xepherys

If marriage wasn't meant to last forever, why bother getting married? For tax benefits? Perhaps it sounds cynical, but if one doesn't expect their marriage to last forever, they may as well just live together as long as they can stand it. *shrug*

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Cynthetiq

for many many many many many legal reasons.

A great example is the ability to make medical decisions in time of unconsiousness for the spouse. Otherwise, as a significant other, you have NO right to do so and a family member must be located which can make the difference between life and death.

to really know, ask a gay person what rights they don't have.

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Daniel_

Great thread.

For me it comes down to the human delusion that something that CAN happen ought to be the normal state of things, simply because of how much we WANT it to happen.

In this case, love. People see that some loves last for ever, and assume that this is how all loves will be.

As Shanni has said, some of us find something that we think is love, but then when love comes along later we realise that what we had before was a hollow facsimile.

I thought I was in love in the past, and I fully intended to stand by my wedding promises and social contracts, even when it became clear to me that the woman I was married to was not "my love" but was still someone I could live with in comfort if not in ecstacy or lust.

I was angry and hurt when she decided to have an extra-marital affair, and as she was not prepared to give it up and re-examine our marriage I told her to get out.

After a year I met and fell in love with a woman who made me realise what I'd been missing, and now three years later I am still happy that I have something that I never had before.

I want it to last, and intend to work to make it last; neither of these turned out to be the case with my orginal marriage.

Sadly, life is not a rehearsal, and you only get one go-round. On that basis,when you THINK you are in love, you have to behave as if you ARE in love.

Subsequent events can prove that you were wrong.

I feel that your value as a person is in some way related to how you chose to deal with life when you find out that you were wrong.

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analog

I can't imagine being with a person who actively believes that love isn't meant to last. That would pretty much make me think she had no faith in "us"...

I don't know how anyone could really say they love someone and say "well love isn't supposed to last forever"... that would hurt me, I think.

ngdawg

I look at it the other way...when you think it may not last forever, even though you want it to, you plunge in more, you enjoy it and take more out of it, give more into it. Ther'd be no complacency because that would make it end that much sooner. Way too many times I've seen couples where one or the other and sometimes both basically 'settle in' after the marriage ceremony, as if it was just a big dinner and now they can kick off their shoes and sit back and let things happen instead of making them happen.

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Ch'i

Yeah, people seem to assume that once they're married the knot is officially tied. Couldn't be more wrong. Complacency is probably the #1 killer of marriages. That and cheating.

ShaniFaye

I agree 100%

but then I guess if you're one of those people that doesn't believe in "love meant to last" then your "perfect partner for a relationship that isnt meant to last" would feel the same way and they would

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Charlatan

I think you are missing the point.

It isn't that love isn't *supposed* to last forever. It's that it doesn't *always* last forever.

Love can and does last forever. It just doesn't always.

I know for a fact that I loved the woman I was with when I was 18 and 19. Deeply. Do I love her today? Not really.

That said, the woman I met when i was 19 or 20, the woman I am still with 19 years later, I am very much in love with. I don't see that changing... but time brings a lot of change.

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Lady Sage

No one knows what the future holds. What is it the christians are fond of saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions?

This is why when I wrote the ceremony and vows for my wedding it did not say til death blah blah. It said "for as long as our love shall last".

Works for us!

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abaya

Yep, and I think even those couples really LOVE each other, and intend for it to last forever... but they don't put in the daily work that is required in order to MAKE love (some pun intended). Love isn't self-sustaining, in my mind... it's like a bicycle wheel that you just have to keep spinning (in the air), adding a bit of energy to on a regular basis in order to keep the momentum up. That's why I agree that complacency is the #1 killer of marriages... once you sit back and "let things happen," love eventually stops happening.

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dirtyrascal7

I think it is important to remember that love is not black and white. The love you feel for someone can vary, even from day to day. While the initial true-love *spark* may seem effortless, the rest takes constant effort to maintain proper balance and passion. Like most everything of significance in life, the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it.

Also, I really enjoyed reading all of your alternate vows (maybe we should make a separate thread just for them?). I have never been married, and probably won't be for a while, but I will definitely be revisiting this thread for some inspiration when the time comes.

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Ch'i

Be careful with this. You want someone who puts in as much effort as you to make things work. I've had too many relationships where I was busting my ass to make things work only to have it all fall apart.

dirtyrascal7

Indeed, that is a good point... although, I did mean it in the scope of trying to maintain balance and passion in the relationship.

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