Please critique this (warning: long)
 

So I have a portfolio due in a couple days for my online Fictional Writing class. The required length is 20 pages minimum. I have about half done and I need to get a feel of how it's working so I can make appropriate changes.

I decided to write a series of inter-related stories to form a big story, and these stories can be read independently as well.

I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible since the central theme of the stories is about the nostalgia of childhood, sibling relationships, and friends who are like siblings.

So any way, here's the first two.

I don't have time to read this immediately, but I think this might get more results if it was in the Tilted Lit section.

(This is one of those instances where it would be beneficial to have this thread attached to multiple sub-forums.)

I don't think it makes a difference. It's a lot to read and then critique so...

I thought it's worth a try any way since the last time went so well. But thanks anyway.