Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
 

I think you can although Im still skeptical.

You can love people for so many different reasons because each person is unique and each can touch a different part of your own personality.

I think why Im skeptical is because Im still learning what love is. I always thought you just fall in love and it makes perfect blind sense, but thats not true. Thinking is definitely involved.

So the hard part about deciding which person you want to be with is do they hit you on a variety of levels? Do they stimulate you physically and mentally? Do you see yourself being able to grow w/this person? So many questions...

I suppose it's possible...but unlikely.

I think it's very possible if you allow yourself to go that route. The real question would be: how would you feel if someone were posing the same question and they were talking about you? How would you feel if your SO was in love with you AND someone else.

I think long-term relationships that include real love are about commitment and it's tough to be commited to two people. Which one would fall by the way side if you had to pull one from a burning building?

Romantic love, I'd say 'kinda'.

When push comes to shove though, there are always favorites in true poly type relationships (and hence the term many use 'primary').

I think you can 'love' many but its not typical to be that sort of chemical imbalanced early, gotta be with them, thinking always about them, love with more than one at a time.

Of course you can love one than more person but if you're talking about thinking that this is the "this is it, rest of your life" kind of love, than no. At least definitely not simultaneously.

Plus there were a few times in my life that I thought, "oh this could be the one" only to discover few months down the road that I really couldn't stand him. So now, when it comes to dating I first think to myself, "Can I be patient with this person for a very long time?" Because everyone steps on each others nerves once in awhile, so who do you think you could handle it with best?

To find a rainbow, first you have to put up with the rain.

Yes.

It is possible. It is common. It is natural.

What made me choose?
One of the two in question went down a path of anger and rage that I could not follow. I was placed in a position of intense fear. The decision was made at the moment of betrayal. I consider myself lucky.

This is purposefully vague.

Emotions are not to be experienced lightly. Take in your feelings, pursue them, evaluate.

I haven't experienced it, but I definitely can see the possibility of it happening.

The cliche thought experiment for this is children. Parents love many children at once, and their love for one does not take away from their love for others. They are different people, and so the affection felt for them is simply different, not necessarily less or more.

I agree with Ustwo, though, in the sense that there are generally favorites. That's okay. That doesn't mean you don't love the other person, it just means that there is something about the first that makes you more drawn to them.

Even more importantly, even love with one person goes through various stages. The butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling of new love is certainly not the same as the intense comfort and affection of a love that has developed over time. This is what often causes monogamous relationships to run into trouble, because someone gets that butterflies feeling with a different person and so they think that they must not love their current partner anymore. It's just different, and it's perfectly valid to have both feelings at once with two different people.

(Of course, the caveat to all this is that any sort of acceptance of these facts within real life relationships requires open minds and open communication.)

I had to think about this one before answering. Which is odd in retrospect, because once I determined the correct answer it seemed intuitive.

Choices dictate reality.

I often encounter a view of love as if it is something apart from the individual. So many people seem to think that love just happens, and that there's no control or input from the individuals. I think this is a product of media; novels, films and television all depict love as some irresistable mystical force, which is kind of ridiculous. Love is a verb, as well as a noun; it's an action we choose to undertake.

If you believe you can only fall in love with one person at a time, or if you choose that, then that's how it will be for you. I have often claimed to be a simple man, and that holds true here as in other aspects of my life. Polyamory is complex, and I prefer the simplicity of monogamy. I can love one person and be infatuated with another, but I cannot love two people at once in a romantic sense because I choose not to. Once I make the choice, my actions and responses follow and my version of love is shaped by that.

Storybook romances rarely happen outside of storybooks, and it's my belief that when they do there's a degree of self-delusion involved. I have a feeling this may illicit indignant responses from some quarters. Some people seem to think that characterizing love as a choice cheapens it in some way. Personally, I think just the opposite; believing that love is something that I choose to undertake (or not, as the case may be) strengthens it. Rather than being swept up in a current with no say in the matter, I choose to dive in and consciously choose the risks inherent in that. It takes a lot more courage to choose a course of action that has a strong potential to lead to pain and heartbreak than to be unwillingly forced down that path.

It is important in this discussion to draw distinctions between love and infatuation. My guideline is to always bear in mind that I cannot truly love someone I do not know; if I don't know who this woman is, any romantic feelings I have from her are the result of either infatuation or a mental image I've constructed that likely has no bearing on reality.

Naturally, one must also distinguish between romantic, platonic and familial love. I sometimes think it's odd that these three different but related emotions are all defined with the same word.

Been there. It's the real deal.

I'd say yes, but each person differently. Because you don't love any two people the same way, I think.

For me this would be difficult as I am very dedicated and once I love one person, it would take a hell of a lot to turn my mind towards another simultaneously. It could happen though, I am guessing.

Yes, you can. Been there, done that, returned the t-shirt.

Am there. Wearing the t-shirt.

Have been for a very long time. It's not a matter of weighing one against the other-no two people are alike. It's more of a completion. I simply can't imagine my life without these people in it. Not a day goes by that I don't think how lucky I am and I would never make a decision of choice or face an ultimatum.

I agree with little tippler on this... it's possible (I've been there, and possibly still am to some extent) but you don't love each person the same.

Unlike Ratbastid, I made a choice and stuck with it... not all of us can live in the ideal world. ;)

Yes, you absolutely can. Whether or not that works for you, or works out for you--that's another question.

yup.

We have t-shirts now?

Heck yeah, you can be in love with two people at the same time! There are different aspects to each relationship and it really keeps everything special. I love my boy for everything he is and everything he is not, I love my girl for everything she is and everything she is not. They're not the same people, the love won't look the same. I like it that way.

I don't know.



I love both chocolate and strawberry ice cream. Does that count?

What timing! I just came across this April 11 podcast of Polyamory Weekly:

Poly Weekly #151: Can you love two at once?

I believe it's possible.

I am certain it's hard.

And I am confident that what you really need to ask is "Can three people all love each other in every combination"

It doesn't matter if I love A and B equally, if A and B are jealous of each other in my affection.

StellaLuna is a part of a very rare family, and they are all three lucky.

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Absolutely. The romantic plot twist of a "love triangle" has been done so many times it's hard to even question it.

The protagonist "has to" make a choice between two (or more) interests that attract different aspects of their personality. In that he/she loves each in such different ways that it is a very difficult choice to make. Of course our monogamous culture requires a single love resolution, and the writer will provide clues to the reader (and the protagonist) about the "better" choice so that they can live happily ever after.

Ratbastid, glad it works for you. I couldn't keep both the Marine and the Ranger. It would have been a logistical nightmare...and, well, they probably would have killed each other eventually.

Whether or not you live happily ever after, it's still extremely hard to break someone's heart when you choose one. It was the only time I've seen a Marine cry. Hindsight, I should have checked the "none of the above" box.

I've loved two people at once, but at some point everyone makes a choice.... and it does not last.

Absolutely, friends of mine have been in a stable "menage a tois" for 30 years and they are all still very much in love with each other.

I think you can love many people at once for many different reasons, but being "in" love is different from loving. I love a man I have never met in person, but when I tell him I love him, I mean it. Do I love him like my husband? No. This man satisfies needs that my husband does not, emotional needs. I am going to stop there, or this reply will go off topic.

Not wanting to upset anyone because knowing one's limitations is a good thing, but perhaps the answers to this question reflect only what each individual has discovered as their limitation and not what may be true for others. My experience is that there are not too many definite rules when it comes to love or sexuality.