Defeat

[Ayashe]

Today I met defeat at a crossroad. I have been suffering from a condition called Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. So what, so my heart beats ridiculously fast. This has been occuring for several months, medications tried to no avail. Finally with no direction left to turn, I was offered surgery to repair the issue.

By my own choice, I delayed the surgery by one month as I had family returning from Iraq on leave. As the days have grown nearer and nearer to surgery my heart rate has increased considerably. I assume much of this is because of anxiety of my upcoming procedure. To explain a bit, it causes me dizziness, palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath, nausea and insomnia. Needless to say, in the last few weeks my sleep has been quite poor.

Work to me is something of pride, I rarely miss work. I never take advantage of sick time. I am always on time. I am no workaholic, but to admit that I have reached a point where I am defeated and know I can no longer work in my current condition gives me a feeling of defeat. I pushed on as hard as I could for as long as I could.

Today, I was approached by my Nurse Manager, the Clinic Manager and the physician that I work for. They all basically told me the same thing, you can go. It is okay, we know you have issues and you are rightfully exhausted and weary. Don't worry about getting a work slip, you have the time, we have the staffing, just go.

So I swallowed my pride and extended my Leave of Absence. Am I just stubborn? Do any of you have difficulties with accepting when you have reached the point you have to give up?

[Willravel]

I don't think I'd call it defeat, I'd call it pragmatism.

I have a glass ceiling on exercise because of my heart problem. It's frustrating from time to time, but I never see it as defeat.

[Ayashe]

To myself I find it rather defeating as I have always generally been quite active. I am also not all that old. When you are the sole person responsible for a household, everything relies on you. Which is the case for myself. There is no one backing me up, there is no one to lean on and take some of the weight. I know that if I do not work, bills will not get paid etc. I am sure this gives me my sense of defeat as one of my main purposes in my household has been stalled. When you place such a value on yourself it is defeating to know that you cannot meet the task any further.

[Bear Cub]

No. I anticipate the pending victory upon my return.

[Fotzlid]

I wouldn't call it stubborness or admitting defeat.
Delaying the inevitable and understandable fear/anxiety over the future yes.

[Ayashe]

Originally Posted by Bear Cub

No. I anticipate the pending victory upon my return.

It is difficult to leave feeling comfortable about your return when one of your coworkers asks for a hug. Now mind you, this male coworker is typically the type who is so absolutely afraid of upsetting anyone and fearful of being charged with sexual harassment that it was sort of shocking... even more so when he was choked up with tears immediately after. Not to mention he is my doctor. It has been a strange experience for me to be on the other side of the exam table. I had to say, You know I am coming back!

[Bear Cub]

Originally Posted by Katyanna

It is difficult to leave feeling comfortable about your return when one of your coworkers asks for a hug. Now mind you, this male coworker is typically the type who is so absolutely afraid of upsetting anyone and fearful of being charged with sexual harassment that it was sort of shocking... even more so when he was choked up with tears immediately after. Not to mention he is my doctor. It has been a strange experience for me to be on the other side of the exam table. I had to say, You know I am coming back!

I left mid-semester for my cancer surgery. Professors wishing me the best of luck, some female friends and my entire family sobbing. I was indifferent about the entire thing. I knew I'd be fine, came back fine, and finished my semester with a 4.0 without taking any incompletes. As soon as I was able to turn my head again, I decided to bring the rest of my body up to par and lost nearly 1/3 of my body weight.

If you feed off the negative emotions of others, you're more likely to accept defeat.

[Ayashe]

Originally Posted by Bear Cub

I left mid-semester for my cancer surgery. Professors wishing me the best of luck, some female friends and my entire family sobbing. I was indifferent about the entire thing. I knew I'd be fine, came back fine, and finished my semester with a 4.0 without taking any incompletes. As soon as I was able to turn my head again, I decided to bring the rest of my body up to par and lost nearly 1/3 of my body weight.

If you feed off the negative emotions of others, you're more likely to accept defeat.

Thank you for your good advice.

[girl_somebody]

I don't see it as defeat. I see it as another challenge that you have to face and work through. You have come this far, working with this condition, supporting yourself and family on your own without help from others, now you're life challenges are just being kicked up a notch. You'll have an uphill battle for awhile, but once you get through it, you'll realize that you haven't been defeated at all, in fact, you're the one that is defeating these challenges being thrown your way.

[mixedmedia]

Part of success is realizing how to maximize what you have to offer. Therefore, when health matters arise, taking care of them, taking care of yourself is not defeat. How silly! Pushing your body when it is saying no is a far worse betrayal of yourself - a far worse defeat.

Just take care of yourself so you can be there for everyone again.

[lotsofmagnets]

it´s not defeat, just high self-expectation.

[Martian]

Every time I have to take time off work for my own illness, I feel the same way. I have yet to figure out a good way of dealing with it, and therefore cannot offer any advice to you.

Just do what you have to do to take care of yourself.

[sound chaser]

Originally Posted by Katyanna

Today I met defeat at a crossroad. I have been suffering from a condition called Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. So what, so my heart beats ridiculously fast. This has been occuring for several months, medications tried to no avail. Finally with no direction left to turn, I was offered surgery to repair the issue.

By my own choice, I delayed the surgery by one month as I had family returning from Iraq on leave. As the days have grown nearer and nearer to surgery my heart rate has increased considerably. I assume much of this is because of anxiety of my upcoming procedure. To explain a bit, it causes me dizziness, palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath, nausea and insomnia. Needless to say, in the last few weeks my sleep has been quite poor.

Work to me is something of pride, I rarely miss work. I never take advantage of sick time. I am always on time. I am no workaholic, but to admit that I have reached a point where I am defeated and know I can no longer work in my current condition gives me a feeling of defeat. I pushed on as hard as I could for as long as I could.

Today, I was approached by my Nurse Manager, the Clinic Manager and the physician that I work for. They all basically told me the same thing, you can go. It is okay, we know you have issues and you are rightfully exhausted and weary. Don't worry about getting a work slip, you have the time, we have the staffing, just go.

So I swallowed my pride and extended my Leave of Absence. Am I just stubborn? Do any of you have difficulties with accepting when you have reached the point you have to give up?

I don't think we should ever give up. There is a way out of almost any situation. the key is to use one's imagination.