abaya

So, how much did YOUR wedding cost? And what did it look like? And was it truly, truly worth that price you paid (in time, relational stress, AND money)?

I ask because ktspktsp and I might be getting married soon. But I'm sure most of you aren't too surprised about that... kinda been in the works for a while.

We are just trying to put a little something together for later this summer, and I mean a LITTLE something... we're talking minimalist, here. But it seems impossible. Since when does every couple have to go all-out and spend $10,000 (unless you have a ton of friends who are all DJ's, photographers, have a nice yard, etc)... which we don't have, since we live in Pennsylvania and are trying to have a wedding in Seattle, WA.

So it's either spend your life savings, or you have to go to the courthouse with some friends, pay $60, and it's done. Isn't there a happy medium?

We are talking $5000 or less for the whole deal (not including dress/rings). Are we out of our minds? Someone tell me that you had a really nice summer wedding for a few thousand bucks, please? And tell me how you did it! (Especially with just 2-3 months to plan.) Maybe I AM crazy...

We just have serious ethical issues with spending more than $5000 (MAX) for one day of our lives. (Yes, it's important, but the decades of commitment AFTER that day are far more important.)

We basically want a little somethin'-somethin' nice, and that doesn't require too much planning. We want music, a photographer, some flowers, and alcohol. And our small group of people (50 guests, max) around to celebrate with. And I guess we have to send out invitations, but I'd almost rather order them at Costco and have people e-mail RSVP or something. I mean, who really cares what the invites look like, in the end?

I guess I am a little fed up with the whole wedding industry. Sure, I'd like to have a fancy, decked-out wedding... but not at the required pricetag, and not with the required 12 months of planning and stressing over what color the dog's bowtie will be. Give me something beautiful and simple!!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

Costco does custom wedding invitations now: http://pal.einvite.com/dept/Wedding/id/1.5/

Do you want to have the wedding IN Seattle or somewhere in the greater Seattle area? The closer to Seattle, the more expensive it's likely to be. There are some great wedding locations in the surrounding areas. Some friends of mine from Bellevue got married up on the shore of the sound near a marina in Anacortes. There are tons of state parks and whatnot where a ceremony and reception could easily be done in one location on the cheap--Kayak Point County Park in Snohomish County comes to mind.

Just some thoughts.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

abaya

Sweet, Owl. This is exactly what I'm talking about... I know there are ways to cut corners in this business!

And yeah, my family's actually in Mill Creek/Bothell, so we're staying the hell away from Seattle because of the cost. We're not even sure if we *want* a proper reception place, since it's a HUGE expense to rent something. If I can fit 50 people into my mom's new house, I will do it. (It's pretty tight, though.)

I will check out the places you mention, Owl.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Zeraph

Not that you live where I do but I just went to a wedding at a nice park, they rented the clubhouse. Don't know how much it cost, but she said it was cheap.

snowy

Here is the parks directory for Snohomish County: http://www1.co.snohomish.wa.us/Depar...ark_Directory/

And Everett:

http://www.ci.everett.wa.us/default.aspx?ID=11

Everett's got a LOT of cool parks, including Jetty Island and Forest Park (my favorite childhood hangout).

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

FlatLand Flyer

I got married one year ago. I am the man though which means all I really did was show up. The wife was quite stressed though. Luckily her grandma owned a party rental shop and also recommended people for every part of the wedding. Since she recommended the people, we usually got a discount on them. Saved $400 on the photographer alone. Best thing I can say is ask all your friends and relatives if they know anybody that can maybe do the cake or flowers or anything. The bill can snowball fast after wedding fever hits, not to mention everything wedding related costs 2X the amount it should (nearly passed out when I saw what the photographer normally charges). I highly recommend either no food or just inexpensive snacks for your guests. It is not your job to feed them, they will also drink less alcohol on emptier stomachs (if you choose to have booze).

Have you thought about maybe getting married at the courthouse but having a larger reception with all your guests? I would have rathered this, but then the pictures aren't as cool and the wife would have been pissed.

tecoyah

First marrige-about $8,000, in the chapel,250 guests....beautiful and extravagant....great catering at the reception....lots of bubbly, standard fare.

it was the best part of the entire marrige.

Second marriage-about $300, in her parents backyard....my mom did the ceremony, fifteen minutes , true love, beautiful.....and far more meaningful to me.

A white dress and flowers do not a marrige make

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maleficent

Look at a destination type wedding... it gives you your honeymoon and wedding in one package... the guests that want to go will come to you for a 2- 3 day stay... and you can get married on a beach, or a glacier or whereever your heart desires...

Desitination weddings are cheaper than conventional weddings, someone else does all the work for you - and the guests end up having a nice time as well...

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The_Jazz

OK, I'm going to draw a line that may or may not be relavent - there is the wedding ceremony itself and then the reception. Our wedding ceremony cost us about $2,000, but that includes the church, my tux, her dress, all the worn flowers and all the bridesmaids and groomsmans gifts. The largest single expense was my tux, but I've bascially already recooped that expense from rental fees since I wear it fairly often. The church was probably the next big expense, although that was a "donation" of about $400. A family friend did the honors and wouldn't accept any payment. My wife, the veteran shopper that she is, found her dress for $200 with another $200 in alterations. If you subtract the clothes, all of a sudden the total cost is down around $600.

The reception is something completely different - my wife is the only girl, and she and her mother had a definite vision in mind. My in-laws paid for about 2/3rds of the roughly $15,000 that the reception cost. That includes the hotel, photographer, DJ, meals, party favors, table decorations (including the majority of the flowers), and the transportation from the wedding to the reception.

My point is that the reception is what drives the price. I've been to several other weddings since ours where I would have stolen some of their ideas if given the chance. One couple eloped and then threw themselves a reception afterwards (another got married twice, once for his parents in the UK and once here for hers and did the same thing). I stood up in a wedding that was outside at the Field Museum (the bride and groom met while working there) with the reception at our favorite neighborhood bar with a beer garden afterwards. There was no paid photographer at that wedding, but every guest was given a disposable camera and instructed to leave it door on their way out. Another friend is a big photography nut and his gift to the couple was professional-grade pictures of the wedding and reception. That reception, if I remember right, cost about $3,000 including the food.

Deals can be had, but you have to think creatively and exploit your friends, who usually don't mind being exploited anyway.

And congratulations, by the way!

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f6twister

I can't remember the breakdown but my wedding, reception and honeymoon totaled about $20,000. $6,500 of that was the reception hall (and that was a cheaper one around here. The first couple we looked at were at or above $10,000). Another $4500 went for the honeymoon and the rest were the other expenses like photographer, videographer, cake, transportation, dress, favors, alcohol, etc. My wife wouldn't have had it any other way. We were lucky that we had a chance to save up the money before the wedding.

If you are looking to go under $5,000, you are definitely looking at a small gathering, hopefully at a friend or relatives house. There are ways to cut corners like knowing any family or friends who can bake a wedding cake, arrange flowers, etc. I would suggest a backyard cookout to save money on catering fees.

Good luck.

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Lady Sage

I always said that if I ever got married it was gonna be at a park and the reception, which is the money hog, would be family reunion pot-luck style. I would also request that whatever was brought the person making it would include the recipe so that could then go into a "family" cookbook for the husband/wife.
Also if you can follow a pattern make your own dress! I made my bridesmaid dress for a friends wedding and fully intend on making my wedding dress as well... my only problem is do I go blue or green????
Rings... I want non-traditional sapphire... Try estate sales they have older rings so you wont see someone walking around wearing a duplicate.
Photographs? Put disposable cameras on all the tables and get doubles developed. Have the picture taker write their name on the cardboard so when you get the doubles one set for you and one for them.
Alcohol? Bring your own bottle!!! No one complains about you not having their particular poison.
Music... you know SOMEONE who has a kickbutt collection of music and owns a good boombox, so if you get married outside pack along an extension cord or 5 or 6 and let him/her go to town with the tunes.
Flowers... if artificial are alright go to a craft store get what you'd like and some florist tape (very cheap) and make your own.

Hope some of this helps!!! If not... please ignore the ramblings of a very sleepy woman.

fresnelly

Ours was expensive - upwards of $18K all in. This includes dresses, tux rentals, reception, church - everything. On one hand it does seem like an obscene amount to spend on one day. My brother and his wife just went down to the beach with a photographer and a JP, and suprised us all the next day with a phone call.

On the other hand, friends and family are still talking about it and how much fun they had. Our family is spread across the country, and a lavish party sure beats a funeral for bringing them together. A friend who got married last summer even modelled his own after ours.

It was held outdoors in a tent, surrounded by a hedge on a heritage farm in in the country. The greatest expenses were for catering with a full buffet and a pre-dinner barbeque while we were having our photos done. (Washroom trailers where also expensive but worth it!)

In addition to how successful it was, it might well be the only wedding our two families will have for a very long time, so we try not to look back too much on the hard cost.

Believe it or not we cut costs like crazy and did most of it ourselves:

- We did all the flowers (bought them wholesale with my wife's vendor permit)
- Made centerpieces in the weeks ahead of time using dried flowers, etc...
- Hired a photographer who gave us the negatives so we could develop them ourselves.
- Rented a white volkswagen Beetle for the weekend rather than a limo (they were still pretty novel at the time)
- The wedding dress was made by a friend of ours , modeled after a name designer's
- The Bridesmaid dresses were simple off-the-rack sundresses,
- Bought our own fabrics wholesale for decorative swags - (donated afterwards to costume designer friends and also used in a quilt)
-I rented my own lighting gear for the dance portion of the evening (set it up and tore down myself)
- Made our own invitations with japanese paper, and some other fine materials bought in bulk.

By all means, save your money, and focus on creating an enjoyable, meaningful event, rather than details, details, details. You're bringing your loved ones together to celebrate, and that is what is at the heart of it.

ShaniFaye

Our wedding cost just under 5K (including honeymoon for a week, dress, and rings) for 150 people, lots of you will remember, I did a lot of it myself..for example...since I made the invitations myself, it was only 30 dollars for 150 of them. Our cake was a wedding gift so it was free. All the clothes were made, they werent "off the rack"

as for what it looked like
http://www.celticdesade.com/wedding.htm

you can judge for yourself lol Albeit we had a "different" wedding

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

ngdawg

One of the nicest weddings I went to was at a country church with the 'reception' following on the church grounds. The bride's family all chipped in the food and the cake.
Now, I don't think you can entirely go by my experience, since it was SO long ago, but I too wanted the cheapest way without it looking cheap so I did these things(after all, you really just want to celebrate your love, not go bankrupt): my wedding dress was not a traditional wedding dress-it was a plain ivory bridesmaid's gown. Cost $85. No tux for the spouse-he wore his suit. Both the ceremony and the reception were held at the local Ramada Inn, which had a party planner on staff. As part of the wedding package, we got our room for the night and instead of a bridal party room (we only had my sister and his best friend as our wedding party), we made a deal for a whiskey sour fountain. We also did not hire a photographer; I asked everyone to bring their cameras and send me their negatives.
Guests generally give money as gifts. While you can't ask them too, keep in mind some of that might offset your costs. Total cost of our wedding was $3100; we got $2700 in gifts and my parents chipped in $1500, so we had some left over.
If you can go with any combo of Mal's and mine, it would well be worth it. Hotel deals of wedding packages are a good way to get everything done at once and save a bundle. I would certainly forego the fancy dresses, 27 bridesmaids and groomsmen, etc. After all, you want to enjoy your special party, not go crazy stressing over it!!
I think the single biggest and dumbest cost is the wedding gown. They're overpriced to begin with, generally fall apart before the last guest leaves and having them cleaned and boxed for....what?? is a secondary expenditure. Second would be the photographer.
Would an early congrats be out of line?

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

maleficent

Fun for entertainment value, but in no way is it a substitute for actual pictures... you'll end up with pictures of someone's feet, pictures of people in thebathroom, Cousin Judith's obnoxious daughter, pretty much everything but the moments you want captured forever... yeah, it's fun pics... but it's better to have a person who's good with a camera taking the pictures...

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fresnelly

Agreed. We tried that and got lots of blurry photos of half eaten dinner plates and underexposed mystery guests.

maleficent

Maybe I've been to entirely too many weddings over the years.. but ... you seriously would expect to get a gift of any value without feeding or boozing your guests? Cash bars, which are quite common in New England, are tacky enough, but no food? No food - no gift... (etiquette says, that the monetary value of the gift should be what the couple spends per head at the reception - cheap snacks costs about 75 cents per head? I'm not sure a 75 cent gift would be appreciated

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abaya

Wow, thanks for all the feedback. This is really helpful to get at least a ballpark idea of what "normal" weddings cost (since ours will not be normal). $18k...

I should clear up a few things: ktspktsp's and my family are spread across 5+ different countries, and we have only a handful of friends/family in the U.S., period (I'm the only American in both of our families). So if only the U.S. folks come, it's seriously going to be a tiny wedding. We're just too international for one of these big American shebangs... I mean, most of our relatives are an 18 hour plane trip away from Seattle (Thailand and Lebanon, respectively... and Icelanders never get married, period, so they probably wouldn't come either). So we will most likely have a simple ceremony at home (ktspktsp is an atheist and does not want any kind of church wedding), and maybe rent a place for a reception... but even that is up in the air, given our small number of guests.

Also, I agree that a professional photographer is necessary, but do we really need such fancy food? I mean, gifts are nice and all, but the reality is that we won't be living together until January (I still have courses to finish), and then we'll be moving to Iceland for a year. We won't be lugging tons of wedding gifts along with us. So any gifts would have to sit in storage for a good 17 months... we're wondering if there's any point, really. So I feel less pressure to feed the guests well, I suppose. (The cheapest caterings I've seen are $14-$15 per head.)

We don't know any seamstresses who can make a dress, we don't know bakers who will make a cake, we don't know any good music people to be DJ's... and we know one aspiring photographer, but he lives in Chicago! (Can we fly you out, JJ?) So those are going to be major costs, but we just want to keep them as low as possible. We are not really into the frou-frou details, but we don't want something ghetto, either.

So, maybe I should rephrase my question. IF you knew you would have less than 50 people for guests, and you didn't want a religious wedding, and you didn't plan to make gifts a huge deal because of logistical issues... what would you do, and how much would you expect to spend?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

maleficent

Wedding cakes can cost as much as car does in some cases... if you aren't all about the tradition of things.. .you could easily do cupcakes (which taste a lot better) either home made (Have I got recipes for you.. .and cake decoriting isnt that tough to master..) or from a bakery... Just some nice cake plates to put them on and you're good to go...

Seamstress? Eh - check the yellow pages... Depending on what you're looking for in a dress.. you're close enough to NYC- take the train up to NYC and go to Kleinfeld's... or look at sample sales... where you can get dresses for a fraction of the cost...

Gifts aren't just the fancy candlesticks and the place settings for 25 -- gifts are also checks that can be used to help out in your first year of marriage (some smart brides and grooms also set up accounts to be used for the purchase of the first house for all the loot.. rather than crap that no one needs

based on what you are describing.. i'd still look at a destination wedding... easily done (honeymoon included) for under 5 grand... and it's a very memorable experience... (had friends get married on the beach - she wore a gauzey cotton dress and he wore linen pants and shirt - no shoes no socks no worries... it was a lovely ceremony and the spot the picked was pretty close to paradise...)

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ironman

We got married 2 years ago here in Guatemala, we invited 400 people and we spent about $22,000.00 in the reception, including the garden, church, decorations, music, food and liquors.
About $2K in the wedding dress and my tuxedo rental ($50).
$400 for the suite where we spent the wedding night.
$9,000 for the honey moon
$600 for the photographer
$2,500 for the wedding rings (mine was 300)

What we did with my wife, was that when we got engaged we decided to make a wedding found, every month we both had to deposit $1000.00 in a savings account, we were engaged for exactly 1 year prior to the wedding. Our parents only paid for the reception costs of the people they wanted to invite and that wasn't friends of ours (between my parents and hers they invited over 70 persons) and all the costs of the wedding rings, honeymoon and wedding dress were my responsability. She paid for the make up artist, the photographer and video guys.
Was it worth it? Hell yeah! at first i didn't even wanted a reception, but seeing how excited she was i couldn't but go ahead with the big wedding. Anyway, i would never done it if we would't have made the down payment for the apartment where we live now before we even started plannig the reception, one gets married once in a lifetime, so it better be good!

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snowy

Actually, my cousins got married last year and did the disposable camera thing--they said they enjoyed the pictures from the disposable camera more, because there were more pictures of family enjoying themselves, more pictures of them with relatives versus just them by themselves, etc. The most popular shots were a series of pictures my brother took of our cousin who was the best man (6'8") and the little ring bearer (2').

Anyways, abaya, knowing the part of the country in which you want to hold the wedding, I definitely think you can do it on the cheap and still have a fun time that everyone will remember. As for the cake--given the size of your group, I'd go with the smallest cake you can get away with ordering from the cheapest place (even Safeway does wedding cakes now) and order a half-sheet cake for guests. Or you can really cut corners and do what some friends of mine did--a half-sheet cake that they decorated themselves.

Given the size of your group, I really imagine some kind of small ceremony in a park (knowing you like the outdoors) done by a JP, followed by a barbeque in a nearby picnic shelter. Ask around and see if friends are willing to man the barbeque for you and oversee the food. You don't need a caterer to put together something so simple. If friends/family are willing to help you with decorations/food/etc, then you're definitely going to save a lot of money. Sure, you'll still have to hire a photographer, and shell out for the food costs, but you'll save on labor (which is one of the priciest parts of hiring a caterer).

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Cynthetiq

$5,000

my suit cost more than Skogafoss' dress.

boat on the Gulf off of Long Boat Key, FL.

14 people, family and best friends.

married on the top deck, reception below deck. 3 hour cruise at sunset.

wanted to do iceland but the whole family on both sides went a bit ape shit over the idea of getting married at Skogafoss in the winter time.

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abaya

awesome. I would have gone...

Thanks again for all the tips/experience... it's great hearing so many different approaches. Mal, the destination wedding thing could be interesting, I'll check it out.

Did I mention that his folks are most likely throwing a HUGE reception in Lebanon (I mean, we're talking hundreds of people) when we visit in January or so? Yeah... so we'll get a big fancy reception, just not a local one. Which is fine with me.

Owl, you have the greatest ideas... this is exactly what I had in mind. And yes, I can imagine the park setting, too.

I am still in gaping disbelief at some of the price tags you folks are quoting (those in the $20k range), even though I have been a bridesmaid four times and I know how lavish weddings can be. (That's precisely why I *don't* want a fancy one, given my prior experience.)

Cyn, give me more details... your wedding sounds like exactly something we could do. I wonder if the Argosy in Seattle is available for similar costs.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Cynthetiq

the other reason that the boat works well is because you have a finite amount of people you can invite. once you cross "the line" suddenly it trips like a domino effect of family and friends, suddenly you jump from 14 to 40, then creep to 50, then suddenly it's 100.

*BUT* Skogafoss is sad that we didn't go with the original plans of just 6 of us at Skogafoss Iceland in Feb. While I won't be able to get the other 4 people, I am trying to make the arrangements for our 5 year anniversary being in Skogafoss and staying in Hótel Búðir.

Just remember there's a point where you'll make some compromises, just make sure the compromises are ones you really want to compromise.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

*Nikki*

I got married last year for around 5K.

I paid for my dress less then $500.
The wedding and reception were at a small Inn and only close friends and family were invited.....maybe 30ish people??
We didn't have a honeymoon.
Most of the $$ went to food.
A family friend took the pics for free.
A family member video taped the service for free.
My maid of honor bought her dress off of EBAY for $15.
I had a bouquet, she had a bouqet which were professional but the rest of the flowers were store bought by my mom and just set around in different places to make it look nice.
Nothing fancy, simple and perfect

Charlatan

I think our wedding, back in 1993 (13 years ago yesterday, June 4th) cost in the neighbourhood of $15,000. The most expensive part was the open bar and the catering for 100.

Thankfully my wife's father has money.

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ngdawg

Yea but is that $15k Canadian? Cuz then it'd be about $3k American, eh?

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Charlatan

Not anymore sister... welcome to the world of the ninty cent dollar.

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Antikarma

200 bucks. We waited 6 years to get married because her family expected the whole horsedrawn carraige and white doves thing. Finally, we booked a Justice of the Peace, bought a keg, invited our friends over and took the leap.

She was happy with me, and a big wedding would be meaningless. We have better things to spend money on.

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"Whoever you are, go out into the evening,
leaving your room, of which you know each bit;
your house is the last before the infinite,
whoever you are."

abaya

This is great to hear. I am really loving the stories of people who spent $5k or less... believe me, we'd like to spend that extra $5-10k on more than a few hours of our lives, too.

Thanks for all the inspiration and great ideas, folks... keep 'em coming.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Bossnass

I started out last spring with the same frame of mind. Less that 5k.

Turns out that snowballed. Both my mother and my future mother-in-law had been very involved in trying to cut corners in previous weddings and had unhappy memories/regrets about it.

For example, my now mother-in-law had agreed to serve the cake at her other daughters wedding... and missed the first dance between "father of the bride" and "bride". We had also attended a wedding where a friend was the dj, and he wasn't bad but he wasn't good. We had friends who don't have a single good photo from their wedding day because the skipped a photographer and had friends do it.

We did cut some corners. Most the flowers (less bouqets and boutineers) and decorations were done by cousins and friends. Cake was done by a non-professional that had strong references. We had a 1 and 2$ bar which was a reasonable comprimise.

We had an expensive day, but with no regrets from anyone invovled. I've been told by many it was the nicest wedding and reception they'd ever been to. I put in 3000 (plus her wedding band plus the honeymoon). My parents did about 5000 and hers did about 6500 (split in half + her gown).

ShaniFaye

we honestly saw reason for a dj at all....we loaded up our mp3 player with a "wedding" playlist and hooked it to some really good speakers and went to town.

dj's annoy me anyway so it was NEVER an option for us

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Leto

Aug 1986:

Wedding at the NY City Hall Chapel: $200
Reception at the Warden Holiday Inn with 120 guests included: cocktails/canapes; sit down dinner, open bar, wedding cake, desert table and DJ: about $4,000

tux rental: $110
wedding dress (free from Mom-in-law) but cost about $400.
Honeymoon 4 days in Quebec city (free from mom) but cost about $1,000.

Pictures of my university roomate naked in the bathtub with an ice-sculpure of a mermaid: Priceless!

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And I never saw someone say that before
You held my hand and we walked home the long way
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http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

abaya

Ah, but how did you and your wife feel about that? Do you think you would have regretted cutting more corners than you did?

I suppose that's my general question... I mean, I'm sure those of you who sprung tens of thousands of dollars don't have any regrets (I hope!). But what about those who spent less? Do you, personally, have any regrets that you didn't have a fancier wedding? (I am not talking about parents/friends/siblings, etc... just the couple getting married.) Keep in mind that ktspktsp's and my parents are pretty uninvolved with the whole US side of the celebration... and I know my parents don't give a rip how fancy things are. The only people who seem to be hot and bothered about the "fancy" wedding would be those who were indoctrinated into the wedding ideology when we were all attending a Christian college... and I don't intend to invite many of those.

So it really comes down to us.

I guess it's an individual thing. I mean, I just wonder, "Would I really regret not taking care of every minute detail? (And if I did regret it, couldn't we just have a really nice vow renewal 5 or 10 years down the road, since that's what really matters, anyway?)" In all four weddings that I was a bridesmaid for... I hardly remember the details. I remember the bride's dress, I remember the big smile on the groom's face all day, I remember eating some cake and getting a bit drunk, and smiling at all the dancing and pretty flowers. But otherwise, what else is *really* necessary to celebrate the beginning of your lives together?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ShaniFaye

an officiant

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

abaya

Did you not have one, Shani? Or do you mean, make sure to have one?

I love the idea about burning your own CD. Truly, why would you need a DJ when you have all the music you want in one place? (I assume burning several copies would be a good back-up.) Plus, DJ's ARE pretty cheesy.

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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JustJess

I won't even tell you what ours cost. It would horrify your practical mind (it did mine!). Q is the oldest son in a family with no daughters, and they're a bit more traditional, so they wanted a bigger shindig. It was their money, so we went with it. It was a beautiful day, with all the people we love most and a ceremony that was entirely original/non-traditional/non-religious.

Things that are worth money in my mind:

Some money: photos. Get an art school student. I recommend photojournalistic style for immediacy and beauty. Worth some dough.

Dress: Okay, look. I am NOT a girl who ever daydreamed about her wedding day blah blah blah. Not at ALL. BUT the dress... *sigh* the dress... it was perfect. I felt like a beautiful princess, it was simple and elegant and way too expensive. Don't skimp on whatever dress makes you happy. Yep, it's one day. But it's a damned good day.

Music: If you just want boogie music, the hell with a DJ - just get a friend to toggle your iPod. Seriously. You just need to hear the speeches! For Q, it was a big deal to have a live band, because he wanted to play with them. We sang a duet during our ceremony, his friends put together a song for us that they performed during the reception, he rocked with the band, so did his friends and brother... it was cool. But if that doesn't matter to you, don't bother!

Ceremony: This is where we switched things up. We got our theater professor ordained at the universal life church online so he could do the ceremony. It was all about Shakespeare, baby. We wrote our own vows and I do's, chose our own rituals, and sang to each other (Power of Two by the Indigo Girls). We boogied down the aisle afterwards to a bluegrass version of "Let's Get It On". It was fun!

Cake: My mother baked the cakes. Yes, cakeS. 10. 5 different kinds. (She was feeding 112 people!) We had someone decorate them professionally because you have to do that the day for it to work, and I wasn't going to have her completely stress out. They were awesome. She did my brother's and sister's weddings too. Nope, not a pastry chef!

My sister got married in a state park, at an overlook of the gorge in the Adirondack mountains. Her friend did the ceremony (similar to our professor). My brother grilled for the reception. She rented open tents and chairs etc. There were maybe 50 people. Her decorations consisted of 1000 paper cranes for luck (she folded those herself). Her wedding dress was a cream evening gown that was a little beaded but simple and lovely. I went barefoot. Her best friend (and photographer) did all the shots.

The only way to be frugal and not feel frugal is to let people pitch in. My brother had 20 people and had it at the restaurant/B&B his wife worked at (gorgeous place). Her friends are chefs, so they cooked, and her boss donated the food.

Hope that helps...

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Cynthetiq

the other reason that the boat works well is because you have a finite amount of people you can invite. once you cross "the line" suddenly it trips like a domino effect of family and friends, suddenly you jump from 14 to 40, then creep to 50, then suddenly it's 100.

*BUT* Skogafoss is sad that we didn't go with the original plans of just 6 of us at Skogafoss Iceland in Feb. While I won't be able to get the other 4 people, I am trying to make the arrangements for our 5 year anniversary being in Skogafoss and staying in Hótel Búðir.

Just remember there's a point where you'll make some compromises, just make sure the compromises are ones you really want to compromise.

Married in Florida so we were married by a Notary Public, cost was just about $200.

Family members did the photographs with digital cameras. We do wish that we had a couple posed pictures sometimes, but more often the candid shots that were taken are quite special and we didn't have yet one more person following about as "workers."

Boat rental was almost $3,000 including tipping the staff.

We didn't buy flowers save the corsages, boutinere, and bouquet.

Centerpieces were floating rose wax candles in glass globes.

Main centerpiece were longstem white silk flowers (which now adorn our bedroom)

An arbor was rented was a couple hundred dollars for the weekend rental. It was picked up early and since Skogafoss' mother is a ceramic artist, she made ceramic roses for us and mounted them onto the arbor. We have them and are trying to figure out what kind of art to make it into.

Food was a local deli that made chicken parm and some pasta dish with salad,
Cake was also a local baker. $200+

Had I picked up the RIGHT black pants that matched the black jacket, then I would not have had to buy a new suit, buying a new suit I ended up buying the whole outfit down to the shoes for $800. Skogafoss bought her dress which was a bride's maid dress for $250 I think.

The key to all of the cheap prices was to stay away from the words BRIDAL and WEDDING. The moment you invoke those words the price of everything doubles

I have photos to share if you'd like to see them.

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Rodney

We got married at the courthourse, in a judge's chamber decorated with pictures the judge's twin five-year-olds had drawn. The judge was in a great mood, because it was the end of the week and the last thing he had to do before going home was fun.

That's probably a little spartan for you. But I've seen a number of weddings done inexpensively that'll probably be remembered fondly by the principals:

One was in a rented space in a public park; it was an old restored schoolhouse, very romantic and churchlike. The surroundings were pleasant. When the wedding was over, everybody pitched in and set up the hall for the reception, which was mainly cooked by friends. I think the reason that one shines is because _everybody_ who came helped out, and helped make the wedding happen. I mean, did their friends and family demonstrate that they loved them, or what?

Beaches are good _as long as it's a short ceremony and not too windy._ I saw a 20-mile wind blow up behind the bride once: she looked like a ship under full sail! They can be very romantic, and park authorities are usually pretty cool about it as long as you don't try to have loud music or anything. Then you can have the reception wherever.

House receptions are good, and frankly I'd invite people you know to cook. Also frankly: there's nothing wrong with a champagne and cake reception. You don't _have_ to serve them dinner. One thing that can work. If this is a gathering of the clans, make it an all-day affair: have the wedding in the afternoon, have a cake and champagne reception after, then repair to somone's house for informal no-nonsense eats -- a barbecue, maybe -- and a good old fashioned get-together.

ShaniFaye

you asked what else you could need.....I was being a smartass hehehehe

we had two folders on the mp3 player, general music and event music (first dance, parents/kids dance, garter thingy etc) and we had a person assigned with a time table to play the event songs at the time we wanted...the rest of the time they reverted back to the general music folder

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!