Sultana

Hey guys, I'm gonna be tapping you all a lot for advice here, consider yourself warned.

Do you guys think I need to retain legal advice (atty. level, paralegals cannot offer legal advice, they can only prepare and file paperwork) for the separation papers? There's a lot of legalese on even the simple 2-page form. The one and only lawyer recommended to me does not offer free consultation, they want $100. That's not nec. bad in and of itself, but obviously I don't want to get all wrapped up in draining lawyers fees and such.

I can't believe most of my girlfriends here can't freakin' recommend a family lawyer! Honestly.

I just need to be careful. I don't want to shoot myself in the foot right out the gate.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

snowy

Given what I know of your situation, I would retain a lawyer. Obviously, you want to find a lawyer that understands your situation in its entirety and understands your financial situation.

Make sure to check with your state bar association regarding your lawyer's credentials and any possible violations they may have on their record. Always check your lawyer's background.

But yes, I would get legal help, just because your situation could get very complicated very quickly, and it would be good to have a lawyer just in case things got messier than you anticipated.

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ShaniFaye

As someone thats gone thru this, personally I found that spending the money on a lawyer was a waste of time because I could fill out the papers for free and we only had to pay the court filing fee. The separation agreement (at least in ga) was pretty basic. If you wanna show me the form you're looking at I could see if it is much different.

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Willravel

Retain TRUSTWORTHY legal advice. Get someone who will be honest with you and look out for your interests. I cannot tell you how many times people I know have gotten attorneys and the breakup suddenly went from civil to a war. My own parents, who were at one time having a very amicable separation, suddenly were at each other's throats because they hired attorneys. They both found little mistakes that the other party had accidentally made (not only were the mistakes clearly innocent, but they were really quite unimportant) and they started attacking each other and such. It created years of resentment between them. I wasn't expecting them to be lovey dovey, of course, but I happen to know that things would have gone more smoothly had they either retained better lawyers or no lawyers. Their lawyers each made a shitload of money off them fighting, btw.

Get someone who won't pour honey in your ear about how your ex is screwing you and we have to get him. Get someone who can explain simply the law and help you make the best decisions in this difficult time.

I wish you the best of luck.

Push-Pull

I had a lawyer/freind who did some legal favors for me once in a while. That guy had a golden toungue and a way with words. It was like Jedi-mind tricks in legalese. When I asked him about it, he came clean and said that this was how lawyer plied their trade. I was really glad I had that toungue on my side, but now that I think about it, he did subtly "guide" me into a few decisions.

If you do retain an attorney, just keep your mind open, and think any legal advice through before commiting.

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Cynthetiq

I see lawyers during seperations like drawing guns. I don't want to be the first to draw.

There are plenty of free legal places to get good information.

The only reasons to get a lawyer in my opinion. You should retain an attorney if there is an immediate threat of harm to you or your children, or if your spouse is trying to hide or transfer valuable assets.

Otherwise, I have had many friends just do it without any need of expense of a lawyer.

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The_Jazz

Sultana, given what I've read, it sounds like the document you have was prepared by a lawyer. The question is where your husband got it. Did he have a lawyer prepare it? If he did, you need your own. If he got it off the internet or somewhere else, he should tell you where so that you can read the explanations (if any).

If you decide you do need a lawyer, I'd try to get more recommendations from friends and family. I've always found mine through referrals, and that has always worked very well for me. Picking one at random is dangerous.

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pig

sultana,

my two cents. get the lawyer. i know it sounds like a good idea not to have the lawyer, and don't follow your lawyer blindly. you're a smart lady, don't do anything brash and you'll be able to see through it.

at the same time...if your car is seriously fucked up, do you try to fix it yourself or take it to a mechanic? i take mine to the mechanic. they fix cars all day long. you might get some asshole who'll try to bilk you, so be careful who you get. i'm not sure what i'm signing when i download software on the eulas...i certainly wouldn't want to fuck up a separation agreement and all that...particularly if there is $$$ involved. which there is.

edit: what jazz said...they don't tend to fuck you if you're part of their network. they live on reputation, so when they get a referral via a friend of yours, fucking you over is like poisoning the well. i know it might be embarrassing to have to ask people, but i'd find the most anal doesn't-fuck-around bitch you work with whose been through a divorce and ask her if she had a good lawyer.

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Sultana

It's worse to be the second to draw...

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

pig

don't draw baby...just come prepared, you know? dot your i's, cross your t's. make if official...i also think that might be therapeutic for the whole situation. this is really going down, and it's all official and shit. is this what we want?

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Sultana

The separation? You betcha.

According to him, it's either separation or divorce. Things would have to be criminally bad for me to be willing to leap headfirst into divorce.

This wasn't initiated by me. A month ago my marriage was acceptable in most ways, and even good in others. Then it all came falling down, falling down, my fair lady.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

pig

yep...i know. i be readin the journals babe it'll be alright. which sounds so cheesy and shitty and stupid to say, but there you go.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Sultana

Hey, nobody gets out of life without scars.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

kramus

I don't think a lawyer is needed right out of the gate. The big thing is to separate your finances. Be very, very clear about what is yours, what is his, and how you think you ought to divvy up/handle responsibility for the joint assets. This may be unbalanced at first but needs to be done. I made less than the ex when we were married, but when we separated I was responsibility for 50% of our debt load (i.e. house, insurance, loans, joint credit cards, bank overdrafts etc etc). This meant that I had to pay out more each month than I made. In order to eat I was cashing in my life insurance, my retirement savings, you name it. But we had agreed to do it that way, and I kept my end of the bargain.
We eventually divorced without lawyers, just a mediator who got paid a couple of hundred dollars. Saved a bundle. Look into a mediator. Say you want to be civil and not poison what you used to have. Give each other that chance.

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Sultana

I don't want to poison anything, I just want to know exactly what I am signing! I'm sure J wants that too...

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

ItWasMe

I'd advise getting a lawyer, and asking ahead of time your rights should it come to the worst. I'm responding to your journal more specifically.

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Daniel_

Been away for a week, so I've only just seen this, but in my case legal advice made things safer and easier for all parties durig our (pre-divorce) separation.

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spindles

Divorced once - neither of us thought that legal advice was necessary. I guess I was fortunate - not a lot of assets and no kids at that stage.

Personally, I don't think lawyers help unless there is going to be ugly/messy arguments...

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