Boys, Boys, Boys! Help
 

I really don't understand this, ever since the tragedy that hit my daughter there have been two or three boys at our house every day. One almost everyday with one or sometime two on the phone. It's getting kinda weird, they are all good friends, they are so worried about her and they don't want her to be alone. I do, understand they are teenage boys(walking hormones) but I also know for now she just wants to be friends and she's not sexual at all for now.

I trust her, I just remember myself at 17-18 and it scares the hell out of me!

Please help easy my jitters!

the neighbor across the street from me when i was growing up used to clean his shotgun when ever his daughter had a gentlemen caller over.

brew,

they're probably just being a little overly protective. are they good friends of his? does she have a lot of male friends in general? i wouldn't worry about it too much; and although i guess its possible, it seems improbable to me that they would move in hard after something like this. as i said, i'm guessing its patriarchal concern on their part, for better or for worse.

Hey, it's their opportunity to score big points on the sensitivity scale!

Yeah, thingstodo is probably right. They're probably even competing amongst themselves.

However, if this is the case (presuming they're not real scum) they'll be less likely to "cross the line". I imagine they're waiting patiently for her to make the first move once they've proven their character.

I know these boys mean well, but they may want to give her a little space, some time to think & grieve. Time is supposed to heal all wounds.......lets hope thats the case here.

if they're push overs like me, then they generally want to be there to support her through this.

I'm not too worried about it we do know our kid and she is not giving anything up easy, she has a good left and a sharp elbow and I have seen them action in with my own two eyes in the last week. Can you believe some creepy kid tried to cop a feel at the memorial service, I didn't see him just her reaction. I heard it about later, my wife said don't worry she(our daughter) has it under control.

She has said to the most persist boy that she just wants to be friends and he said he's cool with that and I believe he did because he is a straight shooter, he tells it the way it is and I can respect that. First time he came over I was sitting out on my back deck and he made a point of coming outside and introducing himself and talking to me, I sat in the living room and talked with a few of them the other day! They seem like nice kids, really.
They also have been going in group to a local church teen center and another youth ministries program not all that far away.

I'm just an over protective dad doing my job! Bottom line is I trust her but I'll never not worry.

I can be there in 15 minutes with a baseball bat. Coping a feel at the memorial. That kid should be castrated.

Guys hanging around the house, getting lots of face-time. It's either true friendly concern that she's not left feeling alone... or they're making an angle for themselves- sensitive, gets along with the parents, etc. Just be weary when one of these guys who's always hanging around starts asking her out, or asking your permission- that's what you may be getting "buttered up" for, so don't put your guard down because they're a common household face these days. ;)

Analog, we are watching it real close! They really want to cheer up that's what they say but the one kid's got it bad for her you can tell. I plan on having a chat with the boy, Will it might be a comfort to me if you were standing behind me with that bat when I do! LOL

I've got a friend that is ex military that served in the jungles of panama and somehow he smuggled all sorts of weapons when he got out, I think I'll invite him and one of his collection over for dinner some night when the boy is coming! Sorta like Dilbert's neighbor. My wife said one she had spent a lot of time getting ready for a date and when the door bell rang her dad opened the door and he said -
Your not a boy your a man and slamed the door!

I'm sorry to threadjack but I'm getting this strange aura from this thread, one that puts females in a ....valuable position, and all men must strive for her acceptance. I'm extremely sorry, Brew, about the whole thing and I wish you and yours the best; I just had to get that out. Maybe it's a parent thing, I don't know. Sorry again.

The first time I ever picked up a date on my own, I was a scared 16 year-old driving on my own for the 4th time. I probably weighed 110 lbs soaking wet, and her dad answered the door carrying what I now know is a gurkha knife. It was about 12" long, and he proceded to sharpen it while talking to me very pleasantly. Needless to say, it made a great impression.

I never asked her out again, specifically because I was afraid of her father.

In my more youthful days I was also a victim of the big bad dad. Bald, beard, about 350 with maybe 10% body fat, wearing a wife beater. I'm sure his intention was to put the fear of god in me. I stood toe to toe with him and answered every threatening question with a ballsy answer. I could have put myself in a fight I might have lost, but I got lucky and earned his respect. I was always a perfect gentleman with his daughter until the day we broke up. I'm still in contact with him.

I had no clue why he was doing what he was doing at the time. I just assumed he liked to play with people, throw his weight around. Looking back, he was worried about little jerks being anywhere near his little girl. I can't blame him a bit. Was he overprotective? Maybe, but from his perspective he had the best and most honorable intentions. I'll bet there were a dozen guys before me that were scared off, and they might have been scared off because they didn't have honorable intentions with his daughter. That's really the bottom line. Sure, some of the less experienced kids could have gotten scared off, too, but I suppose that's something that leads to more experience.

Someday when I start getting knocks at my door, I probably won't show up with a beater on (or a knife....jeez), but I will be very assertive in making clear that they are going to be responsible with someone who is precious to me. I feel for Brew, and I hope for nothing but the best, espically after what his daughter went through.

All the best, brew.

Brew - I've seen the pictures of your daughter with her new puppy, and I can fully see why the boys want to keep her company... she seems very sweet.

I personally think you should give the boys the benefit of the doubt. Girls have good instincts, we can tell if a guy's trying to get one over on us, if they're genuinely being good guys or if they are trying to play Mr Sensitive. Your daughter can take care of herself. :)

I think it's very cool that you obviously care so much though.

hello, not that it is my place to make judgements on other people's lives and families but, i reckon than you (unfortunately) have to let her make her own mistakes. no teenager wants their parents to have a controlling hand in their life and you might alienate her a bit if she thinks you don't trust her judgement. i think you should hang tight and just be there if she needs you.
for what it's worth, fb.

>>>I really don't understand this, ever since the tragedy that hit my daughter there have been two or three boys at our house every day.>>>

Start a big house project like painting the outside of the house and put these boys to work. See how many of them stay to end of the project.

Jonathan

Now that's an excellent idea.

Ha, ha, I've already done that, how funny! One warm day last week I said to the boys I needed help cleaning the garage and they have cut down on the visits.

You guys crack me up!

Oh, she's doing better, it's going to take some more time but she's laughing and smiling more.

Sounds like it's OK. Glad she elbowed the one creep, he deserved it.

It sounds like you've taught good values and she's keeping to them. Perhaps, you should let her know that if she wants some space at home, you are OK with playing the bad guy and shooing them away.

Yeah, I used to be one of those boys; I just always had girls and guys who were best friends. I wouldn't worry about it.

just keep your eyes open, listen to your little voice and send them home when you get the wrong vibe, and dont mistrust your daughter. I think with that you should be fine.

I would worry more six months down the road. thats when the recovery time is not an issue to the walking hormones...

Wow, that's gonna be me one day! :) I kid, I kid...

The ironic thing is that the well-meaning over-protective "scary" dad probably caused his daughter a lot of frustration and possibly self esteem issues, because she'd always wonder why boys never asked her out again... and she'd think it was because she wasn't pretty enough, or something similar. Fathers, tread carefully on this one.

have you ever thought of just bringing your daughter and them boys together, and just beating them??? lmao j/k but really talk to the kids mother maby and tell her how you feel, also explain to the boy how you feel, but before doing this talk to your daughter about it......How old is are these kids??