Chatting with shy people
 

There's this gal I met online last fall. We got along very well, exchanged emails, added one another to MySpace and such. She originally told me that she was 22, but it turned out that she was just a senior in high school. Although I was let down, we stayed in contact.

In the last few weeks, we've become closer, and exchanged numbers. Now this would be great, if we actually spoke on the phone. Beyound text messages, this young gal would call, then hang up after I said hello, then text me saying that she's too shy. We have talked on the phone after that a few times after that initial incident, and she even called me late one night, and I thought that she moved past it. Last Sunday, she answered one of my messages, and called. I was busy at the moment, so I asked her to call back. She did so, and hung up. Twice.

Now I would eventually like to meet this gal in person for a latte, but it would help if I can keep her on the line for more than 3 seconds. Any suggestions?

Before I say more.. does "senior in high school" mean 17 or 18? Not to insinuate intentions, but it could mean a big difference in the event that your actions were misconstrued.

She turned 18 in December.

I see only two options here:

1) "she" has a penis
2) She's 14

So far, I've seen nothing that can immediately rule out either possibility other than the typed word.

I'd focus attention elsewhere. Not that it's easy to do, but at least you won't be beating your head against the wall.

I turned 17 the December of my senior year.

I'd say you are wasting your time with the illusion you've created in your own head of what you think or want this individual to be.

Ayup. Why the hell would you want to spend time with someone who is so insecure (and dishonest to boot) that they refuse to speak with you?

She's a girl. You need a woman.

I hate to agree, but I can't see this going anywhere.

She's too young and doesn't know what she wants.

To echo Sultana: She's a girl. You need a woman.

Now there are people who are generally shy. It is hard to overcome shyness and it's usually linked to low self-esteem. I was in that situation once and I pity the people who had to put up with me during those times. I was completely psycho...even moreso than I am now.

I demanded reassurance constantly, snooped a lot, and always made accusations that were completely irrational. I was 14-18 during those times and it continued, although not as strongly, until I was about 21. If you want to be with someone who is insecure, go for it, but it's too much work imo.

Ok, perhaps you guys have a point :) I guess I'll just keep her as an online buddy. If she calls again, I'll just play it by ear.

The thing is, that a part of me wants to help her over come her shyness...

Her shyness is suspicious, after all the email and text messages, a person would be feel awkward to start talking on the phone because it's more personal. But even after so many time of talking on the phone and she even called you, that said that she is somewhat comfortable approaching you.

I think there is more to it than her shyness, so she said.

How is your conversation with her, how does she present herself?
How do you know she is really a senior in high school?


Watch out my friend, you might have been play.

Unless she's willing to change, there's little you can do about her shyness. I, myself, am shy, but not nearly as shy as I was a few years ago. And that's because I worked virtually nonstop to remedy it. It could be that she's using it as a self-defense mechanism (as I have, and on occasion still do). Maybe she's afraid to get anything remotely close to you (once again, as I have).

Basically, as a fellow shy person, I don't see much that's suspect in her behaviour, even though it's excessive.

10years is a big gap, as you age, the gap will narrow.

be open and honest with her, tell her you like her and don't judge her, she can overcome shyness eventually, tell her you want to help her get over it.

I agree with all the others about this girl not being mature enough yet. Plus - whose what proof do you have that she's even 18 yet?? First she claims to be 22, now 18...

If you have relations with her (or even get in a situation where you can't prove you *didn't* have relations with her), don't blame me if you land in PMITA prison. Even if she is 18, she sounds immature, and likely to make you miserable in some way or another. Like others have said - go find a *woman*.

Well, the only proof I have is a bulletin she sent out, "I'm finally legal!" (Did I mention that she can be odd at times?) :) She has her moments of boldness.

But I do agree, I have to meet more women.

Creepiness and demanding is one thing. Based on what I sense in the attitude of your text, I don't think you feel that girl is like that. Just honestly shy. But it is probably a good idea not to give her ideas that you two can potentially be partners. If she is so shy, she would value any human relationship to a higher degree and maybe take things too seriously. This also means you may have to be careful not to hurt her feelings too much. Whatever you do in this situation, my best wishes.

She lied to you at first. Not a good first impression in my opinion. Seems too fishy to me.

Oh, don't talk to girls who still have cartoon characters on their underwear!

If you do decide to meet her, I would suggest a very public place. Also, take a friend and tell her to bring a friend. I'm thinking "alibi." But it could also help with conversation because she is supposedly very shy, and you my friend are quiet.