Baraka_Guru

Oh, it's because I feed them.

It will require filling out an application. Do you have a resume?

Truth is not contained in sentences; they are contained in experience. Your acquaintance who wrote this sentence clearly has delusions of grandeur. Does he ever steal your lunch?

It's under your bed. Next to the duvet I gave you last year.

No.

Where does anyone go? Do we go? Have we ever gone?

Oh, yes. That's where I went.

It depends on your own personal preference. If you want to go with book style, that's fine. However, the magazine/newspaper style of titles has a bit of flair, especially if they are longer. Just don't make it so I have to correct your mistakes.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

yes, do you have a postcode?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Martian

Dearest Guru, I humbly ask:

Are you as amused by LordEden's malapropism as I am? Did you even see it? Your answer suggests to the contrary, though I suppose you may have just been acting polite.

Also, did you take my ladle with the red handle? I can't seem to find it anywhere.

And finally, why is it that although I walk for miles I never actually seem to get anywhere?

As you can see, I have been hoarding my queries in anticipation of your triumphant return.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

jewels

Well done.

Who, what and where did the "wave" begin at sports stadiums?

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Baraka_Guru

No.

Yes I was amused, and yes I saw it. But I ignored it directly. However, you will note a hint of irony in my response to him.

Did you want me to take your ladle with the red handle? Did you look everywhere?

Try standing before you walk.

My return was neither triumphant, nor anticipatable.

"The Wave" was pioneered by Edgar M. P. Daftwager at the opening of Yankee Stadium in 1923 during the Yankees' first game at their new home. Mr. Daftwager, having built quite a thirst in the hot sun, was trying to flag down a beverage vendor. He also had bad knees and so was bobbing up and down, waving both hands in the air, as he was trying to get the attention of the boy who would sell him a drink. Since the stadium was recently opened, the service was slow, as a result of inexperienced vendors, and so Mr. Daftwager kept trying to flag someone down.

It was at this time that the Yankees were down by two runs and had a man on base. The crowd was getting a bit excitable and a few around Mr. Daftwager noticed his antics and began to mimic him, in synch, as they thought it was a great way to cheer on the batter. Further on down the stadium, others took notice, and the crowd "passed it on" and a wave ensued by freak chance. After this unintentional wave impressed and awed all in attendance, every wave thereafter was done on purpose.

What is little known today is that "The Wave" was originally known as the "Daftwager Dance."

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

The_Jazz

Dear guru;

can you beer to leeve this sentance un-correct?

thx

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

I don't understand. There is nothing wrong with what you wrote.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

The_Jazz

Suddenly I feel all warm and snuggly.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

Lay off the bourbon.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

The_Jazz

But it's college football season, and that means bourbon and diet!

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

jewels

Why is chocolate so good and vanilla's just so ... vanilla?

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

BadNick

Why is vanilla so good and chocolate's just so ... obvious?

Baraka_Guru

Denial is destroying you both.

Both chocolate and vanilla are good.

There is nothing wrong with being "so vanilla," but there is nothing wrong with being obvious, either.

Just dig in and enjoy it already.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Fremen

Baraka, why do basketballs, soccer balls and footballs lose their air over time?

__________________
Google

Baraka_Guru

To inflate sporting balls, modern technology uses a simple, yet highly effective valve mechanism. The robust design is such that it allows for the ease of inflatability while ensuring high performance.

It is a common observation to notice that, over time, sporting balls will lose their air pressure. This, I assure you, is built purposely into the valve design for safety purposes. A ball without such a mechanism risks such things as unintentional rupture, which not only results in irreversible damage to the ball but may also injure nearby parties.

Below I have included some basic diagrams that depict the common sporting ball air valve from varying angles and, in some cases, I've included ones displaying specific details. This design is used in most products available on the market for both the professional and the amateur.

Bear in mind, however, that these diagrams have been simplified for the distinct purpose of educating the layman. However, it is worthwhile to note that the elegant simplicity that you see below in the air valve design is maintained even when viewing schematics meant for the engineer and manufacturer. So while the diagrams below may make the technology seem deceptively simple, it is indeed an intended part of the design.

Enjoy.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Martian

I had no idea basketballs incorporated carburetors. This adds quite a bit to my appreciation of the sport.

The profound knowledge of the Guru strikes again.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Leto

It's a Canadian thing.

__________________
You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey
And I never saw someone say that before
You held my hand and we walked home the long way
You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr

http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

dlish

must be

oh great guru BG that you are, i had green curry last night and ive got a rumbling tummy this morning. what can i do to make it go away? what do you do in your native india?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

Well...back in my home village of Delhi, we have a system of traditional medicine native to our people. It draws from the natural power of the colour wheel. From it we balance our mental and physical states by delving into complementary and opposing forces.

In your case, depending on the hue of green that your curry presented, you would benefit from balancing it with either a purple, red, or orange curry.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

oh BG, Guru

my Curry turned a runny brown..what does this mean?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

You're on your own, kid....

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

Oh great guru, some of your countrymen have been slandering you, questioning your infallibility, and telling us that you're wrong

what will you do to quell those nasty rumours, oh great one?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

do you do Opera?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

I've tried Opera, yes.

But I didn't like it, so I switched to Firefox from Internet Explorer instead. I used Firefox for several years up until recently when I switched to Chrome (which, by the by, I highly recommend).

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

noodle

"canceled" or "cancelled"?

__________________

Baraka_Guru

Cancelled, unless you are a part of the former British colony the United States of America.

Known colloquially as "the USA," this former colony has participated in a subtle yet noticeable degradation of the Queen's (aka Oxford) English. Much of this, however, has lost its significance with the advent of Internet slang and the "language" of text messaging, the majority of which was driven by these former colonists.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

The_Jazz

Um, Mr. Guru sir? It's "cancelled" on both sides of the border. Just like the show "Alf".

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

dlish

flip flops or thongs?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

Here, you are referring to those among the former colonists who choose to deviate from the norm. These "Loyalists" will often opt to use double-Ls, as well as perhaps "-our" over "-or" and/or "-re" over "-er." However, it is rare for them to abide by the sensible metric system, as they cling deserately to that horrific imperial system.

Perpetual syndication is a kind of sainthood for cancelled television programs. Terrible example.

Thongs, clearly. I don't really have a "thing" for feet. It's not my bag.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

noodle

I asked because my classmate's Droid phone kept autocorrecting it to "canceled" and there was a big debate.

__________________

Baraka_Guru

Absolutely horrific: both the occurrence (lackadaisical programming) and the debate (of which there is none).

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

noodle

They challenged me over a phone. Pffft.

__________________

MSD

What do you think of the horrible fate that befell Alf? Reference

Baraka_Guru

I feel it is a reflection of the violence and suffering that is innate in our natures and rife in our societies. It demonstrates how we as individuals must take responsibility for our fates and to make it a priority to overcome our own suffering.

I think the series provides a great moral lesson for young minds. I recommend it to parents everywhere. Though I would suggest skipping the bulk of the 100 or so episodes and merely watching the series premiere and finale/TV movie.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

noodle

Why am I plagued with HTTP 500 errors on TFP 5.0?

Why does the alcohol magnify the stupidity at such an exponential level?

__________________

Baraka_Guru

Internet Explorer.

(Tsk tsk, btw )

This is a common misconception. Alcohol actually removes the inhibitions of one's true intelligence. It's an evolutionary mechanism that we hide this intelligence through pretense and acting. Alcohol removes the anxieties we have over protecting our true selves. It allows us to be who we truly are.

Alcohol is a liberating thing.

Do not be ashamed of your experiences with this beautiful celestial draft, for it would mean being ashamed of liberation.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

noodle

Yes, Stella is a lovely gift to mankind.
However, I still think it magnifies something.
But I will not disagree with the Guru tonight, impaired as my judgement may be.
I guess running IE 6 on the laptop contributes, eh?

__________________

Martian

Even Microsoft tells you not to run IE 6 now.

500 is an internal server error. The server has errored internally. This may or may not be because it hates you, but it's almost certainly your fault.

Guru! Why don't you get a bigger living room? One with a drum kit, and someone to play it.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Baraka_Guru

Every good band grows organically.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot