Ample

I just got off the phone with my exwife. She wants me to loan her 50 bucks to cover the rent. Just yesterday I gave her the 200 bucks, for this months child support. I already watch my daughters an extra evening so she can work. With the extra day, I have them more than she does.

I’m not really sure if I should or not. I know she would pay me back if she could, but she won’t have the money to do so. I make almost 2x as much as she does, and it really wouldn't affect me financially if I did give/loan her the money. I'm don’t want to do it out of spite or anything like that. I feel that she needs to learn to pick herself up, and not be so depended on people/state. I don’t know, maybe its not my place to make that kind of decision for her.

Help me.
Should I loan her the money or not.

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Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

cookmo

If you know she will not pay you back it's not a loan, it's charity.


Could you possibly write up a contract saying she has to pay you back with interest or else the money gets deducted from next months child support. Or go ahead and make an early payment on next months support?

maleficent

I agree with that statement -- but from what I've seen from people - they don't know how to do anything else.. it's something that really needs to be taught if it doesn't come naturally to them. Is it your place to teach her? I don't know - I don't enought about your relationship to answer that...

Budgeting money doesn't come naturally to a lot of people... maybe suggesting a course she could take to help her with that...

Is it your place to support her? She's got the kids with her, and well the rent will cover a roof over their head so you are helping out your children.

Child support is support for the children... Deducting a loan/gift given that's not for direct support of the children (food in their mouths, clothes on their backs) is not fair to the children.

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SirLance

If she can't be relied upon to provide stable housing for the kids (when she is getting support from you), then you should make a custody change and take the kids yourself. If you want to be generous you can do a deviation so she doesn't have to pay you support.

It's all about the kids, you should do what's best for them.

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lurkette

If it's not a financial hardship for you, I would loan/give her the $50. As a child, I was painfully aware of my parents' shaky financial situation, and let me tell you how much stress it caused for me. I felt horribly unsafe, guilty, resentful, ashamed, etc. If it will help provide some stability for your kids, do it. Don't teach your wife a lesson at the expense of your kids.

However, if she is unable to provide a stable living environment for them, maybe it would be a good idea to revisit custody arrangements, or at the very least have a serious discussion with your ex-wife about her finances. You might suggest sitting down with her in arbitration to address what she can do with her finances or her job situation to help her support herself and the kids, and make a legally binding agreement that she has to meet in order to keep the kids. I wish you luck.

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thingstodo

Now that sounds reasnoable. The last thing you want to become is an enabler. Look that up. If she is unable to handle things perhaps you should have the kids, if nothing else than at least until she can get on her feet.

I wouldn't loan the money without some sort of concession on her part to help her learn to be better able to provide for those kids.

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Elphaba

I would recommend giving the $50 for two reasons. First, it ultimately aids in the wellbeing of your children and their mother.

The far more practical reason is that it would appear that you *really* need to maintain the good will of your former spouse. You only pay $200 a month for two or more daughters? Do you honestly believe that you are making a fair contribution to your children's support? I suggest that you be voluntarily generous, before someone suggests to your ex to revisit the support agreement.

Demeter

I think Elphaba has a good point. And you said you can afford it. There's no better investment than a child. $200 wouldn't cover groceries for my teenagers for a month...

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Ample

Thanks for all of your responses.
Exactly, she qualifies for food stamps as well as free child care. I don't and since I have them almost half of the time. I have to pay that, while she does't.

It does sound like I should pay more if you dont take in that I have them almost 50% of the time and I pay daycare. If she had them full time and we didnt have joint, I know for a fact that I would pay 750 and month.

........................................
I gave her the money, I am going on a vacation next month and I asked if she would take me to and home from the airport in return. She didnt know if she would be able to or not, but I gave it to her anyways.

So I go straight home. Not five minutes after I walk in the door. I hear a knock. I got served papers for family court. I did give her 500 a month at first (we decided to do this on our own without involving the courts) , but after putting our incomes through the child support calulator on our states website, I saw that I was WAY over paying her. I told her you dont like it, take it to court. I guess she did. I got a raise last month and I know the new amount is going to be more than 200. I just hope its not going to be around 500 like it was before.


Oh I wish so much I didn't give her the money.

__________________

Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

cookmo

Go for custody.

Pip

Lending out money to her for running expenses like rent is not a good idea, it means she's living over her income and needs to change her spending habits but as long as you support her she won't. I'd be okay with loaning her money for a one-shot investment like a car or a washing machine, but rent? Nonono.

Elphaba

It is not about *her*, it is about *your* children. The additional information above paints a far different picture than your OP. Forgive me, if I dial down my sympathy for you.