harassment ? or ?
 

Hey...I'm shure there's some threads about harassment somewhere but I think this a unique situation.
the situation is heresay really, but I'd like to think my GF isn't totally nutz.

she's telling me the people in the apt above her are following her and her mother around their apt. meaning, they hear footsteps on the celing that follow them to the kitchen, bathroom, tv room etc.

she says they run the bathroom fan at 3 & 4 in the morning and since it's a cheap building the vibration wakes her up, she askes them to stop but they won't. or they do for a short while and then start up again. this fan thing is really a big issue actually. by the way my GF talks, people in her building are using the bathroom fans specificly to "harass" her.

anyway....I dunno. I find it hard to believe honestly that someone would follow people around tromping on the floor just to PO the downstairs neighbors. but then I don't pay much attention to wierdos. I walk around problematic people rather than butt heads. I mean,you can't change people,you can only chaing your situation (i.e. move) except it's financially prohibitive for my GF and her mom to move.

the thing is, I get calls from my GF and she rants on about this for longer than I can hold the phone to my ear. there's nothing I can do anyway. sometimes I feel like she's implying I come over, knock on the guys door and "straighten him out" somehow. but tha'ts not gonna happen. I don't think it'd work, I'm big enough to intimidate but yall know I'd be the one the cops would want to talk to about harassment if I did that.

I do know there's wierdos who'd do something like this. but ya know I haven't been over there to experience it....the tromping feet or the fans I mean.

but I also know my GF lost her dad @ 17 and always seems to be looking for a knight in armour... it seems by implication. I mean, her wording to me implys I do something. I mean, why else bend my ear about it ?

it's all just really bizzare to me. now she's saying it's "psycological rape" I mean the guy tromping on the celing...I just gotta put the pnone down and wait for the murmering to stop cause I can't listen.

well...I dunno. I'm sick of listening to it but I felt like I getting a reality check.
60-70% of the time she's ok....but then there's times it seems she's a bottomless pit of needyness

being an indipendant guy, and only child of a strong single mother I really get sorta disgusted by this "world is out to get me" talk.

She's claiming her upstairs neighbors know what room she's in at all times and go to that room and stomp on their floor just to aggravate her? She also claims that they're using their bathroom fans just to aggravate her?

Think about it. Her upstairs neighbor not only has the ability to ascertain which room she is in but then deliberately goes to his corresponding room for the sole purpose of annoying her. He also wakes up at (or stays up until) 3 or 4 in the morning just to turn on his bathroom fan?

see, I need a reality check. I debated if I ought to stick this in Tilted paranoia.

but yeah you got it. maybe not stomping but at least loud enough to know they are up there.

I hear my upstairs neighbor all the time so that's not hard. but I'm in a one room.

as I said, she clames they follow her room to room including the bathroom.

without doubt when this first came up I thought to myself , wha !? :paranoid:
this girl is trying to manipulate me or she's lost her mind. if I question her she's like, "why don't you support me ?"

support....err, double meaning there buddy support means money to me and ain't no way I'm gonna foot the bill for a new apt.

I mean, I know what support aside from money. it's not the context she using the word in but ya know it's not realy clear...I mean verbal support ? ok, it shure sucks to have someone following you around :confused: yes, I sympathise with you on that.

just noticed this
well, a few yrs back, my GF's bro (who was a worthless drunk) was at 4th of july at a park drunk, he went dodging traffic to get across a 6 lane road with a 3 foot tall concreet barrier in the middle, he got hit and killed, obviously his own idiotic fault but she felt the driver should have been tried for killing er bro.

:confused:

Really dude. Think about it.

How do one's upstairs neighbors hear their downstairs neighbors walking?

How often do you wake yourself up in the middle of the night annoy someone? Do you set your alarm?

lol

well, I live on the ground floor and the building is concreet so nobody can hear me.

but I know. it sounds totally insane. I don't see how the dude upstairs can track er position since her footsteps are 9 feet under his...the vibration just couldn't get up there.

maybe he's drilled his floor to install cameras in her celing ? :crazy:

just kidding but...not about her. definatly not crying wolf.

tell her to start sleeping with a floor fan on....she wont hear the bathroom fan that way

There's another party here: her mother. Could you talk to her mother to see if she senses the same harassment?

Go over there and see for yourself.

damn.. she must be on some good shit to be thinking like that.

i agree with ratbastid. go and see for yourself then make a judgement on what´s going on.

I spose...her judgement may be not the best. after her son died she's been in a depression, sleeping most of the time and becomming morbidly obease..

she's on some kinda anti depressants and maybe other drugs (perscription)that I know nothing about. my GF says they are making her wacko. I've told her many times to write down the name of the druggs so she can google them and see what they are and if there may be a problem with the combination. but she never does it.

this apartment used to be their condo. but her mom kept taking out loans agenst it to get money to keep her sons off the streets (she has one more worthless drunk son) til the point when she just had to sell the condo to the loan officer at the bank...now he's their landloard. yeah, I know, this also sounds too bizzare to believe. not to mention if it's true, I'd suspect weather her mom was even compatent to sign loan papers in the firstplace.

I'm sorry, as I read this I just think this sounds rediculious.

I have been there a few times but I didn't notice anything. I haven't gone over specificly when she's saying it's happening. she just calls in the evening ant starts going off about it. after 3 hrs going off about this and random other injustices (which her Dad would never stand for :shakehead: ) she called this morning telling me the old guy (foot stomper) was at his car or near her bus stop...then she had to go caus her bus just showed up.

you might gather I don't care much to visit her place and her mom.

she's pritty much fine to hang out with on the weekend and watch movies but I always felt her family was just too much a downer to get involved in.

I'm not all that big on family stuff since I have no siblings. I just don't understand the kind of loyalty to people who just f up your life.

I've broken up w/ her a few times but then I stay open to her calling,just to be friends. but then she wants to come over since I don't get involved with another girl. then gradually it's all back to the same deal as it was. we broke off about a year ago for about 4 weeks. it makes me feel sad knowing she's alone so I let her call. when we met she drank alot but I don't so she dosn't now. but I know she would in a heartbeat cause she needs to be with someone. I'd say if we hadn't met she could easily be dead from drunk driving if not have killed someone driving drunk.

boy, when you write it down...really makes me wonder wtf I'm doing with this woman.

Sounds like you got yourself a drama queen.

Does the GF and mother seem sane other than this? Really?

I think there is a chance that they have convinced themselves that this is going on. The worthless drunks sound like alcohol dependents and the GF and mom may have issues as well. They have bigger problems than thinking the neighbors are up to something.

It's hard to say from a few paragraphs on-line but I'd say that ain't right. The whole thing's a little hard to believe. I'm with many other's how do the people ABOVE her what room she's in? How is that even possible?

Some people thrive on drama and chaos. Given the absence of either they set out to create it.

oh I'm awair of that Tully. grown up with alchoholisim with bolth dad and mom.

dad just let his life go to shit and mom kept everything going great by day, but often blacked out, wandering zombie like at night.


and yes Psycho, I said worthless drunks but I mean, litteraly, homeless street begger alchoholic..slepping in allys and the whole bit. the sonns used to come and beg, or even steal from the mother and daughter (my gf)

her father was also an alkie who died, probably drunk, but he was suposedly trying to help someone along side the freeway with car trouble. none of them have come to terms w/ that. it's obvious to me since my gf frequently says stuff like "Dad would never stand for that"

dad was 100% native american, mom 50% so my gf is obviously NA and feels super defensive about her family being prone to alcholisim.

I'd be a a drunk too but I could just tell when I drank some in college I liked it a little too much. I saw it right away so I kept it in check. it never got out of hand, and now I don't really drink at all. one beer and I can just tell, the light buzz comming on,it's nice and I want to feed it but I don't :)

well, I expected a call and another 2-3 hr rant tonight after work but she was like...I'm ok. just another wierdo. don't worry I can handel it. so I went back to my nap.

boink, you've asked yourself a couple of times so far why you're with her. You've mentioned that you've broken up a few times but you've always left the door of communication open for her and it's always resulted in you getting back together.

Maybe instead of trying to figure out why they're doing what they're doing, it might help you more to try and figure out why you're doing what you're doing.

What I mean by that is: why do you break up with her only to allow her back into your life? Do you feel an obligation to her? If so, why? I think if you ask yourself these questions, it would help you more than trying to understand what's going on with your girlfriend. You mentioned that your father was an alcoholic and that many of the men in your girlfriend's family are alcoholics. Do you think there's a connection there in your motives? These aren't easy questions to answer, but I think they're important questions to answer.

Good luck.

thanks Jumpin J.
and I know what yer saying. I do ask myself that often. and I knew I couldn't begin a conversation about the tromping feet without putting it in a larger perspective.

I think this hasn't ever been a great relationship but not adversarial so...being pritty easy going I just rolled w/ the times she was getting aggro.

at the start I found her attractive and she was all over me....nowadays, I'm not really feelin it...I just roll w/ it. if you get me.

She has problems and wants you to take care of imagined injustices against her. This is not healthy behavior, and as I've read the thread I went from an initial conclusion that it's confirmation bias making her think he's stomping to thinking she has mental issues.
You're letting yourself be a doormat because you're afraid to hurt her feelings. News flash: you're not her messiah and you're not going to save her from her problems unless she takes some initiative. You need to grow a spine and either break up with her for good or force her to get help instead of just rolling with it, because you're clearly not happy with the way things are and your first priority should be you.

Until she sorts out her issues, you're constantly going to be failing to live up to her dead daddy.

She (and her family) is a psycho hose-beast with more issues than you can even begin to solve. Get yourself the fuck out of that ticking time bomb of a relationship while you can. At least, keep your dick well-wrapped if you are still having sex, because I wouldn't trust her to stay on her birth control. You don't want a child from that situation, believe me.

Break the cycle, man. Get out and help yourself first.

Ha ha ha ha oh man. That's one paranoid woman. No, they're not harassing her, she's looking too far into it...almost WANTING to be harassed so he can be rescued.

Well there's always the possibility they are harassing her some. Then she's taking it to the next illogically conclusion that they're responsible for anything and everything that happens in her life.

Never mess with a crazy person... because they are crazy.

after following this one a bit further i´m with abaya on this one. the time has come to flee

My friend once said dating bat-shit crazy women can be hot; like the women that would hit you in the face with a frying pan if she was mad. However, in this instance, I think she loony. Ask her how she imagines they would know where she is walking while they live above her. I imagine her answer would determine whether or not you stay with her.

Hey all, thanks for chiming in. I'm not stupid and honestly all of your responces have and do cross my mind. when I posted I was in the middle of listening to her go off on the phone. my gut feeling about the upstairs people really told me it was crazy or partly her being really frustrated with her situation (cant afford to move away from mom, and also afraid her mom shouldn't be totally alone)and a paranoid misconception that the upstirs footsteps are following her.

abaya...yeah we still do the deed but not as much...she's on b/c and I use a condom .

Lasereth...I agree totally. I often think she want's to be a victem somehow. I just don't see why anyone would want that. I mean why look for trouble, life dolls out plenty as it is.

Tully, offloading responcibility is a major theme with these people. the sons blame the dad for getting killed and use his death as an excuse to drop the ball and drink. same with the mom (although I don't think she drinks any more.)

Hain, yes, I'd say initially it was hot. I knew nothing of her fucked up family, she just came over and wanted to screw alot. she was cuter back then...she still has huge chest bumps...but obviously that's not enough in the long run and this has run on too long.

I never really wanted to save her. I was fairly deep into it before I knew how fucked up it was.

there will be another break up...this time I'll come here and ask you guys to encourage me to cut off all ties.

She's crazy, and not in the fun way. Crazy bad.

You have to choose if you want to have bad crazy in your life or not.