thoughts on "may-december" relationships
 

i'm a fifty-five year-old guy who has been racing bicycles for 25 years, and who stays fit year-round by lifting weights 3x/week and riding 2-3+ hours daily. it seems i have always been involved with younger women, mostly because i prefer a level of physical activity and fitness that most available women my age don't have. i've always said i would go out with someone my age if they took care of themselves physically, but i just haven't found one yet with whom we hit in other areas, too [for example, i'm NOT a republican] who is ALSO somewhat fit. mind you, i'm in iowa, land of butterfat.

the downside of this is that as i get older, fewer women comprise my potential dating pool.

what are your thoughts on this? would you, or DO you, go out with older men [or women]? why or why not? what age limits do you have? i'll mention my experiences after i hear some other comments.

Are you looking for long term or just to get laid?

I just turned 40, and i'm extremely unsuccessful with chicks, so I dont have any stories of dating younger girls. One thing I've found out, talking to lots of chicks, is that MANY younger girls prefer older guys. I had an opportunity with a 20 year old, she approached me, she wanted me and she was actually good looking. I freaked out about it and blew it, but thinking back on it, perhaps i should have pursued it.

So yeah, its possible. Can you handle the inane banter after a month though?

I don't know. I don't have any specific numbers in mind. I do find myself being attracted to younger women mostly - physically. Intellectually, I prefer either my own age or slightly older.

I think for me it comes down to intellect. Some people keep that young mind thing going as they mature. Others become very conservative and narrow-minded. Another concern is that she and I would have to have enough in common... If you're 50 and the other person is 20, you're probably in very different places in your lives... This doesn't make it easier to maintain a relationship once the initial attraction wears off.

But, honestly, looks are a big initial draw. I like perky tits and a tight arse. This is how Mother Nature made the recipe and god knows I don't apologize for myself for being a man.

I'm only 21 and I LOVE my boss. One day..... just one day..... I'll talk to her.

But seriously, I considered going out with someone way older than me and even though she thought my advances were "cute", she said no for guess what reason....... I was too much her junior :sad:

I'm not sure what type of 'dating' you are talking about? Hook-ups? Relationships? Platonic with potential for relationship? I'll answer with "relationship or relationship potential dating" because I'm not into playing the field anymore.

I am 43. I am married to someone my age. That out of the way ...

IF I were single, I would be open to dating an older guy or slightly younger guy. As I have gotten older, my priorities have changed quite a bit. I would prefer someone with similar priorities and similar stage in life. Just one example of many, I already have my kids (all that I want, from toddler to teenager), and have achieved certain life goals. I'm not sure that many older men, who is finished with parenting, would really want someone with young kids in tow. And that's okay, I would not be offended. Just as I would not want someone who is young and looking forward to starting a family. I'm just not 'there' in my life anymore. Many (not all) younger guys seem to be either school-a-holics or work-a-holics or party-a-holics. Nothing wrong with being driven to reach goals, but ... many have little or no time for an SO, and are stressed/unpleasant when they do find the time.

I work with the public and meet people of all ages every day. Many, many men that I have met in the 50+ age group seem to be less stressed, more easy going, quick to smile, more even tempered, than their younger counterparts. And boy, do they smell good! (well, until the hit age 70+ and their sense of smell dies ... prompting them to use half a bottle of cologne at a time.) They are just pleasant and easy to be around, and I'm usually pretty shy around strangers. "Life stage" theory aside, it would probably be one of those caring older guys who would send my heart a-flutter.

An age limit? Probably 48-55 years old at my age of 43.

I'm 29 and married to someone my age (okay, he's 8 months younger than I am, but close enough), and I love being in the same stage, all the time. I had always dated slightly older men before I met him... but not more than 5 years older, at most. I am not sure what my "absolute limit" would have been, if I had encountered that kind of situation... but 15 years would be seriously pushing it.

Personally, if someone is old enough to be my dad (I suppose that means 18+ years difference), it creeps me out. It also creeps me out when my own dad (who is 55) talks about dating women who are my age... it makes me feel very uncomfortable, even though I know that it should be perfectly normal, and he can do whatever he wants. But I don't want to hear about it from him.

And let's get down to it... I don't mean to offend anyone here, but my honest opinion is that I cannot imagine fucking someone that much older than me... I would feel like I was fucking my dad. That's the root of what creeps me out.

I'd go for a woman +20 from me if the attraction was there. As the great poet Aaliyah (or whomever wrote the song for her ;) ) once said, age ain't nothin' but a number. And once someone is an adult, that applies quite readily to life. Certainly, there are certain trends among people of various ages, but that does not make entire age groups totally undateable either. There are always exceptions, and even without the exceptions, I like to think the field is pretty wide open.

If it works for you, and everybody's over the consent age, then it's all good.

Personally, I tend to be attracted to men *slightly* older than me, but within the 10-year-range. I've never been interested in guys younger than me. Maybe that'll change and I'll be a cougar in my old age, but right now, the idea of going younger has no appeal to me.

I am 43. Nowadays, I find a lot of people who are 20-something years younger than me, to be relatively self-centered, idealistic, and, yes, naive. It's not that I've become "better" than them (though I do like to think I've become wiser than them, and I'm certainly more experienced than them). It's that I've already been where they've been and thought the way they think. I believe a romantic/sexual relationship is suposed to be emotionally/spiritually stimulating and challenging, as well as an intimate means for two people to continue their eternal growth, and I just don't think I'd get that kind of stimulation or challenge – and thus, growth – with a 20-something-year-old.

Furthermore, when I reflect back on the sexual relationships I had throughout my 20's and into my early 30's, I see them as inexperienced, unrealistically romantic, and lacking in the emotional/spiritual connection that I get now. (Albeit, intellectually I knew as much about sex then as I do now.) It wasn't until I reached my mid-30's that sex started becoming soulful and mind-blowing, as well as emotionally exciting and physically gratifying. As they say: the frequency of sex decreases as you get older but the quality increases. And that has proven true for me.

Thus, I would not want to date someone 20-something years younger than me. I'd even be hesitant to get involved with someone 10-15 years younger than me.

Even so, I enjoy hanging out with people in their 20's and 30's. Some of the activities I enjoy, i.e. board games, roleplaying games, and video games, are enjoyed by people in their 20's and 30's; more so, I find, than by people in their 40's.

Whatever, it's not that I find people who are 20-something years younger than me to be insufferable. (Teenagers, on the other hand... !)

Likewise, I really enjoy hanging out with people in their 40s, 50s, 60s... there's no limit to the age of my friends. If they are my parents' age (50s-60s), then I view them as parent-type figures, mentors, friends... but yeah, I would never see them as potential lovers.

I prefer men at least 5 years older, but not more than say...10. This is mostly due to my need to be connected with someone who has been where I have been and seen what I have seen. Unfortunately the men I meet, that are my age or close to (32), have either taken the wrong road and are trying to get "established" or they the right road and are ready to get started. Both scenarios I have lived through and are in my past.

I am not sure on the exact stats or anything, but the much younger partner is usually for the man in crisis. A man such as yourself, with the assumption you care for your mind as much as your body, probably wouldn't feel challenged enough.

I would find it very uncomfortable to be in a relationship with someone young enough to be my daughter. :no:

Or someone old enough to be my mother! :eek:

I'm 27 dating a gal who was legally drinking when I was born. Aside from awkward initial introductions with friends and family it is absolutely great. Once people get to know her or myself they realize how well we get along.

Once people get over the initial "Holy crap, she could be your mom" it becomes good fun.

I've always tended to like older women, but up until I met her I never thought I'd break the 10-15 year older mark.

Its really all in attitude, and really, life experiences (not age) determine a person's attitude.

thanks, all. these are good thoughts and comments.

my daughter, who is 35, is well aware of my age/energy/interest levels, and jokes about it with her friends, none of whom i've ever gone out with. however, we DO go out from time to time in a group, and we all have a great time, and i openly joke about my major crush on one of them [married, sadly, but a hard-core runner, and hence, quite physically fit].

the "young enough/old enough" thing doesn't bother me; if it bothers HER, then it doesn't happen. but i DO agree that the quality and nature of the love/sex/romance has changed and improved with age, and i find that younger women do tend to enjo the hell out of that.
thanks for the feedback; i'd love to hear more.

as for me, i've gone from being married quite young, being a single parent [and now very involved grandparent] through the phase of being involved with many women as lovers [all of whom were from 8 to 20 years younger, and quite happy with it] while i was not interested in a long-term thing, to now, wishing to be involved with a single person, and not having multiple simultaneous relationships.

I've met a lot of women my age (mid-thirties) who are more than willing to date older men. Even much older sometimes and definately if they're as fit as you describe. I think they're in the same place as me, that, Why bother with younger guys. They take so long to mature that once the woman has fulfilled her responsibilities to her children, the guys are finally ready to settle down and pay attention to her. While she's just ready to go have fun.

I am in this kind of relationship and have never felt more fulfilled. The age difference is over 25 years different and I've enjoyed it more than any other guy I've dated.

i am so happy to hear this, raeanna. the younger women with whom i've been involved [most 12 to 25 years younger] all really enjoy the opportunity to go beyond JUST fucking to really enjoying the things a life well lived and enjoyed can offer. i'm not a sugar daddy, by any means, but i do love exploring the contents of a woman's head as much [or more] as i do the contour of her body. and i DO enjoy the latter, don't get me wrong. but younger guys often don't recognize or appreciate how terribly enjoyable and enlightened a woman can be--the total package.

good luck to you, raeanna!

It is always heart-warming to see people enjoying their lives and going for what they want. :)

Heh, my wife is 16 years my senior. I married her when I was 26, and never regretted it once in the past 14 years. And while I am attracted to her physically, I find just how young she acts as much a turn on as anything on her body. As far as what everyone else thinks, well, tough shit. We're very happy, end of discussion.

I've considered/tried going out with women in their 30s (I'm in my low 20s) but for same reasons above, they felt like they were "taking advantage" of me (yeah right!) :P

I have had a range of relationships from 9 years my junior to 13 years my senior.

Age doesn't dictate. I judge on their merits as PEOPLE, not on their age group.

I'm married to a guy 15 years older than I am. Always liked older men (and older women, for that matter).

When I was in my mid-20s people my own age seemed sort of... unformed. It seemed like people in their 30s and 40s were just more complex and interesting. Not to mention 50s. I had some major professor crushes going on. There was this music professor/conductor who looked like Leonard Bernstein, I was 21 and thought he was utterly magnetic. Nothing happened, I just worshipped from afar, although he did come up to me and praise my enthusiasm, saying it was a pleasure to look into the chorus and see a singer with this great warm smile... You should've seen my smile THEN, heh...

What was the question again?

Oh yeah. Now that I'm pushing 40, people my own age seem to have grown up (funny that!). I'm happily married, but if I were out there dating, I'd probably still be drawn to older people but I'd be more receptive to my own age group than I used to be.

And let's get down to it... I don't mean to offend anyone here, but my honest opinion is that I cannot imagine fucking someone that much older than me... I would feel like I was fucking my dad. That's the root of what creeps me out.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree...but for me, I've always been the "older women", even if it's just by 5 to 10 years. I always loved taking away their virginity in the best, sweetest poosible way and some of us are still friends!

So this thread is interesting from me, a cougar's point of view.

Please note - that it's been a very long time since I've "tutored" a young man...

Most May-December relationships won't work. Been there and done that. Although I am an older man, I "lucked" into a relationship with a woman 15 years my junior and, although it was very intense, it was also a heartbreaker. Seems she would not meet me half way to be together. In many ways I still love her.

For those that can find the right person, regardless of age, more power to them and I hope they find all the happiness they can share.

I'm 35 and have relatively recently gone out with a 24 year old, a 20 year old, a 27 year old, a 30 year old (and possibly a couple I have forgotten. :) When I see many women my own age, I think they look old or out of shape, so a lot of it is physical, of course. Most people who don't know me think I'm about 27-28, and I go to the gym about 6 days a week, so physically i'm not totally surprised to date younger women, but it is a little harder for me to imagine being in a relationship with a much younger girl, although hooking up is fun. I find that a lot of 20ish girls, and girls my age or more, are far more flirtatious with me than their 25-30 year older counterparts, and they seem fairly comfortable going beyond flirting, as well. odd...