Do you cheat on your SO with money?
 

We discussed http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...l-breaker.html earlier this summer. I found it quite an interesting read.

What I think is more problematic isn't so much if we cheat on the check register or the FICO score, or financial health of an individual. What is more problematic to me is that we are uncomfortable talking about money with each other second on to sex.

When I first started dating Skogafoss my "entertainment" money was never disclosed. This ranged from everything to dining, theater, drinking, drugging, whatever. Really it was mostly drinking and drugging, but I never wanted to see the total amount as a line item whenever I made budgets for myself. I'd move it around hide it even from myself.

Eventually we moved in together and I had to disclose just how much it was, I'd do side work and never disclose how much I made or how much was spent. It was my secret money. To this day it still is kind of like that. I have stashes of cash because I've never broken myself of this habit. I think it's rooted in the hiding money under the board when playing Monopoly.

Do you hide spending from yourself or your spouse?

Nope and I wouldnt even consider it. We both know exactly how much is in the bank at all times and exactly what every penny is spent on

I don't hide money from my wife. Granted, this doesn't mean I'll call and ask if it's ok if I buy something and she doesn't do the same unless it's a big purchase so no, I don't cheat on my wife with it. She's pulled the trick once but I took the stuff back. No it wasn't personal items or anything of the sort. She impulsively bought some stuff for the house that was way overpriced and we didn't need it. I had a refund in about 2 hours.

She'll usually call me and say she's getting this or that, but really the only time I've called her before a purchase is when it's a car or something like that. Even then I'm like hey, I'm about to get this.

I think one problem people have alot of times is not being honest about the specific amount they spent. If the spouse comes home with a few pair of shoes or a new golf club, they'll usually drop the actual price of the item(s) they bought to try and "help" the situation look better. This is pretty stupid. It does nothing but cause problems.. unless of course you have enough money that you never bother to check your account(s); and in that case.. I'm for rent.

Yes, I avoid talking about spending and spending habits, and it is a bad habit instilled in me by my parents. My dad openly talks about money, but never about spending, and same with my mother. They never ever talk about spending with each other, and my mother has major issues in regards to hiding spending from my dad. I hate to say it, but the cycle continues, and I'm trying to break myself of it. I try to keep myself honest with my SO, but it's hard--it's like something is hardwired in me NOT to talk about it. Ugh. How does one overcome such a hurdle? I'm interested to see who else is in a similar boat.

Of course, we have no shared accounts, everything is separate. And I don't have the money to make big crazy purchases. But does he know precisely how much money I have? No. Does he care? Not likely. So on the other hand, I feel like we've yet to reach a point where not talking about spending really affects our finances or our relationship, simply because we do keep them separate.

Our accounts are 100% separate, and the only concern I have is that half of the maintenance - rent, food, utilities, cable, internet.. is there when it needs to be. What she spends the rest of her money on is none of my concern, and vise versa.

Even if we do get a shared account, it will only be for saving or purchases that we want to always split. If will not be calling my SO for "permission" to buy anything, ever. If I work for my money, I will spend it how and when I please.

This is a fascinating topic.

Both of my marriages were based on all funds being pooled, all major purchase decisions faced together. I did secretly keep a small account (back when insurance was 80/20 and you'd have to file claims to get reimbursed) where I deposited all medical insurance checks. I must've seen the writing on the wall.

In my last live-in relationship, we had separate accounts, but he always was frank and open about all of his accounts (so I never had the opportunity to ask, even if I wanted to) and where his money went. He never asked about mine, but I never hid anything from him.

If I were to have another serious relationship or even decide to marry, I think at this point we'd probably maintain the existing accounts we each have and possibly open some joint accounts. I'd always thought a couple should keep things together, maybe as a show of faith or commitment to the relationship. I'm not quite sure if that's so or if it makes a difference in any way. But I don't think I'd ever choose a mate that would be controlling enough to make me account for my expenditures without good reason (me falling financially on my face) and I would want him to have that same freedom.

Maybe it all comes down to trust. Conjecture only, I'm thinking out loud: Maybe when I was younger, I needed the reassurance that money wasn't being spent elsewhere and now that I'm older, I would never fall into a relationship where the trust wasn't there?

I'm still trapped living at home, and while my mom needs a fair amount of money contributed toward bills, I don't talk about exactly how much I get paid because it's nobody's business but mine how much I spend on nights out with friends, guns, and anything else she doesn't approve of. My only problem right now is that I can't afford to move out and keep contributing to stuff like the mortgage back at home and I can't ethically justify moving out and letting my mom and brother lose the house because I'm not contributing.

While our money for now is separate the large account I have with most of the funds from my half is linked to her account and she can always see the balance. Doc may not know exactly what I spend every penny on but we are very open. I probably know a bit less on what exactly she has in her accounts, but we have been meaning for a while now to make a master list of all accounts so in case G-d forbid we need access to the others we have the information readily available.

Due to this thread I guess I can start working on that now, it is not a bad idea.

Oh, that is a terribly sticky situation that they have put you in. Glad I'm not trapped in your shoes.

Tt and I recently set up a joint checking account. We inform one another of all purchases. Sometimes we ask for advice and input, but mainly so we both know where our money is going. We're a team - a team that is trying together to save as much money as possible.

I handle all of the finances in the family, pay the bills, handle investments and whatnot. I do make the odd purchase for dive gear and have been known to downplay the price tag at times....

We have a threshold dollar value, at which point we will discuss how necessary the purchase is. Below that value, we go ahead and buy stuff.

We are not married and so do not have joint accounts, but we usually discuss nearly every purchase with one another and split costs of joint resources (food, apartment stuff, trading off on movies/events/DVDs, etc.). Though we provide input to each other regarding purchases/sales/money management, we can't/don't prevent each other from making certain purchases and whatnot. I gave him a nudge to trade in the truck for a fuel-efficient car, he is helping nudge me to sell the second horse who is draining 1/4 of my income every month just in board alone. We're a team, and we try to be financially careful and smart, but sometimes we both make impulse purchases and whine about it later. I think that's normal.

Nope.

All our accounts are shared so everything is transparent. I maintain my old student-days credit card for emergencies and presents.

She spends more than I do on clothes and whatnot, but I trust her not to blow the budget. We've been married for almost 9 years without a problem.

My ex and I always had separate accounts, both checking and savings. I didnt know how much money he had, and he didnt know my account balances, at least not until the divorce. The exception to this was a 401K.

I dont think there was any hiding of funds, just that we didnt talk about money until there was some big purchase, and sometimes not even then. I was surprised on more than one occasion. In hindsight, I think not knowing where one another stood, and making assumptions, led to a little stress that neither of us noticed or brought up. At the same time, looking back I can see that not talking about money may have added a freedom for us.

I have a sister who actively hides receipts and the amount of money something costs from her spouse. I have never understood that, thinking it would be detrimental to their marriage, but they are one of the happiest couples I know. Perhaps its that ignorance is bliss adage at work.

I spend my money on what I want. Period.

If I'm in a relationship I don't keep it from her. On the same note she doesn't try to control what I spend my money on. If she does, that's a very potential deal breaker for me.

I will be the first to admit that my spending habits aren't the smartest. I buy all kinds of things on impulse and don't budget well, but that's nobody's business but mine.

I make it, I spend it. As long as the obligations are taken care of, I'll do what I want. She's got her own income now and it works the same for her. We do have common money goals, but day-to-day, we stay out of each other's checkbooks.

Nope. We are as open and trusting about money as we are about everything else in our marriage. We have individual accounts (money from before we were married) and joint accounts, but money flows freely between all of them. We discuss big purchases together--I'm particularly paranoid about making sure he's okay with what I'm buying, since he's making more money right now--but small things, eh. We trust each other and have disclosed every known financial detail between us. I can't imagine hiding anything from each other...

His and hers accounts, with his and hers bills for us. We swap money around all the time; but balancing a shared account is more grief than it is worth for us.

While we are far from affluent, we aren't really having money issues, either. We discuss larger purchases; but honestly there are few things that both of us disagree enough to argue about. I have no idea why a new washer and dryer would cost $3000, but I really don't care enough to call her on it. I'm sure she feels the same way about the new exhaust on my motorcycle.

The only deal we have is no loans or large balances on credit cards without discussion. As long as it's cash, it isn't "cheating".

We have a joint accounts. We used to both have seperate checking accounts but I closed mine. I always check the accounts online so even though she does the bills, I know how much went out and where.
We maintain our own credit cards. I have no idea what her balances are but knowing that she is a shopper, I imagine they are fairly high. So long as she can make the payments without affecting the household bills, I don't care what she spends her money on.

guilty.

At my age there is no point in "sharing" finances. Even when I was with Ash, we would share spending but more out of generosity and each other's current money situation, then a set of planned out payments. For instance I payed to have her car fixed, she payed for groceries twice, etc. We didn't really keep count; I didn't really care.

This is a fantastic thread!

I learned the hard way from my previous mistake not to be so trusting. I let my ex handle all our finances even though i earned 80% of the house hold income. When we separated it was shocking to see what she was doing with our money, i mean my money. And more shocking that the day we talked about separating she withdrew 13k from our chequing account and 20k from our savings.

I am very open with my current SO about cash and will have a joint account when the time comes, but will always keep my own accounts as well and expect her to do the same.

I handle all the money issues. The spouse prefers ignorance about it, even though I share information with him. This ignorance caused us last November to be charged over $260 in NSF charges because he lives on his debit card, never writes in what he's spent unless I mention it to him to do so.
By the same token, if I save for something and then get it, he's adamant about whatever I bought-new computer, the camera-to call it "ours". They're not. They're mine.
If I have something coming up, I stash cash for it. Yet, if there's something coming up he wants to do and I tell him to stash cash for it, he responds that he shouldn't have to-the money we have is "mostly his" because he makes 3 times more than I do.
He's clueless and whatever I try to do doesn't sink in.
Do I "cheat" on him with the money? Sort of. When our electric was shut off, I was bailed out and this past week, when he had hit the ATM too many times and my money owed hadn't come in, I had to be bailed out again. These times I don't tell him about. The last time I asked him where all these ATM cashouts were going, he got defensive and started yelling, so fuck it. It's like cleaning up after a dog-he makes the mess, I come up from behind and clean it up. Of course, I am partially to blame as it's my money too, but I try to stay one step ahead and keep the bills current while trying to balance a checkbook filled with ATM this and debitcard purchase that.

We have separate and joint accounts. However mine has no $$ in it, so I use the joint one. He sees every purchase I make and I can look to see what he spends, but I don't. He pays for it all so why should I?? At the end of the day all bills are paid first.

I handle all of our finances, and if I really wanted to, I could easily hide something from my better half. That being said, I operate under the "karma is a bitch" principle, so I don't do this.

If you're cheating on your SO with money, that's just setting yourself up for epic failure.

They haven't put me in it, we got stuck in it together because I was starting college when my dad died. I could move out in two months, but then my mom would have to sell the house at a huge loss compared to actual value and I won't do that to my immediate family. I do let my mom know that she's crazy to think that I'll stay at home until I get married.
Ah, impulse purchases. They sometimes kill me because I have expensive tastes (yes, I did absolutely need that Burrberry coat that was marked down to $185 from $800,) and sometimes because of the two-week waiting period (the local gun store has a 50% off rack v:)v)

We have a joint account, he takes care of paying the bills, I take care of balancing the check book. This way we both know what is going on. He knows more than I do, so when I want to purchase something I usually ask if it's ok to debit or use the credit card instead. I always feel guilty for buying frivolous things for myself, and end up asking him if it's ok. He never says no. He even asks me if it's ok to buy new softball bats, and other things. We never hid any purchases from each other, big or small. I guess we do have some amount of trust in our relationship (I will have to remember that more often.)

When I was young and dumb, i had a problem budgeting and keeping myself from spending frivolously, to the point where I had some serious financial issues early on. I worked through those, but now I love having her to use as a sounding board for when I'm deciding on larger purchases, and she does the same. Obviously anything small neither of us thinks twice about, but even for something bigger I know we can afford, I like to have her opinion on its usefulness. And she's great about "toys", and has actually convinced me to buy things that I wanted but never would have trusted myself to determine if it was worth buying.

My dad had a stash when I was growing up, he called it his "mad money". It wasn't a secret from my mom, but nobody except my dad knew how much it was at any one time. It had to be quite a bit at times, because he would come home on occasion with a motorcycle, or a car needing restoration, and the only explanation he would give was that he bought it with his mad money.