is this being selfish or thoughtless?
 

I would like some opinions about this certain scenario.
A couple, (in the sense they are dating each other exclusively) get into a big argument. They have only been dating 3-4 months.
The argument: The man is driving and they are talking to one another on the phone. He tells her there is a cop behind him. Then he tells her the cop is pulling him over and he has to let her go. She says , "Call me and let me know what happened" he says "ok". She waits, and waits, and waits some more. no phone call. An hour goes by. Thinking the worse and already mentally arranging bail money, she decides to call a mutual friend of theirs.
When the friend answers, she starts explaining what had happened, the friend tells her the boyfriend is there at his house, she hears loud music in the background, and her friend tells her there are a few people at the house. She is livid, she hangs up. Then she calls boyfriend on his cell phone. When he answers she calls him a thoughtless jerk, and a few other things. and hangs up. She calls back and is crying and tells him she no longer wants to have any sort of relationship with him, none, and hangs up again. But this time she hears him say, "I don't need this". She calls back again, and tells him she is sorry for caring too much, and worrying bout him. She is being sarcastic. All she wanted was a phone call telling her the cops did not take him to jail and he is alright. She thinks he is an uncaring selfish jerk.
What do you think? Did she overreact? or??

He's a douche.

She's right to be angry, but she's still overreacting. Yelling at him for failing to call (he may have deliberately not called, or he may have simply forgotten) is fine. Breaking up with him (assuming there are no other reasons to do so) is taking it too far and is a sign of immaturity.

He was thoughtless, she was reacting more strongly than may have been necessary.

she sounds needy as fuck, wow.

Let me guess: you're her?

needy? worrying about your SO make you "needy"

wow

guess Im the neediest person in the world then

as far as my opinion...the guy was a total jerk for not calling to tell her what happened

Nothing more need be said.

some say she may have been over reacting...but I would like to know if this is a pattern with the guy or if its the first time something like this happened....if its not, it just might have been the "last straw"

In the story as presented the guy is at fault for not calling as promised - and his commitment to her is called into question by the failure to make the call.

The girl called repeatedly and angrily which is never a good sign of calm mood - so it's unfair to call her purely needy - she may have just had crappy judgement because she was angry and worried.

That said, it's always better to act calmly and leave yourself room to manoeuvre.

If a friend of mine told me that story, I'd ask her why she didn't send a text message after half an hour, rather than waiting hours and calling someone else, when the bloke had his own phone.

He was a jerk, but she behaved naively.

Nobody comes out smelling of roses.

...and there it is....


Likely...she would have just lost me, unless I was in love

Is there a reason your first thought is for bail money?

You wouldn't call him first why?

A simple "I was worried why didn't you call me" would have been the proper thing to do.

He should have called her, she shouldn't have went apeshit. Everybody makes mistakes.

He should have called her first, especially since he promised to afterwards. Not only did he not do what he said he would, but it's even worse because he went off to a friend's house instead of checking in. She has a right to be angry.

Angry yes, psycho, no.

these behavioral analysis threads amuse me. I responded and now I see the thread again and go "wow, I really just don't care"

and yeah, I say needy because she's not content "doing her own thing" and just getting the story from him when he gets around to telling it, she's got to bring herself to the forefront of his shit by calling him and making a scene.

You can care about someone without acting like a cheerleader about it.

I have a big huge problem with people that dont do things they say they are gonna do....he said he'd call....he didnt, that was a lousy way to treat someone, end of story

and like I posted earlier...Im waiting to hear if this was or wasnt the first time this person had pulled this kind of stuff

All this in the first 3-4 months of (exclusive) dating? I smell issues.

How do people ever get together and stay together? This argument is fucking stupid. Who cares who was right and who was wrong? Make it work or find somebody more willing to put up with your shit.

Thank you all for the input.
To answer ratbastid, no, it is not me, but a friend of mine.
and shanifaye, I think this may have been the first time HE displayed this type of behavior , but I also think she has issues with ex's , so, she felt it was the same old thing again, you know? It is most likely the reason she reacted the way she did, she puts an awful lot of effort into a relationship, with trying her utmost to do the right thing at the right time, but she has yet to seem to find another person as willing to do the same.
they have since made up with apologizing all around, and are now a happy couple again, with a little more understanding of what one expects from the other.
And believe me the girl is no where "needy".


edited to correct spelling.

Ah...PMS

In that case, he was really inconsiderate, but she went off the deep end for almost no reason.

well...maybe in the breaking up bit...but being pissed off leads to statements like that..you know, extreme statements. i'd personally be pretty pissed if my girlfriend was being pulled over by the cops, while i was on the phone with her, and then before calling me back she went to hang out with some friends. i mean, hang out with your friends, but give a call or a text message or something. that's just rude.

Yup. Whether or not her past experience has been loser boyfriends who would end up in jail over a traffic stop shouldn't make her flip the hell out over this guy, if no such history is known. That's a hell of an assumption to make about a person.

He should have called, because he said he would. Really though, if he's not a criminal, he'd think little or nothing of the traffic stop, other than maybe being pissed if he got a ticket. Maybe being pissed distracted him and he forgot about calling back.

Either way, I agree word for word with MSD, she went off the deep end for almost no reason.

Without knowing if he has a history of this, she overreacted. The calling to yell at him, then calling back crying to break up, then calling back to be sarcastic? That's quite a bit of manufactured drama.

If he was lying about the cop so he could get her off the phone, he's a jerk. If he just forgot, he's a dumbass. You can hardly blame a dumbass for being thoughtless.

Bada bing!

OK, he should have called her, but she should have called him, if she was that worried. It's not like he didn't have his own phone.

She was the one that said "Call me and tell me what happens," he didn't volunteer to. Maybe he didn't have it clear in his head that she meant "...right after it happens."

If the same scenario had happened to me, I would have basically said "Oh, sorry honey, I was so rattled by getting pulled over I forgot you wanted me to call you. Why didn't you just call me when you started worrying about me instead of freaking the fuck out?"

To answer your original question: He's being, at worst, slightly negligent (or forgetful), and she's being a crazy bitch. And he's right, he doesn't need that. His very minor offense is being reacted to with the full fury and hellfire normally reserved for major indescretions.

Calling people and hanging up on them without letting them get a word in edgewise is extremely disrespectful, and in his shoes, I'd have a hard time not dumping her ass...broke up with one of my ex girlfriends for chronic occurrences of the same.