Miss Mango

I think you can although Im still skeptical.

You can love people for so many different reasons because each person is unique and each can touch a different part of your own personality.

I think why Im skeptical is because Im still learning what love is. I always thought you just fall in love and it makes perfect blind sense, but thats not true. Thinking is definitely involved.

So the hard part about deciding which person you want to be with is do they hit you on a variety of levels? Do they stimulate you physically and mentally? Do you see yourself being able to grow w/this person? So many questions...

mixedmedia

I suppose it's possible...but unlikely.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

thingstodo

I think it's very possible if you allow yourself to go that route. The real question would be: how would you feel if someone were posing the same question and they were talking about you? How would you feel if your SO was in love with you AND someone else.

I think long-term relationships that include real love are about commitment and it's tough to be commited to two people. Which one would fall by the way side if you had to pull one from a burning building?

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If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

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Ustwo

Romantic love, I'd say 'kinda'.

When push comes to shove though, there are always favorites in true poly type relationships (and hence the term many use 'primary').

I think you can 'love' many but its not typical to be that sort of chemical imbalanced early, gotta be with them, thinking always about them, love with more than one at a time.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Starshine

Of course you can love one than more person but if you're talking about thinking that this is the "this is it, rest of your life" kind of love, than no. At least definitely not simultaneously.

Plus there were a few times in my life that I thought, "oh this could be the one" only to discover few months down the road that I really couldn't stand him. So now, when it comes to dating I first think to myself, "Can I be patient with this person for a very long time?" Because everyone steps on each others nerves once in awhile, so who do you think you could handle it with best?

To find a rainbow, first you have to put up with the rain.

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I fly like paper, get high like planes

genuinegirly

Yes.

It is possible. It is common. It is natural.

What made me choose?
One of the two in question went down a path of anger and rage that I could not follow. I was placed in a position of intense fear. The decision was made at the moment of betrayal. I consider myself lucky.

This is purposefully vague.

Emotions are not to be experienced lightly. Take in your feelings, pursue them, evaluate.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Jenna

I haven't experienced it, but I definitely can see the possibility of it happening.

SecretMethod70

The cliche thought experiment for this is children. Parents love many children at once, and their love for one does not take away from their love for others. They are different people, and so the affection felt for them is simply different, not necessarily less or more.

I agree with Ustwo, though, in the sense that there are generally favorites. That's okay. That doesn't mean you don't love the other person, it just means that there is something about the first that makes you more drawn to them.

Even more importantly, even love with one person goes through various stages. The butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling of new love is certainly not the same as the intense comfort and affection of a love that has developed over time. This is what often causes monogamous relationships to run into trouble, because someone gets that butterflies feeling with a different person and so they think that they must not love their current partner anymore. It's just different, and it's perfectly valid to have both feelings at once with two different people.

(Of course, the caveat to all this is that any sort of acceptance of these facts within real life relationships requires open minds and open communication.)

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Martian

I had to think about this one before answering. Which is odd in retrospect, because once I determined the correct answer it seemed intuitive.

Choices dictate reality.

I often encounter a view of love as if it is something apart from the individual. So many people seem to think that love just happens, and that there's no control or input from the individuals. I think this is a product of media; novels, films and television all depict love as some irresistable mystical force, which is kind of ridiculous. Love is a verb, as well as a noun; it's an action we choose to undertake.

If you believe you can only fall in love with one person at a time, or if you choose that, then that's how it will be for you. I have often claimed to be a simple man, and that holds true here as in other aspects of my life. Polyamory is complex, and I prefer the simplicity of monogamy. I can love one person and be infatuated with another, but I cannot love two people at once in a romantic sense because I choose not to. Once I make the choice, my actions and responses follow and my version of love is shaped by that.

Storybook romances rarely happen outside of storybooks, and it's my belief that when they do there's a degree of self-delusion involved. I have a feeling this may illicit indignant responses from some quarters. Some people seem to think that characterizing love as a choice cheapens it in some way. Personally, I think just the opposite; believing that love is something that I choose to undertake (or not, as the case may be) strengthens it. Rather than being swept up in a current with no say in the matter, I choose to dive in and consciously choose the risks inherent in that. It takes a lot more courage to choose a course of action that has a strong potential to lead to pain and heartbreak than to be unwillingly forced down that path.

It is important in this discussion to draw distinctions between love and infatuation. My guideline is to always bear in mind that I cannot truly love someone I do not know; if I don't know who this woman is, any romantic feelings I have from her are the result of either infatuation or a mental image I've constructed that likely has no bearing on reality.

Naturally, one must also distinguish between romantic, platonic and familial love. I sometimes think it's odd that these three different but related emotions are all defined with the same word.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Willravel

Been there. It's the real deal.

little_tippler

I'd say yes, but each person differently. Because you don't love any two people the same way, I think.

For me this would be difficult as I am very dedicated and once I love one person, it would take a hell of a lot to turn my mind towards another simultaneously. It could happen though, I am guessing.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

ItWasMe

Yes, you can. Been there, done that, returned the t-shirt.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

ratbastid

Am there. Wearing the t-shirt.

ngdawg

Have been for a very long time. It's not a matter of weighing one against the other-no two people are alike. It's more of a completion. I simply can't imagine my life without these people in it. Not a day goes by that I don't think how lucky I am and I would never make a decision of choice or face an ultimatum.

Charlatan

I agree with little tippler on this... it's possible (I've been there, and possibly still am to some extent) but you don't love each person the same.

Unlike Ratbastid, I made a choice and stuck with it... not all of us can live in the ideal world.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

snowy

Yes, you absolutely can. Whether or not that works for you, or works out for you--that's another question.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

thespian86

yup.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

StellaLuna

We have t-shirts now?

Heck yeah, you can be in love with two people at the same time! There are different aspects to each relationship and it really keeps everything special. I love my boy for everything he is and everything he is not, I love my girl for everything she is and everything she is not. They're not the same people, the love won't look the same. I like it that way.

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Screw tradition!

World's King

I don't know.



I love both chocolate and strawberry ice cream. Does that count?

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

SecretMethod70

What timing! I just came across this April 11 podcast of Polyamory Weekly:

Poly Weekly #151: Can you love two at once?

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Daniel_

I believe it's possible.

I am certain it's hard.

And I am confident that what you really need to ask is "Can three people all love each other in every combination"

It doesn't matter if I love A and B equally, if A and B are jealous of each other in my affection.

StellaLuna is a part of a very rare family, and they are all three lucky.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Ustwo

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

skier

Absolutely. The romantic plot twist of a "love triangle" has been done so many times it's hard to even question it.

The protagonist "has to" make a choice between two (or more) interests that attract different aspects of their personality. In that he/she loves each in such different ways that it is a very difficult choice to make. Of course our monogamous culture requires a single love resolution, and the writer will provide clues to the reader (and the protagonist) about the "better" choice so that they can live happily ever after.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

ItWasMe

Ratbastid, glad it works for you. I couldn't keep both the Marine and the Ranger. It would have been a logistical nightmare...and, well, they probably would have killed each other eventually.

Whether or not you live happily ever after, it's still extremely hard to break someone's heart when you choose one. It was the only time I've seen a Marine cry. Hindsight, I should have checked the "none of the above" box.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

koli70

I've loved two people at once, but at some point everyone makes a choice.... and it does not last.

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Woman is a danger cat

cyklone

Absolutely, friends of mine have been in a stable "menage a tois" for 30 years and they are all still very much in love with each other.

Meditrina

I think you can love many people at once for many different reasons, but being "in" love is different from loving. I love a man I have never met in person, but when I tell him I love him, I mean it. Do I love him like my husband? No. This man satisfies needs that my husband does not, emotional needs. I am going to stop there, or this reply will go off topic.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

cyklone

Not wanting to upset anyone because knowing one's limitations is a good thing, but perhaps the answers to this question reflect only what each individual has discovered as their limitation and not what may be true for others. My experience is that there are not too many definite rules when it comes to love or sexuality.