Lubeboy

Is it possible? I have been struggling with this for a long time. I am a pretty opinionated person. I like telling people what I think about something especially if I know it's not very good or worth it, but I feel like sometimes I may come off as a negative person. I notice humble people don't really say much about things and just accept things the way they are. I don't know. Is it possible to be opinionated and humble at the same time?

Baraka_Guru

I think it all depends on the delivery of your opinions. It also depends on your tact when it comes to deciding on whether your opinion is necessary, called for, or simply in the right place.

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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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Jinn

My thread along these lines from a few years back:

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=90323

The thing is, most people don't want to be wrong, and most people don't want to be corrected.

The only way to have an opinion and not insult others is to (a) decide whether it's even worth telling them what you think (b) if you do, give them an "out". Give them somehow that they're still partially right. They'll internally know they're wrong, but they won't have to be called out in public.

Most of the times, A will stop you. But if they're really wrong, really making a bad decision, or making a decision that could have dangerous consequences, it's worth it to let them know but still give them an 'out.'

And unless you know the person well enough to determine how they handle embarrassment, being wrong or being corrected, it's NOT WORTH IT to 'instruct' them.

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mixedmedia

It may not come across, but I try very hard to humble, even when I think I am right. And then I try vey hard to explain why. I'm not too concerned with 'aftereffects' (ie, what people think of me), because I try my best not to be an asshole. I think it comes with the territory, though.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

uncle phil

"oh lord, it's hard to be humble,
when you're perfect in every way..."

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MSD

It's all about figuring out when people want to hear your opinions.

clavus

You can be quietly opinionated.

You can learn to accept that sometimes being right is enough. You don't have to "prove" that you are right.

Say it once, then shut up unless you are asked.

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Willravel

When you figure it out let me know. I'm still teaching myself to do this.

thespian86

Wow, for the first time, well, ever, I don't agree with everyone. Being opinionated and being arrogant are two totally different entities. It takes someone with confidence to be opinionated, to share something or a part of themselves, but to be arrogant is to reject other's opinions.

Arrogance rears it's head when you refuse to accept others; if you simply share your opinion, and allow others to present theirs in a respectful way, then I see no problem.

And plus, being humble is realizing your personal limitations and appreciating all that you have within those limitations. You can have something to say without it being cocky. Don't cross the line of needing to say something or needing to be right, rather then just sharing something valuable to the conversation/debate. You can argue without being a douche; but the moment your arguing for argument's sake then you're over the line.

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Martian

Personally, I reckon being humble is for the birds.

However, it is important to recognize that:

A) You Are Not Always Right

and:

B) People Are Responsible For Themselves.

The first one means exactly what it says on the tin. The second one means that sometimes even if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone is wrong, you have to let them live their lives and make their own mistakes. It may not even turn out to be a mistake; see section A for more details.

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- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

World's King

Fuck humble.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Push-Pull

Yeah, I see this a lot too. I thoroughly enjoy debating people about whatever, as I've always found that it is the best way to get other ideas, opinions, etc.
Problem is, some people take my "debating" as me being defensive when I'm just trying to do some brainstorming and interact with them.

I agree, gently bounce an opinion off of them once, and see how they react.

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mixedmedia

Can't believe I didn't mention this before, but a good way to be opinionated but humble is to admit clearly and openly when you are wrong.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

grumpyolddude

According to WIKI:
"Humility is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. Synonym: humble"

And Dictionary.com:
"o·pin·ion·at·ed
–adjective
obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions; conceitedly dogmatic."

These would appear, on the surface, to be mutually exclusive concepts, but I think that these mere definitions are quite limited.

Our friend, punkmusicfan21, says it quite nicely. Having enough confidence in your opinions to express them in the proper context doesn't necessarily conflict with having a humble nature, forcing your voice to be heard above all others, or dogmatically refusing to consider alternative points of view, does.

Basically, I feel it's a matter of presentation. Are you offering opinions as a piece of a conversation that helps with the evolution of a subject, or are you dropping an opinion bomb and waiting for the dust to settle to see who is still standing?

What's more important to you, Lubeboy, being right the first time, every time, or being correct, eventually? Therein, I believe, lies your answer.

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Lubeboy

Yeah I think I need to work on my presentation but not quite sure. For example I love to eat and often research and check out a lot of places to eat. I also write online reviews. When my friends or other people are talking about a restaurant that has received a lot of favorable reviews and hype that I have been to that I didn't think was worthy of those reviews and hype, it pisses them off. I offer my reasons such as food quality, portions, service, was it worth the price, etc... Sometimes people listen, sometimes they call me crazy.

I think I like being right the first time, every time, and eventually. Is that arrogant? I pride myself in helping people save time and money. Most importantly I want people to get their money's worth.

mixedmedia

Well, I think there is a difference between being opinionated and wanting to force your opinion on other people. Somewhere in between voicing your opinion and becoming frustrated with people because you can't persuade them, you have to let go.

For myself, I don't equate my opinions with persuasion, at all. The point is not to change anyone's mind. It's all a learning process for me. It's how I figure things out.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Redjake

I run into this all the time at work, and on TFP also. Sometimes it's really hard and I don't know if there is a clear answer. Mainly because if you genuinely try to be purely humble, you can't be opinionated - people concentrate on the negative side of things usually, and opinionated is seen as negative. That cancels out the humbleness immediately.

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Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

Lubeboy

I guess I have to keep my big mouth shut then and only offer my opinion when asked.

jewels

Well said. IMHO

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The_Jazz

Wow. If that's not exactly the opposite of what I think, I don't know what is.

You should speak your mind. IRL, you should do so as calmly and as rationally as possible. Nothing fires up an audience that already opposes your viewpoint than spittle flying at them. There are all sorts of verbal defusers that people use to temper their message, but personally I find that it's best to listen to what the other person has to say instead of waiting for your turn to speak. Some points of view aren't reconcilable - put Jenna Jamison in a room with Fred Phelps, and only one will come out alive - but if the participants are willing to listen to each other, understand the opposing point and how the individual got there, then it's possible for the two to leave the conversation at least feeling no animosity towards the other.

Here - the internet "here", not just TFP in particular - it's sort of the same, only you have the ability to refuse to engage. If you state your views in a radical way with inflamatory language - "if you don't agree with me, you're all rickrolled LOLZcatz" - then you should expect your views to be challenged in the most forceful way possible. People on the internet, with myself at the top of the list, tend to forget how easy it is to misread the intent of someone's statement. I know I've taken offense at what was intended to be a throw-away line in an otherwise agreeable post. Is that the reader or the writer's fault? Both, I say. Most of us don't use English in the most precise way, and that's where lots of problems arise.

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