Defending your child - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Willravel · 04-24-2008, 08:58 AM

The following news article outlines a situation not far from where I live where a young boy has been seriously abused by "bullies".

Quote:

Oakland: When school bullies get out of hand
Anthony Cataldo of Oakland first raised concerns about aggressive bullying at his son's elementary school last year after Zachary lost four teeth on the playground - but he said he received only a verbal assurance that things would change.
Cataldo said he complained again when some boys at school kicked 7-year-old Zachary in the stomach three months ago but got no response.
Now - two days after an older student slammed Zachary against a tree, fracturing his skull and sending the first-grader to intensive care - Cataldo is hiring a lawyer, and school officials are paying attention.
"This is the only way they'll listen," Cataldo said. "I'm scared for my son."
State records show that Piedmont Avenue Elementary is Oakland's second-most-violent elementary school, recording 97 suspensions last year for violence - including nine involving a weapon.
That level of danger is higher than at most middle and high schools in the district as well.
"It's a major concern," said Denise Saddler, an Oakland Unified School District administrator in charge of elementary schools in North and West Oakland.
Saddler said she will address Monday's violence at Piedmont Avenue, but she called it a personnel matter and declined to discuss details.
She said that an investigation of the incident that sent Zachary to Children's Hospital is under way and that no student will be punished until the facts have been gathered.
Principal Angela Haick declined to comment on Cataldo's assertions that his complaints fell on deaf ears or to discuss Monday's incident.
It happened after school as Zachary waited for a ride. As he tells it, "a fifth-grader picked me up, and he body-slammed me into a tree."
Moments later, Zachary's after-school caregiver, Arhonda Morris, drove up and saw him. She also saw an older boy running for a bus, said Cataldo, a single father who works as a receiver for Safeway in Oakland.
A girl who witnessed the attack said it was unprovoked, Cataldo said.
Unaware of how badly Zachary was hurt, Morris drove him to her home and called the school to report what had happened, Cataldo said.
"While she was doing that, she noticed that Zachary was sitting on the floor passing out - that's when she called me," he said.
Zachary was clammy and lethargic. Morris put him in her truck and picked up Cataldo. At the hospital, Zachary began vomiting. A CT scan revealed a skull fracture, so doctors whisked him into intensive care, hoping to avoid surgery.
It wasn't the first time the boy had been hurt at Piedmont Elementary.
His father said that in kindergarten last year, Zachary was on the playground when some fifth-graders who had been sent out of class for disciplinary reasons approached him and lifted him up.
"One was spinning Zachary around," Cataldo said. Then he let go.
Zachary lost four teeth.
"I got reassurance from his principal that nothing like this would happen again," Cataldo said. But three months ago, "he was kicked in the stomach by an older kid.
"That raised my concerns again," Cataldo said. "This has been an ongoing problem. Once school lets out, there is absolutely no supervision while the kids are waiting to be picked up. This is when these (older) kids are preying on them."
He said he has also seen unsupervised youngsters running around wildly in the morning before school when he has dropped off Zachary a few minutes early.
Saddler confirmed that elementary students across the district are often unsupervised unless they are enrolled in before- or after-school programs.
"We don't have the finances to cover parents before the hours that school starts," Saddler said. "And after school, we do not have supervision for students who are not enrolled in after-school programs. We are very, very clear with parents that they need to make arrangements for their children."
She acknowledged that for many parents, such arrangements are not always possible to make.
Cataldo, meanwhile, said he was stunned to learn that Piedmont Avenue's suspensions for violence last year were among the highest of the district's 59 elementary schools. Only Preparatory Literary Academy in West Oakland, with 106, had more.
"I just find that astounding, because we're talking about elementary kids up to the age of 11," he said. "It's scary, is what it is."
Doctors released Zachary on Wednesday, his headache gone and his appetite restored.
His aunt, Janine Cataldo, said she has tried to get Zachary enrolled in the school where her children go but was told there was no room. That school, Chabot Elementary, reported no violent suspensions last year.
Under the circumstances, Saddler said, moving Zachary out of Piedmont Avenue is a conversation she's ready to have.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...MNPC10AK04.DTL

Way back when I was in elementary school (in the 90s), I remember bullying as being somewhat different than this. I remember a few shoving matches and even some fist fights, but the worst injury was usually a fat lip or a bloody nose. I can't remember any time when a child had broken any bones in a fight, let alone a fracture of the skull. Had I been victimized like this, my grandfather would have physically attacked the bullies' parents.

Tilted Parents and possible future parents: how would you deal with an out-of-control situation like that described above?

I, myself, would take a three pronged approach:
1) I would contact the school and an attorney immediately.

2) I would immediately remove my child or children from the school. I cannot imagine leaving my child or children in a dangerous environment while we await some arbitrary and political judgment from the school. Considering what happened in the article, it's clear that some schools lack the ability to protect the children.

3) I would teach my daughter or son self-defense. While it's my responsibility to defend my children, part of living in reality is admitting to myself that (though I may want to) I can't be around my child or children 100% of the time. There will be times, especially school, where I simply can't be there. This means that it will be necessary for my child or children to know how to defend him/her/themselves should they find themselves in a physical altercation. They'll know that violence doesn't solve anything and that using their words is always the best place to start, but also that sometimes people are incapable of reason and their ignorance will put you in direct danger. I would think that most basic martial arts classes that feature real sparing would probably help a great deal.

robot_parade · 04-24-2008, 09:11 AM

Holy crap. I agree with willravel's approach. However, wrt the third point - I agree that self-defense is important, but in this case, with a K/1st graded being bullied by 5th graders, martial arts classes aren't going to help this particular situation. I think, if anything, the dad was too slow to bring in the lawyer. After the first incident I would be contacting the 5th grader's parents, and the second would be lawyer time.

I know this is an extreme example, but I'm once again glad we homeschool.

Jenna · 04-24-2008, 09:14 AM

When I was in school we had a boy who was beat up pretty badly, broken nose, bruises, etc. And he threw one lousy punch that barely hit a kid. The kid ended up getting in trouble and got a suspension, along with the other boys. Just because he defended himself, he got in trouble.

So, the self defense could cause problems, although, I happen to agree with you and think it's your right to defend yourself!

I would probably take the approach you took.

Jinn · 04-24-2008, 09:20 AM

I'd give my kid a .45 and teach him how to use it.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOnnnnnnnnnnly kidding.

There's what I would do, and there's what is in this man's power to do. I'd probably try to find a different school or different pickup arrangement, but this father, a Safeway employee, doesn't have the time or the resources to make such a change. As such, I'm not really sure what I'd do if I were in his shoes.

With economic stability comes opportunity, but when you lack stability, you lack the opportunity to improve the situation.

Maybe he needs to pay Arhonda Morris to arrive at the school ten minutes earlier, so he can be picked up before the bullies get a chance?

I think he should be suing the parents of the bullies rather than the school, because any litigation is only going to make them less financially capable of solving this problem.

snowy · 04-24-2008, 09:26 AM

I was taught by my father to follow a three-step approach to bullying:
1) Tell the person to stop.
2) If they don't stop, tell an adult.
3) If they don't stop after the adult has tried to discipline them, you may resort to physical force to get your point across. Even if you're small, if you aim for the nose, you can still hurt someone.

I never got in trouble for following this approach in school, and I will teach it to my children. I often had to use it in relation to my brother--he was bullied when we were kids, and wouldn't stick up for himself. What's funny is that once he did, he was rarely bullied after that.

In today's public school system, a parent really has to be an advocate for their child. It's unfortunate that we cannot trust the schools to do what is best for our children, especially if they're a round peg. If such an incident as mentioned in the OP occurred to my future child, I would most certainly be calling a lawyer. The school has a responsibility to guarantee the relative safety of my child. I would probably also request an immediate transfer.

Hain · 04-24-2008, 09:33 AM

It seems these incidents are happening more and more. If not they are finally getting voiced as they should.

Rage alone would make me want to discipline the tormentor and the lil' prick's parents during their dinner, served with a-la-crowbar an' duct-tape. Knowing that fear and torture alone do not fix people, I have to agree that Will's approach is the only safe, reasonable, and effective way to handle this.

First incident, there would be legal action against the parents. I don't know if I would take my child out of the school. After a second incident the school would be next. I would give my kid the same advice my parents told me, "If the bully has been in trouble for this before, you are allowed to do anything you want to them."

Willravel · 04-24-2008, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Augi

Rage alone would make me want to discipline the tormentor and the lil' prick's parents during their dinner, served with a-la-crowbar an' duct-tape.

"Check please."

The_Jazz · 04-24-2008, 10:04 AM

I saw a kid get his skull fractured in middle school. In high school I saw a kid get 3 fingers broken in a locker door while 3 others held him down.

And I was the victim of a few bullies growing up.

The younger my boys are or the worse they are hurt, the more escalated my response will be. The very first thing I would do is have a sitdown with the other parents and the kids involved. The next contact the parents had from me would be through my attorneys, and everyone would know that by the end of the meeting.

As for my boys, they will learn from an early agen they will know that no matter how big or tough they think they are, there is always someone bigger and tougher. And that victory take many forms.

finney · 04-24-2008, 02:01 PM

I was bullied in school by 2 sisters who didn't like my family, sometimes physically, but never like this.

I feel some of the blame falls on the parent. A schoolyard scrap leaves a kid with some knocked out teeth? Not right, but it happens. Kids fight sometimes. That's one thing. Then nothing is done and the kid gets kicked in the stomach. That's the point where I'd have taken him out of that school right then and there. Obviously no one was going to protect him, and a 6-7 year old is no match for a 10-11 year old. I think it was irresponsible of this boy's father/parents to not take action before this.

Nimetic · 04-24-2008, 02:59 PM

I don't know about very young kids and M/A. I don't think that young kids have the judgement necessary that - and generally, a martial art will provide the ability to hit without having to think through the consequences each time.

On that one though... I sorta like judo. It's not a pure M/A in the fighting sense, it's more like a wrestling sport. At least initially (and kids training is more about fun anyways, and learning basic coordination).

Having some physical experience of this kind (IMHO) is probably useful without being as dangerous as the more direct stuff.

ngdawg · 04-24-2008, 04:30 PM

This was discussed in another thread, but....
My son was the victim of constant bullying in grammar school until one day, in 4th grade, he couldn't take it anymore and went after one of his tormentors during lunch, beating him over the head with his full lunchbag.
Not until then did I get a call from the principal. My son wasn't suspended-the principal empathized with his dilemma-but it was suggested I get him help to deal with his "issues".....
In 6th grade the same kid he'd beaten on the head decided to jump him after school and got a friend of his to join in. They pounced from behind a tree, knocked him to the ground and kicked him. A coat and bookbag protected him from being seriously injured.
Soon as I found out(he called me from his friend's house), I first called the boy's house. His father answered. I said "Your kid beat up my son." He replied quite angrily, "Lady, my kids aren't even home yet". I repeated, very slowly, "Your...son....beat...my....son." I then picked up my boy and drove to the bully's house. I told the father who I was, he called the boy out and I laid into him a good 10-15 minutes-amazingly without a single cuss uttered. The father was livid but let me go on. He said the matter would be "dealt with". Judging by his demeanor, I have to assume he beat the kid within an inch of his life. I left saying, "I'm really sorry you have a son like that". He said, "So am I, Lady. So am I" and grabbed the kid and yanked him into the house.
The second kid, whose house I then went to, was home alone, blaming it all on the first one. I called his mother at work, told her what happened. She was in denial. "Not Seany-he wouldnt' do that." When I said he most certainly did, she cussed about the other kid, saying they're done as friends, etc....next day those two were running around together....I hate parents like that.
I called the school, spoke with my son's vice-principal. Gave her names of witnesses(including my own daughter). The boys got a week's in-school suspension. She'd said I should call the police and press charges, but what would that do? Two 11 year olds? Juvey for a week? Maybe?

Everyone knows there's bullying. Hell, I'm in my 50's and was bullied as a kid. It's not going to go away.

Shauk · 04-24-2008, 04:52 PM

reading this makes me want to go volunteer to chaperon schools n stuff, of course I'd be the guy who'd get thrown into jail for holding down that stupid bully while all the kids got thier revenge.

lotsofmagnets · 04-24-2008, 06:14 PM

i copped it from the main bully for 2 years then one day, with the slightest provocation (being nudged while walking past him) i snapped, grabbed him by the shirt and pinned him against the wall, about a foot off the ground. my face read "now you will die" but my mind was politely asking "ok, now what do i do?" in the end i simply put him down (this happened in front of his friends) and walked away. he never so much as looked at me again.

inBOIL · 04-24-2008, 11:43 PM

In my experience, both being bullied and watching others being bullied, teachers and administrators don't care. They want to teach, not discipline, so they avoid discipline as much as possible. The kid who slammed my head into a pole for no reason was simply made to apologise; no phone call to his parents, no suspension, not even a note in his file. This was a typical case.

Unfortunately, the only way to get through to these people seem to be litigation. Any parent who fails to threaten a lawsuit can't reasonably expect the school to act on bullying until there's a serious incident.

vanblah · 04-25-2008, 09:21 AM

I'd just make sure that my kid had enough beer and alcohol to befriend the bullies. If that didn't work I'd make sure she was armed. Alcohol and guns solve so many problems.

Seriously though ... I do talk about this with her. If she has a problem with a kid at school I try to make sure that she is confident enough to talk with me about it. It's a hard lesson ... and a lot of times kids are intimidated to bring it up for fear of retaliation.

On the other hand, kids (especially young kids) have been known to lie about things like this to get out of going to school or just to be mean to another kid.

It's difficult to monitor them all the time. The best thing I can do is to make sure I communicate with my daughter's teachers and principals--these are your allies. My daughter is in public school here in Memphis and I honestly believe that her teachers really care about her and watch out for her (and all the kids).

Litigation is definitely on my list of things to do in the event that my child is bullied ... I don't know that I'd even bother trying to "talk" with the parents. It really depends on the situation.

BTW, I was bullied throughout my childhood (thanks to the violin lessons). I was bullied by kids but I was also bullied by a "teacher" or rather a coach ... motherfucker. To this day I really can't stand coaches or people who call themselves coaches.

jewels · 04-25-2008, 09:57 AM

I'm so glad I never had a son.

There are girls that often "jump" other girls in the hallways and outside the schools. I've been lucky that my girls have steered clear of trouble so far.

I have taught them, though, what snowy said. If talking doesn't work, find a teacher or adult. Fast.

Glory's Sun · 04-25-2008, 10:12 AM

I'm not sure what I'd do.. because I know that if the kid tells me and I talk to the parents or teachers it will only make it worse.

I think I'll just make sure both my kids know how to kick someone in the nutsack extremely hard.

Dtamr · 04-25-2008, 03:02 PM

I was bullied in school. Not a lot, but some. Freshman year was the worst, though, since I had to go to a different school then where I graduated. The seniors at that school keyed cars, trashcanned people, all sorts of violent behavior. I was beaten up and trashcanned a fair few times, myself. The school I attended never did anything to prevent this from happening, since the parents of the seniors pretty much had the school by the balls.

I never fought back, and when I got to my next school, it was a lot better. Made friends, helped others with bully problems. But now my greatest solace is seeing the people who used to bully me mess up my order at Taco Bell or McDonalds. Aint karma grand?

girldetective · 04-26-2008, 07:02 AM

This is a difficult question for me to answer. Two opposing problems in the OP stand out for me:

2) I would immediately remove my child or children from the school. I cannot imagine leaving my child or children in a dangerous environment ...
3) ...I can't be around my child or children 100% of the time...

I made many choices that revolved around my children, I happily changed my life for them. I was lucky enough in my choice of partner to have the freedom to do that. I involved myself with them from the moment I knew I was carrying them. I would have known the crime statistics in the area, particularly at the schools. I would have talked with other parents, attended meetings of all sorts, read the newspaper, and so on. I would have known my child's teacher and his friends. If my child had been violently attacked I would have telephoned the school superintendent's office after picking up my child. I would then have met with the principal alone, making it known that I had brought it to the attention of his boss. I would not hesitate to jump some rungs in the case of my child's safety, just as I would not have hesitated to pull my child out of the environment. While learning and consistency is important, nothing comes before safety. This child lost 4 teeth at the beginning of this!!! That is serious.

Some parents dont have the option of pulling their child from school because they have to go to work to put food on their tables and have no one to stay with the child. I just dont know what I would do in that situation. I suppose I would do as willravel and teach self defense.

04-24-2008, 09:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	I'd give my kid a .45 and teach him how to use it. OOOOOOOOOOOOOnnnnnnnnnnly kidding. There's what I would do, and there's what is in this man's power to do. I'd probably try to find a different school or different pickup arrangement, but this father, a Safeway employee, doesn't have the time or the resources to make such a change. As such, I'm not really sure what I'd do if I were in his shoes. With economic stability comes opportunity, but when you lack stability, you lack the opportunity to improve the situation. Maybe he needs to pay Arhonda Morris to arrive at the school ten minutes earlier, so he can be picked up before the bullies get a chance? I think he should be suing the parents of the bullies rather than the school, because any litigation is only going to make them less financially capable of solving this problem. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel Last edited by Jinn; 04-24-2008 at 09:23 AM..

04-24-2008, 09:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I was taught by my father to follow a three-step approach to bullying: 1) Tell the person to stop. 2) If they don't stop, tell an adult. 3) If they don't stop after the adult has tried to discipline them, you may resort to physical force to get your point across. Even if you're small, if you aim for the nose, you can still hurt someone. I never got in trouble for following this approach in school, and I will teach it to my children. I often had to use it in relation to my brother--he was bullied when we were kids, and wouldn't stick up for himself. What's funny is that once he did, he was rarely bullied after that. In today's public school system, a parent really has to be an advocate for their child. It's unfortunate that we cannot trust the schools to do what is best for our children, especially if they're a round peg. If such an incident as mentioned in the OP occurred to my future child, I would most certainly be calling a lawyer. The school has a responsibility to guarantee the relative safety of my child. I would probably also request an immediate transfer. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

04-24-2008, 09:33 AM	#6 (permalink)
Hain has a plan Location: middle of Whywouldanyonebethere	It seems these incidents are happening more and more. If not they are finally getting voiced as they should. Rage alone would make me want to discipline the tormentor and the lil' prick's parents during their dinner, served with a-la-crowbar an' duct-tape. Knowing that fear and torture alone do not fix people, I have to agree that Will's approach is the only safe, reasonable, and effective way to handle this. First incident, there would be legal action against the parents. I don't know if I would take my child out of the school. After a second incident the school would be next. I would give my kid the same advice my parents told me, "If the bully has been in trouble for this before, you are allowed to do anything you want to them." __________________ ////\\// IRONSKY.NET \\//\\\\

04-24-2008, 10:04 AM	#8 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	I saw a kid get his skull fractured in middle school. In high school I saw a kid get 3 fingers broken in a locker door while 3 others held him down. And I was the victim of a few bullies growing up. The younger my boys are or the worse they are hurt, the more escalated my response will be. The very first thing I would do is have a sitdown with the other parents and the kids involved. The next contact the parents had from me would be through my attorneys, and everyone would know that by the end of the meeting. As for my boys, they will learn from an early agen they will know that no matter how big or tough they think they are, there is always someone bigger and tougher. And that victory take many forms. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

04-24-2008, 06:14 PM	#13 (permalink)
lotsofmagnets Upright Location: reykjavík, iceland	i copped it from the main bully for 2 years then one day, with the slightest provocation (being nudged while walking past him) i snapped, grabbed him by the shirt and pinned him against the wall, about a foot off the ground. my face read "now you will die" but my mind was politely asking "ok, now what do i do?" in the end i simply put him down (this happened in front of his friends) and walked away. he never so much as looked at me again. __________________ mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor. she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron. physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

04-24-2008, 09:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Holy crap. I agree with willravel's approach. However, wrt the third point - I agree that self-defense is important, but in this case, with a K/1st graded being bullied by 5th graders, martial arts classes aren't going to help this particular situation. I think, if anything, the dad was too slow to bring in the lawyer. After the first incident I would be contacting the 5th grader's parents, and the second would be lawyer time. I know this is an extreme example, but I'm once again glad we homeschool.

04-24-2008, 09:14 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jenna Psycho Location: Wisconsin	When I was in school we had a boy who was beat up pretty badly, broken nose, bruises, etc. And he threw one lousy punch that barely hit a kid. The kid ended up getting in trouble and got a suspension, along with the other boys. Just because he defended himself, he got in trouble. So, the self defense could cause problems, although, I happen to agree with you and think it's your right to defend yourself! I would probably take the approach you took.

04-24-2008, 02:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
finney Upright	I was bullied in school by 2 sisters who didn't like my family, sometimes physically, but never like this. I feel some of the blame falls on the parent. A schoolyard scrap leaves a kid with some knocked out teeth? Not right, but it happens. Kids fight sometimes. That's one thing. Then nothing is done and the kid gets kicked in the stomach. That's the point where I'd have taken him out of that school right then and there. Obviously no one was going to protect him, and a 6-7 year old is no match for a 10-11 year old. I think it was irresponsible of this boy's father/parents to not take action before this.

04-24-2008, 02:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
Nimetic Junkie Location: Melbourne, Australia	I don't know about very young kids and M/A. I don't think that young kids have the judgement necessary that - and generally, a martial art will provide the ability to hit without having to think through the consequences each time. On that one though... I sorta like judo. It's not a pure M/A in the fighting sense, it's more like a wrestling sport. At least initially (and kids training is more about fun anyways, and learning basic coordination). Having some physical experience of this kind (IMHO) is probably useful without being as dangerous as the more direct stuff.

04-24-2008, 04:30 PM	#11 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	This was discussed in another thread, but.... My son was the victim of constant bullying in grammar school until one day, in 4th grade, he couldn't take it anymore and went after one of his tormentors during lunch, beating him over the head with his full lunchbag. Not until then did I get a call from the principal. My son wasn't suspended-the principal empathized with his dilemma-but it was suggested I get him help to deal with his "issues"..... In 6th grade the same kid he'd beaten on the head decided to jump him after school and got a friend of his to join in. They pounced from behind a tree, knocked him to the ground and kicked him. A coat and bookbag protected him from being seriously injured. Soon as I found out(he called me from his friend's house), I first called the boy's house. His father answered. I said "Your kid beat up my son." He replied quite angrily, "Lady, my kids aren't even home yet". I repeated, very slowly, "Your...son....beat...my....son." I then picked up my boy and drove to the bully's house. I told the father who I was, he called the boy out and I laid into him a good 10-15 minutes-amazingly without a single cuss uttered. The father was livid but let me go on. He said the matter would be "dealt with". Judging by his demeanor, I have to assume he beat the kid within an inch of his life. I left saying, "I'm really sorry you have a son like that". He said, "So am I, Lady. So am I" and grabbed the kid and yanked him into the house. The second kid, whose house I then went to, was home alone, blaming it all on the first one. I called his mother at work, told her what happened. She was in denial. "Not Seany-he wouldnt' do that." When I said he most certainly did, she cussed about the other kid, saying they're done as friends, etc....next day those two were running around together....I hate parents like that. I called the school, spoke with my son's vice-principal. Gave her names of witnesses(including my own daughter). The boys got a week's in-school suspension. She'd said I should call the police and press charges, but what would that do? Two 11 year olds? Juvey for a week? Maybe? Everyone knows there's bullying. Hell, I'm in my 50's and was bullied as a kid. It's not going to go away.

04-24-2008, 04:52 PM	#12 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	reading this makes me want to go volunteer to chaperon schools n stuff, of course I'd be the guy who'd get thrown into jail for holding down that stupid bully while all the kids got thier revenge.

04-24-2008, 11:43 PM	#14 (permalink)
inBOIL I have eaten the slaw	In my experience, both being bullied and watching others being bullied, teachers and administrators don't care. They want to teach, not discipline, so they avoid discipline as much as possible. The kid who slammed my head into a pole for no reason was simply made to apologise; no phone call to his parents, no suspension, not even a note in his file. This was a typical case. Unfortunately, the only way to get through to these people seem to be litigation. Any parent who fails to threaten a lawsuit can't reasonably expect the school to act on bullying until there's a serious incident. __________________ And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

04-25-2008, 09:21 AM	#15 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	I'd just make sure that my kid had enough beer and alcohol to befriend the bullies. If that didn't work I'd make sure she was armed. Alcohol and guns solve so many problems. Seriously though ... I do talk about this with her. If she has a problem with a kid at school I try to make sure that she is confident enough to talk with me about it. It's a hard lesson ... and a lot of times kids are intimidated to bring it up for fear of retaliation. On the other hand, kids (especially young kids) have been known to lie about things like this to get out of going to school or just to be mean to another kid. It's difficult to monitor them all the time. The best thing I can do is to make sure I communicate with my daughter's teachers and principals--these are your allies. My daughter is in public school here in Memphis and I honestly believe that her teachers really care about her and watch out for her (and all the kids). Litigation is definitely on my list of things to do in the event that my child is bullied ... I don't know that I'd even bother trying to "talk" with the parents. It really depends on the situation. BTW, I was bullied throughout my childhood (thanks to the violin lessons). I was bullied by kids but I was also bullied by a "teacher" or rather a coach ... motherfucker. To this day I really can't stand coaches or people who call themselves coaches.

04-25-2008, 09:57 AM	#16 (permalink)
jewels Eponymous Location: Central Central Florida	I'm so glad I never had a son. There are girls that often "jump" other girls in the hallways and outside the schools. I've been lucky that my girls have steered clear of trouble so far. I have taught them, though, what snowy said. If talking doesn't work, find a teacher or adult. Fast. __________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain

04-25-2008, 10:12 AM	#17 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	I'm not sure what I'd do.. because I know that if the kid tells me and I talk to the parents or teachers it will only make it worse. I think I'll just make sure both my kids know how to kick someone in the nutsack extremely hard.

04-25-2008, 03:02 PM	#18 (permalink)
Dtamr Upright Location: California	I was bullied in school. Not a lot, but some. Freshman year was the worst, though, since I had to go to a different school then where I graduated. The seniors at that school keyed cars, trashcanned people, all sorts of violent behavior. I was beaten up and trashcanned a fair few times, myself. The school I attended never did anything to prevent this from happening, since the parents of the seniors pretty much had the school by the balls. I never fought back, and when I got to my next school, it was a lot better. Made friends, helped others with bully problems. But now my greatest solace is seeing the people who used to bully me mess up my order at Taco Bell or McDonalds. Aint karma grand? __________________ E fuhtan ruf syho baubma femm ihtancdyht drec saccyka?

04-26-2008, 07:02 AM	#19 (permalink)
girldetective sufferable	This is a difficult question for me to answer. Two opposing problems in the OP stand out for me: 2) I would immediately remove my child or children from the school. I cannot imagine leaving my child or children in a dangerous environment ... 3) ...I can't be around my child or children 100% of the time... I made many choices that revolved around my children, I happily changed my life for them. I was lucky enough in my choice of partner to have the freedom to do that. I involved myself with them from the moment I knew I was carrying them. I would have known the crime statistics in the area, particularly at the schools. I would have talked with other parents, attended meetings of all sorts, read the newspaper, and so on. I would have known my child's teacher and his friends. If my child had been violently attacked I would have telephoned the school superintendent's office after picking up my child. I would then have met with the principal alone, making it known that I had brought it to the attention of his boss. I would not hesitate to jump some rungs in the case of my child's safety, just as I would not have hesitated to pull my child out of the environment. While learning and consistency is important, nothing comes before safety. This child lost 4 teeth at the beginning of this!!! That is serious. Some parents dont have the option of pulling their child from school because they have to go to work to put food on their tables and have no one to stay with the child. I just dont know what I would do in that situation. I suppose I would do as willravel and teach self defense. __________________ As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata