murd0r_au123

I'm sorry but this will be all over the place as I only have about 20 minutes to type this out.


Hey guys,

It's been years since i've been here.

And it is good to see you're all going strong... it's good to have a community of people there to help each other.

I guess i'll get right into it and try not to make it so lengthy (as i have no time aswell).

Firstly,

I met a girl.... we moved in with each other right away and finally fell in love...... then we fell pregnant... (I'm nearly 23 and she's nearly 21)

Anyway, before we met I was smoking a lot of marijuana and drinking alcohol everyday.

For 3 years, whilst we've known each other I have continued to do so.

Things were up and down as usual.

Roughly 5 weeks ago I had a Hernia opertaion and returned home... the second morning home my partner woke me up to tell me she was going somewhere and I just flipped out!!!!

I started screaming, yelling and getting really really angry, in and out of agitation. Following her around.

She was holding our daughter in her arms (she was 16months old).

The police come and take me away and put an FVO order (Family Violence Order) - Similar to restraining orders.

Anyway,

For the first week.... she has told me... "I love the real you, please get better soon"... asin she wanted me to get my anger sorted, off the drugs and off the alcohol.

It has been done, I'm now 17days clean or so from them both.. and feel normal.

Now, I will admit.. the drugs/booze really did screw me up!!

And I can't believe just how badly they did, and in how many different ways.

I would get up of a morning, have a shower then smoke weed.

Hours later, all day until I goto bed I would smoke weed. And drink too when I could afford it. (Come home from work at 12AM, drink 3 cans and smoke heaps of weed... just blast my head off!)

It's only now, that I know what it was doing to me.

I never use to hold her hand.
I never use to tell her I loved her
I never use to let her drive her car
I use to never get close to her
I never use to take her anywhere

I even went off my head once at her whilst she was pregnant.

(I never showed her what she meant to be)

This is a lady that has done everything for me...>!!!!! EVERYTHING. And all i've done is throw it all back at her.... and give her nothing.

I made her go without and use to justify that because she had $50 Shampoo/Conditioner and I was the only one who worked, which made it okay for me to waste all mine and hers money.

In 5 years, I still don't OWN my own bed, I have a computer. ps2 and dvd player, but no TV.

Hardly any clothes and just some random posessions.

We were engaged and I DIDNT EVEN GET ON ONE KNEE TO DO IT.


Drugs/booze have lead me to make nothing but bad decisions (getting a loan for a car - without a license - in shitloads of trouble now!!! - drink driving etc) - putting myself into debt, missing rent payments etc.

All I was worried about was alcohol/weed/money .... MONEY TO AFFORD THEM BOTH.


Now, like I said, for the first week she had gone back to her mums and was staying up at our old home every now and then. She wanted me to get better and address everything.

I DID!! AND HAVE!!!

Now, I gave her a letter explaining I couldn't believe what I HAVE DONE!! the monster I was... I HAD NO RIGHT TO DO ANY OF IT..... TO ANYONE... YET ALONE MY DAUGHTER AND FIANCEE. PEOPLE I LOVE SO MUCH.

After reading it (it was a work of art... my true self coming back out of hiding).... she said... NO.. I will not allow myself to be with you ever again... Its your time to hurt now.. AND YES!!! I have slept with someone else!!!..... WOT!?!?!? SO SOON!?!?!?

She continues to tell me that she doesn't care about me anymore and it's been a month since I have seen my daughter...

She is very reliant on her mother because her father passed away before she was born... should i get to her through her mum?!?!

I use to get along well with her to begin with and even that relationship broke down.

I need some advice,

I should be seeing my daughter tomorrow.


BUT AM NOT ALLOWED... to speak about "US" at all.

She keeps telling me to fuck off, I don't love you anymore.. stop calling/txting me.

I Gave her space, time... etc... she wanted me to go see her one night and I thought "Nah, you both need space and its not worth getting caught driving again" so I didn't.

I need to convince her... there is another bloke trying to steal my family!!!!!

IT SUCKS THAT IT HAS TAKEN SO LONG FOR ME TO REALIZE

JUST WHAT WAS REALLY INFRONT OF ME!!!!!!!!


MY DREAMS!!!!


A loving partner, who would do anything for me.. wait on hand and foot or what not... and a beautiful gorges daughter.... A FAMILY!!!

That is my dream.... and i've ruined it...

IT's never too late to do good though!??!?!

I am seeing relationship counsellours and drug/alco counsellours.

I am doing everything POSSIBLE!!!!

Her mum would of told her not to take me back I reckon... she works at a homless/drunk mens shelter.... so she's probably seen it all before.

Should I go there, buy her lunch and just aplogize to her???

I'm sorry for letting you down?? - to her face!?!?

It seems no matter how hard I try... I can't get ahead.... And it appears to be too late?!?!?

I mean, I know she does love me and I can't believe that she doesn't anymore... she loved me so much... probably more than my own mum!!!

Time has run out.... I'll try to update more or whatever... but please people...

Help me pull strings,.!!!!


Reguards, Murd0r


ANY FEED BACK!

I must have them back!!! she has seen all my bad.. but none of my good... and i am full of positive energy.!

Xerxys

No, it's never too late to do good, but 17 days??? Meh, make a commitment. Every weekend, send her a drug report. I would say get some exercise but no one commits too well with that most especially if you have debt. So I'll have to go with get another job. Fix your money problem by making a plan ... then think very seriously about your daughter. Then include her in your plans ... then move from there.

Everything will be OK, if you stick with a daily routine of go to work, go to other job, call her, go to bed, repeat. The drug report will make sure she knows your sober .. and working toward mental stability. Invest in yourself. But remember, baby steps....17 days is too soon. make a plan, stick to it like religion.

Glory's Sun

First things first.. get yourself in a better position..

second.. plan for your daughter.. your relationship with the woman may be over but that is certainly no reason that you can't have a relationship with your daughter.

third..take it one day at the time..things may work out how you want them..but you have to be prepared for them not to. Take some time, chill out, and set a plan for your life into motion..

Iliftrocks

Good luck man.

17 days is a short amount of time to make up for years of abuse. Give yourself time to heal, call your daughter, as mentioned above. Try to make amends with your ex. If that bridge has burned, so be it, you still need to be a better person for yourself and your daughter. If your ex eventually comes back around, that would just be gravy, don't count on it though.

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

dippin

One thing that I think is important is to follow through on the things you say you will do, and try to at least meet halfway on the things she wants you to do.

For example, if she wants to see you, don't blow her off. I don't know at what point it happened exactly, but it might have been the last straw when you decided you didnt want to go meet her. Even if you couldnt drive, you should have at least tried to come up with an alternative.

genuinegirly

Where to start?

You have made a wonderful breakthrough.
Tell her about it.
Tell her mother about it.
Tell everyone you know about it.
Tell everyone you know about what you've lost.
Tell people you don't know about what you've lost.
Maybe it will keep them from making the same mistake.

Expect the relationship to be over.
Fix yourself, your life. Spoil your daughter with love. Do everything you can to clean up your life so you don't risk visitation rights. Get a job. Get your finances in order. Pay child support. Sort through the legal mess that you've put yourself into. Consider it a gift that you're on your own for this cleanup. Get yourself stable. Emotionally stable on your own. It will take time.

Once everything is sorted out - I mean EVERYTHING - debts gone, record clear, legalities sorted through, a decent home, a bit of money set aside for your daughter's education... Once you've proven you're not going to relapse, THAT is the time to tell your fiancee you still love her, if she'll take you.


Your fiancee put up with so much. It's hard for me to think that she has much self-confidence. It's hard for me to imagine she will pick a better man than you were. If you keep up with your daughter, and make everything right in your life, your fiance will see that effort.

She might come back. If she does, be prepared to forgive her for any sleeping around she did while you were apart. Be sure you're able to forgive her for anything - because if she takes you back, she is forgiving you for the incredible nightmare that you put her through.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Anormalguy

+ 1.

You have a long way to go to show your fiance that you're serious about turning your life around. You've got to do it for yourself first. If it's too late to salvage your relationship with your fiance, concentrate on being a good father for your daughter.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

__________________
In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

genuinegirly

You need a friend who can drive you, or you need to become familiar with the public transportation available between you and your daughter. You cannot drive. That is reality. You may need a driver - plan to pay that driver for their time and the fuel - even if they're a friend.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

high_jinx

it's great you've seen what you want to change into, but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't get you through the tunnel. you've got some work to do on yourself to solidify everything you've had a revelation about to the point that it's your new second nature. i'm sorry that she's met someone new, but unfortunately that means you're going to have to step back and let that run it's course. she's just getting to know the new guy so everything seems wonderful with him and that means every step you take to get her back makes her take 3 steps toward his arms. your best hope is to see your kid and be a great dad and let the mom see that, but be distant with her until she wants to patch up with you. eventually this new guy will mess up, and thats when she'll start wondering if she should be breaking up your family. when that happens, make sure you insist that this new guy's out the picture if that's what she wants. i hope it works for you.

__________________
-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

Iliftrocks

Was your ex, perhaps, and enabler? Maybe she is afraid that if you get back together, that the past habits you both share, will end up in you returning to your broken state. It may very well be better for you, at least for now, to be apart, so you can break these habits.

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Cynthetiq

17 days after years of drinking and drugging is like taking a vacation. Your life hasn't changed yet, you're just starting to see and understand.

You've not mentioned how you are staying sober, but maybe you've got the same friends as Bill W. If you do, I don't doubt at all that you'll succeed in getting the things that you deserve.

Take care of yourself first, and the rest will follow.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

ametc

It's not healthy to obsess over being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Try the single life or move on. You have time to create a new you now, so do it.


Girls do it all the time. After a breakup, we go out and get a new hairstyle or a new outfit, hang out with the girls, or go back to school for something new and exciting to us (like Biochemistry! mmm, yum!).

You don't have to jump into the single life.. but just dip your feet in for a bit.

shakran

As others have noted, you claiming to have turned your life around, and expecting the people you have hurt all these years to believe it, in less than a month is rather a stretch. I am also somewhat concerned by the tone of your letter. You seem to be bordering on stalking the girl. Knock it off. Harassing her 1) isn't going to get her back and 2) might get you arrested.

You seem to be at a stage where you are saying "OK, I admit that I fucked up, but since I admit it, there should be no consequences for what I did." That's not how it works. It is entirely possible that she fell out of love with you a long time ago (and who can blame her - what little girl grows up dreaming about marrying a drug addict?) and now that she's kicked you out of her life she is realizing how nice it is not to be with a drug addict anymore. It is entirely possible that your actions over the past years have caused you to permanently lose her. If so, accept it. Deal with it and look at it as a life lesson never to do that to anyone again, but do not harass her endlessly thinking that she will respond positively to it.