Cyborg Ninja

I don't know how to deal with them. My father's side of the family seems to have a lot of people who have mental problems or quirks. I'm in the middle of a situation that is very difficult to explain to anyone, let alone people who are overly-sensitive and garner self-worth through how they believe others value them. I do not know how to speak to them, nor do I even want to. The only thing I can do is try to not upset them or cause stress, but they have involved themselves in my own business to a point where this is impossible at the moment. Sorry if I sound cryptic, but what I want to ask, do you have experience with people like this and how do you handle it? How do you explain a situation to people who are emotionally irrational?

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analog

It'd be kind of difficult without knowing what sort of news you have for them, though don't take that as me insisting or asking that you tell.

Really, for anything, just be as honest and forthcoming as you would like to be, and let them sort it out in their heads. Just because they're family doesn't mean they have automatic rights to every detail of your personal life, especially if it's something with which they'd have a problem.

pig

I would start breakdancing when it got uncomfortable. For one thing, you might start a spontaneous cultural revival. Secondly, they'll all be desperately trying to figure out what the hell you're doing, so you can side shuffle any discussions you don't want to have.

Or you can just smile and nod, and if it gets too uncomfortable, go take a nap or magically disappear. Bars are full on Christmas for a reason.

edit: forgotted a word. silly me.

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Ustwo

I think only women have this type of problem.

If something comes up say 'I don't really want to talk about that right now, I'm trying to relax today.'

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MSD

I don't deal with irrational people. If they think that my business is theirs, I ask them nicely to back off then become The Incredible Hulk and tell them to go fuck themselves. If they want to be rational, I'll talk. If they want to poke their noses into my private business, rational or not, they're not so important that I can't avoid them until problems are over.

Willravel

Everyone is irrational, as are you. There are no perfect islands of sanity sitting proudly in oceans of stupid in this world. I myself have dedicated my life to being rational and even I get it wrong from time to time.

Baraka_Guru

Emotionally irrational people (at least the ones I'm used to) tend to be self-centered, or self-concerned. They tend to be overly defensive and are therefore overly sensitive, thinking they are under attack or being criticized even when they're not.

If you need to deal with them (i.e. avoidance isn't a good option), just keep in mind that they are worried about their own well-being. To alleviate their concerns, try to go with an approach that is non-threatening and open. Approach them with the intent to help them understand. This takes empathy.

But at the same time, you can't bullshit them. You have to play it straight and call them out on their own bullshit. You might be surprised at how many people respond to straight-shooting honesty, especially if it is for their benefit (even if this is indirect),

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—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

noodle

"This is really more my business and something I'm trying to deal with. I appreciate the concern/support/thoughts of all of you and I'll try to keep you in the loop when I can. But it really is going to require some more thought on my part and I'd really rather discuss it when I've been able to nail down how I'm going to handle everything instead of painting half a picture. Thanks for thinking of me."

And then I walk away.

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Willravel

Empathy is key to successful communication, Cyborg. Put yourself into their frame of mind and ask yourself what way to communicate would be best.

Seer666

Well, I've just taken to washing my hands of most my family. There is only so much bullshit I will put up with from people. Blood does not increase that tolerance. I gave up caring what kind of crazy thoughts people in my family are having. And believe me, they have a lot of them. Not my problem. And it's not yours either. You life is your life. You don't want to share, you have no obligation to. They can't cope, to bad for them.

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I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

jewels

First of all, you don't have to explain anything to anyone. If you feel you're obligated (because of the business, or their investments) for fear backlash or superquirky behavior as a result of not explaining, then keep it simple and vague. (For example: I spent your big check on this ridiculous item because it will multiply the profit margin by 10 within 5 years.) If they're involved, they either trust you or they shouldn't have.

Yes, some people I'm very close to are like this. Sigh.

For everyday communication, think of them as children. Say what you want to say, but word things carefully so it doesn't sound as though you're blaming them. It might make it harder to take personally.

You probably know this best -- sometimes it doesn't matter what you say or how well you say it. Good luck!