Getting Over Her
 

For those of you following my troubled relationship here at TPF, I'm unhappy to announce that it is finally over for good.

I'm a bit depressed now. I wanted to get back with her, but I now know she has absolutely no interest in me any more and that hurts. How can I get over her. I'm trying not to mope around to much and feel bad for myself, but at the same time ... well I don't know what to do in this situation. Again, this is my first relationship.

man, we suck at manhood.

*sigh*


lets go get trashed, works for everyone else.

This might sound cliche, but time heals all wounds. Just find things to do that will help you take your mind off of her. Also, I would say try not to do things that you and her normally did that you enjoyed because it will cause you to reminisce and will probably make you feel bad.

i'm going to try to channel my depression into something positive. Like working out and working hard at school. That's my plan so far.

I don't know. It just sucks how quickly she got over me. I talked with her today and it felt like i was nothing to her. Less than a week ago she was telling me how much she missed me and how she wanted me back. *shrug

How have all of you dealt with heartbreak?

When I had my worst break-up in my young-adult life, my crew coach basically just said, "This is gonna suck for a long time." He was right, and there's nothing you can say or do to change that fact. Sorry, man.

Have you done a search for other "just broke up" threads?... I think there's a lot of good advice floating around this community already, personally.

But, in a few words: Cut off contact completely, indefinitely. I think I've told you this before, no? And yeah, focus on other stuff... and eventually, it will start to dull the pain. It just takes a helluva long time. As long as you realize that, and look it in the face... you'll be okay.

It'll suck. It'll suck for a long time. It'll suck even when it's not your first relationship. :p

Channeling energy into something good, like school and exercise is good.

I'd suggest doing something new. That can be anything from getting a haircut, to getting some new clothes, to joining in some kind of activity at school.

And if the only reason you are talking to her is to see "how she is" and "how she acts towards you" ... stop it. That will only make it worse.

I dealt with my divorce by starting smoking again, getting angry, working overtime and eventually by falling in love with a much (MUCH) better guy.

Ahhh Soma... cut her out of your life. Delete old emails and her phone number from your cell.

Stuff gets better in time. If it helps, think of it as valuable experience for your next relationship... most people don't stay in their first relationship anyway.

You'll be allllllllriiiiight.

First of all, thanks for the posts. I feel like you guys are like ... anonymous friends.

What about starting to date other people? Or is it too soon. I feel like there is negative sentiment attached to any rebound dating. Is this true? I think dating other people would make me feel better...

Thoughts?

I try to jump back in the dating thing asap. Don't dwell on it, DON'T chat about it with your new date, but I think going out there and getting on with it is a healthy thing. And thinking about someone new, really helps me get over someone old.

my problem with the whole "someone new" aspect is even if you dont talk about your ex, you might think about her once in a while, and you might just be going through the motions with the new person telling yourself that "everything is fine" when it really isnt. which isn't fair to the new person at all

I just tore up a picture of us I had on my desk. No regrets. I have to move on! :D

I also deleted all of the pictures on my cell and all that good stuff. I'm starting to feel.... ok for now. Although my mood has been swinging from highs to lows like crazy!

Last night I couldn't sleep and felt so sad and alone... But I think I'm getting better. I need to brag about my accomplishments here because I think it's like therapy.

Thanks guys. :thumbsup:

I'm with Shauk on this one. I didn't move on from my worst breakup to a new relationship until I knew that I had completely healed from the pain. I didn't want to get into something with someone else, while still thinking about the previous person... wouldn't seem fair at all. Well, it took me 4 years.

Enjoy the depression, it won't last. Write a song or a poem. They are often their most moving when dragged out from a depressed soul.

(hangs head in shame)

Man, this was me like three months ago.

...

You'll be okay, brother... Wild Turkey 101 cures all.

It can be very tough to channel depression into something positive because, frankly, being depressed is very distracting.

Some people deal with breakups by trying to purge their world of memories and reminders, which I suppose can work... but I personally hate that idea. To me, doing that seems to undermine all the time and effort I put into the relationship. It's like all the sudden you're trying to erase part of your memory in order to get rid of the bad feelings, but you also lose the valuable lessons and all the good memories as well.

I say, embrace the pain. Some of the most intense moments of my life, where I've felt completely alive, have been those where I'm in excruciating agony and heartache. At the time it sucks and you just want it to end, but trust me... it's better than being completely numb and emotionless.

My suggestion -- find yourself a few songs that remind you of her or that you really connect with... turn out the lights and lay on the floor... turn up the volume... and just let your emotions flow. When you're done, turn the lights back on and look in the mirror. You're still here. You're still alive and healthy. Now, make a list of things that are most important to you, and focus on those things for the next few weeks. Really take the time to value them and appreciate them. It does help.

Heh heh. thanks. It really helps to hear that other people have gone through the same thing. So sad that breakups are a fact of life. :no: :no: :no:


dirtyrascal7: Yeah, channeling depression into something positive really doesn't make sense. Let me try to be more clear. Hrm... I think it's more of a "I'll show her" mentality. Is that healthy? I don't know. But it has been motivating the shit out of me to improve myself so I'm going to stick with it. :thumbsup:

EDIT: one more thing. It has been really therapeutic to think of her as a good well meaning person. I know it sounds strange, but when I have bitter thoughts about her, I feel awfully hurt. But when I remind myself that she is a decent person, it's a like a big burden is lifted off my shoulders. When we were dating, we definitely had our problems, but she was a decent person and that hasn't changed. I'm depressed that our relationship is over, but that's just how things went. I guess.

I think this is similar to how people who hold grudges against others are going to be bitter and mad and just can't let go of all of the negative emotion. But people who can forgive move on and are much happier off. Even though forgiving seems like more of a compromise and bowing to the other person, it is really more beneficial than holding a grudge. cool!

Sure, that is definitely a highly effective form short-term motivation... but just know that it will be (and should be) only temporary. In the long run, you should focus on improving yourself because it is something that you value. That will bring you much greater satisfaction and you will be able to sustain your happiness regardless of external factors.

I believe there is some definite truth to what you're saying here. Thinking of her in a negative light might help you turn your back on her a little easier, but like I said earlier... I think it undermines all the time and energy you invested into the relationship. If you can think of her so negatively now, what were you doing with her for so long?

If you keep on the track that you are, you should be able to develop the necessary separation needed to move on and apply what you've learned. Keep us updated! :)

Exciting Updates:
Yesterday, I started working out with a friend. Feels great, really think I can commit to working out often enough to change my body or at least stay in good shape.

Carried that momentum to the night. Went partying, had a great time, met a girl, we went out a date today.

The date was ... not good not bad. I don't know. How do you know when to call a girl next and initiate another date?

also: I'm not completely over my ex and all of that heartbreak stuff. Meeting this girl definitely helps, but... i guess it's hard to move on. Me and my ex stay in contact and are on good terms, but i haven't told her i went out on this date.

So, i was thinking of leveraging this date to get back with my ex? Or is that crossing to heavily into doosh bag territory? I don't know. I already feel bad for dating this girl as sort of a ... replacement for my ex.

I know that my ex has already been chatting up this other guy and stuff, which is why i think it's best to completely move on . hrm... thoughts?

It's been almost a year sense things went tits up for me. It's the reason no one has heard much out of me for a long time. 12 years of friendship, a year of of much more then just friends, and then she decides she would rather whore herself out online to some fucktard that is to inept to meet a woman in real life. I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed. Forget your ex. As much as you can. Just, fucking walk on it. I honestly don't know what the situation was, but just walk. If she wants things to work out or what ever, sooner or later she'll come to you. But trust me dude, don't do this shit to yourself. Find something else to curl up with for a night or two, go to the target range, do something. But just forget her. If you keep pushing to get back, she'll view you as to pathetic to waste time on, or decide that it's fun fucking with your emotions, and use you anytime she is in a slump and needs to make herself feel better about whatever fucking issue she is having. Walk. Walk far, walk hard, and don't look back.

If I knew what to do, I'd tell you....apparently what I did didn't work :(

-Will

My friends and I used to do the big ceremony after a break up - you bring everything the person ever left at your house (after checking they don't want it ofcourse) then any letters, photoes etc etc - dump it all in a metal bin and set it alight.

This ceremony is accompanied by much drinking, laughter and talking about the guy / girls sexual prowess.

This is then followed by a haircut the next day and shopping trip, then a trip in a new sexy outfit and perfect hair / makeup to return the stuff the SO did want back.

Yes it's petty and childish but it sure as hell made us all feel better.

Your idea sounds like the mature way to handle it though.

No! Bad! Don't make me get the rolled up newspaper...

Your ex is gone. Your relationship with her is gone. That is all in the past and you can never have it again. It sucks. It hurts. You maybe feel like nobody could possibly understand. Sure break-ups happen all the time, but this was different, she was special...

I've been there. Shit, so have all of us. And the pain will not get better until you learn to be okay with the fact that what you had is gone forever. Then and only then will you be ready to move on with your life.

Your ex will do what she will. Pay no attention to it. It's up to her to deal with this as she sees fit, just as it's up to you to make the best choice for yourself. I would very strongly recommend not having any further contact with her. If you feel the need to explain to her, just tell her that you need to get your head on straight and need some time away from her to do so. If, IF, you want to have a friendship with her in the future (and that is all you will ever have, if even that much, so get any other thoughts out of your head right here and now), it will be essential for you to get some distance from her in order to get your feelings for her under control first.

I would strongly suggest not having any further involvement with the new girl either, because there's a very high probability that you'll end up causing her pain and I'm guessing she doesn't deserve that. On that score, however, you just have to judge for yourself.

Just go play violent shoot-them-ups...
TFP even has a Team Fortress 2 server for you to get on.
It takes your mind off anything else. You dedicate yourself to the team and the objective.
I do it all the time when upset about anything.

Just so you know... this is YOUR "getting over her" thread. So attempting to get back with her? NOT GOING TO HELP.

If this is going to work out in the future, it will only be because you kept your self intact now. Right now, go do something for YOU. I reeeeeaaally hate to say this, but... women are not usually attracted to those they can walk all over, and if they are, that's even more reason to run.

Keep your head high. You're getting OVER her, not back together.

Hate to say it? Well, it helps... Oi. I think I've been acting too much like the guy she can walk all over. You're definitely right about this and how unattractive it is. :thumbsup:

Ok, but the biggest issue for getting her out of my mind was that she was a dead 10. I mean she was really really really hot. And as a young guy, I'm having difficulty not thinking about her. Any tips here? I'm watching the porno and stuff, but that doesn't always cut it. :confused: :confused: :confused:

Stop thinking about how she looks, and think about how she acts. And not in bed. just as a human being. Sounds to me like she's a pretty shitty one. Looks make up the smallest part of a person. And it sounds like she's lacking in all the others.

Time or new pussy.

Time works but its a long and annoying until you get there.

New pussy and its gone pretty much in a week :thumbsup:

And I say new pussy not to be crude, but to be blunt. Its not a new girlfriend that will help, its new sex. Sex is what its all about and having someone new to have sex with makes the old person less important pretty much instantly.

I always find it amazing that people (myself included) make incredible exceptions or excuses for attractive people with personality flaws. It seems very rare that we do this the other way around for less attractive people with outstanding personalities.

Just remember that everyone ages, and she won't always look this hot. Be glad you were with her at her peak, and try to use that for confidence moving forward... the whole "I've been with girls hotter than you" mentality is pretty powerful stuff.

And I really don't believe you need to totally erase your mind of her and stop thinking about her altogether. You just need to realize and accept that she is part of your past, not part of your present or future... except perhaps in your sexual fantasies. lol

Yeah, just so you get the idea, I'm gonna echo Jess here... it's effing pathetic when guys act like that (and girls, I would imagine, if the roles are reversed) after a breakup. There's nothing LESS attractive than that whimpering kicked-puppy-dog behavior... it's repulsive, and makes you lose any remaining respect you had for the person when you were dating them.

Best thing is to walk away, head held high, and move on... even if you feel like TOTAL SHIT inside. There is no better payback, seriously.

I think the new pussy route is the way to go. Seems to make sense too.

so mini update. continued going to the gym and i have to say, going there is the BIGGEST natural confidence booster I've ever tried. I highly recommend it for those of you who are feeling shitty like I did.

Also, just when I think I have gotten my ex out of my mind, I had a very vivid sexual dream about her last night. damn.

anyway, things are moving on nicely, me and the new girl had lunch again and we're going to do something more official some time this week or weekend. Exciting stuff! :thumbsup:
----------------------

dirtyrascal7: yeah, she is hot, but has many character flaws. I could make a whole thread about it... edit: I'm definitely a sucker for a pretty girl :S

Hey Soma, good to hear you're doing better.
I disagree with dirtyrascal's EMO(tional) advice (sorry man) and you're proving that throwing yourself into something positive has really worked for you! In all fairness, I think dirty was trying to say you need to go through the grieving process to move on but you've managed to do that without totally wallowing in the pain. Props dude, way to multi-task!

Anyway, a round of applause for moving on from your first relationship. Nicely done.

Thank you xxxafterglow. :)
No updates now. School is keeping me busy as hell. :(

At first when I read this I was ready to get all defensive, but then I went back and read my initial advice... haha, yeah... I was in a strange mood that day. I'm usually much more reasonable. :p

I still don't like the idea of trying to completely forget... but it is necessary to distance yourself from the situation and memories. Distractions are a great ally in this process, as soma has clearly discovered. Good to hear you're overly busy! Keep it up! :thumbsup:

Hate her. Hate her in every way you can. Think of every shitty thing you can, about her, and get good and angry. Pissed off. Hate her guts.

Then, when you realize you still really like her and can't hate her, the feelings will all rush back. Write about it, talk about it, jot down cheesy emo poems on paper and then crumple or tear them up in anger.

Go do some things that make you happy, some guilty pleasures, comfort foods, video games, however you unwind. Whatever you do, don't give in to any temptations to call her, text her, IM her, fox her, or send a carrier pigeon to get in touch.

Pretty much what everyone else has said, cut off all ties, hang out with your buddies. Channel the energy into working out (worked for me, went from 237 to 190 PLUS cleared up my cholesterol and fatty liver). Have a bonfire where you and your buddies burn all of your old pictures, love letters, etc (if you haven't already). Be social. Don't just limit yourself to a few girls, whip that smile to ALL of them. Work out some more. Work hard, save money and splurge on yourself. Remember, they love it when you hurt yourself over them. Improving yourself is the meanest thing you can do in return.

Wow, good for you. Funny how a breakup can really put you into fucking overdrive! :thumbsup:

It's also funny how I'm following all of your advice already. Definitely working out hard (was out till 3 last night, woke up and worked out at 7). I did my taxes right before my extension and some money has been rolling in. It was also my birthday in october so I have some money there too. 0 credit card debt as of this morning and hell yeah I'm gonna splurge. I found the perfect fitting jeans at target (yeah I know...). Gonna buy like 3 pairs today after work.

Yeah, I'm definitely being more social and also building waaaaaay better friendships with my guy friends. It's a wonder how little time I spent with them when I was dating my ex. There still is a feeling of something missing, but I guess that'll heal with time.

That's definitely true. And it goes both ways. I know she's doing everything to pretty herself up and it's working. haircut, clothes, ditching glasses for contacts, the whole deal. Sigh... Oh well. I think I'm doing pretty good for myself too though. :|

miniUpdate: so today was probably the last time I'll see her in person for a while. Had to drop some stuff off. Still stings to see how little she feels for me, but I didn't act like a sad little bitch. It was like a business transaction. hehe.

They say married men live longer but I have to wonder.

Every guy I know who got a divorce seemed to rediscover the gym that same week and is in better shape than they had been in for 10 years.

Mmmm maybe thats the motivation I need.......nah.

Oi.
Oi.

I found out she's seeing someone else now. Ow...
Shit. I'm feeling really edgy right now..

:paranoid: :paranoid: :paranoid:

Did I stutter or something when I said to find new pussy?

Get going, its the weekend, find it now.

Don't worry soma, it's probably just rebound. Don't take it personally. Your ex's "shutdown" personality is just how she's coping with the breakup, don't let it get to you.

You're doing really well!

Go work those sexy jeans, boy!!!! Nothing finer than a nicely-wrapped package and an ass that won't quit!

I can't help but feel we are living parallel lives.

I will reiterate. It's up to your ex to deal with this how she will. You can't control how she chooses to live her life now any more than you could before. What you can control is how you choose to react. Try not to let it get to you.

This is going to hurt for a while. It's going to suck. The good news is that just about everyone has been there at some point, so must of us understand. Don't dwell on the negative, but don't feel like you have to block it out either. There's going to be times when you're going to feel hurt, or sad, or upset, or angry. These are all okay. So long as you're not dwelling on those bad feelings, allowing yourself to vent them is a good thing.

Keep on keeping on, my man. It gets better.

Ustwo: hehe. I'll try my best
xxxafterglow: yeah I will work it in my jeans. And I bought a bunch of new shirts too. Pretty much completely new wardrobe.
Seer666: I guess this whole breakup business is a lot more common than I knew...
Martian: You're right. I don't have control, and knowing that is helpful.

No significant updates. Looking forward to working out on monday. I swear, that's the only thing that makes me feel better lately.

So it seems. I just hope yours doesn't get as ugly as mine did.

Dude, nothing wrong with Target jeans. I'm digging their slim black ones that's supposed to go with their "Bowie" line. And they're way cheaper than regular jeans so I'm stocking up on those.

Tell me about it! :)
The fit is soooo much better than jeans that are twice the price. It's like they're custom fit for my body. I'd probably pay 70$ for the target jeans, but they cost 25$. Last friday I definitely stocked up. Bought 3 pairs, and now I have 4 after buying a pair for a halloween party last weekend. :thumbsup:

hey man, tips for the total novices? thanks

3 separate dreams about her last night
1. Me try to get back with her and getting utterly rejected
2. Her giving me head
3. Her trying to get back together with me

I woke up in between each. Such an emotional night. Forthe past week i've dreamt about her each night. Arghh need new p >:(

Double post

Update: Ok. it turns out she's now dating a 17 year old. She's 21. :orly:

On another note, I must say my dad has been an incredible support through my ordeal. This breakup thing is definitely making our relationship stronger.

Still hunting for new pussy. :thumbsup:

17? hmm... sounds like a rebound to me. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

That's awesome about you and your dad. Maybe in the end this breakup will be the best thing that's ever happened to you. :)

Why is that I'm so interested in learning about what she's up to when all it does make me incredibly depressed?

I'm in the same boat as you. Sometimes it's a struggle to get to the end of the day. Avoiding contact seems to be much harder that I thought it would be.

Because you still have hope that things will work out someday.

This is what happens when you try to distract yourself with activities like working out and seeking out replacement pussy... she'll keep creeping back into your thoughts b/c you haven't made the effort to really convince yourself that IT IS OVER. That's the problem with the whole "I'll show her" motivation you have going on is that, deep down, your probably thinking that if you do all these things to improve yourself, she'll come back to you.

You're in a tough spot because your life still centers around her, even though she's no longer a part of it. You simply need to accept the fact that she will never be yours again. Repeat that to yourself multiple times a day if you need to, but you need to shift your center away from her somehow.

Sounds reasonable enough.... It's just a big change I guess. :confused:

Question: How stupid would it be for me to meet up with her and pour my heart out to her and try to win her back.

I really don't think I can get over this. :confused: :confused: :confused:
She's not officially dating this guy. They're just friends, but it seems like it's going to turn into more. I can't stop thinking about her and want nothing in the world more than her to come back to me.

I don't know. It seems like if she wanted me back, she would come back to me, and that hasn't happened. So would I be wasting my time if I did pour my heart out to her and try to win her back???

Very stupid. Yes. Not only wasting your time, but wasting your emotional energy. You are still allowing her to wield power over you. Stop it. Do you like being a slave to someone who wants nothing to do with you? Have some self-respect, man. Get a backbone, grow some balls, whatever it takes... WALK THE FUCK AWAY.

I'm an unbiased stranger. If you were, too....and you read your own posts on this thread, wouldn't you have little interest in reconciling with you?

Do it! Now! www.match.com

Reading this thread reminds me of a few years ago when I broke up with my first girlfriend. She moved on quick and was married and preg within six months of us breaking up. We don't talk anymore but she now has two kids with a guy she hates. She will always be special to me but I had to just let it go. It took along long time.

Anyways I was just like you Soma infact I posted a thread on here a couple years ago about "How to ask a girl out" lol its funny to go back and read it...She was the first girl I asked out after I broke up with my first real GF

Anyways a new good girl is a great remedy but its not easy to find sometimes . I just got lucky a few different times. In fact right now I'm currently getting over a "Break up" I have found that when I'm not looking for it something will come along and make me forget my old problems.

Just live. Let her go and don't necessarily move on just keep going with your life, keep working out staying busy. Time will pass and one day you will realize you moved on. This is a semi cheesy quote but it helped me when I was wanted to be back with an ex

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

I hate to jump into a thread and sound rude, but I've honestly never had a problem with breakups. For some reason, even if the girl breaks up with me, I've just never had a problem. Maybe I've never felt attached to them...maybe.

But anyways, I have had friends go through this same stuff. And, to be honest, it seemed to me that the best cure was to meet someone new. There's not a better way to forget about an ex than to keep another girl on your mind.

Some people may take this advice as shallow and offensive, and I apologize. However, this is what I've observed over the past few years, and it seems to work.

This isn't offensive or shallow, just foolish. You're choosing someone for the wrong reasons, which makes it more likely to be a mistake.

This illustrates the danger of rebounds. You're not in your right mind, so it's easier to overlook things that would otherwise be cause for ending the relationship. Getting over her solo, while harder, is probably the best in the long run.

You have to ask yourself why you want her back so bad. If experience has taught me anything, it's more that the guy can't get over the fact that she's out with someone else. It's the brutal truth. This is the major flaw of being human; ego always trumps rationale.

Let's put it this way. By pouring your heart out to her, you're basically trying to get her to feel sorry for you. Do you really want a relationship based on this?? I hate to spew cliches, but BE A MAN. Concentrate on improving your body and mind. Girls aren't attracted to guys who obsess over their ex's. I totally agree with inBOIL, don't start another relationship until you're completely over her. Not saying you can't date, hang out, or simply talk to girls. Just make sure you know why this relationship didn't work, before you embark on another one.

Work out to get out your aggression. Concentrate on your priorities (school, work, etc). This is the kind of experience that usually devastates a person, which is why you need to concentrate on strengthening yourself. Girls are attracted to a guy with strong character. Someone who has something going on in their lives; be it their job, their hobbies, their passions, whatever. And make sure your friends are there for you. (Also make sure you know your friends' track records before taking their advice)

I'm only 23, but I will tell you that you're too young to be obsessing over this particular girl. There are just too many beautiful, sexy and smart women out there to pass up. They're waiting for you.

Wrong reasons? What I meant was, meet someone that you think you would like for reasons that you would actually be attracted to them. I didn't mean at all to hook up with a random girl ASAP.

Just get out to a party or whereever it is that you prefer to meet people. If you like someone, they will get you out of that funk a lot quicker than doing it alone.

abaya: I took your advice. oi... really. I've been acting overly emotionally lately. It's just I have these dreams about her, and when I wake up, I feel like I lost her, fresh again. Does that make sense? it's hard to describe. But yeah. I never poured my heart out to her and haven't tried to win her back.

joeyaz: Same boat. Definitely made a "how to ask a girl out" thread a while back. So everything you've posted about seems familiar. Yeah, I'm trying to stay busy. Giving my friends and family way more time than I used to. And that has been good.

ironpham: I wish i was able to not get all bent out of shape over a breakup. That'd be cool

inBOIL: Yeah... I still can't decide if a rebound will be the best idea. I'm watching from the sidelines as my ex is falling head over heels for this new guy ... and it seems so rushed. and so forced. During our relatinoship, I always felt like she loved having a boyfriend, more than she loved me. I can see that in the way she's acting now too. I suppose I'm quite biased, but still.

evilbeefchan: "ego always trumps rationale. " when you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense. yeah. also, I guess I've been acting like an overly emotional ... non-man. Seriously. I'm trying to snap out of it. Actually, recently I've been doing a lot better.

So nothing much has been happening these days.
I've been spending a looot more time with my friends and that has been such a great help. And I'm really starting to think I'm actually for sure over her. Just hope I can stay that way. :)

Thanks TFP! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Yeah, it makes perfect sense. That's just you being human. It's not a sign from god that you should go pour your heart out to her, or that you belong with her, or anything. It's your subconscious self processing shit that happened in real life. That is all.

Hell, to give you some perspective, I'm very happily married :D and have been with my husband for going on 4 years now, and I STILL have the occasional dream about one ex or another. I wake up and realize that my brain is obviously bored at night and reaching back for some random memory stored away in the recesses... but it means absolutely nothing. I also dream often about my grandmother who passed away 2 years ago, and the feeling is the same as you describe when I wake up... it feels like she just died, all over again, and the emotions are very strong in that moment. But it doesn't mean anything. It's the brain processing shit. That is all.

You, and we, will know this is true, when it's not followed by this... Until then, just hang in there. You're really only finally over someone when you cease thinking about the whole thing in any regular fashion. It becomes an afterthought, something that occurs to you now and then, but no longer holds power over you. Until that point, I'm pretty used to hearing people go through their cycles: "YESSSS! I'm over him/her!!!" --2 days later-- "NOOOO! I'm never gonna get over it!! Ohhhh, the pain, the pain!!" --repeat-- When the cycle stops, then it's really all over. :)

Best of luck, man. I definitely think you're on the right path. Good on you for not running back to her with your tale of woe--that was very strong of you to resist the temptation.