braisler

We have an eclectic bunch of people here at TFP and many of us work in odd or interesting fields where we gain particular knowledge that most people just don't get exposed to in their lives. So let's share! What are one or two key bits of information that you've picked up along the way that you think most people don't know about, or advice they don't follow. I'm not talking about someone who is a dentist reminding you to brush and floss regularly... something more unexpected. Like a dentist telling us that a probiotic toothpaste could end all cavities (it can and does) and it was bought by a major consumer products company and filed away (it was... ask me about it later).

Anyway, on to my two tips to start the thread.

I work in pre-clinical vision research, so my tips are going to relate to preserving your vision and how we see what we see.

Tip #1: Always wear sunglasses outside... always! Why? Light-induced damage to the eye is a contributing factor to age-related eye disorders. And it is really simple to massively reduce the UV light that gets into your eyes just by wearing a pair of sunglasses. The take home message is if you want to preserve your vision into your 70s and 80s, wear sunglasses throughout your life. And for the purposes of this discussion, most $7 sunglasses from Rite-Aid are just as effective as $200 Oakleys.

Tip #2: If you are trying to navigate in the dark or dimly-lit situations, try shifting your gaze just to the side of the area you are trying to navigate. Why does this work? Most of our central vision (the area where we focus called the macula) is made up of color sensing cone cells. These are less sensitive to light than the rod cells which are more dense in the areas outside the macula. So by shifting your gaze right or left slightly, you are using the more light sensitive rods to see the 'target' and you can make out the doorway or toilet or tent more easily. Try it for yourself tonight.

I'll look forward to the education that it sure to pour forth from the font of TFP.

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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
- Albert Einstein
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Jinn

I work in software research and development, so my tips are going to relate to computer software.

Tip #1: Make sure that you read EULAs, Privacy Policies, etc., at least once. The amount of information that gets bought and sold daily about you is astounding. If you don't want everything you do to be public knowledge, use psuedonyms and do things as anonymously as possible. With a few cleverly crafted searches, someone can turn something as innocuous as a username and a location into a real name, real address, or even social security number.

Tip #2: If you think as program is behaving strangely, try to record what you do before (and after) it starts to act up. Before trying to seek assistance or reporting the issue, see if you can duplicate the error. People like me love to help, but if you can't remember what you did before it happens, it can be almost impossible to help. Things like clicks, mouse movements, keypresses, and even the information you entered is invaluable. Likewise, if you see an error message - copy it down VERBATIM. If you paraphrase it, ala "it said something was null...", it's very little use. Error messages are written so that someone who understands the program will have a better idea what is acting up.

Tip #3: If you do find a legitimate error in a program, don't be shy about reporting it. It's likely that hundreds of other people are experiencing the same issue, but aren't speaking up. Many times we make assumptions about the quality of a product when no one complains; but in reality, they don't like how the interface functions, or it's too slow, or they're getting random errors.

Tip #4: Make backups, but don't be afraid of 'breaking' things. If you're afraid of your computer, it's likely that you're not usually it to its full potential. Be OK with making mistakes, because it allows you to explore all the functions a given program may have. You can learn things about Excel, Word, etc., without ever reading the manual. Just start clicking things and checking checkboxes and see what happens. You might be surprised.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Baraka_Guru

I work as a book editor in small-press publishing.

If you wish to get a book published, here are some universal tips (this is not a complete list). These I consider unusual because too many people don't know these enough and often get a surprising wake-up call.

1. Be absolutely sure to follow all of the publishers’ guidelines to the T when making a submission. Failing to do so can easily give your proposal that “kiss of death” in publishing: the rejection. Always remember, it’s so easy to say no.
   
2. For the love of literature, please, please! if you want to be a published author one day…please read books…and lots of them. Do it lots, please. I’ve seen far too many submissions where I’ve found absolutely no evidence that the writer has ever read a book published within the area of their submission. Read everything. Read good things; read bad things. Just read. It’s beginning to seem as though there are more writers than readers out there, and that’s a bad thing. Bottom line: a writer (especially the published and/or professional kind) is a reader first and a writer second.
   
3. Publishing some of your material in non-book publications greatly increases your odds of publishing something as a book publication. Books are at the top end of the financial risk spectrum. New and emerging authors are huge risks. Lessen the risk by getting a publishing track record of some kind under your belt: think articles/pieces in journals, newspapers, magazines, and other forms of publishing.
   
4. Don’t do it for the money. If you’re in it for the money, it means you don’t quite understand one or two things: 1) money and/or 2) book publishing. Or maybe you have a fetish for lottery-like long shots, I don’t know. If you want to write and publish a book, make sure it’s a labour of love. This is the kind of mindset most successful authors have, and it will show in the writing. Contrary to what you might think, book publishing is not a fat-cat industry.
   
5. This last one can’t be stressed enough: Writing just isn’t an art form; it’s also a craft—some would say primarily so. If you don’t develop your skills and techniques (as would, say, a musician or a painter), your odds of ever producing anything worthy of the public eye will be slim to none. A budding writer once asked a prominent writer how many hours one should devote to working each day to be a successful writer. The answer? Twenty-four. As a writer, your materials are language, thought, and experience. Don’t forget that. You can’t call yourself a writer unless it’s what you do even when you aren’t physically writing.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

filtherton

#1. Despite how interesting the description of the internship sounds, you just might end up making plots in Excel for weeks on end. And though you might begin to feel as though you are some sort of Excel expert, you aren't, and in any case, nobody would care even if you were.

Daniel_

Erm. I work in condoms. Well, not IN them, but you know...

1) Latex condoms fail in minutes if you get any oil on them.

2) Condoms used for anal sex are more likely to fail, especially if you don't use enough lube (but see 1 above)

3) Too small, or too large = failure risk.

4) Thin are as strong as thick.

5) Most condom failure is due to user error.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

braisler

1) So if you get oily, work quickly!

2) How is this tested in the condom industry? Seriously, do they have a machine that simulates a penis penetrating an anus and another penetrating a vagina?

3) This is why I use MagnumXL... not bragging, just saying

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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
- Albert Einstein
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Lasereth

I work in computer tech support.

1. Is your computer running slow? It's not because it's old or outdated. It simply needs to be reformatted which wipes out the PC and can be done with a Windows installation CD. Next time your 3-5 year old PC is running slow and you think it is simply too old and outdated, ask a computer person you know if they will reformat it for you and it will be running as fast as a $1,000 PC bought today.

2. If your computer ever, EVER gives you a weird error or freezes or breaks, restart it before asking for help. Restarting a computer (as in go to Start => Shutdown or Start => Restart) fixes a gigantic portion of computer problems.

3. A quick lesson on computer hardware: the computer sitting on your desk is called the Computer, Tower, or PC. This is NOT the same as the Hard Drive or CPU. The CPU is a little chip on the inside that is the brains of the PC. The Hard Drive is a physical box on the inside of the computer that has a disk in it that stores your data.

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

SabrinaFair

I work in child support prosecution....

1) Fellas: If you have ANY doubt that a child born out of wedlock is yours, do NOT acknowledge paternity without a DNA test. Once paternity is established, it is damn-near impossible to disestablish, and you'll end up paying to support someone else's child.
2) Fellas: if you're married, and your wife is running around on you, you will probably end up paying child support if she gets pregnant, regardless of whether or not the child is actual yours. You are presumptively the father, and this is a hard one to rebut.
3) You have to pay child support; it doesn't matter if you don't have a job, if you can't stand the other person, if you get visitation with the child or not....you gots to pay, or else face civil or criminal charges.
4) If you have a child out-of-wedlock (yes, we still call it that in the Commonwealth of Kentucky), and get state benefits of any sort, you will have to comply with your friendly neighborhood child support agency, or else have your benefits cut.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

shakran

TV News:
Never turn a light on in a riot. Just like bugs, the guys doing the beat-downs are drawn to light.

When storm chasing, bring a jacket, even if it's 90 degrees out.

snowy

1. You can train your baby/toddler to laugh when they fall down. Don't freak out when your kid falls unless they've bumped the back of their head or there is visible blood (even then, stay calm, but be concerned and comforting). Smile, and say something like, "Oops!" and chuckle. Kids freak out because their caretakers freak out. If you stay calm and don't make a big deal out of it, they will stay calm.

2. If there is blood, distraction works wonders. While you clean and bandage the kid up, ask them what their favorite foods are or what their favorite sport is. Ask open-ended questions that can lead to other questions. Do they like pie? What kind of pie? and so on. For kids who can't speak yet, relocate them to a spot near a window and play a game of I Spy while administering first aid.

3. Having first aid/CPR skills is of vital importance. If you don't have them, you should. Make sure you get the CPR class with AED training.

4. Cut adolescents some slack. They are relearning social skills. With the onset of puberty, adolescents have to figure out how to maintain peer relationships with the introduction of hormones. Don't you remember how hard that was?

I have a whole bunch, but I think that's enough for now.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Banshee

If you have any natural stone surfaces in your home, floors, counter tops, showers etc.. the sealer that was used will not protect the stone from acids, ammonia & alcohol. It will protect it from small spills that you can clean up quickly. Use a coaster, wipe your feet and always remember to maintain and re-seal your stone surfaces once a year.

noodle

I'm a pediatric hospice/palliatice care social worker.
I've learned a LOT.

1. Never wait to say something important.
2. Never doubt that what you have to say is important to someone.
3. Never let your own needs get in the middle of someone else's dying process.
4. People are going to die whether you're around or not. Your involvment in those persons' lives and the lives of their loved ones can either be a good one or not so good one. You decide.
5. Kids are way smarter than all of us.
6. They know you are there. (Plus, if you say something after they stop breathing and they start again, they might bust you for "talking shit". It happens.)
7. You can't be there all the time for everyone. And half of the people in your life don't want you there anyway. So get over it.
8. A phone call is never wrong. Showing up at the house with food can be. But a phone can be answered or ignored. Suck it up.
9. Death isn't always ugly. Sometimes it's pretty and peaceful. And morticians can make it HIDEOUS.
10. You have to have a sense of humor about illness, bodily functions, death, etc. Other people do not.

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Manic_Skafe

If you have half of a brain, working in the armored industry is a waste of potential.

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

LordEden

Computer Jockey:

1. Backup, for the love of god and EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY, BACK YOUR SHIT UP! You have 4 years of .pdf files and emails sitting in your inbox? Oh, you didn't know that MS Outlook has a size limit on their .pst files (2 gig). You know what the fix is for that, a program that clips off the end of your file to make it small enough to be opened again with no chance of getting that 25 meg back. If you made it, back it up! If you downloaded it and don't want to again, BACK IT UP! 10 mintues a day backing up your data, you might save you alot of time and effort/your ass/your job.

Cook/Chef:

1. STOP BEING PICKY! Yeah, yeah, you might be allergic to pine nuts, that's ok to ask for no pine nuts in your pasta. If you think you don't like them, Eat the fuckers anyway. Line cooks are some of the most underpaid employees on the planet for the work they do. Think about the guy cooking your fish on a friday night at a nice resturant (not fucking chillis/applebees/TGIF) and the 100+ orders he has put out in the last hour. He's trying to keep everything under control and all the plates looking nice for the expo chef. Then he gets your ticket; extra pasta, light sauce, no pinenuts, add olives, no scallots, add red onions, pancetta on the side. You know the first words out of this guy mouth is? WHAT THE FUCK CHEF? WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE GUYS?!? He's not going to like you and he is NOT going to cook your food to the best of his abilities. You fucked up his chi, his flow, his mojo. You are going to get a shit plate, just good enough to pass inspection. Don't be picky, eat what you are served.

2. Don't order well done steaks, you just have officially paid $25 bucks for beef jerky. Most likely you are getting this shitty end of the steak cause you are eating shoe leather anyway. Blood is good for you.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Willravel

I work at a non-profit in/near downtown San Jose.

1) Learn to know and love the copy machine. Learn it's in and outs, learn it's quirks, and never, ever forget that it's just a machine. I've seen some of the most peaceful, laid back people I know almost go all "falling down" just because they put a paper perpendicular to what it should have been on the scanner or who didn't remember to hit "2-2", or double-sided.

2) Park in a place that is easily viewable from a busy street. My Eclipse was probably broken into a dozen times over the course of a year parking in the back parking lot. Admittedly it was a very ostentatious vehicle, but really there's no reason to risk it even if you drive a beater.

3) Fast food restaurants love to pump food smells into the air to attract business. To battle this, if you can help it, never bring something bland for lunch and never forget lunch. One or two small visits to Taco Bell or McDonalds can turn into once or twice a week. Combine a regular intake of fast food with a sedentary desk job and you're looking down the barrel of obesity.

Baraka_Guru

Can I add to this?

Keep a non-perishable emergency lunch at work if you can--for those days when you're running late, don't feel like making a lunch, or happen to forget it at home. Keep all you need handy as well: a can opener, dishes, a kettle, whatever.

This has saved me so many times. It helps having a microwave/kettle available.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

eribrav

Not specific to any line of work in particular but related to your suggestions:

Keep a clean pair of underwear, a clean pair of socks, and a towel in one of your desk drawers.
Trust me you never know when it will come in handy, and it may be never, but when you need those things you will be damned happy they are available.

Baraka_Guru

Oh, and keep a stick of deodorant as well. For those days you bloody well forget to put it on!

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Glory's Sun

Always make sure the person who ordered a production spot..actually knows what their system can play.

stupid..leightronix......grr

Charlatan

1) I watch TV for a living. I watch a lot of television. It's my job to find the good stuff out there. Everyone knows good TV when they see it but not many can explain why it's good. The best way to learn this is to watch bad television. A lot of bad television. There is nothing like seeing bad content to place good content in relief.

2) When dealing with contracts always read everything twice.

3) When interviewing subjects remember that the interview is about them. Ask your question and let them talk. And don't forget to listen! They might say something cool.

4) When recording your interviews, make sure you nod your head rather than saying, "yes" or "hmmm". People don't want to hear your grunting.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

laconic1

I work for an automotive extended service contract company

1. There is no such thing as a "bumper to bumper" extended warranty and the warranty never covers everything, no matter what the salesperson tells you.

2. For the love of God do not buy an extended warranty from a telemarketer! I cannot stress this enough! You will pay more money for less coverage this way.

ASU2003

I can't tell you where I work.

1. Trust no one.

2. If you have to ask, you don't need to know.

3. Asking forgiveness sometimes works better than asking permission. Except when it's your boss.

4. It's always purchasing's fault. Blame purchasing.

5. Always have a plan B. Maybe a plan C & D.

phathom

Cable Industry:

1: Do not use store bought splitters or cables with anything that hooks up to the cable system, from your vcr to tv is fine, but that's about it.
They simply cause problems for you and the rest of the system by losing signal and bringing noise into the system. The store bought splitters are nothing but copper wire inside a metal casing, this does nothing for signal loss or shielding and majority of them are giant shorts that will cause you problems, you wouldn't put wire something up with the positive and negative touching, so why would you do that here?
The current ones the company provides are fully shielded circuit boards that gain no noise, do not lose any signal, and do not short in any way (older ones from the early 90s and before were just like the store bought ones).
Besides they are provided free, take advantage of them. Also if you use the store bought stuff and end up having problems for us to come out and fix, not only have you spent the $ to buy the stuff but also the $ for the service call for us to fix it, when you could just pay the $ for us to do it right the first time.

2: Gold connectors, splitters, etc. is not better it's worse, you are not passing signal through the outside shielding, it's not a positive negative system, it's a signal on the center conductor and the rest is shielding. Gold only attracts more outside noise into the system, don't spend the extra money for something that is going to make things worse.

3: If you want additional outlets ran, call and have the company do it for the above reasons. It only costs about $20 for it to be done right, versus you paying the same or more for the materials and then having someone come out to put proper connections on the line you ran and a proper splitter that isn't going to screw up your signal.
Cost of company doing it = about $20,
Cost of you doing it and having to have the company come behind you to fix it = $50+ And your time.

4: We only support everything up to our equipment, if your having a problem with your VCR/DVD working with your TV, your on your own, we will not fix it for you. It is your problem, we have nothing to do with it. Same thing with your computer, router, etc. We support from the line outside up to the line going to your equipment, once it gets to a piece of your equipment (computer, router, tv, etc.) It's up to you to have that work right, we are not going to fix your computer, or repair your tv, or configure your router for you, unless you happened to order home networking in which case the router your using is company equipment and we support that.

5: When you get a time frame, say 2-4pm that is the arrival time only not the timeframe we will start at and be done by. So many people do not understand that. Most people get the impression that we will arrive at 2 and be done by 4 and get upset when we show up at 3:45 and aren't done by 4 when it typically takes a hour per install on average. If you have to leave towards the end of the timeframe reschedule it for a date and time you have more time.

6: Related to #5. When we give you a time frame, please be there, you already ok'd it and told us you would be there when you schedule the appointment. Do not get upset that we do not call you 30-45 minutes before we arrive. The way jobs are assigned is when someone frees up and is in the area they get the next closest job that needs to be done in that time frame. Normally when we get the job to go to your appointment we just got off a job around the corner, down the street, or less than 5 minutes away. We do not have the time to call you 30-45 minutes before we arrive because if we called you, by the time you picked up we'd be in front of your house and we are not going to sit there for a half hour waiting for you when you said you'd be home and your not.

I know some of that is venting, but there is some good advice there to make the world a happier place if everyone understands how things work a little better. Thank you for reading.

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-snooch to the nooch

thespian86

Actor/Playwright. I'm going to give tips on how to survive theatre:

-Do it yourself. Life is too short to wait around for others to call you. Make your life happen for yourself. So many people I know believe that staying on the course will get you somewhere but the only gaurentee that you'll be doing work that is significant to you is to call your own shots (as much as humanly possible). Trust me.

-Know your limitations; personally, physically, sexually, etc. There is nothing worse then getting a chance in life that you've worked hard for and finding out you are uncomfortable with the work you are being asked to do. Do not put yourself in a position where you have to make serious character compromises.

-Sleep is only important if you don't want to succeed. I haven't slept in years.

-Never be late, do your work; professionalism will get you future work. I know that seems par for life, but people tend to confuse professionalism with being polite in a business as social as ours. It isn't personal (unless you make it that), it's business; either way the business aspect doesn't change. Do your job first.

-Don't sleep with the stage manager. Yes. She/he takes care of your every whim and need. They are always there to support you and catch you when you fall. Yes; It is nice. It is their job though. They will not have a cue to cue mock of your life. There will be no dress run if you fuck them.

-Art is subjective; don't be a snob.

And some general things that you should know about theatre (in my opinion).

-Theatre is not for elitists. Theatre is for humanity. Are you human? Then art is for you! No one says you have to discuss A.E. Housman or drink ironic alcoholic beverages. That is a scene; it is not art. There is a difference and any good artist knows the line.

-There are several different kinds of theatre. Don't go and see Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and decide what musicals are. Don't go see Lion In The Streets and think "What the fuck is going on!? Theatre is fucking ridiculous!?" Take chances; it's worth it.

-Yes, it is rude that you have your cell phones on. I bring this up, not because the ring is on and it's annoying and distracting, but your phone being on "vibrate" for the show fucks with some of the more complex LX and sound equipment. You are literally disrupting and hindering our work. We are being paid. It's like me coming to your IT job and unplugging your computer and complaining about how shitty the your work is.


There is more. I won't force that upon you. Great thread; really great.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

spindles

To add to this - a screen shot can be just as good, because you can't stuff up copying the error message if you make a screen shot. Pressing the Print Screen button and pasting into a word doc is pretty simply done and can save heaps of time.

On the other side of the coin - if you're pissed off at a colleague, and have drafted an expletive filled email that is likely to sear their skin off, don't send it - go have a coffee then come back and revise it first... to add more expletives (just kidding).

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who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

girldetective

Do not commit suicide, for so many reasons. Someone will miss you even if you think not and you will ruin their lives and their loved ones' lives, as well your own.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Plan9

I learned a lot of things from the military:

1. Anything important should be tied down. Anything really important should be attached to your body in such a way that it won't be lost if you are to fall out of a plane in the middle of the night.

2. Keeping MRE entree pouches against your ribs in subzero weather ensures that you'll have a warm meal later. I used to keep a #7 real close to my heart.

3. 123-cell batteries, Red Bull, 550 cord rolls, and multitools are the best wampum ever. Somebody always wants them and is willing to trade for 'em.

4. M112 works better if you cut the block in half and stack the halves on top of each other.

5. Anybody wearing a lot of high speed GI Joe gear that has a matching camo pattern or isn't filthy is a probably a douchebag and should be treated as such.

6. The hardest part of any deployment is coming home.
-----Added 6/2/2009 at 02 : 40 : 19-----
Armored industry? You mean those breadboxes that move money?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Altavoz

Restaurant industry:

1. Servers like having you order food how you want it. We'd rather you get a meal that YOU like prepared how YOU want it, than to have you spend the first 10 minutes of your meal picking things out, only to have your food sent back because it's cold. Please, if you want no onions, don't be afraid to say "No onions"!

2. Going along with the post above by LordEden, don't make your order TOO complicated. The chefs in most restaurants have a bunch of pre-made items, sauces, garnishes, etc. that are all put together to form your dish. It's kind of annoying when they have to remove and add all kinds of things. Restaurants have a menu for a reason. Besides, you might actually LIKE the onions you've been removing from your food this whole time!

3. 4:00 pm is shift exchange. If you want your service at a reasonable length of time, come in either at 3:00 or 4:30. If you come in at 3:30, the server has to stay until you leave. If you come in at 4:00, you risk not being seated in a section where the server is ready for you.

4. If you're in the mood for a salad, try getting a side salad and adding chicken to it. How many times do you REALLY eat all the lettuce in a full sized salad? Where I work, the menu salads are around $10-12 whereas a side dinner salad is only $4. You can add a full chicken breast for $2.99 more. Often, you can add other things like tomatoes, onions, and croutons for free. Cheese will cost you!

5. When in doubt, ask your server. He or she can recommend items on the menu to you, and also ways to make things cheaper. Seriously. We're not in the business to rip you off. A lot of times we know ways to combine or modify existing menu items so that it results in a cheaper bill overall.

nomcat

Winemaker...

1. There's a lot more than just fermented grape juice in your bottle of wine.

2. Don't trust what the back label says.

3. Try the $5 wine, it could well be better than a $20 bottle.

__________________
There are many powers in the world, for good or for evil. Some are greater than I am. Against some I have not yet been measured. But my time is coming.

OkieJoad

For my first post, I offer these gems from my profession (with the caveat that I cannot, of course, reveal my employer):

1. Always be aware where you are. No one can help you if you cannot help yourself, and cannot articulate or communicate where you are or what is happening.

2. Stay calm and carry on. Don't Panic - you are only hurting yourself if you lose it.

3. Never talk to the police. A prosecutor can get a conviction on some of the most benign things you might say, even if you are innocent. Don't lie, don't tell the truth - just plead the 5th.

4. Be polite always - especially to law enforcement. (Refer back to 2 and 3.) Stay calm, don't use abusive language or sarcasm, don't make sudden movements.

5. Don't get drunk or high if you are going to be where there might be trouble. Don't make telephone calls when drunk. Don't try to make reports when drunk. Especially - Don't Drive Drunk. Drink when and where it is safe, and sober up before you have to do anything serious.

6. Keep your receipts. Document, document, document. Always have a lawyer (and ask for him.)

7. Take responsibility for yourself. No one else can look out for you all of the time. It's your country - get involved.

8. Call the right agency, follow directions. You aren't going to magically get instant help or your demands met if you consistently ask the wrong people - even if you threaten them or drop names (you will get on their shit list). Brush up on your civics, be aware of jurisdictions and how the various levels of government work - become familiar with whom does what.

9. Don't posture. No one cares how 'big' a man you think you are, or how 'bad' a woman. You aren't on the silver screen, and nobody is watching that matters. (You aren't going to get an Oscar - but you might get tasered.) The best place to be when there is trouble, is far away. Best to use one's feet before one's mouth or fist.

10. Choose your friends carefully. They'll get you into some right proper shit if you don't. You become like whomever you hang around with.

Plan9

Hahaha, I like all the secretive stuff in this thread. It's funny.

As if a cursory Google search couldn't reveal half of our real names, pictures, etc.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ring

If you spend too much time looking for your favorite lucky pen,
the secret to the universe that was revealed to you in a dream,
quickly vaporizes away.

Keep a voice activated tape recorder with you at all times.

ItWasMe

Retail:
1. Nobody loves your kids as much, or thinks they are as darling, as you do.

2. When a child has a candy wrapper in their hand and asks if you have trash can ... pick up the trash can so they can put it into the trash. If you stick your hand out for the wrapper, the little darling will stick a blob of wet, sticky, chewed bubble gum onto the palm of your hand so that they can eat the candy they just bought/unwrapped.

3. Yes, we know the prices of XYZ are different at Cosco. If you want to buy 1000 of them at Cosco, go for it. We sell them individually.

4. If you think an employee is ignoring you, they might just be waiting for you to hang up your danged cell phone before they finish helping you. Some people get angry when you interrupt their phone calls; others get angry when you wait for them to hang up. We can't win. We know this.

Quality Control ~ Printers
1. If your new printer already has a print count of approximately 400 pages, consider yourself lucky. Your printer was one of the very few that made it into the lab that does more extensive testing. They checked for paper jams, errors, print quality for both text and graphics, print speed, and a host of other things. And it passed.

2. If you turn out the lights and notice there is light coming from inside your printer, don't panic and grab a fire extinguisher. A few (expensive) models that we worked with had a light inside that helped keep the ink warm.

3. If your printer uses solid ink (like blocks or crayons) don't turn it off overnight if you plan to use it soon after you turn it back on. Some models take quite a while to re-melt the ink. Calling customer service won't make it melt any faster.

5. Laser printers ~ if you get toner dust on your clothing when changing the cartridge, DONT try to wash it off with water or rub it off. Try using a small vacuum, or try shaking it off if a small spill.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

CandleInTheDark

Forestry

1. Tie flagging tape to everything. If you are not wearing it, it can be lost. More is better.

2. Do not travel a forest service road unless you have a death wish. Getting smoked by 20,000lbs of timber truck head on has got to hurt.

3. We get it: you care about the environment. So do we, shut up and learn something. We are not "industry shills" being taught by bribed academics. Furthermore, we did go to university for 4 years and this is a real job.

4. Do not walk on fallen trees. You will injure yourself.

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Where there is doubt there is freedom.

World's King

Chef...


1. Never fry bacon naked

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Daniel_

I was a Boy Scout - I learned "Be Prepared" as a small child, and still live by it.

That is what I did today - the pot of Japanese noodles that I keep several of in the bottom drawer of my file cabinet.

My sports bag lives in the boot of my car partly for this reason.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

LordEden

To add to the other end of the equation, don't come into a restaurant 5 minutes before closing. NO ONE wants to wait on you, the cooks most likely have everything stored away and cleaned up. The kitchen is ready to shut down and pack it in for the night, not cook another meal for some jerkoff who can't tell time. The servers are trying to get their tables out the door to cashout and do sidework/roll silver, only the closer/bartender is left on duty. If you have to ask "Are you guys still open?/Are you guys still serving food?" go to fucking mcdonald's.

I know it's the WK and he is concise and to the point, but I wanted to hear him rant. I always love hearing other people in the trenches (kitchens) give a shoutout.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Xerxys

Now you tell me!!! The bastards hurt like a motherfucker!!!!!

//Threadjack!

inBOIL

Rainforest research:

1. Before touching or leaning on a tree, check it thoroughly.

2. If the specimen you're holding looks like it's breaking free of the forceps, drop both of them. This will cost you one data point. Failing to drop them in time will cost you many data points, as well as a good deal of pain.

3. Always carry a flashlight with you. It's easy to get delayed, and the forest gets dark fast.

4. Those tiny points of light in your flashlight beam aren't dewdrops, they're spider eyes.

5. Don't even try to stay dry; wear clothes that dry quickly once it stops raining.

6. Your sense of smell can save you a great deal of trouble.

7. A 3-inch deep puddle looks the same as a 3-foot deep puddle.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

Mirth

I'd like to counter that one. Engineering in Information Technology student here.

Reformatting a 3-5 year old computer will help at first because it's fresh and starting from a clean slate again, like it was when you got it, but that's because it doesn't have what was on it before the reformat. Once the user starts to reinstall the programs that they normally use, services are added and automatically start upon boot, as well as programs running in the background (ex: antivirus), which can slow down the computer once they are all piled up again. And also, programs nowadays eat up so much more memory, so unless the user is using all outdated programs from 2005 and such, things are going to be slow again for them in a short amount of time.