This one's for you ladies [and men...]
 

So, as a full time college student and a part time employee of the state of California, I'm often pressed for time in choosing classes, which leaves me with a lot of night classes [from 8-10 PM]. Well this quarter, I once again had a night class. I tend to be a somewhat open and friendly person, and so the first day of class I talked to a few people and got to know them. I met this girl whom I thought was cool, and who had similar career/academic goals as me, so I started talking to her more. It got to the point where I would walk her to her car after nearly every class [the class meets two days a week].

Well, three weeks went by of talking to her when she failed to show up to class for a week. I was curious as to what happened, but I figured she probably switched into a different class or dropped. She showed up to class three weeks later though, her eyes red as though she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her mother had gotten breast cancer for the second time, and that she's been missing school to take care of her brother and has failed her midterms etc. I felt bad, so I attempted to sympathize [As wrong as it sounds, I don't have the capability to produce negative feelings easily, which makes me hard to sympathize with others in times of crisis. I tend to understand that life is just tough, you have to suck it up and move on]. Well, I walked her to her car again when she asked if I wanted to go out for dinner with her on a said date. I didn't know how to respond, so I said sure.

The thing here is that I am in a relationship with a person whom I care deeply for. After she asked me, I realized that my actions may have been too friendly, and that I think I have been giving her the wrong signs.


What do the wonderful members of TFP think? Should I go through with this with the risk of her finding out I'm taken when she's already distressed and risk her killing me? Should I turn her down [if so, how]? Am I a jerk? I ask this not because I am afraid of the women whom I am in a relationship now with, but I fear putting more undue stress of the girl whom I've been talking to [who has enough to cry about right now].



tl;dr I think I misled a girl who asked me out and I don't know what to do

Well, if she gets the wrong idea, that's unfortunate. She's obviously just having a hard time and you're being a decent friend and giving her someone to talk to at least.

So, worst case scenario though, you'll have a friend, who's possibly interested in more if things do ever go south with your current relationship (you never know)

I'd wait until she tries to jump your bones before getting too bent out of shape about it.

You can always call her before the meet- up and ask her if she intended for the dinner to be a date. Tell her that you thought it was friendship-driven, only later realized it could have been meant as something more. Inform her that you're not interested in anything beyond friendship. Make sure it's quite clear before you take her time and lead her on.

Also, continue to be that nice guy, give her some class notes, and explain to her the procedure for taking an incomplete for her courses.

just don´t make it a date. be friendly but never come onto her and if she comes onto you just diffuse it or if it gets out of control you are taken and she´ll need to know. there is no problem going out to dinner with a friend.

This happens to me all the time. I usually just bring up my SO in passing in conversation as soon as possible. It does seem as if you may have accidentally led her on, but this should give her the opportunity to bow out without losing face. I'd also make it clear that, as cliche as it sounds, you would be fine with a good friendship. Now might be a time when she needs friends.

Such tact and grace! You TFP folks are always showing me a better way to live.

You might ask your SO to come along, and ask the girl if it wold be alright if she joined you. I think the sooner the better. If the girl is looking for support perhaps she will also find some in your SO.

i was going to say what namako said.

bring ur SO along

I would totally just mention your SO casually.... that lets her know where you stand but also doesnt make things awkward or too difficult for her if she was just looking for a friend... As a woman, its sometimes really nice to have a guy friend that you can talk to easily. If she is in fact wanting more, then at least she finds out you are unavailable before she tries anything with you.

Hey, this happening to me right now. But, I'm in the girl's position (and my mom doesn't have cancer). Any way, she's taken, we hang out a lot recently and I've developed some feelings for her. But...I'm not going to act on it because I know she's taken so I'm just being her friends right now.

I tell you this though, when two people get along so well and have so much fun together, the friendship line blurs--even when you know damn better. I'm thinking about hanging out with her less or bring a few friends to "cock block" me (so to speak, lol) next time we hang out.

I'd make sure you tell your existing girlfriend all about it as soon as possible, and go on the date with no expectation of it being anything more than a meal to give a lift to a sad friend.

If at any point in the evening you find your penis entering more than a couple of millimetres into any of her orifices, politely make your excuses and leave.

THREESOME!!!

Oh, sorry, wrong thread. Nevermind.