oracle2380

I've had a lot of free time on my hands lately, due mainly to working on the night shift to really let mind mind go off on tangents. One of the thoughts that I keep coming back to is, when are we supposed to start feeling like grown-up? I don't mean old as in achy joints, a stiff back and the alzheimer (where'd I put my glasses) moments, cause I get those plenty. I mean when does the thought process change, and I get to be crutchity, stuborn, and 'wise'?

A few friends and I have been discussing this topic off and on for the past few months during our weekly cigar sessions. The only thing we've really figured out on this is that none thinks that we have had a change in our emotional or thought responses for years. I'm pretty sure that my mind assimilates information in the same way as it did in the same way it did when I was 16 or 17. Is it because I'm immature now, was mature then, or has the change been too gradual for me to notice?

The reason I bring this up is that I face mortality on a daily basis and it just makes you wonder some times about the person you have created from the foundation laid by your parents in the course of living.

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genuinegirly

Oh goodness. What a tough question. I'm 23. definitely still feel like i'm 16. Maybe some of our more seasoned TFP friends have some stories and insight to share.

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Carno

Well, I sure don't feel any more grown up, except for the fact that I have a shit ton more responsibilities now. Ah well, I'm only 21. I figure I still have a good 8-9 years before I have to stop acting like a dumbass.

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Washington

Im 23 and definately have noticed that I act and talk differently (much differently) than when I was 18, or even 20.

I think that living on my own for the past few years has been a major part of that. I still sometimes feel, how should I put it...giddy/imature/stupid ...especially when im really really bored.... but for the most part I think about things a lot more--Both in small actions (like, how should I spend my time today) and in bigger decisions (like, how should I spend my time here on Earth).

I think it will be interesting to hear with some of our older members here have to say about this....I like how I have grown up a bit in the last few years and hope that I will continue that as I grow older (of course, I still want to be able to be retarded sometimes ;]).

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ryfo

I am in my forties, own my house I have a responsible job and I feel that my life is very stable andmy so is also like me. BUT there is a time for being grown up and there is a time when you want the choc ice donut and age doesnt matter. I do find that I think things thru alot more before taking actions or giving advice...does that make me grown up?

Pip

I think you are different (more mature) now but it has been too gradual to notice. One experiment you could try is to re-read a book or re-see a movie that you saw when you were 16 or 17 that you still remember how you felt about, and see if you respond in the same way today. Listen to the music you loved when you were 17. Are the lyrics still like OMG they are totally about you? Or if possible, read your old diary or student essays from that age.

guthmund

Pip is absolutely right. I don't think there's ever one defining moment when you stand up and say, "There. I'm like totally mature."
Now that doesn't mean there won't be moments when that revelation will knock you off your feet. I've had plenty of "but its such crap" moments when revisiting old books, favorite movies and such.
Its just been my experience that the change is gradual and the switch is subtle.

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Demeter

I don't think there is a defining moment when we feel like an 'adult.'
At 35, I still feel like all this responsibility seems surreal. I know I must have gained some insight & wisdom along the way, and I know there are many things I'd do differently if given the chance, but I will probably have the same feelings of not having a clue what I'm doing, when I'm 50.

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thingstodo

I just turned 50 today and I don't feel any differently than I remember I felt 20 years ago. I'm sure I look at things very differently!! I just don't know I do...

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mokle

I sure felt a bit more grown up after buying a house and realising I had real world responsibilities.

I'm 21, but I still act like I'm 16 most of the time

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Mokle
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avernus

Rudyard Kipling has a rather righteous view of manhood in his poem If
http://www.swarthmore.edu/~apreset1/docs/if.html

I just turned 26 and everytime I suspect that I have grown up I grow up some more; so I don't think we ever stop developing. However I suspect that being a "grown up" could be defined as a particular stage of this development when we take responsibility for ourselves and those we love.

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Cynthetiq

I was a grown up at age 12... I could not wait until I was truly grown up when I moved out of the house at age 17.

Of course had I knew now what I know then, it would have been very different in respect that I would not have tried to grow up so quickly.

Now I have stalled the last part of "growing up" in raising a family. That is the last leap and I doubt I will take it. I am happy where I am.

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Psycho Dad

This is one of those things in life that situations dicate what happens and what course we should follow. I don't so much know when I grew up as much as I do when I realized I needed to grow up and that was when I was holding a crying baby boy in my arms. That boy has grown up to be a United States Marine, I suppose he may have realized he was grown up in an Iraqi desert.

But no matter how grown up we may be, we need to at least try to remain young at heart.

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Rodney

That's the stuff. I turned 50 a few months ago, and as far as I know I'm 24 inside. My mom's 83, but inside she says she's still 19.

Do you look at things differently as you get older. Yes, but only because you know more, because you've made a lot of mistakes and learned from them. But I don't think anyone's ever really 50; inside, even the best of them are just _really competent_ 20-somethings. :-)

Average_Joe

I'm 38 years old, and the first time I felt like I grew up was when I stopped living for myself and started living for my wife and new son. I was 30 at the time.

Physically, I don't feel much different than when I was a teen.

Sage

Personally, my expierence of being "Grown Up" has come from realizing that I don't react to things like I did when I was 16. I don't freak out about things, I'm much calmer emotionally, and I'm much much much more rational about things. My emotional state has sort of definied how "grown up" I'm acting in any given moment. I am so very happy to feel more grown up, more capable of handling a situation and feeling like I CAN handle it no matter what it is. Sure, I might get upset, but it's a different kind of upset than I got when I was younger. More "Damnit, I got a flat tire!" than "OMG FLAT TIRE WAAAAAA!"

But I still act like a total spaz sometimes. I work in childcare once a week, and I TOTALLY start acting like a twelve year old when I'm around little kids

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raeanna74

First time I felt grown up was when I was able to play with kids and not worry about what other people thought of me.

I go through fazes but I think in general I had a jump in my sense of responsibility when my daughter was born and then again when I hit about 30.

I think being mature is knowing the balance between acting like a kid and having fun vs. being responsible. Maturity knows which is appropriate and what time.

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Willravel

I'm going to let you in on a little secret that was given to me when I aske dthat same question a few years back: no one even really grows up. Some people are very responsible kids, but we're all essentially children at heart. Feeling like one has grown up is when one realizes that he or she is now an adult, and has to live an adult existence. For example: I'm an adult. I have to raise a daughter, work on a marriage, have a good job, and all that jazz...but I'm a big kid through and through. I was so excited to see Superman Returns that I choked on a piece of popcorn. When I ride my bike to work, I try to race cars. I still have inside jokes with my brother involving farts. I still sneak up on people and scare them. I don't play with legos anymore, but I sure love to work on cars and such.

To me being a child means having an element of innocence at your core that you happily embrace. If growing up means to put that on a back burner or bury it under boredom, then I don't want to ever grow up.

Bill O'Rights

I'm 43.
I haven't grown up yet.

Just ask Mrs. O'Rights. She'll tell ya,
Boy will she tell ya.

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thingstodo

Nicely put!

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Supple Cow

I don't think I've ever felt like I wasn't a grown up. I'm really not quite sure why so many people around here see being grown up as negatively as they do.

I am who I am, and my experience shapes the nature of the way I see things, which in turn influences my actions... but my conscious, reasoning mind is the same mind I had when I was a kid wondering how long I should wait before I stopped pretending that I believed in Santa so as not to hurt my parents' feelings. I can't be anybody or anything else as long as I think and see the world using this mind. I don't have any other choice but to be me and experience the world as I am. All that changes is the circumstance. So, I suppose, I consider being "grown up" the state of being conscious and rational - the state of being. To me, all this talk of staying young at heart or growing up makes no sense but as a funny way to say that somebody is or isn't in need of a new perspective.

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