship out of a friendship first is a wonderful way to bring things to the next level. As you stated, you already enjoy his company, laugh together, etc. Of course there are risks to dating someone who you are going to know for a long time regardless of how things work out. My 2 cents would to be up front with him. Tell him, not necessarily on the first date, how you are feeling. That you like him as maybe more than a friend, but aren't sure how things would work out between you if you were together and then separated romantically. Odds are that he has some feelings beyond friendship for you as well. If not, at least you'll know. Have fun with it. And, no, I didn't know that you were recently single. I guess I should check your blog more often.