Spartanx9

Okay, this situation is this.

Well, before today, my sister used to live with her boyfriend in his parent's house (real smart move on my parents allowing her to do that, considering shes only 16. yeah.. my parents weren't the best, they looked after themselves more than us, but thats a whole another topic), but now, today they showed up at the door, cause they got kicked out (keep in mind i'm still in my dad's house).

Now, while my dad is out of town till later tonight, so he'll have the nice shock of getting asked about them to stay.

I am searching for a job (lame recession in the US ) cause I'm ready to move out and get my own place, I'm going to have to deal with both of them until that option is available, but I generally don't like either of them (never got along with my bro or sis, since they treated me like shit 90% of the time).

My question is this to you all: Any of you ever been in this situation and any ideas for me on how to cope? or would it be best to bite the bullet, keep searching and get out asap?

And for another question, once you did move out, ever really severed most contact with your family if they weren't the best to you?

It feels like I'm the only one thats level headed in my side of the family, and having to deal with my family is something i rather not do once i'm out.

Ayashe

Severing family ties is not something that I can agree with. Though, my situation is probably much different than yours is. I could definitely understand keeping a distance, keeping them out of your personal affairs etc. Your brother and sister probably have a lot of growing up to do, at least it sounds as if your sister does. Who knows what will change given time.

While I was growing up I absolutely detested my brother, he was very cruel to me. A lot of our issues were that our father was an alcoholic and rode on him pretty hard. Our mother was not very emotionally supportive, to give her some credit she had a lot to deal with on her own. Once my brother came to terms with his source of anger and recognized that our father had changed himself, things were very much different. Whatever difficulties and differences that we once had have now grown and evolved, we are much closer now because of it.

Distance yourself, stretch your wings, think about the reasons for your problems with your family and turn them into something positive. Don't become what you despise them for, it is quite easy to fall into that pattern.

MSD

You could sever contact with your family, but you'll probably find that they're a lot more tolerable when you don't see them every day.

Cynthetiq

The less time I spend with my family the more I appreciate and have patience for the time that I do spend with them.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Spartanx9

I wonder who changed the title of me thread, anywho it doesn't matter, except that I do plan to move out, cause well, i need to


I guess, probably won't see it until I'm not seeing them everyday.

Willravel

What did your dad say?

Spartanx9

about them moving in? Yeah, its going to happen.

While i'm not at war with my bro most of the time now, he's trying to see if he can get me a job so i can start saving up and get out of here.

genuinegirly

Save up.
Do you have a bachelor's degree?

My situation in 2004:
Couldn't find a steady job that would pay well enough to afford an apartment. Lived with my parents, sister, her husband, and their 3 loud children. Found it torture. Spent most waking hours at friends' houses when I wasn't at work. Didn't even sleep at my parents' place most of the time, just crashed on friends' couches and considered living out of my car if it got bad enough. I nearly moved just to move a few times, arranged things with friends in different cities - but I just didn't have any savings, and decided I would be a burden.

How I got out:
Applied to university, applied for financial aid, and was handed tuition + meager living stipend in grants. I didn't have loans, nothing to pay back at the end. Lived in a cheap student coop with friends, then a little apartment with friends. The choice to pursue a degree gave me the freedom to move 6 hours away from family concerns and spend two years utterly immersed in another world. I recommend this path to any young adult who is in an uncomfortable home situation.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Spartanx9

I'm working on it. Got to stay home while I was in my first year, but decided it's best if I start working and get out on my own. Not too worried about funds for college, as I have some funding for that.


Sounds real nice Can't wait till i'm in that situation where I'm away from family.

Spartanx9

So just right now, my sister told me that they plan on moving back after they got kicked out (i dunno how that goes) to her bf's parent's house cause she can't get along with our dad.

So i guess the first part of my problem changed for the better.

But i need some more advice, anything I should look out for when I move out?

Just will be a one bedroom apt, my gf might move in after a while, but I'm making sure that I can cover everything if things don't work out (which I never really think of, but its a possibility that I rather not see happening )

Cynthetiq

what do mean by "look out for"?

I'm going to say, you need to "look out four" youself. That's it. That's all. People will cheat, lie, and steal. You should try to avoid situations that allows someone to do that to you.

Be able to pay for your monthly expenses with a total of 1 week's salary, 2 weeks maximum. Any higher ratio will put you in jeopardy if you get severely ill and are sick for a week or two.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Poppinjay

I always go by the 25% of monthly income rent if paying a car loan. If the car is paid for, then rent can be 33% of your monthly income.

You'll also have some signifigant starter costs. I really think it's much easier to rent from a landlord than a rental corporation. A landlord may try to cheat you, but a corp will have myriad rules and regs to drain your bank account (amenities fees, two times rent deposits, carpet charges, paint charges etc.)

Be aware of state rules regarding replacement of carpet and painting. VA requires rental owners to replace carpets every two years. In the end, argue every charge if you think you're right. Don't take their word for it that the work has been done, they have to have records. Also, even if it's obvious the carpet is clean when you move in, you may see spots start to appear after two weeks or so. that means they did a surface clean, not that you're becoming messy.

We changed apartments in northern VA recently. The inspection consisted of a maintenance man coming to the front door, looking around from the stoop, and saying we would need partial paint, carpet, and cleaning. We had re-painted, the carpet hadn't been replaced in 7 years, and the place was spic and span.

Then we got a bill for it all, $1100. Fortunately for us, my SO is a frickin' bulldog when it comes to money. She argued it down to $200, which was still a ripoff. Our paintjob was better than the one we moved into, that was done by a supposed professional.

We also rent from a private owner down on the middle peninsula. First and last month's rent, no problems. And it's a non-smoking building.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Cynthetiq

oops... that's what I mean, rent, not montly expenses.. RENT should be 1 week's pay.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Spartanx9

Car is paid for. Found a nice 96 maxima that is in very good condition (needs a few tune-ups/checks, but for a car that age, its in great shape).

As for starter costs, I'm not too worried about it, since I was basically handed a 1,200 check in the form of scrap silver when my grandpa on my mom's side used to do jewelry making back then. I was planning to use a portion of it to cover any huge costs when i move it, but I should be covered as I don't plan to move out until I got a month of so of work under my belt.

Hoepfully if I can get the job at my bro's work (customer service for Fedex packages, incase they go missing and stuff like that), I should be starting at 10-11$ an hour, which should be able to cover the rent.

Thanks for the info guys