Seer666

I can't help but feel we are living parallel lives.

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

Martian

I will reiterate. It's up to your ex to deal with this how she will. You can't control how she chooses to live her life now any more than you could before. What you can control is how you choose to react. Try not to let it get to you.

This is going to hurt for a while. It's going to suck. The good news is that just about everyone has been there at some point, so must of us understand. Don't dwell on the negative, but don't feel like you have to block it out either. There's going to be times when you're going to feel hurt, or sad, or upset, or angry. These are all okay. So long as you're not dwelling on those bad feelings, allowing yourself to vent them is a good thing.

Keep on keeping on, my man. It gets better.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

soma

Ustwo: hehe. I'll try my best
xxxafterglow: yeah I will work it in my jeans. And I bought a bunch of new shirts too. Pretty much completely new wardrobe.
Seer666: I guess this whole breakup business is a lot more common than I knew...
Martian: You're right. I don't have control, and knowing that is helpful.

No significant updates. Looking forward to working out on monday. I swear, that's the only thing that makes me feel better lately.

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Having Girl Problems?

Seer666

So it seems. I just hope yours doesn't get as ugly as mine did.

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

evilbeefchan

Dude, nothing wrong with Target jeans. I'm digging their slim black ones that's supposed to go with their "Bowie" line. And they're way cheaper than regular jeans so I'm stocking up on those.

soma

Tell me about it!
The fit is soooo much better than jeans that are twice the price. It's like they're custom fit for my body. I'd probably pay 70$ for the target jeans, but they cost 25$. Last friday I definitely stocked up. Bought 3 pairs, and now I have 4 after buying a pair for a halloween party last weekend.

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Having Girl Problems?

hrandani

hey man, tips for the total novices? thanks

soma

3 separate dreams about her last night
1. Me try to get back with her and getting utterly rejected
2. Her giving me head
3. Her trying to get back together with me

I woke up in between each. Such an emotional night. Forthe past week i've dreamt about her each night. Arghh need new p >

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Having Girl Problems?

soma

Double post

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Having Girl Problems?

soma

Update: Ok. it turns out she's now dating a 17 year old. She's 21.

On another note, I must say my dad has been an incredible support through my ordeal. This breakup thing is definitely making our relationship stronger.

Still hunting for new pussy.

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Having Girl Problems?

dirtyrascal7

17? hmm... sounds like a rebound to me. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

That's awesome about you and your dad. Maybe in the end this breakup will be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

soma

Why is that I'm so interested in learning about what she's up to when all it does make me incredibly depressed?

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Having Girl Problems?

behindalens

I'm in the same boat as you. Sometimes it's a struggle to get to the end of the day. Avoiding contact seems to be much harder that I thought it would be.

dirtyrascal7

Because you still have hope that things will work out someday.

This is what happens when you try to distract yourself with activities like working out and seeking out replacement pussy... she'll keep creeping back into your thoughts b/c you haven't made the effort to really convince yourself that IT IS OVER. That's the problem with the whole "I'll show her" motivation you have going on is that, deep down, your probably thinking that if you do all these things to improve yourself, she'll come back to you.

You're in a tough spot because your life still centers around her, even though she's no longer a part of it. You simply need to accept the fact that she will never be yours again. Repeat that to yourself multiple times a day if you need to, but you need to shift your center away from her somehow.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

soma

Sounds reasonable enough.... It's just a big change I guess.

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Having Girl Problems?

soma

Question: How stupid would it be for me to meet up with her and pour my heart out to her and try to win her back.

I really don't think I can get over this.
She's not officially dating this guy. They're just friends, but it seems like it's going to turn into more. I can't stop thinking about her and want nothing in the world more than her to come back to me.

I don't know. It seems like if she wanted me back, she would come back to me, and that hasn't happened. So would I be wasting my time if I did pour my heart out to her and try to win her back???

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Having Girl Problems?

abaya

Very stupid. Yes. Not only wasting your time, but wasting your emotional energy. You are still allowing her to wield power over you. Stop it. Do you like being a slave to someone who wants nothing to do with you? Have some self-respect, man. Get a backbone, grow some balls, whatever it takes... WALK THE FUCK AWAY.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

host

I'm an unbiased stranger. If you were, too....and you read your own posts on this thread, wouldn't you have little interest in reconciling with you?

Do it! Now! www.match.com

joeyaz

Reading this thread reminds me of a few years ago when I broke up with my first girlfriend. She moved on quick and was married and preg within six months of us breaking up. We don't talk anymore but she now has two kids with a guy she hates. She will always be special to me but I had to just let it go. It took along long time.

Anyways I was just like you Soma infact I posted a thread on here a couple years ago about "How to ask a girl out" lol its funny to go back and read it...She was the first girl I asked out after I broke up with my first real GF

Anyways a new good girl is a great remedy but its not easy to find sometimes . I just got lucky a few different times. In fact right now I'm currently getting over a "Break up" I have found that when I'm not looking for it something will come along and make me forget my old problems.

Just live. Let her go and don't necessarily move on just keep going with your life, keep working out staying busy. Time will pass and one day you will realize you moved on. This is a semi cheesy quote but it helped me when I was wanted to be back with an ex

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

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Formerly Jbleed

ironpham

I hate to jump into a thread and sound rude, but I've honestly never had a problem with breakups. For some reason, even if the girl breaks up with me, I've just never had a problem. Maybe I've never felt attached to them...maybe.

But anyways, I have had friends go through this same stuff. And, to be honest, it seemed to me that the best cure was to meet someone new. There's not a better way to forget about an ex than to keep another girl on your mind.

Some people may take this advice as shallow and offensive, and I apologize. However, this is what I've observed over the past few years, and it seems to work.

inBOIL

This isn't offensive or shallow, just foolish. You're choosing someone for the wrong reasons, which makes it more likely to be a mistake.

This illustrates the danger of rebounds. You're not in your right mind, so it's easier to overlook things that would otherwise be cause for ending the relationship. Getting over her solo, while harder, is probably the best in the long run.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

evilbeefchan

You have to ask yourself why you want her back so bad. If experience has taught me anything, it's more that the guy can't get over the fact that she's out with someone else. It's the brutal truth. This is the major flaw of being human; ego always trumps rationale.

Let's put it this way. By pouring your heart out to her, you're basically trying to get her to feel sorry for you. Do you really want a relationship based on this?? I hate to spew cliches, but BE A MAN. Concentrate on improving your body and mind. Girls aren't attracted to guys who obsess over their ex's. I totally agree with inBOIL, don't start another relationship until you're completely over her. Not saying you can't date, hang out, or simply talk to girls. Just make sure you know why this relationship didn't work, before you embark on another one.

Work out to get out your aggression. Concentrate on your priorities (school, work, etc). This is the kind of experience that usually devastates a person, which is why you need to concentrate on strengthening yourself. Girls are attracted to a guy with strong character. Someone who has something going on in their lives; be it their job, their hobbies, their passions, whatever. And make sure your friends are there for you. (Also make sure you know your friends' track records before taking their advice)

I'm only 23, but I will tell you that you're too young to be obsessing over this particular girl. There are just too many beautiful, sexy and smart women out there to pass up. They're waiting for you.

ironpham

Wrong reasons? What I meant was, meet someone that you think you would like for reasons that you would actually be attracted to them. I didn't mean at all to hook up with a random girl ASAP.

Just get out to a party or whereever it is that you prefer to meet people. If you like someone, they will get you out of that funk a lot quicker than doing it alone.

soma

abaya: I took your advice. oi... really. I've been acting overly emotionally lately. It's just I have these dreams about her, and when I wake up, I feel like I lost her, fresh again. Does that make sense? it's hard to describe. But yeah. I never poured my heart out to her and haven't tried to win her back.

joeyaz: Same boat. Definitely made a "how to ask a girl out" thread a while back. So everything you've posted about seems familiar. Yeah, I'm trying to stay busy. Giving my friends and family way more time than I used to. And that has been good.

ironpham: I wish i was able to not get all bent out of shape over a breakup. That'd be cool

inBOIL: Yeah... I still can't decide if a rebound will be the best idea. I'm watching from the sidelines as my ex is falling head over heels for this new guy ... and it seems so rushed. and so forced. During our relatinoship, I always felt like she loved having a boyfriend, more than she loved me. I can see that in the way she's acting now too. I suppose I'm quite biased, but still.

evilbeefchan: "ego always trumps rationale. " when you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense. yeah. also, I guess I've been acting like an overly emotional ... non-man. Seriously. I'm trying to snap out of it. Actually, recently I've been doing a lot better.

So nothing much has been happening these days.
I've been spending a looot more time with my friends and that has been such a great help. And I'm really starting to think I'm actually for sure over her. Just hope I can stay that way.

Thanks TFP!

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Having Girl Problems?

abaya

Yeah, it makes perfect sense. That's just you being human. It's not a sign from god that you should go pour your heart out to her, or that you belong with her, or anything. It's your subconscious self processing shit that happened in real life. That is all.

Hell, to give you some perspective, I'm very happily married and have been with my husband for going on 4 years now, and I STILL have the occasional dream about one ex or another. I wake up and realize that my brain is obviously bored at night and reaching back for some random memory stored away in the recesses... but it means absolutely nothing. I also dream often about my grandmother who passed away 2 years ago, and the feeling is the same as you describe when I wake up... it feels like she just died, all over again, and the emotions are very strong in that moment. But it doesn't mean anything. It's the brain processing shit. That is all.

You, and we, will know this is true, when it's not followed by this... Until then, just hang in there. You're really only finally over someone when you cease thinking about the whole thing in any regular fashion. It becomes an afterthought, something that occurs to you now and then, but no longer holds power over you. Until that point, I'm pretty used to hearing people go through their cycles: "YESSSS! I'm over him/her!!!" --2 days later-- "NOOOO! I'm never gonna get over it!! Ohhhh, the pain, the pain!!" --repeat-- When the cycle stops, then it's really all over.

Best of luck, man. I definitely think you're on the right path. Good on you for not running back to her with your tale of woe--that was very strong of you to resist the temptation.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran