UKking

What are your thoughts on this?

It's true that if a person's really into you, they'll be even more interested if you reciprocate. This is only true if you have a roughly equal level of attraction to each other.

Unfortunately, that's not always the case... Maybe a guy wants to secure the interest of a very popular, attractive girl(or the other way around). She's got a few other attractive guys interested in her, too. So in an attempt to make himself stand out or look more interesting, he does the aloof thing. By doing this he's attempting to be more mysterious and intriguing, and also appear more independent. Both of these things are solidly attractive. Assuming he isn't completely transparent, it might make a small difference in his first impression. Like it or not, we do make snap judgments based on first impressions.

If I have a friend who's really insecure, really wants a girlfriend, and is probably gonna do something awkward... Yeah I'd tell him to wait a bit before calling. Otherwise he'd probably creep her out with all his insecurity and neediness. Maybe he'd get time to compose himself. Or at least keep him from drunk dialing.

So sometimes this "rule" actually works in a persons favor... At first anyways. If the self-worth he attempts to exude isn't backed up by some kind of real quality of character, well, so much for that.

I wouldn't do it... There's more honest, genuine and constructive things I can do to help myself if I'm not feeling confident.
Despite this, I probably wouldn't call immediately... Ironically.
But that's because I'd rather have something fun arranged that I could invite her to before calling. I probably didn't have anything cool going on, and if I did, I'd have already invited her before I even tried to get her number!
It makes the whole conversation start a lot more naturally; I'm less nervous, I have something proactive in mind to talk about, a purpose, etc.

Let's say you're a fairly careful person, when it comes to boys....
You meet one who seems pretty into you, but you don't know much about him, and are feeling suspicious at first(maybe you've had a recent bad experience). He, however, is unabashedly interested in you. You know because he calls you pretty much right away, and again not long after. You know that he thinks about you quite a bit; he flat out told you so. He doesn't seem to hide anything.

But something gets you nervous. He seems basically okay, and you're not sure what it is, maybe it's nothing, but something is bugging you. Maybe you haven't gotten that much direct attention before, or something else entirely, who knows. Regardless, you're uncomfortable, so you tell him to back off a bit. He does so, possibly feeling dejected, and from then on, nothing happens. Things fizzle out entirely, and you never see him again.

In an alternate ending, you decide to give a little more benefit of the doubt despite reservations, and it turns out that he was just a little awkward at first, and is otherwise an incredible person.

My point is to try to look at the other side of the fence. The 'rule' exists mostly for overly eager, nervous guys to not scare away girls they're excited about. Friends of the guy see how he's likely to scare girls away, and thus advise him of this supposed 'rule.' I'm sure you girls have a few wacky 'rules' yourselves.

Personally, I don't know any guys who get kicks out of plotting ways they can maliciously deceive girls.

Cynthetiq

I think it's a stupid rule and social construct.

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Manic_Skafe

Yeah I've never followed that rule. It's childish game playing and a contradictory start to a healthy adult relationship.

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Willravel

Game playing. I call when I feel like it. And I don't presume anything about a woman other than she's interested in me if she calls me, even if it's 15 minutes after the date.

LoganSnake

Don't do it.

</generic answer>

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snowy

It's ridiculous.

My SO called the very next day after we met, just to say that he'd had a great time the night before and was wondering if we could get together again soon. It said a lot to me that he called so soon--mainly, it told me he was really interested!

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soma

I have no problems with calling the next day.

If there's a girl I meet and we have good chemistry off the bat, calling the next day keeps the momentum going. Definitely not a bad thing.

Calling the next day also doesn't have to convey neediness. If you're cool and casual about it, it's not a big deal.

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Jinn

Is he 12? If so, three-day rule is fine.

If he's an adult, interested in an adult relationship, he should call whenever he damn well feels like it.

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Hain

Its a bogus rule. Do whatever feels good. If you got extra tickets to go to (insert place you normally wouldn't think of going to or taking someone out to) for free, give her a call.

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Alta

I see your points about the 'rule' being situationally dependent. But it worries me that the guy in scenario is extremely needy and you might advise him to 'use' this rule to hide his neediness. Well, guess what, it'll come out anyway.

girldetective

I had never heard of this rule. Just like others have posted its rather silly isnt it? If you like me, call me. The sooner the better because of course Ill be wondering.

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thespian86

That's the point of it; to keep you wondering. It's ridiculous.

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Tully Mars

Stupid rule. Meet someone, have feelings for them, have their contact info? Then contact them, duh.

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ShaniFaye

Im gonna say the same thing I say every single time this come up on here

Its stupid and if a guy waited 3 days just because of this "rule" I'd turn him down flat

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

UKking

Agreed. Thats why I wouldn't follow it, myself.
But even insecure guys deserve a shot. The beginning of a relationship can be pretty tenuous though, and that's the only place for this 'rule.' For all his problems, maybe his issues aren't so pronounced once the initial hump is behind him? If a guy needs a little help, who's to say he doesn't deserve it?

dirtyrascal7

I've never heard of a girl (or guy) saying, "Well, I would've gone out with him again... but he called me too soon."

If they like you, they're going to be happy to hear from you no matter when you call... and likewise, if they don't have much interest, they probably will be just as likely to avoid your call 3 days away compared to the very next day.

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dlish

if your going to be living your life and taking relationship advice from of a website such as urbandictionary, then im just going to let you know that you're going to be in for a long tough ride in your relationships.

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Tully Mars

Don't know about any one else but I vote we move this post to the "Post a Truth" thread.

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snowy

That's a great suggestion. dlish, that post made me chuckle, and it's true.

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Miss Mango

Are people that freaky that there has to be rules about making phone calls? What if either person isn\\\'t a phone person? Is there a set of rules for seeing the person again as well?

Im a fan of playing things safe, but people that think the way youve explained act out in ways that would give me a bad vibe. They dont necessarily do bad things, but they walk around like they are on eggshells which would be enough for me not to put any further effort into the person as who wants somebody that acts like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs all the time? Its not a obvious stress, but it would certainly act like a energy sucking vacuum.

If a guy is that uncomfortable with himself, he needs to face the beast and mirror, kick himself in the ass and deal with it. Once hes wrapped his brain around his issues and is actively doing something about them, then that tension that scared girls away to begin with will settle and he won\\\'t have to drunk dial or otherwise. Bitching, whining and complaining while out with the boys on a Friday night is not actively fixing the problem, its simply bitching whining and complaining.

While Im at it, what is it with guys that think they are mind readers? I dont know which is worse, Mr. Fix Everything or The Self Proclaimed Mind Reader.

The Fix It guy doesnt understand that sometimes we gals dont want a fix, we just want sounding board. He doesnt hear that though because his brain is too busy with Must fix this problem mode. Then there is the mind reader that thinks he has the women in his life all figured out only to find himself being told to go shove his head up his ass because he too doesnt listen. He doesnt go into the fix it camp though. Hes too busy telling everybody what they think about things which may or may not include himself.

It doesnt take long to figure out which camp a guy falls into. All one has to do is shut up and listen, which brings me back to the original subject of this post. Phone calls are a great way to get to know a person and usually reveal a lot more than a face to face conversation in the whole courting game.

Humans are not complicated, they make themselves complicated...

lotsofmagnets

wow. i´m the only person who thinks this has any merit. so be it. i´ve known about the "3 day rule" for ages and know heaps of friends who subscribe to it. ok we´re all old enough to realise it´s an arbitrary number but i do know people that have been freaked out when someone has called "too early." also giving yourself a bit of time to think about why you want to call this person can save a lot of hassle in the long run but, even though the rule was presented in a very juvenile way in the OP which allowed everyone to jump on it so easily, the idea does have merit when applied properly.

quite unnecessarily stereotypical and a bit sexist if you ask me.

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physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

ShaniFaye

It has merit? hmmm not with any person I know IRL, they all think its as juvenile as I do.

Maybe, when exchanging phone numbers, the person should ask how the other person feels about the "3 day rule".

The OP has nothing to do with my feelings on it....I've always felt it was stupid and unnecessary....I can think of no situation where if I give someone my phone number I'd want them to wait 3 days.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

lotsofmagnets

i should have been a bit clearer that people i know don´t wait exactly 3 days then call, just they don´t jump at the phone at the 1st opportunity. it´s called the "3 day rule" but the idea is the same if you call back 2 days or 7 days later. if you´re going to think it´s a hard and fast rule then perhaps your view on it might be considered a bit juvenile.

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

ShaniFaye

I think if you read up, its not just me that thinks its juvenile (or any other word that means the same thing) to subscribe to any way of thinking of "when to call" other than when the person wants to and has the opportunity. If a person waits any time just not to "appear desperate" its childish, I dont care if its 2 days, 3 days or a week.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

lotsofmagnets

if you´re not going to read what i´m saying i see no point replying.

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

ShaniFaye

I did read what you said....you said if I think its a hard fast rule (Im assuming you mean that there SHOULD be a certain number of days to wait to call), then IM juvenile in my thinking......

did you mean to convey something else Im not getting?

***it doesnt really matter, this conversation comes up at least every six months.....there are going to be people that say you should follow a calling "rule" there are going to be people that say its stupid.

I need to just stop replying to shit that pisses me off to no end. Maybe thats the way younger people want to do things....Im just glad no rule like that existed back in my dating days and Im sure as hell glad Dave wasnt subscribing to it 5 years ago

and thats all I have to say about that

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

lotsofmagnets

actually i think this one is my bad. i misread this bit.

my opinion differs from yours and that´s that.

i offer my apology.

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

ShaniFaye

oh...well thanks lol I appreciate that (I still need to stop replying to stuff that makes me mad, and this is one of the few subjects that makes me see red lol)

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

lotsofmagnets

heh i´m sure everyone saw me get pretty worked up in the gas guzzling thread (i can´t even rememebr what the thread was actually about.) we all have pet hates....

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

Manic_Skafe

Three paragraphs in and I find myself wondering what the hell you're talking about. Care to explain? And as far as I've understood, the rule doesn't apply to men only.

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little_tippler

I feel the more people seem to reject a particular notion, the more curious I get as to why.

I think that there may be no hard and fast rule...

I understand what lotsofmagnets is saying.

There is such a thing as calling too soon. But it all depends on who that is. Please tell me I'm not the only person who has fancied someone and then thought...should I call him now? Maybe he'll think I'm too eager...or needy, banish the thought! So I'll wait...a little.

I think if two people are on the same wavelength it's fine, they will respond well to how you react, because they feel the same towards you. So it's never too soon. How about too late? Is there such a thing as too late?

Sometimes also, you go ahead and call someone anyway, and it backfires on you. I think there is such a thing as too much, too soon... but generally I ignore that and go with my gut. I mean if I like someone, and they don't like me the same, might as well find out sooner than later. Right?

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Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
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When we would utter to our thought our being.
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inBOIL

To take this to the extreme, suppose you call someone half an hour after getting their number. There's a good chance they'll think you're a little creepy/stalkerish. Of course the exact amount of time varies from person to person. There's nothing wrong with restraining yourself to keep a prospect from backing off. Waiting to call someone is no different than refraining from ripping a juicy fart on the first date.

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Here I thought I was the only one that noticed...

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MSD

There's a simple three-step process I use
1: Think about when you'll be free to talk for a while.
2: Check if that's a good time to call
3: Call when you say you will with a few ideas for what to do

"I'll give you a call tomorrow night, is that a good time for you?"
"If I call you on Tuesday around noon, will you have time to talk?"
"I'm working on a big project for a client and won't have any free time until Thursday. Is Thursday afternoon a good time to call you?"

Being specific makes it clear that you're genuinely interested and following through establishes that you're reliable enough to do what you say you'll do. I'd take those two factors over an arbitrary balance between desperation and aloofness any day.

Starshine

See this is why texting is so wonderful: they completely get rid of awkward moments of silence because you can just blame it on the sending delay. I asked for a guys number at work, text him that night and he said that he could go out the next night with me, and we've hung out for like 3-4 times now, but he probably would have forgotten about the whole thing if I hadn't been confident and waited out the stupid, "3-day rule".

The point is, go with your gut! Normalcy is soooo over rated!

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snowy

I think this is where Shani and I are both coming from--with our guys, we both followed our guts (and they did too!) and, hey, it turned out really well! It's more important to go with how you feel about it instead of some arbitrary rule with some arbitrary waiting period.

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ShaniFaye

yep Dave called me an hour after getting my number and 4 hours after our first date ended lol and most of us know how that worked out lol

bottomline, I want a guy that "goes with his gut" and not stupid crap society has tried to place out there

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

ASU2003

I'm going to go with the 4 day rule. Met on Saturday, calling on Wednesday to make next Saturday plans (event already exists and I know she is going). How does that sound?

Or maybe she will call me in three days.

skier

When I get a number I:

Immediately send a silly text to her (both as a fun interaction and to check to see that I got the number right/she didn't give me a fake)

Call her a few days before i'm available, whether it's a day or a week.

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MSD

Sounds like you're giving her too much time to forget about you, especially if you were at a bar (drinking) when you met. You're also leaving too much time for guys who believe in the 3-day rule to get to her first.