Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community (https://thetfp.com/tfp/)
-   Tilted Life (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-life/)
-   -   Boyfriend wants me to stop hanging out with male friends. Opinions? (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-life/145528-boyfriend-wants-me-stop-hanging-out-male-friends-opinions.html)

Tully Mars 03-01-2009 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guccilvr (Post 2602459)
honest opinion.. this relationship will never last and will end terribly.

There is so much drama already laced into it. Trust issues, long distance crap, jealousy, etc etc etc.

People shouldn't have to change who they are to be in a relationship.

Ditto

ShaniFaye 03-01-2009 05:32 PM

I'm not sure how many people need to say this before you understand it, but add my voice to the mix. People in a healthy relationship do NOT need to dictate who the other person does or doesnt associate with based on the sex of those people. Unless you WANT to be in a controlling relationship, which it sounds like because you keep making excuses for his inexcusable behavior....you need to put your foot down.

Sue 03-01-2009 05:37 PM

As for people not knowing what else you've posted, well, anyone can easily do a seach if they were so curious, and find the (now locked) thread you originally posted. If you didn't want people to know about it, you probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by dippin (Post 2602969)
and as you can see, even those who didnt know about the previous thread gave pretty much the same advice.

Same advice, and this thread you posted now is pretty much along the same lines as your last one. I wonder if it'll end the same way too...

kacilinden 03-01-2009 05:46 PM

[QUOTE=Sue;2602991]As for people not knowing what else you've posted, well, anyone can easily do a seach if they were so curious, and find the (now locked) thread you originally posted. If you didn't want people to know about it, you probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place. ;) QUOTE]

I don't care if people know, that's why i posted it. I just wanted people to answer this question without the background knowledge.

LoganSnake 03-01-2009 05:48 PM

If you're actually considering losing just about all of your friends for a guy you've been dating long distance for 6 (?) months, maybe do you do deserve this relationship.

Here's the summary of all the viewpoints: leave him.

Alternative solution: don't leave him. Post a thread here when he breaks up with you out of suspicion that you're cheating on him.

blktour 03-01-2009 06:19 PM

I agree with the rest of TFP that says split. I think kacilinden keeps on making excuses to justify her staying.

Sad really.

kacilinden 03-01-2009 06:35 PM

We are making a little progress :)

Sue 03-01-2009 06:38 PM

Great. Let's stop making threads about this then, since you're completely oblivious to our advice and opinions we've given you.

Post up when LoganSnake's alternative solution is the only solution left to post about.

ngdawg 03-01-2009 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden
I don't care if people know, that's why i posted it. I just wanted people to answer this question without the background knowledge.

That's pretty unrealistic, but then again so is the whole scenario....
Big surprise.

So if we thought you'd been together years instead of days, you think the advice would change?

blktour 03-01-2009 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2603041)
We are making a little progress :)

WE as TFP i think have made LOTS of progress.

It is you that has made NONE. From the looks of it.

i vote to close this, if OP doesn't have anything else to input.

Sue 03-01-2009 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blktour (Post 2603069)

i vote to close this, if OP doesn't have anything else to input.

:thumbsup: Second.

Cynthetiq 03-01-2009 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2603041)
We are making a little progress :)

can you elaborate on that progress? more than 1 line or 1 sentence is a requirement since your one liners are pretty simplistic.

As far as I see it's just as dead end of a discussion as the last one.

Xerxys 03-01-2009 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blktour (Post 2603069)
i vote to close this, if OP doesn't have anything else to input.

Why, it might even get me to start watching The Soap Net. This is prime back and forth discussion right here people!!!!

I LOL in a pathetic sad kinda way.

Stare At The Sun 03-01-2009 07:24 PM

He's jealous and has security issues.

Don't let yourself be manipulated, hang out with whoever you want, if he doesn't trust you, that's his problem.

MSD 03-01-2009 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2602580)
He says he does it because he's scared to lose me.

Massive warning sign of controlling personality, which leads to an abusive relationship.
Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2602792)
From what i knowof his past i agree with this. I believe this is why he cut all ties with all of his female friends.

Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I honestly want to continue a relationship with someone who cannot see a woman as more than a set of warm, moist holes to put his dick in." Then come back and tell me how good it feels to say that to yourself.

ngdawg 03-01-2009 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MSD (Post 2603081)

Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I honestly want to continue a relationship with someone who cannot see a woman as more than a set of warm, moist holes to put his dick in." Then come back and tell me how good it feels to say that to yourself.


http://lawiscool.com/wp-content/uplo...0/applause.gif

kacilinden 03-01-2009 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq (Post 2603075)
can you elaborate on that progress? more than 1 line or 1 sentence is a requirement since your one liners are pretty simplistic.

As far as I see it's just as dead end of a discussion as the last one.

He finally uderstands how unhappy it makes me.

Then fucking close it. I'm not forcing y'all to read or reply.

Cynthetiq 03-01-2009 09:08 PM

why don't you take a moment and look around at the other posts that people have asked for opinion and help from out community. It is a bit more than one single line. The responses back are also more than one single line.

The idea here is that the more you actually write out, read, and reread, sometimes that alone is enough to make one understand just what they are getting themselves into.

You aren't forcing anyone to read or reply, but this is a community of genuinely helpful people. Maybe over time if you stick around, you'll see that.

Maybe you'll understand that many of us have become friends over the years. Many of us have recently made new friends without prejudice of male or female.

He finally understands? The real crux here is do YOU understand?

kacilinden 03-01-2009 09:13 PM

I understand that i love him, and no one has to understand or approve of our relationship.

Thanks everyone for your input. I explained some of these things to him, and things are getting better.

botabota 03-01-2009 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2603129)
I understand that i love him, and no one has to understand or approve of our relationship.

Thanks everyone for your input. I explained some of these things to him, and things are getting better.

We would NEVER really understand your relationship because we are not you, BUT.. we do care for people who are here to ask for advice and we want the best for them. This is what we at the TFP do.

When you give us feedback (not a one liner) it make us feel good (or bad) about YOU! Thats because WE CARE for whom ever seek advice and we would like to know how that person is doing. In this case it happen to be you.

dlish 03-02-2009 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2603129)
I understand that i love him, and no one has to understand or approve of our relationship.

Thanks everyone for your input. I explained some of these things to him, and things are getting better.

how are things better? what did he say? did he change his mind? and if so, why did he change his mind?

just curious how things became better overnight with a simple conversation. usually people will only tell you 'yes' to shut you up because they dont value your viewpoint

Iliftrocks 03-02-2009 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2603129)
I understand that i love him, and no one has to understand or approve of our relationship.

Thanks everyone for your input. I explained some of these things to him, and things are getting better.

Do you perchance read romance novels, or (shivers) Twilight?

Romantic ideas need a logic buffer sometimes. There are consequences to buying into this "Endless Love" ideology.....

Cynthetiq 03-02-2009 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iliftrocks (Post 2603215)
Do you perchance read romance novels, or (shivers) Twilight?

Romantic ideas need a logic buffer sometimes. There are consequences to buying into this "Endless Love" ideology.....

right-o! many don't realize that "happily ever after..." requires work individually and as a team.

snowy 03-02-2009 09:03 AM

As others above have suggested, love is not the be-all, end-all you seem to think it is, kacilinden. Maintaining real love, and a healthy relationship to sustain that love, requires a lot of work. It's not all sunshine and daisies--sometimes that work is painful.

Love is not unique. Your connection is not unique, though you may feel that it's special. As my dad told me shortly after I broke up with my first love, "Men are like MAX trains; there's another one every 15 minutes." He was right.

Ultimately, the relationship that lasts is not necessarily the one where you're both burning with passion. The relationship that lasts is the one where both partners are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship a healthy, functional one.

Baraka_Guru 03-02-2009 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy (Post 2603241)
Love is not unique. Your connection is not unique, though you may feel that it's special. As my dad told me shortly after I broke up with my first love, "Men are like MAX trains; there's another one every 15 minutes." He was right.

I like this. It's funny because it's true. I might have to steal that one day.

Quote:

Ultimately, the relationship that lasts is not necessarily the one where you're both burning with passion. The relationship that lasts is the one where both partners are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship a healthy, functional one.
So true. Everyone should heed these words because this gets to the core of the matter.

Passion is fleeting. That's the nature of it. It's what we do outside of passion that makes a meaningful (and long-lasting) relationship. It's making sacrifices and going out of your way sometimes. It's also about taking care of yourself as well as your significant other.

Sometimes it's:
"Listen, I need to go off and do my own thing."

"Oh, good, because so do I."

The two-become-one thing is cool in theory, but in practice one needs to maintain their individuality as well.

cdwonderful 03-03-2009 09:40 AM

wait a minute, I gotta an idea.....if he is worried you are gonna leave him for one of you male friends.........
Keep all your male friends and don't leave.
That will teach him alright............

ring 03-03-2009 10:05 AM

You will do what you want to, and hopefully learn from experience.
I did, and still do things despite anyone's advice.

There is a lot of good & caring advice from others in this thread,
especially us older folks, who would like to spare you youngins
some of the pain we went through figuring this stuff out.

In my experience:

Experience is the best teacher.

You can't save people from having to make their own mistakes.

( I wonder if the Internet was around, and I had access to all the good
books that have been written since I was a teen, on interpersonal relationships, etc..
would of made any difference.) huh.

genuinegirly 03-03-2009 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdwonderful (Post 2603720)
wait a minute, I gotta an idea.....if he is worried you are gonna leave him for one of you male friends.........
Keep all your male friends and don't leave.
That will teach him alright............

You're actually thinking about this in a prouctive way. One where the relationship is salvaged. This seems healthier, and more along the lines of what the thread-starter was looking for.

It's much easier to give advice when we better understand the situation you are dealing with. If there is no background, we assume the worst. Reality is rarely played out in extremes.

I hope the best for you.
I hope he can see that your male friends are only that - friends.
I hope you two can overcome any and all feelings of mistrust. If any indeed exist.

Complex cultural issues might be at play here - we really know nothing of the situation at hand.

MSD 03-03-2009 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdwonderful (Post 2603720)
wait a minute, I gotta an idea.....if he is worried you are gonna leave him for one of you male friends.........
Keep all your male friends and don't leave.
That will teach him alright............

With someone who felt he needed to rid himself of the temptation of having female friends, it's not going to teach him a lesson. Either he needs to fundamentally change his thought process or he's going to be constantly suspicious and imagine offenses committed against him if there's nothing there to substantiate his suspicion.

cdwonderful 03-03-2009 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MSD (Post 2603850)
With someone who felt he needed to rid himself of the temptation of having female friends, it's not going to teach him a lesson. Either he needs to fundamentally change his thought process or he's going to be constantly suspicious and imagine offenses committed against him if there's nothing there to substantiate his suspicion.

I am convinced
Dump him :thumbsup:

Tiny Dancer 03-03-2009 04:42 PM

I have myself been in a situation were I've been asked to stop talking to all of my male friends and like you that's pretty much all i have. I can could my female friends all on one hand.

So the bottom like is he is cheating, is a cheater, and is very insecure and wants to have all control. You will be better with out him and all the drama that he brings to the table.

Glory's Sun 03-03-2009 06:03 PM

Here's where I take issue with all of this...

this isn't just a casual relationship..you say you are getting married after his next deployment.. yet neither one of you KNOW each other. You say you love him and that he loves you.. yet there is no give or compromise. It's all take on his behalf. He's in NC with his marine buddies drinking and fucking some broad he met at the local bar..and then guilt tripping you..because he want to have his cake and eat some pie too.

Call me old fashioned..but it's pointless to get married or even talk about marriage when you really aren't happy..and you don't really know the other person.

plus.. I don't think I've ever known a faithful marine..ever.

just sayin.

Sue 03-03-2009 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guccilvr (Post 2604011)

plus.. I don't think I've ever known a faithful marine..ever.

just sayin.

Gucci. I must seriously correct you on this. Sam has been, and always will be, a faithful Marine (even if he is out now. :) ) I know you didn't intend anything directly towards me at all, but I actually felt offended at this.

Glory's Sun 03-03-2009 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sue (Post 2604022)
Gucci. I must seriously correct you on this. Sam has been, and always will be, a faithful Marine (even if he is out now. :) )



I don't know Sam ;)

Sue 03-03-2009 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guccilvr (Post 2604025)
I don't know Sam ;)

He's on this board, you do now :D

Tiny Dancer 03-03-2009 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guccilvr (Post 2604011)
Here's where I take issue with all of this...

this isn't just a casual relationship..you say you are getting married after his next deployment.. yet neither one of you KNOW each other. You say you love him and that he loves you.. yet there is no give or compromise. It's all take on his behalf. He's in NC with his marine buddies drinking and fucking some broad he met at the local bar..and then guilt tripping you..because he want to have his cake and eat some pie too.

Call me old fashioned..but it's pointless to get married or even talk about marriage when you really aren't happy..and you don't really know the other person.

plus.. I don't think I've ever known a faithful marine..ever.

just sayin.

I oh so agree with you.



But if you don't even know him well you can't go forward with anything. I would say you should at least be together for a min of two years because people change so much it should be more like five years while also living together for some of those 5 years.

Teufel Hunden 03-03-2009 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guccilvr (Post 2604011)

plus.. I don't think I've ever known a faithful marine..ever.

just sayin.

Ah, sweeping generalizations. Nothin beats them eh?

Glory's Sun 03-03-2009 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teufel Hunden (Post 2604038)
Ah, sweeping generalizations. Nothin beats them eh?


It was a half generalization..but I was pulling from the marines that I have known IRL. Knowing someone by the text on the screen and in flesh is two very different things

but anyway back to the thread topic

Iluvjazz7 06-16-2009 03:42 AM

Not hanging out does not constitute broken friendship
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kacilinden (Post 2602407)
I know he wants me to. He feels like I shouldn't want to hang out with any guy but him, and that doing so is a form a cheating.
It is a long distance relationship. I get to see hi about every other weekend.

Yep. Your guy friend will or should understand that your soul mate is very important to you. You are still his friend but it is not appropiate to hang out nearly as much as you use to. In fact if you do why not together with your new mate. Does you and your guy friend have a co-dependency problem? If you love your new mate demonstrate. Trust is not instant, it is earned. Just cause you are not hanging out does not mean you are giving up friendship. Letters, ocassional phone calls, pictures of you and your mate to show that you are doing okay still shows your guy friends you are still friends. They should be intelligent enought to know life still goes through different levels. When or if your new mate or planing a family, friends are expecting too much if they still want you to hang out. That's kid stuff.

Xerxys 06-16-2009 11:22 AM

Gosh, I miss kacilinden, too bad I don't think she'll ever come back ... Kaci, wherever you are ... please come back ...


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:48 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360