trache

Here's the skinny:

I'm in IT. I am a Systems Administrator; I enjoy working with Linux and Windows alike.

I was laid off from job one (four years) and after a long while I managed to find a job (number two) two hours driving time away from my hometown at a dialup internet provider. So I had to move. So I've moved to where I currently reside with all my things, and had the job for four months. It went well, but due to a shortage of work, they had to let me go. I'm nearly broke after Christmas and no job, and my last option is to move back to my family's home and pay no rent while searching for a job.

My girlfriend still lives in our hometown as an elementary school music teacher, but her contract is technically up in June, and has no idea whether or not she'll be re-hired for next term (it's just a yearly contract). She can teach anywhere in our region. She and I have been dating for 6.5 years, and hopefully sometime soon (when we both have stable jobs and a bit of savings in the bank) get married and finally settle down and _have a life together_.

I do not plan to just up and break up, and we both know that, but I'm sure more than one of you has gone through this situation: you suddenly are a long distance from each other and for some inexplicable reason your relationship changes and you eventually break up. It just happens! <pants on>She is more afraid of this happening than me, hey, I'm a guy and until I tell her different, I'm still in love with her.</pants off> At least that's how masculinity sometimes goes! :-) Basically, I love her very much and don't want to end something grand we both have.

I had job #1 while at our hometown and she was in school out of town, so we've done the quasi-long-distance thing for a long time now, but not this far.

My uncle was able to get me an interview at a company in his area, which is a five hour driving time away from me (seven hour driving time from my hometown, family and girlfriend currently). The company is currently trying to design a chip that would revolutionize the cellular industry. That's all I can tell you.

After four interviews with employees and a discussion with the CEO, I was offered the job on the spot, and also expected to start Monday. I politely told him that I needed time to think it over, as well as deal with my landlord (since I'm breaking the lease). So my acceptance deadline is Friday. He seemed surprised that I didn't accept on the spot. Also, (and this is very stupid on my part!) at no time was salary/benefits/stock options discussed. I found it odd how no one even asked me those important questions either.

He did say that I would start part-time but that depending on the speed of my work, I could move up to full time quickly. Also that I could stay longer than half a day (i.e. part time) to really get my teeth sunk into the systems and learn faster, etc. The thing is though, I'm being hired to do a little learning in the first place, I mean, that's what everyone does when they start a new job, right?

Obviously I am going to call him tomorrow to ask the important questions:

1. Salary/benefits/options
2. Goal to meet or time frame to move up from part time to full time

Driving home to my apartment today, I received a call from a headhunter looking for someone in my area (woohoo!) with my skills, and I can have an appointment set up for next week. So that’s the first positive thing I've heard in a little while!

So, my questions:

Is there anything else I should ask him to help make my decision to take a risk like this? What would you do in my position, if you were me, or if you were my girlfriend?

If you were in my position, how would you decide to take the position? What would you need to know to make a life altering decision like this easier? Is there anything else I could say that would make my situation clearer?

__________________
"You looked at me as if I was eating runny eggs in slow motion." - Gord Downie of The Tragically Hip

Rodney

First of all -- move far away for a part-time job with no assurances? With the offer of all the extra unpaid time you want, so you can get up to speed on _your_ time? And he didn't make a salary offer. Something smells. I wouldn't trust this guy just because he has a nice smile. Your questions are well-taken, and if he waffles and gives no straight answer, it is a bad sign. If he tells you "What are you waiting for, we'll settle all those things when you get here. Come on," it is a _very_ bad sign, and there's something he isn't telling you. He wants to get you on-site and committed before you learn the full story.

I would ask whether this is really a full-time or part-time position at the present time. He may not have the money for a full-timer and is hoping he will get it in a few months; but there's no guarantee.

Having been in somewhat similar positions, I'd say: put the relationship, here and now, before any other considerations. And if I'd been with someone for years and knew we both wanted to get married, I wouldn't take the step of moving further away. Relationships can take a certain amount of strain, and good relationships can take a lot; but the more you test the limits, the more you risk breakage.

dksuddeth

Heres a very important thing to remember. You can't take care of anyone else unless you can take care of yourself first. Now, if your girlfriend is mature and serious, she will understand if you have to take an out of state job. I'm currently doing it and my wife hates it but she understands. So, you do what you have to do. If the job is out of state but pays well, take it until something opens back up in your hometown...otherwise you're just setting yourself up for hard times.

__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

abaya

^^ What Rodney said.

Ktspktsp and I have been long-distance (3 hours) for a year now, and it has not been fun. We have made it, though, since we are committed to driving to each other's places every weekend (taking turns). We have at least another year to go. Supposedly I may be going overseas after that (a 7 hour flight away from him) for my PhD research, but you know what?.. at that point in the relationship, after two years of long-distance, I predict being very unwilling to put that kind of strain on the relationship. That is just asking for trouble, at least from my perspective. So either he goes with me, or I delay/forfeit my PhD and stay to be with him. Priorities.

So I guess I am saying that yes, a relationship can handle distance, but only for VERY GOOD REASONS and for a clear, limited timeframe. I am not sure if you have either, here. Now, I'd say that if your gf is willing to follow you out in June (when her contract expires), then the job may be worth taking for 6 months away from her (as long as you find out about salary, benefits, all that stuff they seem to have ignored!). But if your gf is iffy about going, and you are serious about her, stay in town and get in touch with that headhunter. If you have a strong, fulfilling relationship with her, it's not worth risking the loss of the relationship just so you can get a semi-decent job far away.

Evaluate what's important in your life, and ask your gf to do the same. Sit down and talk. 6.5 years is a damn long time...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Sultana

Relationship issues aside, I wouldn't take a job next door with an offer that didn't bother to include Frickin Salary and Compensation information. And the fact that the guy expected you to take a job offer on the spot, that is very unprofessional.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

william

At most, you're looking at 6 mo away from your gf. She's a teacher, w/experience (her bonus) - gives her premium for wherever she moves - it's in the papers everyday!

eribrav

It's very important to get off on the right foot at a new job. Part of that is knowing what's expected of you at the position, and in turn arriving at a fair level of compensation. If you start this job, with the well-put promise as described above as "all the hours you can work, and only part-time pay" and you have no idea what your pay and benefits will be, there will likely be an unhappy ending ahead. Your new employer will never take you seriously if you show up there, drooling like an eager pup, without some kind of compensation agreement. You will never, ever get what you want after that either, becaude your leverage will be zero. I''m not telling you to be a prick about demanding perks, high salary etc, but I am telling you that MUST be discussed beforehand.

Good luck.

trache

I called the President/CEO of the company earlier today. I asked him the big two questions:

1. Salary
He could not give me a figure, and when I threw a figure at him, I came right back and said that would probably be unacceptable. This figure mind you, is the same as what I made at job #2 full time. The area that his company is based is tech-heavy, and generally people would ask for a bit more, but I'm just starting out and the figure was not unreasonable by any means in my mind. I was surprised at this. Also, that he would have to talk with his financial guy to work something out. I mean, come on, even any well-minded person knows /approximately/ what it might take to live in a certain area, even in a dump of a place with all the associated costs etc.

2. Part time vs Full time
I asked him whether or not there would be a goal I could meet, or a time-frame in which I could perform and then be moved to full time. Again, he couldn't give me a straight answer. I mean, goal wise may be he didn't know what he wanted, but I would assume could at least throw out a time frame to which I could hope to reach and be reviewed salary-wise.

Based on those two answers alone, I am going to call him and politely decline the offer.

The problem is, I still feel guilty for having my uncle put himself on the line to even get me in the door. See, I tend to feel guilty a lot.. that's just the way I am. But everyone (including my dad, his brother) thinks that it probably won't be a wise decision for me at this time (financially, and with my lease situation, ie, I don't have money to live here much longer!) to hope that it could get better and get better soon.

Thanks everyone.. you've helped me make an informed decision. :-)

__________________
"You looked at me as if I was eating runny eggs in slow motion." - Gord Downie of The Tragically Hip

dksuddeth

thank your uncle for the effort and then tell him why you declined. If your uncle has any common sense, he'll most likely agree with your decision.

__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

JustJess

Seriously - you are making the right choice. It's completely unprofessional and sketchy to not have any idea about what they want to offer you. If they're so great, where's their HR dept??? Ahem, sorry.

As far as the location goes... Talk To Your Girlfriend. Find out what she can and cannot deal with and then start narrowing options.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

sailor

Agreed, the sketchy alarms are going off all over the place. You made the right choice to turn that down.

__________________
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato