la petite moi

Okay, so I know my wedding is a long way off but...

I'm extremely afraid of embarassing myself or having something go wrongat a special occasion. How do I have a small cheap wedding and not mess things up?

How do I feel more at ease in this special all-eyes-on-the-bride moment?

ShaniFaye

girl, you and I need to talk.....I am SO about having the most for our wedding without spending scads of useless money. Im doing so much myself and finding new ways to do traditional things without paying someone money when I can do it myself.

There are things you have to decide right off the bat....the very first thing Dave and I did was make a tentative guest list....that will dictate so much...I was thinking we'd have 50-60 people....we are up to 130.

After you know roughly how many people, you need to figure out where, and if its inside or outside and what your "theme" will be, colors etc. once you know that stuff I can point you in all sorts of directions for the "frugal" part.

the feeling at ease part I cant help with, all I care about is how Dave see's me that day, what others see or think of what we've planned doesnt mean squat to me.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

la petite moi

I'm even nervous about how nwlinkvxd sees me, despite the fact he will love me no matter what. 130 people?! I don't think I could do that! (1- I don't have that many friends, 2- I would be so anxious...)

ShaniFaye

Well he obviously likes what he see's enuff to want to spend the rest of his life with you

What you need to remember is this, no matter if its 30 people or 200 when you go to walk down that aisle the ONLY person you are going to see is nwlinkvxd.....To this day I cant tell you everyone that was at my first wedding, and it was only like 13 people, I have to look at pictures sometimes to remember is so and so was there.

When I send out the invitations I dont care if none of them rsvp because I know the only person I need there to help me get thru the day will be waiting for me at the end of that aisle to take my hand and hold it until the day I die. Anyone else thats there, just gets to witness the joy we will have in being joined as man and wife.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Lebell

ah, the memories

Anyway, here are a few suggestions the ex and I used when we got married:

Wedding Dress: Consider renting a wedding dress. Yes, there are places you can do this. Unless you really enjoy hauling your dress from apartment to apartment over the decades. If you need a momento, make your own HAT.

Wedding Cake: Why go to an expensive cake decorator when you can usually get a great wedding cake from the bakery at your local Safeway? You can also get the little mints, nuts, whatever. You just have to be willing to coordinate setting it up (delegate to a sister/cousin or whatever if possible).

Decorations: Most people know to make their own table and church decorations.

My current wife and I made our own invitations using the computer and her scrap booking skillz. If you have an aunt or someone into scrap booking, ask if they'll help you.

Music: Not as romantic as hiring a band, but we hooked up our CD changer to the reception hall's speaker system.

Become a member of a church. Yes, church's discount their halls for members. Of course, if you join the day before you book, it might look a touch suspicious.

Anyway, good luck to you!

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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ShaniFaye

you have the option of going to the courthouse and getting married at by a judge. Cant get much more frugal than that.

Thats what my first wedding was....with a morning breakfast reception at the Shoney's breakfast bar.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

ryfo

celebrant at home with parents and 2 witnesses then big spit or roast in backyard for 30 to 40 people Got clothes from sconds and samples shops (no one could tell) and everyone had a great time. Took photos at the ceromony and went to a 1 hour processing place and had them back in time for the party. Dont call it a reception and people seem fine with it being casual. We even got changed into casual clothes after the wedding and joined in the fun,the party was catered so we didnt even have to clean up good time had by all

Lebell

-Oh yeah, ask friends to take pics and then pay for reprints.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Please Donate!

Grasshopper Green

I got married at the courthouse (as cheap as you can get!!) but my sister had a nice wedding on a small budget. She shopped around for the dress, made her own veil, booked it at a church that held weddings for free (don't know the details on that one), and instead of having it the reception at a reception hall, had an informal gathering in my dad's backyard. She cooked most of the food herself (she's an excellent cook) and my stepmother and some of her friends pitched in with that as well. I don't think it has to be expensive to be nice and memorable.

clavus

Invitations -
Buy blank invitations and put your own design on them. Do it by hand if you have a small enough number. We took ours to a printer who did short runs cheaply.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should the word "Kinko's" ever be uttered when considering printers.

Location -
We had it at a very nice outdoor setting at my wife's place of employment. Of course, it helps if you work in a napa Valley winery...

Music -
She walked down the aisle to a Joe Satriani CD

Feeling special and at ease-
Fuggetabout it. You ARE #1 and nothing you could do on the wedding day is going to fuck up how your boy feels about you.

Photgrapher -
We had a situation where after the wedding we couldn't get any of the photos from the photographer we hired. Disaster? Hardly. My folks took some really great shots with their own little camera. They we about as good as anything the photographer did. (Yes, we SAW her photos, we just couldn't possess them. It was complicated and insane).

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

la petite moi

The at ease part is more about the guests, unfortunately.

dtheriault

We live in one part of the state and got married in another. We did immediate family on both sides only and then 2 friends on each side plus SOs who were best men bride's grooms. They all drove or flew to the wedding (tickets were less than 80$ round trip) and they all stayed in the same bed and breakfast.

My wife had the dress made. It was unique, exactly what she wanted and much cheaper than buying at the store. The woman who made her dress made it out of her apartment. She was young and talented and now she has her own boutique shop. My wife wore white keds under her wedding dress. No veil, no train.

My sister and her sister became ministers from the back of a magazine and married us on the beach. It was winter and we had black umbrellas in the mist and slight rain. 18 people huddled in a circle with the ocean behind us. I'll never forget it. We passed the rings around (held together with the same ribbon that was used on our invites and wrapped around the flowers and everyone said something that was on their mind regarding our wedding. No music no band, just the sound of the wind, surf and our vows.

we went to a restaurant that held a room for us. Had dinner and then went on our honeymoon. When we got back we held a party with appetizers and a plain cake for about 80 of our friends and extended family members. We told everyone no presents.

With everything we did: pictures, flowers, dress etc.. we went with young and talented friends or people that our friends recommended, people who were outside the norm and didn't charge normal wedding type prices. No limo, no dj, no bridesmaid dresses and all the other things that just nickle and dime you. The biggest expense is just have a large wedding. If you haven't seen someone more than once in the past year don't invite them.

Also, my wife was okay with me not buying her an engagement ring. We just have wedding bands. I figured we saved 2,000-5,000 right there.

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"Remember, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." -Homer

Unless you are the freakin Highlander, what is the point in learning how to fight with a sword?

kebo

my adivce---DON'T TELL THE MOTHER INLAW! ---LOL

when my wife and I announce our plans, her mother stepped in and began making a big elaborate deal of it. We tried and tried to tell her that we didn't want a big deal, just a couple of friends and close family, but would she listen? Noooooo. Our next approach was to tell my wifes dad (who was paying for it) that we wanted it small, but that didn't work either. Our solution -- grab couple of close friends, my parents and go to Lake Tahoe shot gun style. We still had the big elaborate wedding a few monthes later, but didn't tell her parents until after 2-3 years of being married.
In the end, we got our wedding, and the in-laws got theirs.
kevin

ophelia783

Smart!
That's pretty my plans

billege

Please, do yourself a favor. If you KNOW it's going to be a small and frugal wedding, adjust your expectations for that. I can't tell you how many girl-friends of mine or my wife's get married, and they do the "small inexpensive" bit, but really want a full on formal traditional wedding. Since that's what they're expecting/wanting, it's a mess.

Sit down with yourself and ask: what do I HAVE to have?
If you have to have the big dress, there goes $1000 plus. Accept that and move on.

If you HAVE to have big fancy hall, it's $$$. Accept that and move on.

If someone tells you: you can save $$$ by doing XXX yourself, then accept that will take TIME, and move on.

You trade TIME and EFFORT for saving $$$$. Accept that and move on. You're making center pieces? Okay, 10 tables? Okay, 10 hours....(including shopping to buy crafty supplies, driving time, glueing shit together, arguing with your fiance 'cause he's doing it wrong....redoing the one's he did....etc.)

Best advice I can give you is:
Take some serious looks at what you want. Not what you think people expect, but what you want. Then do what you want, and F everyone else's expectations.

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I can sum up the clash of religion in one sentence:
"My Invisible Friend is better than your Invisible Friend."

Sage

i think a lot of it is what you expect, like what has been said previously.

you say that it's not the wedding that makes you nervous, its the guests. well, the best thing i can say is invite 20 of your closest (and i MEAN closest- the people you'd feel comfortable tellling almost anything to) friends and family. cause they're the ones that love you and they will make you feel comfortable on your big day. then, in order to include everyone, have a big celebration party later that day/week for everyone! that way, the emphasis isn't on the fact that you're getting married, but on the fact that you ARE married. that's what martel and i did. i really like the idea of getting married with family and 2 friends at the parent's house, then having a big BBQ in the backyard for everyone. mainly, remember that this whole "wedding" thing is there to MAKE OTHER PEOPLE MONEY. the only reason we have a wedding ceremony that's all big and elaborate is because some queen back in the day decided it'd be a good idea. maybe look into non-traditional wedding ceremonies, like indian or irish. if religion isn't an issue, go with what feels best for you AND your fiancee`- don't leave him totally out! communicate with each other, and don't freak.

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la petite moi

Formal wedding dresses are NOT that expensive (1000$). It just depends if you get it at the expensive designer place, or get a rip off of it.

ShaniFaye

its just me...but I'll be damned if Im gonna spend 1000 bucks on a dress Im gonna wear once....thats not frugal in my book.

My dress is 200 bucks and will be worn at renn fairs for MANY years to come

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

la petite moi

I might get one a little more expensive than that, and unfortunately, I probably won't wear it again...but still...not 1000$!

Anyway, we've decided that we'll get away from family completely and get married on a cruise!

ShaniFaye

oh boy!!! A cruise will be fun!!!

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

StanT

My reception was at the Dairy Queen.

One of the nicest parties that I ever went to was a picnic at a friends house. They hired a band, bought a couple of kegs, and invited the world. Just before the band started, the host went up to the mike an announced "Oh, by the way, we stopped by the courthouse yesterday and got married. This is our wedding reception". It probably cut down on the wedding presents, but it was the nicest and most informal reception I've ever attended.

pinkie

How many people are you inviting, and what's your budget? Do you have a location? Dress? Do you know how many are going to be in your wedding party?

soundmotor

Here's what we did:

We had a little house (a hut really) & not much money so we spent the bulk on catering from a local trendy restaurant with the server included. We got decent wine & champagne for the tables which we set-up in our backyard. We spent ~$800 for food & drink. We invited our closest friends and our immediate family only. We had a family table & everyone else sat at the other 9 tables mixed. Tables & chairs were ~$75 delivered. All told, we had maybe 35-40 guests and they were people whom we wanted to be there. We used a justice of the peace to marry us @ $50. All the food & drink was consumed in about 1 1/2 hours & most of the family and a many with other obligations started to drift away.

We tipped the caterer's server $40. Maybe 12 stayed & we'd figured they would so we had cases of mixed beers, A few bottles of leftover wine, tequila, etc., so another $60 here. We stayed out in the yard with the stereo cranked. Later on we got Chinese but or friends paid. At 9:00PM, by what seemed unspoken agreement, everyone left en masse. Our wedding turned into perhaps the best party we'd ever had. I am probably forgetting something but I am sure all totaled we were well under $1200, '88 dollars.

Best of luck & congratulations too!

soundmotor

sashime76

I don't know what degree of "frugal" you want to achieve but we spent just under $4000 for our wedding back in 2000. We had close to 100 guests so the banquet was the biggest ticket. It was about $2100 (traditional Chinese 10 course menu) including soft drinks.

I bought the alcoholic beverages (beers, wines) from then Navy Exchange (in San Diego) with the help of a family friend and with the permission of the restaurant owner who is a close friend of another family friend. Drinks were about $150, minus tipping the servers. My brother was the bestman, announcer, host...free, except for the rental tux and shoes. Got the cakes (3 tier) and flowers done for about $450. Another family friend who owned a Lexus LS 400 let us use his car as our wedding "limo"-free.

I looked in the classified and found this photographer who ran his studio out of his converted garage at home. We looked at his past work (which was very impressive) and selected a photo package, including a one day, outdoor photo shoot as well as being out banquet photographer, for $600. Normally a photo package will cost you almost twice that amount without the off site shootings. I later bought the negatives from him for additional $200. I think I spent about $300 tipping the restaurant employees and the photographer. Adding wedding invitations, thanks you cards, champagne flutes, silverware for the cake, etc. we came just under $4000. I think that's pretty good.

00111000

A lot of good tips so far, we did most of these also. I'll add what the we did to save money.

Enlisted as many friends as we could to do things. Never underestimate what you can do in these situations. It probably cut our wedding costs in half.

Find alternative settings. We had ours in a local park in the Oakland hills. It was 1/10th of the price of every other place we looked. Sure a few other events were going on in the park that day, but we were really not bothered by anyone. We even had a few people just come to watch as they walked through the park. If you do end up using a facility find out what they charge for everything. Some places will charge you extra for

We also did the mixed CD thing, and hired a friends band to play also. Worked out great.

Rather than getting a expensive dress she would only wear once, my wife bought a vintage dress she can still wear if we go out to fancy things.

We did not have the normal wedding cake as they are way overpriced. We had someone make us a few small cakes, cookies, treats. There was much rejoicing.

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- And so he says, 'I don't like the cut of your jib.' And I go I says, IT'S THE ONLY JIB I GOT, BABY! -

nofnway

Congratulations

Got married in 1990

Wedding site....Community rose garden $15.00..Roses in full bloom
Hall rental....Community center $150.00
Food and Beverage from friend who works for wholesale company...for 50 or so guests
$1000
Instead of limos rented Two lincoln towncars for the weekend $169
Music DJ...$300.00 for the night.

The killer for me, Photographer $650.00 for the wedding album(not so bad)bought all of the proofs(keep killing me)$900.00

Then the cake..I don't remember $ and the wedding gown I never knew.

The point is if your'e creative you can fit any budget...don't to forget to enlist the help of your friends and family...I'll bet theyr'e just waiting for you to ask.

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"Iron rusts with disuse, stagnant water loses its purity and in cold water freezes. Even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind"
Leonardo Da Vinci