McFrosticles

So, I recently moved in with my girlfriend. This is my first time moving out of my house.

And I think I have made a huge mistake.

I just don't think I was prepared for this. I can't do any of the things I used to do simply because I cannot afford it anymore. I rarely see my friends because I am working or at school all the time.

My girlfriend noticed this and has become upset. She thinks I should move back home, but if I did, our relationship would essentially end. She would move in with her mom, who lives in another city about 5 hours away.

So I basically can choose love or getting my life back. Right now I am leaning towards moving back home simply because I would have no financial burdens, I could see all of my friends again, and do all the things I used to do.

But I would also lose my girlfriend, and I would feel pretty bad about it.

Suggestions?

__________________
Good Grief

Push-Pull

So, she's telling you to move back home knowing that the relationship will end? Or could it be that she isn't afraid of losing you? Love always finds a way. If it's there, you two will find a way of making it work.

On another take, if I were starting over, I'd be damn sure to have my financial shit together before entering a serious relationship. (Unless said relationship involved us getting our financial shit together at the same time....)

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

kurty[B]

Coming from someone who moved away from my parents as soon as I graduated high school, and has spent the time since experiencing huge ups and downs financially. Do what you have to do. I personally would say put together a plan of how to get by. For a year I worked two full time jobs, and decided to go back to school full time. I either did not have money to do the things I wanted, or didn't have time. You end up finding out that you don't need money to enjoy yourself.

A frisbee, ball, a walk in the park. You have a girlfriend to share what little free time you have with. Find an apartment complex that doesn't watch their pool closely, and go hang out at the pool for the day. If someone asks you what apartment you live in say "3B".

If money is that big of a concern, and is required for your personal happiness. Move back in with your family. Like Push-Pull said, if you two really love each other, moving back with family should not force the relationship to end. If something like that would cause the relationship to simply end, have you considered that maybe the relationship is not meant to work out whether you're living together or not?

Sultana

This is a point in time called "Growing Up". No, you don't get to do as much pricey stuff when your parents aren't supporting you.

I have to say that if you were my boyfriend, and I read the following sentence:
*I* would make the decision for you. So quick, so easy!

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

snowy

Yeah, seriously, man. Welcome to adulthood. No, it's not easy. Yes, you have bills to pay, and they HAVE to be paid. But it's so much more satisfying to be on your own and poor than to have Mommy and Daddy pay your bills for you.

I was faced with a similar choice a couple of years ago--stay in town and find a job or move home with my folks, at the cost of my new relationship. I moved in with my boyfriend of 2 weeks and yeah, we were poor for a year or so and it SUCKED, but you deal with it. Trust me, it was worth it to be with him and to be where we are now versus moving home. Plus, I've shown my parents that I have what it takes to 1) be an adult and 2) be independent. They're much more proud of me now than they would be if I had given up and moved home.

Budget your money, and budget your time--do both wisely, and you'll find yourself with more. Eventually things get better, and you have the satisfaction of knowing you did it all on your own.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Adri

Quoted for truth. I was going to say the same thing... Growing up is tough, but everyone has to do it eventually. It took your parents years to establish the kind of lifestyle that they have, and it will take you as many or more years to attain it on your own. But moving back in with them for the purposes of free rent and a fuller social life is a regression.

In 2005, when my husband and I first got engaged, I moved home to live with my parents for the year of our engagement for a number of reasons; the primary one was to pay off my student loans and various credit card debts I had accumulated during college, so that we'd be starting fresh once we got married.

But I did that with full intentions (obviously) of moving back out at the end of exactly one year, which I did. If you can manage a game plan, i.e. "I'll move back in with the 'rents for 1, 2, 5 years until I attain _________ goal," then I can see why moving home would be a good idea. But if you're just going because you're stressed out, tired, poor and you don't get to hang out with your friends as much... welcome to life, bucky. It's not fair, or easy.

McFrosticles

Thanks for the advice everyone. I was being pretty selfish, and im willing to make sacrifices...because I love her.

__________________
Good Grief

snowy

As my mother says...

"Suck it up, buttercup."

I think you've made the right call. Sure, it's fucking hard. But independence and self-respect is more important than money.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Jinn

When I was down in Seattle three weeks ago, I talked to this random guy at a bar who was 45ish. He'd had the whole gambit of experiences, and had recently divorced after a 23 year marriage. Before and during his marriage he was very well off, to the point that he at one point owned a marina and two very nice boats. He had a very nice house and a - by the American Dream - great life.

Nowadays he owns an a banking business that sells ATMs to bars and other places. It makes him decent money.

The most revealing thing he said throughout the whole conversation was that it was the times that he was broke that were the best. He'd had it all, and he preferred the times that he was broke because when he finally did get something, it felt so great. When he had the money to get whatever he wanted, he never got that 'Sense of Accomplishment' that we as humans (for some reason) always seek.

Just something to keep in mind. Don't run away because it might be easier money wise. Run away if you really don't love her enough to make it worthwhile.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

robot_parade

Ok, I'm sorry. But you mean 'gamut'. Gambit means something entirely different.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gamut


Anyway, my advice to McFrosticles: Get used to being poor. It sucks, in a way, but I partly agree with Jinnkai's bar guy - looking back on it (from the ripe old age of 30 ;-)), the times when I was poor were at least as satisfying as the times when I wasn't.

You won't be able to have the same lifestyle as when your parents supported you. Figure out what you're spending money on. Compare that to how much money you make. The first number must be lower than the second. Make that happen. Most people spend between 1/4 and 1/2 of their income on 'housing'. 1/2 is far too much. How much is your apartment compared to your income? (No, don't tell me, it's none of my business) Make that ratio approach 1/4, if you can. (ie, move into a cheaper apartment) Figure out your other expenses. Avoid credit card debt like the plague it is.

After housing, look at the other things that are taking up your income, and cut them. Car payment. Eating out. Bar hopping. Whores. Drugs. Whatever is eating up your income must go.

There's lots of great advice on these topics here on TFP, and on the rest of the internets. Take a look. But the basic advice for surviving financial adulthood is that your income must be greater than your spending.

Willravel

Hehe...frosticles.

You'll do the right thing.