I was a pompous pretentious asshole...
 

...and I broke her heart twice. Yes, twice. But here we were today, five years later, at the bank. After cashing my check I was walking towards my car, ready for a nap after a 12hr shift. She tagged along with her mother and was waiting patiently in her mothers car. "Mike!" she exclaims. Although her smile is something I reminisce about, I didn't recognize her. The way she used to bow her head, tilt it sideways and look at me from the top of her eyes, she would blink a couple of times and smile. I melt just thinking about it. She was so real but I fucked it up twice. Yes, twice.

Why are we here? Why did she call my name? Does she actually know that I feel like a total fucking scumbag and every day I regret what I did to her? Does she know the misogynist in me is only because I see no other woman but her?

Here's the real dilemma, I didn't give her any means to get a hold of me and vice-versa.

What do I do?

forgive yourself.

Aaaaaand...cut.


Does anything more really need to be said?

If you feel as though you seeing her again after so long truly made you feel complete, then you should persue her. Do whatever it takes to make contact with her once again, and then let yourself go. Explain whatever you feel is appropriate in order for her to understand that you enjoyed seeing her and perhaps would like to mend a relationship. It's only fair that you would want to be happy, and by not taking action, you will only regret not seizing the opportunity to do so after a long time. She seemed happy to see you, so why not try to make yourself happy by finding her.

What is he supposed to do, hang out at the bank every day? That's the problem, there is no way to contact her again. Why didn't he get that info though?

Ditto what Cynth said.

You know her name, you know her mother's name.

There are a load of ways to find people online.

Failing that, you can just ask the bank if they will pass a letter on to her mother.

Look up her old school and see if they have an alumni organisation.

Hire a billboard and post a huge photo of yourself with "Please write to Mike at PO Box XXX if you are his ex".

Call the local TV news and tell them your story - they may put a spot on the evening bulletin.

Why does this sound, to me, like a bad Hugh Grant movie?

Try craigslist's missed connections?

*shrug*

If you're town's not that big, just trying being out and about more... maybe in places she'd be likely to frequent. Oh, and the forgiving yourself first is key. Then, once you find her, it makes it easier for her to do the same.

apologize somehow, but never ever consider pursuing.

fool me once, shame on you, but fool me a third time? i know people change, but the hurt will linger.... and its changed her.

Love conquers all! :rose:

I think the time for this relationship has passed...you did break her heart twice. If she is that wonderful and forgiving that she'd give you a 3rd chance...then she's definitely a girl worth keeping. I'm not sure what to say. But, the thing is, you didn't get her contacts. So...I think that says something. Let it go? You may well have to carry this burden for life. Forgive yourself and move on.

I forgave four times. Only because it was worth it.
I guess I'm the wrong person to ask... but, don't contact her if you "just want to see how things go/are/seem, etc." If you really and truly process the previous situation and can forgive yourself and move forward, then (and only then) think about contacting her. Don't process the Idea of Her. She'll never be the Idea/Ideal you want. Remember the relationship and what went wrong. Process that and see if it's worth it. And remember, she may have called your name in surprise... not because she ever wanted/expected to see you again.

What he said.

Five years is a helluva long time to be in relational purgatory.

Listen to Cynthetiq.

relational purgatory- and Im saving that for my witty word bank.