wtfever

Well its been a while since I've had this issue. I tend to try and avoid it if possible because I just hate having to deal with drama so much. It's rather ironic too because I'm usually the person that people come to and rant to when they have relationship issues. Now I'm finding myself in their shoes.

Here's the scenario, I met this chill girl at a party a few weeks back. I've hooked up with her a few times, but before doing anything I straight out told her that I wasn't looking for anything serious and I didn't want to be tied down. She was cool with this and agreed that she didn't want to be in a relatonship either. So we continued to see each other. I also mentioned how much I dislike drama in these situations.

She's a roommate of one of my friends who I see on a regular basis so we've obviously been hanging out quite often. The other night she went to dinner with her parents, I was tired, so were all my buddies so I figured she wasn't doing anything either (plus we're not even dating) so using my guy reasoning I figured that I should just leave her alone and not interrupt her parent's visit. Later that night I got a text saying "I don't get you" I responed with "What?" because I was confused as to what she didn't get. A few minutes later she sends another one saying "What to you" at this point I have no idea whats going on so I decide It'd be a good idea to call her, well I did and she flat out hung up on me. So I left it at that and said screw it. About 5 minutes later I get another one from her saying "Sorry, I'm just frustrated."

I'm not one to get too pissed off, I have a lot of patience with these things so I said that it was cool and I explained my reasoning for not calling/texting her. She sends me a response saying that the dinner with the parents ended at 8 and she went to a party that got broken up and she just wanted to see if I was drinking or not because "she just never knows" So at this point I decided that I just understood her texts wrong. So I told her what I was doing and at that time nothing, just out skating with my buddy. I get a text from her saying "Ok...have fun with that. talk to later you i don't know?" I responded saying that I was probably going to pass out soon, because I was really tired and we were on our way home. I get back and get another text saying "Fine. I went home. I'm tired too but you're not being fair. damn it. i hate texting." To this I responded I'm sorry, cause I didn't know what else to say and she sends one back saying "No you're not. you won't even listen to what I have to say." A few minutes later she calls me and we decided to have lunch the next morning to talk and "get to know each other better"

That was lastnight. I just got back from lunch which went fairly well, we ate, talked alot and then went on a drive and talked more. I just dropped her off and she asked me if I wanted to go in for a while. I kinda just wanted to take it easy and do some homework today so I said no. At that point she seemed real pissed, no hug good bye, just a "Bye Corey" So I have no idea whats going on. Any thoughts?

CLIFFS: Girl wants more than random play, possibly a relationship. I don't want one and she seems really pissed. I explained that I didn't want a relationship or to be tied down in the early stages of this "relationship" I don't want to lose her as a friend though. Help?

I'd also like to add that I haven't been in a relationship since 7th grade, so I'm not really use to dealing with this first hand.

maleficent

She wants a relationship - you don't. Doesn't sound like there's anything left to say..

I'm not sure it's really possible to go from Fuck Buddy to friend... do you want to keep her for the fuck buddiness or for the actual friendship - doesn't sound like you really knwo her well enough to call her a friend?

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wtfever

Haha I wouldn't mind both, but the way things are shaping up right now it doesn't seem like thats going to work. I think you're right about me not really knowing her well enough. To be honest It seems like I hardly know this girl. And half the time when I'm with her we're both fucked up. I don't see this going anywhere but downhill. I guess what I'm getting at is I'm not really sure how to end it? I'm not even sure if she actually wants to date me, it just seems like it because of the way she accuses me of not talking to her enough.

maleficent

the heartless part of me says - well it really wasn't a relationship to begin with so there's really nothing to end - just stop calling her...

the part of me that tries to be an adult, and isn't always successful says, just tell her you both seem to want different things, thanks for the fun, and have a nice life...

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wtfever

Thats reasonable. I think that taking a more adult approach would be better in my case. I'm more than positive that I will be seeing her in the future, as awkward as it will be I think its better than totally burning the bridge. Thanks for the advice maleficent

analog

She wants a relationship and expects you to read her mind. Run, don't walk, in another direction.

wtfever

Hahaha so my friends have told me.

Ustwo

Its always depressing when I have t-shirts older than the original poster.

Anyways whenever I see guys not wanting a relationship what comes to mind is 'girl isn't that good looking to me'.

So this girl isn't the one, is still basically a kid and has puppy love which you don't share at this point.

I won't go as far as analog here, most girls at her age are pretty damn clueless. I met my wife when she was still 18 and we had our moments where she was assuming things I never said and then got upset with me because of her mistake. That was 17 years ago, glad I didn't run.

I will say just let it go because shes falling for you. Even people with a lot of experience have a hard time staying just fuck buddies.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Ustwo

double post

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

ItWasMe

Looks like she changed her mind and wants a relationship after all (duh) And, to her, it probably looked like you changed your mind about not wanting one, too. Since you go out or 'hang out' so often. It's understandable, to me, how that could happen. I would suggest bringing that up in conversation if it were not for one thing. The game playing. Not only does she want you to read her mind, as Analog said, she is playing drama games like a junior high school kid would. I would follow part 2 of Maleficent's advice, followed by Analog's advice.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

wtfever

Thanks for the input everyone. It definitely makes my life easier because I don't have to hear the bias arguments from my friends who hang out with her friends haha. I guess now I just have to sit her down and talk to her. That'll be fun.

Ustwo, you pretty much hit the nail on the head with that one. As bad as it sounds I feel like I have to reassure myself that she is good looking... And she's not bad looking by any means, I'm just not <i>that</i> attracted to her. It seems like I was just more attracted to her because of her forwardness- This was the first time that I didn't have to do or really say anything for her to come onto me. Odd how that works.

[Edit] Ustwo, you must have some pretty old shirts!

Crack

The one that says "Frankie Says Relax" is priceless...

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Willravel

Look at it as an opportunity to instill wisdom. Still, why someone would have a t-shirt for 18+ years raises questions...

wtfever, marry her. Just kidding, of course. Here's a question, do you not want a relationship with her or just in general?

wtfever

Haha the thread has been revived! To answer your question, I don't think I even really want a relationship period. I'm not ready for the time commitment and all the drama that ensues.

Overall, I think I've worked things out (I think). I talked to her a while back and flat out told her again that I didn't want a relationship and maybe it'd be better if we didn't see each other. Now I'm not sure if she was just trying to please me or if she was being honest, but she said that she didn't want a relationship either and just wanted to keep everything casual and "still be friends." I've talked to her on and off, most of the time she initiates the conversation via texts. Everything seems to be ok?

Seer666

It makes me feel old that I get that. And want another one of them shirts.....

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

xxxafterglow

If you want to avoid drama and a middle name of Douchebag, you will stop all contact with this girl.

She likes you. You don't like her but you want the benefit of her friendship and fucking?

She's not your hooker-for-hire.

If you want to be a gentleman you will tell her:
Girl, I think your nice but I don't see myself in a relationship with you. I think we should stop seeing each other because it isn't healthy.

*** NOTE: You will never EVER be friends with her. She deserves a guy who can commit to a relationship.

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Uh huh her.

Jinn

Never use text messaging for important communication.

It will ALWAYS be misunderstood. I've learned it the hard way before, and it sounds like you're getting a taste of it already.

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Mister Coaster

I think you already have plenty of good advise, but I'll throw in a comment.

You have stumbled upon one of the biggest inherent differences between men and women when it comes to relationships. Even though both of you came out in the beginning agreeing that this would not be a 'serious relationship,' it became one. In the times that you were having sex, you were just having sex, somewhere along the line she became emotionally involved and assumed that you were too.

The two of you were in a relationship, a physical relationship, but a relationship nonetheless. (stereotyping ahead) Men have the ability to exclude emotion from the physical, women usually do not. Her thought process was something along the lines of "As long as we keep having sex, we'll end up in a loving committed relationship." She dove right into those lines of thinking while you were going along the original agreement of "Hey, I'm getting laid without strings attached!"

The actual way this surfaced may have been through texting, but it would have happened sometime someway eventually because you two aren't on the same page. She's looking for the next step, you aren't, and like others have said, she expected you to read her mind. If she's stuck on that then its time to walk away, because if you truly aren't ready, you aren't ready. Forcing a relationship from the get go never works out.

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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

Shauk

Men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love.

little_tippler

I find this thread very depressing...but then i'm a girl

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

tooth

And you bought that?

Considering her past behavior with you, I'd say she just told you what you wanted to hear to keep you hanging around while she holds out hope that you'll eventually realize that you're as in love with her as she is with you.

Beware of any clingy or possesive behavior. If you seriously don't want a relationship with her you really need to cut this one loose.