Really, my main off-limits language isn't about what words he uses, but how he uses them. Nothing's that bad if you can discuss it and work it out and everyone apologizes for being unnecessarily mean or whatever. When it's an issue? When there's a pattern of behavior that is negatively affecting your partner and you're not willing to adjust that pattern. It wasn't that Q was calling me stupid, it wasn't the WORD, so much as the implied attitude that went with it. It was disrespectful on a regular basis, so that is why I brought it up. I don't generally worry about particular statements past the argument unless they're a recurring theme.

If we're dealing in hypothetical SO's, then yes, an SO who said that to me would have a lot of explaining to do. It would not, however, be unforgivable.

If, however, we're dealing with real SO's, then ratbastid would never say that and if he did I would KNOW there was something really wrong.

I don't think I said I'd be "fine" with anything ratbastid said, and if I did, I misspoke. There's just not much he could say to me that I would find "inexcusable."

I guess Astrocloud excused her for her comments: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=101926

Oops, yeah you didn't say that. I get what you mean now.

wow, from all the things ive heard, i have had it easy!

The only thing that got to me is name calling. Jokes are one thing, but a consistant onslaught of such words wears me down. I dont know why, but it does.

however, in comparison to astrocloud's, my experience doesnt seem that hurtful.

Im just wondering why we feel implored to say such things in the first place? have we forgotten that relationships are supposed to be about happiness??

The bf once told me I had floppy boobs. I have no idea why. But really - I think that classifies (at least for me) as something you should never say to the SO. Everytime he talks about my breasts now all I hear is 'floppy boobs'.
ps. I have issues with negative self-talk.