Friends and Friends - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

highdro69 · 02-28-2009, 11:09 PM

You guys are all of a very varied age, so perhaps I can get a consensus to equal an honest answer, buuuutttt....
how can I avoid the perception that I'm trying to "nail" my female friends when I go out with them? I'm not in the least bit flirty, not touchy at all, CUZ THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. Yet even people I haven't seen in years are hesitant to come say hi for fear of "throwing my game." I initiate conversation with them, and it becomes apparent I'm just out with a friend, then they are all about catching up.
But from the outside, it looks like I'm trying to hookup.
Is there anything you guys think I could do, as far as actions, body language, dress, color of lipstick, whatever, that might make our nights a tad less awkward?
(this I'm posting as I just come home from the bar, so please excuse my horrid grammar and syntax hehe)

robot_parade · 03-01-2009, 07:14 PM

Not really. If you're out 1-on-1 with someone of the opposite gender, it seems pretty normal for someone else to assume it's a date. Only thing I can think of is if the said event is a group thing.

Of course, if you go places with 2 (or more) of your female friends at once, those same people will be mighty impressed with your pimpin' skills. ;-)

Xerxys · 03-01-2009, 07:31 PM

I bet that's right, I went out with two girls this xmas and the few folk from work who saw me were sure to spread the news. Self esteem never has been so high since then!!

MSD · 03-01-2009, 07:39 PM

Just tell them you're out with a friend. If they can't wrap their heads around that, they need to grow up.

MuadDib · 03-01-2009, 11:53 PM

Why does it bother you if people think you are seeing people you are not? This is actually a problem I've had many times in my life since I have tons of friends who are women and I do have a bit of a flirty personality, but the only times it has ever bothered have turned out to be times when I actually did have more-than-friendly feelings towards the girl I was out with. Well... that or when the perception has kept me from picking up another girl while I was out. ;-)

highdro69 · 03-02-2009, 06:32 AM

it's just really annoying when I go out to socialize, and people aren't as social as they would otherwise be if I was with male friends. My friend made a good suggestion though; have a more hardened body language to that of protectorate and not of interested friend. Kind of dick to pretend I'm not interested in what my friend has to say, but I'm sure with practice I can find a happy medium.

dlish · 03-02-2009, 07:01 AM

guys are never friends with women just because they want to be friends. theres always more to the story. theres always an alterior motive and it usually involves sex.

ring · 03-02-2009, 08:05 AM

I'm a little confused here.
I suppose it doesn't really matter how you look at this from a gender position,
or sexual preference stance, I suppose.

If I was with out with a friend that used body language to suggest anything other than
honesty,
I would be offended, frankly.

When you say socialize, do you mean just talking and hanging out?,
or are you worried that being out with 'just a friend'...is going to cut your chances
of meeting someone to date?

@dlish, so are you telling me that I too, a hetero female, always have ulterior motives to get into the pants
of all my guy friends?
I am shocked and saddened to see this way of thinking, alive and kicking.

Esoteric · 03-02-2009, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlish

guys are never friends with women just because they want to be friends. theres always more to the story. theres always an alterior motive and it usually involves sex.

Heh, I can tell you that this isn't the case and it's kind of upsetting that this stereotype is one of the first things that comes to your mind. He doesn't want to bang his female friends, I do.

ring: highdro is a male.

Xerxys · 03-02-2009, 08:53 AM

Wow dlish, ...thanks for the help.

Granted I have friends that are female and I do want to (ahem) knock em' boots wit' but I also have friends that ARE female but I dont really want to have sex with. I'm not saying they're not attractive, but the whole point of the OP, is to avoid this perception.

So people, is this even possible?

Esoteric, ..... I love you.

highdro69 · 03-02-2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ring

If I was with out with a friend that used body language to suggest anything other than
honesty,
I would be offended, frankly.

that's the problem ring. tis a very tricky subject

ring · 03-02-2009, 09:12 AM

Well, to be completely silly here for a moment,
why not wear a t-shirt, with a slogan on both sides,
so everyone in the room gets the picture clearly?

sorry, I don't have any better advice at this time.

highdro69 · 03-02-2009, 09:14 AM

HAHAHA. That was actually one of my first ideas.

robot_parade · 03-02-2009, 09:20 AM

Maybe something with an arrow, along the lines of "I'm with stupid. <---"
"I'm not dating her. <----"

Just need to be sure she's always on the correct side of you.

dlish · 03-02-2009, 10:33 AM

sorry i was walking out the door when i decided to post in haste.

i didnt mean ALL men..but a very large majority of men think along those lines. lets not kid ourselves here.

and no ring, your a hetero female..you may not want anything past platonic with male friends, but whos to say that your males friends dont have an inkling towards you? chances are, they probably do.

Hyacinthe · 03-02-2009, 10:50 PM

I find the idea of a t-shirt saying "not currently on a date" either side vastly amusing

Speaking from the female side of this equation - I would just ignore it, far as I can see there's nothing you can do to make it obvious you're not on a date that will not risk offending the person that you're out with.

Maybe it says alot about your other acquaintances that they're unable to see you in the company of a woman without assuming you're trying to get laid. Either that or you're just such a stud they find the concept of a woman being around you and not being sucked in by your animal magnetism hard to understand.

dlish it really IS possible to have a gender opposite friend who doesn't want to sleep with you - my best friend is male and knows more about me then almost anyone else (barring my SO) he's one of the few guys that I feel absolutely at peace around. There's no sexual tension there at all,

"we're too close it would be like dating a sibling"

his words not mine.

ItWasMe · 03-03-2009, 12:14 AM

Tell them to send you a text message. And if you respond, it's okay for them to approach.

Xerxys · 03-03-2009, 12:33 AM

robot_parade, your wrong, it should be like this

"I'm stupid, I'm not dating her --->"

777 · 03-03-2009, 10:20 PM

I agree with Robot Parade, take more than one of your girls with you, HighDro69. Do they all get along? If so, you can call them your "Angels".

02-28-2009, 11:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
highdro69 Crazy Location: Tampa Bay, Florida	Friends and Friends You guys are all of a very varied age, so perhaps I can get a consensus to equal an honest answer, buuuutttt.... how can I avoid the perception that I'm trying to "nail" my female friends when I go out with them? I'm not in the least bit flirty, not touchy at all, CUZ THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. Yet even people I haven't seen in years are hesitant to come say hi for fear of "throwing my game." I initiate conversation with them, and it becomes apparent I'm just out with a friend, then they are all about catching up. But from the outside, it looks like I'm trying to hookup. Is there anything you guys think I could do, as far as actions, body language, dress, color of lipstick, whatever, that might make our nights a tad less awkward? (this I'm posting as I just come home from the bar, so please excuse my horrid grammar and syntax hehe) __________________ "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

03-01-2009, 11:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
MuadDib Psycho	Why does it bother you if people think you are seeing people you are not? This is actually a problem I've had many times in my life since I have tons of friends who are women and I do have a bit of a flirty personality, but the only times it has ever bothered have turned out to be times when I actually did have more-than-friendly feelings towards the girl I was out with. Well... that or when the perception has kept me from picking up another girl while I was out. ;-) __________________ "The courts that first rode the warhorse of virtual representation into battle on the res judicata front invested their steed with near-magical properties." ~27 F.3d 751

03-02-2009, 06:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
highdro69 Crazy Location: Tampa Bay, Florida	it's just really annoying when I go out to socialize, and people aren't as social as they would otherwise be if I was with male friends. My friend made a good suggestion though; have a more hardened body language to that of protectorate and not of interested friend. Kind of dick to pretend I'm not interested in what my friend has to say, but I'm sure with practice I can find a happy medium. __________________ "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

03-02-2009, 07:01 AM	#7 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	guys are never friends with women just because they want to be friends. theres always more to the story. theres always an alterior motive and it usually involves sex. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

03-02-2009, 08:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	I'm a little confused here. I suppose it doesn't really matter how you look at this from a gender position, or sexual preference stance, I suppose. If I was with out with a friend that used body language to suggest anything other than honesty, I would be offended, frankly. When you say socialize, do you mean just talking and hanging out?, or are you worried that being out with 'just a friend'...is going to cut your chances of meeting someone to date? @dlish, so are you telling me that I too, a hetero female, always have ulterior motives to get into the pants of all my guy friends? I am shocked and saddened to see this way of thinking, alive and kicking. Last edited by ring; 03-02-2009 at 08:29 AM.. Reason: added and deleted after figuring things out

03-01-2009, 07:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Not really. If you're out 1-on-1 with someone of the opposite gender, it seems pretty normal for someone else to assume it's a date. Only thing I can think of is if the said event is a group thing. Of course, if you go places with 2 (or more) of your female friends at once, those same people will be mighty impressed with your pimpin' skills. ;-)

03-01-2009, 07:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	I bet that's right, I went out with two girls this xmas and the few folk from work who saw me were sure to spread the news. Self esteem never has been so high since then!!

03-01-2009, 07:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Just tell them you're out with a friend. If they can't wrap their heads around that, they need to grow up.

03-02-2009, 08:53 AM	#10 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	Wow dlish, ...thanks for the help. Granted I have friends that are female and I do want to (ahem) knock em' boots wit' but I also have friends that ARE female but I dont really want to have sex with. I'm not saying they're not attractive, but the whole point of the OP, is to avoid this perception. So people, is this even possible? Esoteric, ..... I love you.

03-02-2009, 09:12 AM	#12 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Well, to be completely silly here for a moment, why not wear a t-shirt, with a slogan on both sides, so everyone in the room gets the picture clearly? sorry, I don't have any better advice at this time.

03-02-2009, 09:14 AM	#13 (permalink)
highdro69 Crazy Location: Tampa Bay, Florida	HAHAHA. That was actually one of my first ideas. __________________ "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

03-02-2009, 09:20 AM	#14 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Maybe something with an arrow, along the lines of "I'm with stupid. <---" "I'm not dating her. <----" Just need to be sure she's always on the correct side of you.

03-02-2009, 10:33 AM	#15 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	sorry i was walking out the door when i decided to post in haste. i didnt mean ALL men..but a very large majority of men think along those lines. lets not kid ourselves here. and no ring, your a hetero female..you may not want anything past platonic with male friends, but whos to say that your males friends dont have an inkling towards you? chances are, they probably do. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

03-02-2009, 10:50 PM	#16 (permalink)
Hyacinthe Psycho Location: Australia	I find the idea of a t-shirt saying "not currently on a date" either side vastly amusing Speaking from the female side of this equation - I would just ignore it, far as I can see there's nothing you can do to make it obvious you're not on a date that will not risk offending the person that you're out with. Maybe it says alot about your other acquaintances that they're unable to see you in the company of a woman without assuming you're trying to get laid. Either that or you're just such a stud they find the concept of a woman being around you and not being sucked in by your animal magnetism hard to understand. dlish it really IS possible to have a gender opposite friend who doesn't want to sleep with you - my best friend is male and knows more about me then almost anyone else (barring my SO) he's one of the few guys that I feel absolutely at peace around. There's no sexual tension there at all, "we're too close it would be like dating a sibling" his words not mine. __________________ "I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own" "Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

03-03-2009, 12:14 AM	#17 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	Tell them to send you a text message. And if you respond, it's okay for them to approach. __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

03-03-2009, 12:33 AM	#18 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	robot_parade, your wrong, it should be like this "I'm stupid, I'm not dating her --->"

03-03-2009, 10:20 PM	#19 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	I agree with Robot Parade, take more than one of your girls with you, HighDro69. Do they all get along? If so, you can call them your "Angels". __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny